Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Strange.

Yoongi tilts his head, trying to stare at the letter from a different angle. He gets a bunch of letters from fans daily, usually writing to thank him for ‘treating their oppas with such kindness,’ or for ‘letting them learn so much more about their favorite artists.’ Sometimes they write in advance asking him to take care of their idols well.

Some even more misinformed fans write to the idols themselves, like they were expecting Yoongi to personally hand deliver their letters to their celebrities. He did, of course, if they were delivered beforehand, but it was always easier if the fans would just search up their official addresses and, he doesn’t know, send them there instead? It’d be a lot less confusion on both sides.

He stares at the letter in his hands again. Now that he thinks about it, he’s never gotten a fan letter written to himself. Him, Min Suga, producer and radio host that works mainly behind the scenes of every album, every song. The handwriting is slanted towards the left, a little long, a little boxy. Not the neatest, but definitely pleasant to the eye. He feels something warm blooming in his chest; this must be what all the rookies feel like when they first get their fan gifts. Settling himself down into the nearest chair, he scans over the words carefully.

Dear Min Suga-hyungnim,

Hello! My name is Park Jimin, age 18, a man from Busan. I’ve recently moved to Seoul to begin university and happened to find your radio program one night while I was struggling to sleep. I’ve been an active listener since then. I just wanted to thank you for everything. Moving to a new city was really scary at first, and it was a little hard to adjust with everything in school happening so fast, every night felt a little lonelier than the last. Suga-hyungnim’s voice is very soothing and well-crafted for the late night, and helps relax my nerves a little. I also really appreciate your music taste, and all the care you put into taking care of your guests. It’s very genuine, and makes me feel happier for the next day. I am a big fan, and I hope you continue on being happy, healthy, and passionate about your work as you always have been. Thank you very much once again.

Park Jimin.

He reads it over once, and then again, reads every letter carefully, even the repetitive lines that only serve to show the nervousness in the writer. His very first fan letter, and probably his last, too. Yoongi’s thankful. He folds it back up carefully, placing it close to his things so he won’t forget it when he goes home, and waits for his segment to begin.

--

“Yes, everyone, good evening. You’re here on SUGA’s Kkul FM, your late night radio for those who can’t sleep, just like me *chuckles*. Today, as I’m sure many of you have heard, we have a guest with us. To those of you who were excited to hear my voice, I’m sorry that you won’t be able to hear it much tonight. Although, I guess most of you do tune in just to fall asleep, so I guess that’s alright. Without further ado, you can hear the music in the background already, let’s introduce tonight’s guest. Yes, please introduce yourself.”

“Hello, this is RM.”

Yoongi claps quietly into the microphone, and Namjoon flashes him a smile from his seat on the other side of the table. “RM-ssi, welcome, it’s an honor to have you here.”

“An honor to be here.”

“Yes, everyone, you might not know this, but me and RM-ssi actually go way back. We’re very good friends.”

Namjoon chuckles into the microphone. “Yes, we are. We’ve known each other since we were students, haven’t we?”

“Indeed. Used to make music together, even. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that you were going to be visiting this program. And worried, you know, since it’s an evening program. We actually weren’t sure which of your songs we could play without shocking the sleepy listeners too much.”

Namjoon laughs, his dimples peeking out from his cheeks. Yoongi is hit with a large wave of nostalgia, but he pushes it to the back of his mind till after the program. “But these days you seem to be making much more mellow music. You came back with your new album, Love Yourself, which promoted a much different theme than you’ve ever done before. Could you tell us a little more about that?”

“Of course. I think with age comes a little bit of different responsibilities and problems, right?”

“Right,” Yoongi hums in agreement, nodding.

“I make my music in tune with my thoughts at the present moment. A few years ago, a lot of what I felt was immature anger and frustration at the injustices of society. I didn’t want to lie and show a piece of myself that didn’t exist, and so I made music based on how I truly felt. These days, however, I’ve had a lot more time to reflect, and a lot more that I’ve learned…”

The night goes on like this, Yoongi asking a few questions about the artist’s music and his passions, reading a few excited fan comments and allowing for some lucky fans to go on air. It’s not something they do for some of the bigger celebrities, who tend to have a higher risk of attracting some crazy people, but RM’s fanbase is wide and varied, most of them staying for the music more than anything else.

It goes without a hitch, and before he knows it he’s monitoring the comments that have been approved on the message board and have come through. They load quickly, his eyes skimming through a few to try and find some good ones to end the night with. The few that first catch his eye come from a plethora of names: a Lee Heejin, Moon Gwayeon, Park Jimin, Kim Sungkyu, Lee Sungmin.

Yoongi picks the first two and the last one and reads them aloud, waiting for RM’s response before adding in his own little anecdotes and closing the show for the day with a little bit of soft music: RM’s Sea to bring the night to a close.

--

Park Jimin. The sender of the letters is Park Jimin. Yoongi nearly forgets the name the first time he’d received a fan letter, only engraving the existence into his mind as ‘the one fan he was lucky to hear from.’ But the second time he receives something, there is a small wrapped bag along with it.

Yoongi doesn’t know which one to open first, too drunk off the buzz to think properly. His fingers holding the bag twitch, and he pulls the string tying it together off slowly. The wrap crinkles as it opens, and a whiff of a scent so strong Yoongi can’t even make out a flavor hits his nose, causing him to pull back.

Dear Min Suga-hyungnim,

Hello hyungnim, I hope you have been well. As winter approaches there seems to be more and more things to do. Thankfully I’ve been keeping myself awake by listening to your broadcasts. Suga-hyungnim’s voice is very relaxing but at the same time I can’t help but focus on it, so it’s the best of both worlds. I’ve always enjoyed the music you choose to play, and I feel that I learn a lot about every guest you welcome. Thank you for the deep conversations and thoughts you bring up. As a thank you for allowing me to stay awake and keep up with my work, I wanted to give you these bath bombs. You mentioned that you’ve enjoyed them in the past, and since the air is getting drier I’ve chosen some that are said to help moisturize the skin and protect against dryness. I apologize in advance if they are not to your liking.

Park Jimin

--

“Yes, yes…” Yoongi listens carefully as the artist across from him mulls over what to say, his large eyes shining with youth that he hasn’t seen in much young celebrities these days. “I think it is best to take care of your body, in the end. There are a few times I do end up pushing myself, and my throat gets a little scratchy or my body feels a little sluggish.”

“Finally, Jungkook-ssi, there’s a lot of talk about your possible collaborations with other artists. I hear your fans are getting excited with all sorts of news coming through. Is there someone who you wish to collaborate with?”

“Hmm…” Jungkook pretends to think, rocking his head from side to side, but his eyes are twinkling. He’s cute, even when there are no cameras in the room. Yoongi would pat his head if they were closer.

Jungkook leans close to the microphone and gives a teasing smile. “Umm… Suga PD?”

Yoongi laughs, and makes an approving noise. “Very good choice,” he tells him, and Jungkook beams at him. “Anyone else?”

“Um..well, I guess RM-sunbaenim.”

“Oh,” Yoongi leans back, a smile carving the corners of his lips. “RM-ssi.”

“Yes. To be honest, I mentioned before that I became an idol because I heard someone else perform and it moved me--it was actually RM-sunbaenim. His passion and his skill were very respectful.”

“And if you were to pass on a message to him, Jungkook-ssi?” Jungkook looks like he’d just been caught photobombing in a picture, and Yoongi leans forward to reassure him. “Don’t worry, hyung is actually very close to RM-ssi. I’ll put in a good word for you.”

At this, the idol laughs, fiddling with his fingers as he stumbles out a reply. Yoongi smirks, wondering how his fans will take this. Maybe they’ll petition for the two to meet. All-in-all, he’s heard Jungkook’s music on the radios, in stores, all around. The kid has a nice voice--he thinks Namjoon would be willing to do a collaboration with the guy.

Finally, they come to the last of the day’s program, Yoongi looking through the comments and reading a few of them aloud to hear. His eyes catch on one by the corner. It’s a common name, but he’s seen it almost every night since a while ago, always polite. Yoongi wonders if it’s the same Park Jimin that sends all these comments in, and how he’s lucky enough that Yoongi always seems to find his comment in the midst of hundreds.

He doesn’t usually pick them out, feeling a little self-conscious that he’d be found out for being too biased. He clears his throat quietly. “And here’s a comment from #04602, Park Jimin-ssi. Park Jimin-ssi says, ‘Whenever my throat is feeling sore but I can’t stop using it, I try switching up the pitch a little and drinking some warm tea with honey and ginger. Please take care of your voice, and thank you for all of your music.’ Thank you, Park Jimin-ssi, for the kind comment. We’ll keep that in mind.” Hoping it’s subtle enough, he adds, “Your comments and advice are always appreciated.”

--

Suga-hyungnim,

Hello. I hope you have been well. Since the weather is getting much colder, I hope you are staying healthy and warm. As usual, thank you for all the heartfelt anecdotes and stories you share with us every single night. It really helps me feel a little closer to home, and I don’t think I would be where I am without your guidance. I am always so thankful. To be honest, the past few weeks have been very rough for me, but your voice and encouragement gives me the inspiration to keep going. I think Suga-hyungnim’s wisdom and kindness is really something you shouldn’t underestimate. There are surely a lot of people like me who have gained something very valuable from you, and we are all grateful. These days, you mention that food hasn’t been going down as well. I’m sorry for leaving a message this long, but there are a few things I’ve learned that helps my appetite and is fairly light and easy to make and digest. Many of them have been passed down to me, and I hope you find them useful. Thank you very much.

Park Jimin.

--

“Were there any difficulties you had in preparing your album?”

“To be honest, I think the hardest part about it was having to take care of myself along the way.” Suran casts him a look that tells him he must know what she’s talking about. Yoongi flashes his teeth at her.

“Sometimes I get so lost along my music that everything else seems so far away. I forget to eat and sleep sometimes, and it doesn’t always go down too well.”

“Is that so?” Yoongi hums. “It’s always a hard process trying to maintain balance.”

“Sometimes I remember I’ll be needing to watch my weight too, so having to look for warm meals that are easy to digest and stay light are also challenging, especially when you’re tired and it’s late at night.”

The list of recipes Yoongi had received pops into his mind all of a sudden.

“Actually,” Yoongi pipes up, barely remembering to conceal his excitement in order to maintain the mood of the program. He tells her of the various recipes and tricks he’s been trying, and she lets out an impressed noise.

“I didn’t know you were a cook, Suga-ssi.”

“Ah,” Yoongi chuckles. “I actually received them from a fan of mine.”

“A fan?” Yoongi nods, and Suran looks happy for him. “That’s very considerate of them.”

“Should we leave a message to everyone here to send some easy home remedies to Suran-ssi to make when she’s working at night, then?” She laughs, waving off his offer. They quiet, and Yoongi takes the silence as a chance to end the broadcast.

“Well then, we are almost at the end of our time here. Since Suran-ssi lost the game previously, it’s unfortunate but we will not be playing her song to end the broadcast.” His noona lets out a sad sound, and Yoongi chuckles into the microphone. “As a co-producer of this song, I must admit you are not the only one who feels this way. Next time please try harder to win, noona.”

“Next time I’ll try harder,” she promises to the invisible audience, and they both laugh.

He feels bad, but at the same time it allows him to say something he’s been wanting to say on air ever since he’d gotten that last letter. He asks for her last thoughts, waits patiently for her to finish, and then signals the staff to ready the last song.

“Yes, that will be the last of today. Everyone, I hope you stay warm and healthy for the colder days to come. Make sure to get home before it gets too late and treat yourself to something nice.”

Yoongi pauses for a split second to collect his thoughts. His ending script is different from what he says next. “To everyone who is suffering from the long, rough days, I’d like you to remember that everything has an end, and that there is always something great waiting for you on the other side. You are not alone in crossing these hard paths.

Push on, but remember to take a break when you need to. Please, your health and happiness is as important to everybody around you as theirs is to you. If things feel hopeless now, they will get better because, after all, the dawn is the darkest before the sun rises. Everyone, we will end with Tomorrow, by BTS. Thank you.”

--

Dear Suga-hyungnim,

Hello. I hope you have been doing well. I listened to your recent broadcast on the XX of December and I wanted to thank you for all the things you have said. These days have been a little down for me, and to be honest I wanted to give up many times. I know you didn’t say it for just me, but your words were something I really needed to hear at the time. I have always looked up to you, and I just wanted to let you know that I really look up to everything you do, everything you say, all the music you make and the way you hold yourself. It’s truly an inspiration. I always feel like I can try harder, like I can do better, and that I will make it through the darkest of days when I listen to hyungnim’s voice. Honestly there was a dream I had since I was young, but was always too shy to go about chasing it. I was very close to giving up, but I think I will keep going. Thank you.

Park Jimin.

--

The sky's getting dark blue now, streetlights beginning to open and the warm lights of the stores brightening the streets. Yoongi huffs, keeping his scarf tugged tightly around his neck as he makes his way through the people. He’s still a little early, as he always is, and decides to grab a coffee in the area before he goes to the station. Yoongi usually gets his caffeine fix somewhere closer to the station, but today the world seems slower than usual. He’s in a mood to try new things, maybe even shell an extra few bills out for quality coffee that will end up tasting just the same. He looks around for a suitable place, and his eyes fall upon a store colored in brown.

It’s a cafe he doesn’t go to often, a bit too close to a college campus and most of the time bustling with people. It must be the start of a break, however, for the inside is bare save for a few unlucky students sitting with their heads buried into their computers, and some other people sitting around working on who knows what.

Yoongi goes to order his drink, and then sits himself at a small table near the counter, idly fiddling with his phone as he eyes the barista. Scanning the room, his gaze falls onto the wide eyes of a young looking boy, features soft and yet sharp in a way that Yoongi can’t describe.

A small piece of Yoongi tenses at the look in the boy’s eyes, wondering if he knows who Yoongi is. But the boy stays in his seat, and although he stares unabashedly he doesn’t try to move, doesn’t point at Yoongi or mouth his name or take a picture or anything funny like that, and after a few minutes of awkwardly turning away and looking back Yoongi decides the other must be zoning out and happened to do so on his face. He’s just a producer, after all, and a radio host. Even if people know his name, they don’t know his face that much. He really only posts the few pictures he’s taken with the guests at his radio program, and even those aren’t widely spread on social media. Yoongi lets himself relax again, rising and plugging his ears as he goes to retrieve his drink.

He’s making his way out of the cafe, warm cup in hand and bracing himself for the cold wind when he hears a sharp “Excuse me!” pierce through the barrier of his music. Pausing the song on his phone, Yoongi turns around and blinks when he sees the same young man standing before him, looking like he is cowering in Yoongi’s presence. His cheeks are flushed and his fingers look like they’re trembling, and Yoongi feels guilty for something he did not do.

“Yes?” he asks, making sure to keep his voice calm and kind so as to not scare the guy any further. Upon hearing his voice, the man‘s eyes widen even more, and his hands hover by his mouth.

“Ah, no, I just--” he stutters, “Um! Are you Min Suga-hyungnim, by any chance?”

Yoongi blinks, the feeling of pleasant surprise washing over him. He smiles. “Yes, I am. I’m surprised you know me.”

“Ah, ah, I…” the boy looks absolutely red as he tries to gather his words. “I’m a really big fan of yours. I listen to your broadcasts all the time, so I... Your voice is very comforting and, um, thank you so much for everything.”

“I hope my voice helps you fall asleep,” Yoongi jokes. “Thank you.”

He waits for the other to ask for a picture or a signature, maybe, but instead the boy hesitates before slinging his bookbag to the front and digging inside of it. He pulls something out after a while, and looking closer Yoongi can see that it is a few bottles of some sort of sleeping spray. Aromatherapy. He looks up in question as the boy offers it to him.

“Please take this,” he breathes, and Yoongi looks back down with a frown.

“I wouldn’t want to take your hard earned money. You bought this for yourself,” he says with a smile, carefully pushing the boy’s hands back towards him. The boy flushes even more and shakes his head.

“No, I, uh, I originally bought it for you, hyungnim,” he says. “You said you liked calming scents, so I...thought you might like these.” Yoongi only knows of one person who sends him gifts, and he feels a smile coming but he wants to make sure.

“Then,” he opens up a hand for the other to lay the present down in. “Thank you for your consideration. Your name?”

“Ah, Park Jimin, sir.”

Yoongi’s smile flushes itself out. “Jimin-ssi,” he calls. “Thank you for all your support. It means a lot to me. I see your comments all the time.”

Jimin looks mindblown at the mere thought of it. “You do?” he asks, not believing, and Yoongi nods.

“I’m sorry I can’t read them aloud all the time, or else someone will say I’m playing favorites, but they’re always very thoughtful and nice. Your letters, too. Thank you for all the gifts.”

Jimin looks like he’s about to combust from the happiness. “I-I’m sorry if they take up space, I know they’re small, but I hope they help make your day a little better.”

Yoongi’s smile softens. The boy in front of him is very kind. “I’ve received a lot of things I wouldn’t have thought to buy, but end up liking a lot. You’re very thoughtful.”

“Not at all, I just wanted to thank you, but I didn’t know how. I really--I really--thank you so much.” Jimin’s voice sounds loaded with emotion when he says it. “You’ve helped me a lot, even if you don’t know.”

“I’m glad I’m able to do that, then. Try not to go to sleep so late. My voice might be nice to listen to, but living on cups of coffee isn’t too healthy for you.”

“Ah, no, hyungnim, how can you tell me that? You do the same.” He really has been listening in to his broadcasts a lot, Yoongi thinks to himself--although, people don’t have to be an active listener of his radio program to know of his avid love for coffee.

Park Jimin fidgets with his cup as he lifts it up, trying to show it off to Yoongi. “And this isn’t too strong, so... Coffee is a little too bitter for me, but I need the caffeine so I usually end up getting a caramel latte. I like the iced teas a lot, but it’s a little cold, so…”

They trail off into silence, and Yoongi is looking for a topic to bring up when Jimin jumps in the air like he’s just been shocked. “Oh, I’m so sorry for holding you up, please have a safe trip!”

“Not at all.” Jimin bows to him again, and Yoongi hesitates by the door. He probably doesn’t know enough to be saying things like this, but Jimin has sent him enough letters over the past year that Yoongi feels strangely close to the boy. “Your dream,” he starts, and Jimin picks his head up.

“I started out on the streets, you know. Earned enough money for tuition by working three part-times and living off whatever sale or free food event I could find, and working on my music and my classes at the same time.” He remembers it, all the pain and the effort he had put in, right beneath his eyelids. “For a while I didn’t receive any support from my family. They didn’t agree with what I was doing. They let me leave but only on the condition that I worked things out by myself. I was rejected thirty-six times trying to get myself a job.”

He’s mentioned his story a lot on the radio, but only in passing and never in as much detail. “At one period I was depressed to the point I wanted to give up everything. Throw away my music, get an office job, throw away everything I tried so hard for. I even had to go to counseling for it. I didn’t think I was enough--nobody was going to like my music, they weren’t going to like the words I wanted to say, the feelings I wanted to convey.”

Jimin watches him with rapt attention, eyes shining. He seems like a hardworking person, from what Yoongi has read about him. “I think you can do it, Jimin-ssi. If I can, then you should be able to, too. We both are hard workers, after all. Don’t give up on your dream.”

--

Dear Suga-hyungnim,

My name is Park Jimin. You may not remember me, but we met on the streets a while ago. Thank you very much for your kind words at that time, they reassured me much more than you could imagine. And thank you very much for trusting me enough to tell me your story. I’ve always admired the serious and observant side of you, and knowing all the hardships you went through and the effort you put in makes me feel like I can try a little harder, both to succeed and to breathe. Honestly, I’ve always wanted to be a dancer, but I never had the confidence to show my dancing to anyone before. It was a dream I’ve had since I was young. My family was was very supportive of me when I told them I wanted to dance, but at the same time I was too afraid. I came to Seoul, but everyone was already so good and so much better looking, I felt like I was staying in the same place while everything was moving forward. But your words gave me courage. It was an interview you had a while ago, but I think I will start trying to learn how to love myself, just like RM had said. I won’t give up. I hope Suga-hyungnim also continues forward on your path. Thank you. I’ll walk with you through it.

Park Jimin.

--

Dear Suga-hyungnim,

Hello! How have you been? :)

Yoongi pauses, smiling at the lopsided smiley face drawn between the letters. Park Jimin must be in a good mood today, then, and the thought of it makes him lighter.

These days the weather has been fluctuating a lot. I nearly tripped on hidden ice a few times this past week, so please take care of yourself when walking! And the air is dry, so it hurts my throat to have to breathe it in for a long time. I hope you are able to receive it, but I’ve mailed you a package of tea to soothe your throat, in case the environment gets too harsh. Please keep doing your best on future broadcasts as well ^^.

Like his usual letters, Jimin’s caring nature shines through. Yoongi’s received the box of tea--he keeps it in his studio just in case he stays in a little too late, or for a particularly bad day. The taste is fragrant but not too overpowering, just the way he likes it. Yoongi skims over the rest of the letter, and his brows rise in interest as he reads.

In truth, I decided to listen to your advice and open up my own YouTube channel. It’s not much so far, but I thought about your words and I think I shouldn’t give up so easily. Thank you so much for giving me the encouragement to do this. Everyone has been kind so far--I guess that’s the charm of a small account? Keke. My first dance was actually to one of your songs, hyungnim. Thank you in advance for letting me use it; I always think your music is great. I’ll continue listening to you at night, please have a safe and fruitful winter^^.

Park Jimin.

--

He finds him easily, under the name pchimin. There’s only one video posted—reasonable, since Jimin had written that he’d just started the channel. Still, the video has a modest amount of views already. It hasn’t blown up or anything and the quality isn’t high definition filmed with revolving cameras and studio lights, but the boy’s dance is good. Yoongi himself is not a dancer, but he’s seen enough of idol performances and other online videos to understand that when he’s this enraptured by a dance, then it must be a good one. The forty-two people who liked the video must feel the same way.

The comments are all positive in some way, which also makes sense since there are only around eight of them. A lot of them tell him that he’s doing well, a lot say they’re looking forward to what he’ll post next. One gives a bit of constructive criticism that seems to make sense. Yoongi smiles. He’s doing alright so far.

The public don’t really know his name, but that doesn’t mean he can just go around typing random comments in random people’s videos. That’s how you ruin yourself when you’re even semi-famous. Yoongi’s smart enough to know this.

Instead, he checks the account he’s logged in under, makes sure it’s his private one, not the one for his Kkul FM. He checks this three times, just to be sure, and then scrolls down a little and, thinking a small message of encouragement in his mind, clicks on the like button. And then he closes the page.

That’s the most he can do in support, after all.

--

Dear Suga-hyungnim,

I hope you’ve been well and happy so far!! As I’ve told you before, I recently began a Youtube channel to post some of my dances on. It’s actually a little fun, seeing people watch my dances. A few of them comment and like them, too, and I feel so grateful ㅠㅠ. I can still remember all of them. Actually, one of them even has the same name as you, hyungnim. Can you imagine my surprise when I saw it? Of course it couldn’t be you, but I thought the coincidence was very funny. I’ve looked up the songs you recommended on your last few broadcasts. They’re very mellow and nice, so I’ve made them into my study playlist. Hopefully, I don’t fall asleep while I work kekekeke. Thank you very much for all your kind and encouraging words on the radio. They are meant for everyone, but they always manage to resonate with me anyways. I will do my best. Please be happy.

Park Jimin.

--

Jimin’s popularity grows steadily on Youtube. Yoongi even logs on one day to see that it now holds a small checkmark next to his name, and even though he doesn’t know Jimin, isn’t one of his closest friends or his mentor or anything, he can’t help but feel a little proud.

Jimin’s videos usually range from three to five minutes, short enough that Yoongi can catch one or two in his free time. He doesn’t watch all of them, but from what he’s seen the quality in them’s gotten better. Jimin himself looks more confident in the studio, and he’s even done a few collaborations with some other Youtube dancers. From what Jimin’s written to him in his letters, he particularly likes the collabs he does with Youtube handle hopeonthestreet. Yoongi does, too; he can see that they’re having fun.

Speaking of the letters, Yoongi’s surprised that they don’t stop coming. Jimin seems to have gotten himself a large enough fan base on Youtube, and the other seems busy enough doing everything on his bucket list that Yoongi would understand if the other just hadn’t the time to write to him anymore. After all, Jimin had only found his program in the midst of not being able to fall asleep, and sleep looks like something he’d truly welcome now.

Still, Yoongi receives his mail from the staff and he’s shocked at the small, neat envelopes addressed to him, sometimes followed by another wrapped gift. Every letter is as long as the last, definitely much happier than they used to be, and always thanking Yoongi at the end. Sometimes, he wishes he could reply just so he can tell Park Jimin that the only one he needs to thank is himself, because it’s not Yoongi that got him to where he is now.

He doesn’t though, and instead remains the quiet viewer behind Park Jimin’s videos, silently cheering one of his closest fans on as Jimin dances.

--

He’s in the studio early today, trying to get a few songs written and some files sorted out before nighttime, and as Yoongi scrolls mindlessly through the Internet he enters Youtube, and his eyes flash in recognition at one of the recommended videos on his playlist.

It’s a live, Jimin’s face closer to the camera than it usually is. His face is washed and clean, and without the gaze of a dancer he looks like a normal, sleepy and kind college boy speaking to the camera. He catches the letters Q&A on the title of the video.

Yoongi checks his clock. He has quite a bit of time, seeing as how he came hours before he really needed to, and so with a shrug he goes to click on the link. It opens to the midst of a conversation, as Jimin answers question after question while he continues looking towards the comments to see what they say.

He’s as expressive as ever, shock showing in circles on his face and shy flushes blooming across his cheeks and ears. Even his smiles can be separated into sweet and silly.

The comments list moves quickly, even faster than the ones on screen during Yoongi’s program (although that’s usually due to their staff filtering out most of the spam that gets sent over), and Jimin’s eyes dart around wildly, the panic showing on his face. Yoongi chuckles--it’s never good to undermine your own popularity, after all. He remembers when Jeon Jungkook had mentioned trying to take a walk in Hongdae and causing extreme traffic for the rest of the night.

At that time, Jimin seems to finally read something from the screen, and his eyes widen.

“Oh,” he pipes up, looking back at the camera. His lips tremble with excitement as he tries to contain his smile. “Someone asked me if there’s a celebrity that I like.”

A bubble of expectation sits in Yoongi’s stomach, although he tries hard to push it away. Even if Jimin had been writing to him regularly, it didn’t mean he was the only one he looked up to, after all. Yoongi doesn’t show his face nor his talents outside of the songs he makes; even he wouldn’t look up to someone like himself.

“Many of you might not know his name, but there’s been a radio program--” but Yoongi can’t help the smug smile on his face when he hears it, “--that I’ve been listening to since I’ve moved to Seoul. It’s a late night program, and I started listening to it because I couldn’t sleep, but I ended up really enjoying the host’s sense of humor and the things he says. His name is Min Suga.”

He expects it to end there, honestly, but Jimin keeps going. In fact, he looks even more excited than before.

“Well,” Jimin stammers, no longer looking at the live comments. “I’m sure you were all expecting me to say someone else, but when I saw the question it was the first name that popped into my mind.”

“I’ve learned a lot from him, and he’s really kind and his voice is really relaxing to listen to, so it calms me down when I’m feeling under the weather. And, uh...I think his music is great, too. The songs he recommends are always so nice, I don’t think there was one that I didn’t look up afterwards.”

Oh. ‘Thank you,’ Yoongi thinks to himself, raising his eyebrows to hide the sudden shyness he feels. It sounds like something someone would hear if they’d specifically searched for positive comments about themselves on the Internet.

“I actually--ah, can I say this? I think it should be okay...I actually, uh… was lucky enough to run into him one day. Outside. I was so surprised,” Jimin trails off with a loud laugh burying half of his face into his sleeve. “I think I made a fool of myself, but even though I was taking up his time he was very nice about it. He wished me the best and gave me some very motivational words. To be honest, it was one of the reasons I gained the confidence to open up a channel, as well. So I’m thankful.”

The smile becoming a little too wobbly on his face, Yoongi looks away in order to take a break from staring at the boy with shining eyes. Instead, he skims the comments as they appear, all gushing about Jimin’s sudden spiel. Jimin doesn’t look like he even remembers they’re there as he continues talking.

‘Wow, you’re a big fan’

‘This is so cute’

‘Who did he say?’

‘He looks so happy!!!’

“I just really, really--” he finishes with a breathless tone, staring down at his hands with a pink smile, “--respect him.”

In front of the screen, Yoongi leans back, his mind too blank to think. He’s flattered, above all, but at the same time something about the way Jimin speaks makes him jittery. He feels embarrassed listening to it, even though there is nothing but praise for him, and Yoongi wonders why his heart is making those uncomfortable pit-a-pat sounds and why his stomach feel like churning and the air feels like it’s a hundred degrees all of a sudden. His eyes flicker to the live comment section without thinking.

‘Is respect the right word? lol’

‘You look like you’re confessing, how cute’

On the screen, Jimin giggles, ducking his head down to calm himself before he looks back up with that embarrassed smile, staring straight at Yoongi.

“It’s a little weird, right?” he asks.

Yoongi closes the livestream and goes to take a walk.

--

He gets a call one day when he’s in his studio, and even though his phone is on vibrate the sudden movement causes him to jump with a start, pulling off his headphones and scrambling to grasp it in his hands. Yoongi frowns in confusion. Namjoon doesn’t usually call him out of the blue; both of them are more of the text type.

The phone vibrates silently in his hands for two more times before Yoongi swipes right on the contact, pressing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hello? Suga-hyung!” Namjoon calls him by his stage name, which means the call isn’t private.

“Namjoon-ah, what’s up?”

He hears a crinkling of laughter on the other side of the phone and some mumbles, and Yoongi furrows his brows. “Well, I’m currently filming right now for a variety show, Street Celebrity--” Ah. He’s heard of the name. It’s a show where they try to bring their guests onto the streets to enjoy the neighborhood while gauging how many people have heard of them. Yoongi wonders where the cast had traveled this time. “Actually, I’m calling because I happened to find a fan of yours suddenly.”

“Oh?” Yoongi blinks, and a smile threatens to show. He’s never heard of someone naming him before. “Me?”

Static noise comes out from the phone, like it’s being moved from one hand to another, and suddenly Yoongi can hear more of the background noise on the other end, and another voice speaks up. “Suga-yah.”

“...Yes,” Yoongi answers, a little surprised. He must be on speaker, then.

“This is Yoo Seokjae.”

“Ah, yes, sunbaenim.”

“We were looking for someone that knew of Namjoon, and when we asked him if there was anyone he’d ever been a big fan of he said your name. We offered to call you, but they were so worried they’d bother you.”

Yoongi smiles, flattered at the thought. He knows the man is thinking the same thing--out of everyone they could have named, any idol or singer or actor, the person had said his name. Yoongi is surprised, too. “There’s no such thing.”

“We’re going to put him on the phone so he can say hi to you, is that okay?”

“Of course, you shouldn’t even call me if you weren’t planning on letting me meet my important fan.”

There’s a round of laughter, and then a bit of commotion on the other line as people seem to encourage the man on the other line to speak. His voice comes out a high pitched squeak, but it’s familiar enough that Yoongi recognizes it immediately, his heart rate increasing with excitement. Of course it would be. “H-hello!”

Park Jimin. The name appears so fondly in his mind he almost says it out loud, before he remembers that it’s probably not a good idea to do so on national television. Instead, Yoongi feigns ignorance, although the smile on his face doesn’t disappear.

“Hello,” he greets back, and he can hear laughter on the other end again. “What’s your name?”

“P-Park Jimin.”

“Jimin-ssi, is it? Thank you for thinking of me.”

The boy stutters out something incomprehensible, and Yoongi feels so fond that he can’t help but laugh. Conversation isn’t possible during a phone call like this one, and Yoongi isn’t a singer so he can’t serenade his fans like they usually do on this show, but he lets himself laugh along to the rest of the cast as they speak, waiting for the call to end. They ask him to leave a message for his fan, and Yoongi takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling as he wonders what to say. A smile curls onto his face.

“Jimin-ssi,” he calls, using the voice he saves for the last few minutes of his show. The quiet, honey-dripping one where he leans into the microphone just slightly, draws out the end of his words and sees his listeners off to sleep with. “Make sure you take good care of yourself since the weather’s so cold.”

“Ah, yes! You too, hyungnim.”

“Thank you. And, well, if you have time, then go into a warm coffee shop and treat yourself with a nice warm cup of caramel latte. You’ve worked hard, and you deserve it.”

“...Yes.”

“Or,” Yoongi adds, eyes crinkling, just in case he really doesn’t remember, “if you’re not afraid of the cold, a sweet cup of iced tea. Goodbye.”

--

“Suga-ssi,” one of the staff members calls, walking over to him. “It’s about the future guest list on the show.”

“Ah,” Yoongi nods, fully swiveling around in his chair now. “Is it ready? This is earlier than usual.” He knows they had been in the middle of scheduling Kim Seokjin amidst his busy schedule, a few solo artists and one girl group, but the rough list had not nearly been enough to fill up the slots in the month.

“No, there’s actually been something else,” he tells him, and Yoongi frowns harder this time, because if it’s not good news then it’s bad news, “Actually, there have been a few requests coming in from a variety of people to have someone on the show. We’re a little short this month, but we wanted to confirm with you before we make any decisions.”

“Why? Is there something I should know?”

“No, it’s just not common....radio shows don’t usually host Youtubers, you see--” Yoongi’s eyes widen as he listens, “--but this man’s fans seem quite determined to request that we host him. Have you heard of him? He’s a dancer, Park--”

“Jimin?” Yoongi finishes, pressing a hand to his lips. The staff member looks up at him and nods.

“Yes, you know him? Apparently he’s quite a big fan of yours.”

“...I’ve heard,” Yoongi mumbles, his lips beginning to quiver. “His fans are asking?”

“Compared to others, we’ve gotten… honestly, about the most. People don’t usually request for us to host someone, you see. It’s a really interesting situation.”

“...Mhm,” Yoongi says, ducking his head as he tries to cover his smile. What did he say? He knew he could do it, after all.

“What do you think about it? Would it be alright if we invite him?”

“Please do. I’d love to meet him.”

--

Ever since Yoongi had walked in that evening, he’s felt a pair of eyes on him. Jimin stares with that same gaze of admiration Yoongi had seen the first time he’d met the guy, looking away only to answer the staff’s questions--or whenever Yoongi tries to meet his eye. Yoongi sighs in resignation, opting to give the man a little more time to compose himself. He hopes Jimin will at least have the courage to respond to his questions on air, because there’s not much Yoongi can do to salvage the situation when your guest refuses to talk to you.

By the time they’re entering the broadcasting room, Jimin’s head is swiveling in every direction in awe, taking in all the equipment he hasn’t seen before. Yoongi finds it endearing, he’ll admit. “Is everything really that interesting?” he chuckles, and Jimin (finally) looks over, offering a sheepish smile as he runs his hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I’m just a little nervous. This is the first time I’ve been in a broadcasting station, after all. It all looks really cool.”

“You get used to it after a while. I’m sure I would think the same about your dance studio.” Jimin nods, but doesn’t say much else. “Well then, shall we get ready?”

“Yes! I’ll do my best not to say anything weird.” He looks so genuinely determined when he says this that Yoongi can’t help but smile again, watching as Jimin flusters under the attention.

“Thank you, but you don’t have to worry about that. Please be comfortable.”

“Yes. I’m just a little worried about making a fool of myself. I don’t want to say anything bad.”

Yoongi hums, pretending to think. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” he drawls. “Your fans have written a lot about you to us, did you know? They keep talking about how polite and kind you are. And from what I’ve seen, I think they’re not lying.”

Jimin blushes, ducking his head down in embarrassment. “Oh, not at all,” he mumbles. “But still, this is my first time doing something like this, and in front of hyungnim, too…”

“...You should be confident. Jimin-ssi, your fans know you, and they like you for who you are. I will also be right beside you the whole time, and this time as your equal, so my being here shouldn’t have to make you so nervous. I’ve seen what you can do, and I think you more than deserve to be here with us today. We’re all glad to have you here.”

“...” Jimin swallows nervously, and nods. Yoongi gives him an encouraging smile, and gestures to the door. “Shall we enter?”

“Um, hyungnim--!” He turns back around to see Jimin gnawing at his lips, eyes pressed closed and face scrunched together. Yoongi smiles fondly.

“Yes?”

Jimin takes a deep breath, and he opens his eyes again to look straight into Yoongi’s.

“Um!” he starts. “When we finish, it’ll be a little late, but w-would you like to get a drink with me?” He falters immediately, the nervousness reappearing on his face. “Or a meal. Or just a drink. Or if you would prefer, we can get coffee--”

Yoongi holds back a laugh, deciding to end the man’s misery. “Sure,” he nods, and Jimin’s eyes glaze over in admiration. Yoongi smiles wider. “I’m down for anything you’d like.”

--

“Good evening, everybody. Hopefully you are all in warm layers and warmer souls tonight, this is SUGA’s Kkul FM, with me as your radio host, it’s nice to meet everybody my name is Suga.” He casts a glance over at his guest, who hasn’t taken his eyes off of him the entire time, and Yoongi smiles as he looks back down at his script.

“We’re here today with a very special guest, whose been widely requested. It’s a first time we’ve ever had a non-idol dancer on our set, and we’re all very happy to welcome him. Personally, I’ve been wanting to meet him, as well.”

The other flushes, eyes twinkling as he stares across at Yoongi, and Yoongi can’t help but chuckle at the attention. He lifts a hand to gesture at the man, who smiles back brightly at him. “Without further ado, please introduce yourself.”

“Hello everybody, my name is Park Jimin.”

Chapter Text

“Yes...with the colder season comes the new year, and with the new year approaching come many new goals and dreams.” Jimin has his ears plugged, listening to the night’s broadcast with drooping eyes. The lead of his pencil scratches meticulously on the paper before him, numbers and symbols filling nearly the whole page. The side of his hand is smudged a dirty grey, and Jimin squints his eyes together to wake himself up again, shaking his head a little.

“I’m sure many of us have a lot of things they want to achieve, yes, I am one of those people too. It’s good to be ambitious; I will be rooting for you all, but… try not to overwork yourselves, please.” He smiles at the words; Yoongi’s voice is always like a cup of warm tea during the cold, tiring nights.

“Those who are trying to stay awake for the night, I hope you find some time to get out from your stuffy rooms and breathe.” Jimin makes himself a little more comfortable; he rests his head onto his arm, leaning against the table and slouching forward in his chair. On the paper, Jimin begins doodling little letters off to the side of the margins, writing Yoongi’s name in careful, neat strokes. Once...twice...three times...

“Personally, I am a person with many thoughts to keep me up at night. I understand it’s difficult, but take some time for yourself to just stop.” He stifles a small laugh, attention going back to his work once again. He’d like to stop too, if he could. But with exams coming and dance classes still rolling and the fact that Jimin just has so, so many things left he wants to do…

Jimin scribbles out the small Min Yoongi’s on the side of the sheet. His hand begins writing again, numbers filling the rest of the page. He can’t just stop now. It’s too--

“It’s not selfish, nor is it a waste of time.” His hand stops.

“It’s alright for you to not think so hard. During the day, there are always things to be doing, it’s hard to find time to take a break, so...why not now? There’s no need to burn yourself out too early.” Jimin tugs at his lower lip with his teeth, eyes unsteady as they try to focus on the words in front of him. He can feel a small pounding in the back of his head, and he takes a deep breath in.

“After all, if you work without stopping there will be a point where it is no longer your best. From personal experience, I can say it’s not the nicest feeling.” Swallowing, Jimin slowly leans his head onto the table, the wood comfortably cool against his cheek. Yoongi’s voice gets closer, going directly into his ear like a whisper.

“So, comfortably, close your eyes…” With a quiet sigh, his eyes flutter to a close.

“...relax your body…” He loosens his grip on his pencil, setting it down onto the table next to him with a small clack.

“...and please have a good night.”

That night, Jimin falls asleep before the end of the broadcast for the first time.

--

He’s sitting at the cafe during one of the last days of the semester, exams all finished and all that’s remaining the caramel latte that sits in front of him and the exhaustion beneath his eyelids. The restaurant dings, the door opens, and Jimin looks up just as a man strides into the room.

He blinks forcefully, three times just to be sure.

Black coat, black glasses, black hair, black sweater and black shoes. From head to toe the man is dressed in black, almost like he’s trying to blend in with the darkness of the air outside, but his face is uncovered and Jimin knows it too well for him to look away.

“S-Su-Sug--” the breath seeps out of him, and Jimin ducks down closer to his table, unable to finish saying the name. He cups his mouth with trembling hands, feeling a warm blush beginning to travel from his chest to his neck to his cheeks and blooming across the rest of his face.

Min Yoongi doesn’t wear a mask, probably thinking that no one is going to recognize him. He’s even better-looking in real life. There’s a sort of warmth to him that matches his voice; his hair is well-groomed but it’s soft, as is the pleasant, sleepy look in his eyes.

Jimin watches as Yoongi walks over to the counter, tugging an earbud out and glancing at the menu as he waits for an employee to turn around. His fingers drum absentmindedly on the counter, and he looks like he’s in no rush. The employee turns around and gives him a customary glance in the eye and a greeting. He doesn’t seem to recognize him.

When Yoongi orders, his voice is quiet, unlike some whose voices echo across the room and shake Jimin from his concentration. He can’t hear the man at all, but Jimin imagines his voice must be that same relaxing lull he hears on the radio all the time, that slow, stretching of the words that Yoongi likes to do sometimes when he’s thinking on the spot, and Jimin flushes again, forcing his hands down to cradle his latte and look semi-normal.

Yoongi doesn’t stray far from the counter. He sits at one of the nearby tables, his phone out in front of him but taking more time to look around the room instead. He smacks his lips unconsciously, probably to moisten them, and swallows, the corners of his lips shifting as he does so. There’s a small content curl to them, and Jimin hopes he enjoys the atmosphere of the place as much as Jimin does, and that it brings him the same sort of comfort.

Before he gets to dwell on his thoughts, Yoongi’s eyes flicker over to his, and they catch and stay for a few seconds, curiosity filling them while the world stops around Jimin. Yoongi averts his eyes politely, and only when a few seconds have passed since he’s looked away does Jimin find it possible to breath.

He saw him. He saw him he saw him he saw him, Jimin hopes he looks presentable right now. He’d left for his coffee fix without combing his hair, and his clothes are nothing special right now, either. His lips are semi-chapped from the cold, and Jimin hasn’t found the energy to look away yet when Yoongi’s eyes turn to him again.

They stay longer this time, a little questioning, but then turn away, the man gaining a slight furrow to his brow. Jimin takes a shaky breath, and jumps when the barista calls out, the other man pushing himself up to get his drink.

Instead of sitting back down, Yoongi turns towards the door, and Jimin remembers the few bottles of essential oils he’d picked out just today. His letter has already been written, lying carefully on top of his books back in his room. He’d been planning to mail it today, just has to wrap up the gift and stick on the stamp. He startles, placing one hand onto the table and sticking one leg out to the side.

“P-present--” Jimin breathes, before he’s shooting up from his chair, his bookbag still open when he slings it onto his shoulder and grabs his coat and cup. Some lukewarm coffee splashes onto the skin between his thumb and forefinger.

By the door, Yoongi lifts a hand towards the glass. “Excuse me!”

He sees him jump. Jimin feels the embarrassment building as sweat on his hands as he gets closer. Yoongi turns around with a frown, eyes flitting down and up quickly to get a once-over of Jimin. Then, almost immediately, they soften, and he offers Jimin a small, somewhat shy smile. “Yes?”

Jimin gasps, hand finding its way to his mouth. Min Suga. It really was him. His voice is even more pleasant in real life. “Ah, no, I just--” he pauses to clear his throat, “um! Are you Min Suga-hyungnim, by any chance?”

Yoongi’s eyes widen, blinking once, and then he smiles, the slow, blooming kind where his lips stretch to reveal the pearly white top row of his teeth, his face relaxed but lifted enough that the apples of his cheeks barely show. His eyes crinkle in that warm, welcoming way that makes them shine, and Jimin melts, fingers twitching underneath the man’s stare.

“Yes, I am,” he says. “I’m surprised you know me.”

“Ah, ah, I--”

I love you so much. I love your voice, and the way you talk and the things you believe in. “I’m a really big fan of yours.”

I love the jokes you make, I could listen to you speak all day, I think it’s prettier than a lot of the music I hear these days. “I listen to your broadcasts all the time, so I…”

It helps me relax, ever since the first time I moved to Seoul I haven’t been able to fall asleep and I’ve always been so tired. I’ve been so stressed, I haven’t been happy and it feels like everything could just fall apart at any moment and I’ve been wanting to but the first time I heard you--the first time I was able to finally find peace, and hear the things I’ve wanted to hear.

“Your voice is very comforting and... um...” Your words are so kind and thoughtful and beneath the nonchalant exterior everything you say for your fans is filled with care. So much care. Nothing but genuine kindheartedness, determination, and care. You’ve been such an inspiration to me, and you motivate me to be a better person. You don’t know but there’s so many things I’m thankful to you for but I could try and tell you all day and I wouldn’t be able to say it, how much you’ve helped me, I’m so “--thank you so much for everything.”

“I hope my voice helps you fall asleep. Thank you.”

But no. No, it’s not just that. It’s so much more, but Jimin--Jimin can’t tell him. Jimin doesn’t even know what to say to himself, at times. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Nothing compares to the love you’ve given your listeners, but I wish there was something I could give to you--

Present.

Right. Right, inside Jimin’s bookbag. He just needs to--he takes a deep breath--he swings his bag to the front, realizing belatedly that most of his pockets are still open. The scents must be stuck somewhere; Jimin reaches deep inside until he can feel the cool cylindrical bottles on his fingertips, and he pulls out all four of them in one go, his bookbag dangling by his elbow before he pulls it back up and cups the bottles with both hands. Jimin pushes his hands towards Yoongi, who looks down to inspect it. He looks up again, question in his eyes.

“...Please take this,” Jimin offers, and the man frowns this time. Oh no--does he not want them? Suga-hyungnim had mentioned that he enjoyed trying out new scents in the bath, so he’d thought maybe he would like this sort of gift as well, but Jimin must have been too assuming and--

A larger hand wraps around one of his own, enveloping the back of his hand with a slight, comfortable force. Yoongi’s hands match his voice; they are rough, etched with hard work, mature and long, fingers a little thick. They’re pale, just like the rest of his skin, and Jimin can see veins protruding out of his skin. Yoongi’s hand is naturally warm; the heat that meets Jimin feels like a secure ‘It’s okay’ being whispered into his ear at night. He trembles, even though it only lasts two seconds.

“I wouldn’t want to take your hard earned money. You bought this for yourself,” Yoongi tells him. He’s smiling again, and it sends another wave of nervous jitters down Jimin’s stomach. He struggles for what to say, ears flushing red at the rejection.

“No, I, uh, I originally bought it for you, hyungnim,” Jimin manages to stutter out. “You said you liked calming scents, so I...thought you might like these.”

“...Then, thank you for your consideration.” Jimin sighs. “Your name?”

“Ah, Park Jimin, sir.”

Yoongi looks like he’s beaming. “Jimin-ssi. Thank you for all your support. It means a lot to me.”

‘Not at all,’ Jimin is about to say.

“I see your comments all the time.”

His mouths stays open. It couldn’t be. He’s saying it out of politeness. “You do?” And the other man nods.

He sees them. “I’m sorry I can’t read them aloud all the time, or else someone will say I’m playing favorites,” Yoongi reads them. All the comments Jimin sends mindlessly and always thought would be lost in a sea of others, “but they’re always very thoughtful and nice.” He sees them..! “Your letters, too. Thank you for all the gifts.”

He knows who Jimin is. “I-I’m sorry if they take up space,” Jimin stammers, his head swirling. His lips tremble as he tries to hold in the smile. “I know they’re small, but I hope they help make your day better.”

“I’ve received a lot of things I wouldn’t have thought to buy, but end up liking a lot. You’re very thoughtful.”

“Not at all! I just wanted to thank you, but I didn’t know how. I really--” he swallows. “I really--” Oh no. He’s always been too easy of a crier. Even now, his heart feeling full and the man of his dreams standing right in front of him, Jimin can feel the tears beginning to well in his eyes. They’re happy tears, but they’re still tears.

He doesn’t want to cry, so he smiles harder, tries to keep it as genuine as he can. “Thank you so much. You’ve helped me a lot, even if you don’t know.”

“I’m glad I’m able to do that, then. Try not to go to sleep so late. My voice might be nice to listen to, but living on cups of coffee isn’t too healthy for you.”

Jimin giggles, shaking his head. “Ah, no, hyungnim, how can you tell me that? You do the same.” Looking for something else to say, he lifts up his own cup. “And this isn’t too strong, so... Coffee is a little too bitter for me, but I need the caffeine so I usually end up getting a caramel latte. I like the iced teas a lot, but it’s a little cold, so…”

Yoongi breathes out a small laugh, like he’s trying to conserve most of his energy as he does so. It’s one of those small ones that people do when something is amusing, but not hilarious enough to warrant out sound. Either way, the sight of his carefree face so up close and in person is a refreshing sight. Jimin’s gotten used to listening to the other through his headphones, and staring at the few pictures that Yoongi posts with his guests on their official twitter through his phone, but right now he’s standing right here, real and in person, talking to Jimin like it was something they did everyday.

Belatedly, he remembers that the night is coming soon. “Oh, I’m so sorry for holding you up, please have a safe trip!”

“Not at all.”

Jimin offers him a deep bow, smiling down at the ground to himself. He’s happy.

“Your dream…”

He looks up, shocked. Yoongi is still there, and Jimin slowly rises to a stand again. He sees Yoongi’s shoulders rise and fall, before he begins to speak.

Yoongi speaks, and it’s something Jimin has never heard on air before. It’s a little more personal, the part of his life he shares. Jimin’s heard him mention about how he’s had to work hard in order to make it in Seoul--Yoongi had come from Daegu back when he was still a student--but he’s never heard about his troubles with family, with finding a job, with keeping himself happy. It makes his music hold even more weight.

But Yoongi doesn’t look like he’s recounting some of the most difficult years of his life. In fact, he looks pretty fond talking about them, nostalgia swirling in his eyes. His gaze is far away, like he is remembering something beautiful, and then Yoongi blinks and he finally looks at Jimin, the warmth still on his face.

“I think you can do it, Jimin-ssi,” he says, and he looks like he really means it. “If I can, then you should be able to, too. We both are hard workers, after all. Don’t give up on your dream.”

Jimin’s heart stills.

--

Jimin hovers by his computer in the darkness of his room, blankets wrapped around him and over the top of his head. The little bar moves steadily forward as his video uploads, and as it gets closer to full the anxiety begins to eat at him again.

Whenever Jimin watches himself dance, he can always find something he can do better. There’s always a beat that he misses, or an arm he lifts too high, or an expression he accidentally lets slip. No dance of his is ever perfect. He knows nothing can ever be perfect, but it still eats at him all the time.

Which is why this time, Jimin had refused to watch the video anymore than once, just to make sure nothing that wasn’t supposed to be in it didn’t accidentally show up. And then, without looking too closely at anything else, Jimin had opened up a Youtube channel in a fit of courage.

A soft song plays through his headphones, its volume on the lowest setting in an effort to try and calm his nerves.

He waits until the video is fully uploaded, everything filled out and ready to go. When it finishes, Jimin barely saves the changes before slamming the cover of his laptop closed and flopping down, kicking the light closed with his feet and gripping his phone with a thumping heart.

--

The assignment on his desk remains untouched, even though all his papers are spread out and Jimin has been holding his pen in hand for an hour already. He’s been on edge the past few days, although he tells himself there is no reason to.

Jimin hasn’t logged back into his account yet, and to be honest he’s perfectly fine leaving it at that. He doesn’t want to see it, what kind of reaction he’d get from the internet. Would it be positive? Would they see how he moves a beat too quickly? Would they tell him to practice more?

...Would it be completely empty?

His earphones are plugged into his ears, and the broadcast lags a little due to the slow connection but other than that, the flowing conversation on the other end helps to soothe his thoughts.

“As a celebrity, there’s no way one wouldn’t be prone to face any hardships. Whether it’s from the press, or from the people, or from yourself, how do you choose to deal with all the pressure, Taehyung-ssi?”

There’s a pause in the program, Kim Taehyung most likely figuring out what he should say. Jimin can hear the small crackles of static hitting the mic, and then, “The fans, of course.”

Jimin smiles at the sentiment.

“The fans?”

“Yes. Umm… of course I like what I am doing, but--and I think most people can agree with me on this, what makes me the happiest when I’m doing what I love is the support I receive from other people.”

He agrees with that. Out of the 19 years he’s been alive, Jimin still thinks one of his happiest moments was when his parents had enrolled him into a class when he told them he wanted to dance. That, and when they held him tightly after he said he’d wanted to go to Seoul.

“People who tell me that I’ve inspired them, or that my acting makes them happier or even that they like watching the dramas I’m in. Knowing that I can help improve someone’s mood or that I’ve made them more determined, or even just saying they support me, I think is the happiest thing that I can hear.”

“That makes a lot of sense. So you’re saying that the fans are what keeps you moving forward?”

“Yes. Even when there are times of hardship, or if there are people who don’t like me, that one comment in the midst of millions of hate really brings a lot of light. It’s hard to ignore criticism and negativity, but I think the fans make it better.”

Jimin likes Kim Taehyung. He’s genuine, and he’s friendly and well known in the entertainment industry. He’s friends with everyone he meets, gushes about his dog and wears button-ups with strange patterns, and he smiles like the world is on his side. Taehyung has a strong personality, and the words he’s saying make sense. It makes Jimin a little ashamed.

“Taehyung-ssi seems to really love his fans. And we see a lot of lovely comments from his fans on the message board as well; I can see why, the dedication you all have for each other is very amazing.”

“My fans are all the prettiest~”

“I’m sure they are. Before we hear a few comments from them, why don’t we hear something from you first, then, Taehyung-ssi? Is there anything you’d like to say to your fans?”

“Oh, there’s a lot.”

“We’ll do our best to accommodate but do try to keep it within a few minutes.” More quiet laughter.

“Ummm…to everyone that’s listening to this broadcast right now, to those that will be listening later and to those that won’t find the time to listen, thank you so much for being by my side. Through the hard times, the fun times, when I was young and inexperienced to now, when I am still young and inexperienced...My heart belongs to you all.”

“I’m not a perfect person and I will never be, but you all find the time and heart to grow along with me, and stay with me despite my flaws…it means the most to me. As much as you all support me, cry with me and worry about me, I hate to see you hurt as well. The world has a lot of hate, but when I feel like quitting it’s your love that keeps me going. Thank you. I love you all~”

“...Well then...that was a very lovely message, I hope everyone has received it well. Taehyung-ssi is spreading a beautiful message, one that I wholeheartedly agree with.”

“My mother used to tell me not to drag myself down too much, since the world itself is already filled with hardships. In those times, even the smallest comment of encouragement makes me so grateful.”

Quietly, Jimin pulls his laptop close and opens a new tab.

“Yes, that’s right. Everyone who is afraid to take the next step, it’s admirable to be independent but there is nothing wrong with leaning a little. Criticism is inevitable, but use it well and all it’ll do is make us stronger.”

Now or never.

“And those who are too afraid to be themselves or like what they like, I hear many voicing out these comments today, your words are never unnecessary when they’re filled with love, isn’t that right?”

“Of course.”

‘I clicked this because I was bored and I didn’t expect to be so amazed. The song was good too. Looking forward to your future videos!’

“Sometimes, all it takes is one word to change a life.”

--

Min Yoongi, it says in his subscribers’ list. Jimin grabs the screen of his laptop, jostling the other items around him in his haste. He leans in close, until the glare of the screen hurts his eyes. It couldn’t be. The person looks like they’d joined just days ago. They have no picture, no uploads, no playlists or subscribers. It’s just an empty channel.

Jimin stares, gnawing at his lips. The measly single digit of subscribers he’d been lucky enough to gain doesn’t change, and neither do their names when he refreshes.

Min Yoongi, it says. Maybe if he stares hard enough he can figure something out.

--

“Excuse me?”

Jimin looks up from where he’s ducked over in the ramen aisle, peering up past his snapback to see a smiley girl looking down at him. She’s pretty, face smooth with makeup and eyes colored grey with contacts. From the fashionable sleeve of her coat her hand clutches onto a man behind her, who looks pleasant but not as excited.

Smiling automatically like he always does, Jimin rises up to meet her. “Can I help…” he trails off amicably, and she beams at him.

“Oh no, we were just wondering... you’re Park Jimin-ssi, right? The Youtuber pchimin?”

“Ah, yeah, you’re right.”

She lets out a squeal, shaking the guy (boyfriend? perhaps) by the arm in excitement. “Oh my gosh! We watch your videos, you’re very good.”

“Oh!” A bashful shade of pink colors his ears. “Thank you,” Jimin laughs, and when he meets eyes with the other guy he’s offered a polite nod.

“You’re really good,” the guy tells him. “My girlfriend makes me watch your videos with her all the time.” Jimin thanks them again, hand going to his hair in nervous habit before it feels the fabric of the hat in the way. He’s not sure what else to say without looking like a fool--it’s the first time Jimin’s been recognized by someone outside of campus, after all.

The two don’t stay long, the girl opting to ask for a picture, and Jimin leaning in closer to both of them and smiling what he hopes is a flattering one when she clicks. They’re really nice; they thank him and wish him luck and whisper to each other as they walk away. Wow. He takes a deep breath, not sure what just happened.

He’ll write it in his letter this week. It’s weird, but Jimin finds a strange satisfaction in writing about his life to Yoongi. It’s like scrapbooking to some people; there’s less thought involved than studying, so it serves as a nice form of stress relief. Maybe Yoongi-hyung would be...p...rou..no no no. He won’t let himself get his hopes up. It’d be nice if Yoongi still reads his letters, let alone cared about them. But still, Jimin directs the smile onto the cashier who rings up his order.

When he heads outside, there are cameras and a lot of people. A few people from the neighborhood have gathered at the side of the street, looking curiously on at something. When he follows their gazes there are people in thick fur coats, hooded to the brim, filming at all angles, and Jimin realizes some of them are pointed right at him. His eyes widen in surprise.

The couple from before is there, too, and when they all turn around Jimin can see some well known faces that he’s seen on the bigger screens, past the computers and YouTube tabs and onto actual, legitimate, broadcasting stations.

Jimin covers his mouth in shock.

“Him!” the girl from before points happily. “He’s a dancer!”

“Dancer, dancer--!” Two people rush over to him, one of them holding a crushed piece of paper in his hands.

RM.

He’s in normal wear: faded blue jeans and a large, black and white striped pattern poking out from his brown coat. He’s tall; as he gets closer Jimin steadily lifts his eyes to see him.

“Excuse me,” he calls politely, but his voice sounds rushed. “I’m sorry, but do you dance? It can be for fun, or just in your free time, just as long as you dance regularly.”

A little lost, Jimin nods.

“First of all,” someone else says, “do you know him?” Oh gosh, it’s Yoo Seokjae. Jimin can’t believe what’s happening right now. He points to the celebrity, and Jimin nods again. They look happy. “Who is he?”

Slowly, he removes his hand from his face and smiles nervously, feeling sweat beginning to build on his skin. “Um, RM…”

“He knows you, that’s good! What’s your name?”

“--Park Jimin…”

“Jimin! Jimin-ssi, do you mind if you show the camera a little bit...it’s for a mission, here--” RM unravels the wrinkled paper from his hand, and the logo is familiar. Street Celebrity. Ahh, Jimin knows it. Dancer, it says. They must’ve had to find a fan of RM who just so happened to dance as well.

Everything happens in a haze. One minute he has a small bag of food in his hands as he exits the store, and the next he’s reciting some of RM’s lyrics in a monotone, definitely not rapping sort of way before bursting into a fit of uncontrollable giggles, the celebrity himself smiling at him with a fond scrunch of the eyes.

It feels like when he’d met Suga, his brain in haywire and nothing processing, his body smart enough to move on its own, but it’s more hectic. Faster, with all the people watching and the cameras and the big name show hosts and RM. It makes Jimin nervous. Nothing like that night at the cafe, quiet and calm.

They ask for a bit of his time after confirming that he is indeed a fan (to some extent) of their guest for the episode. Jimin really is; he likes that RM’s music talks about society, about loneliness and inner longing and fear and confidence. They ask about his dancing, how he likes the music, what he thinks about the neighborhood and the influence of music. Much deeper questions that he doesn’t always know the answer to, but they’re quick to save him when he stumbles.

He knows most of his rambling is going to be cut, luckily, because Jimin’s sure he shouldn’t be talking more than the people themselves. He’s also sure he says some stupid things sometimes, but the people filming seem to like his personality enough to keep him around. At some point one senior even pats his back affectionately like Jimin was his brother.

“Yahh,” one of the hosts says, pointing over to Jimin. “I like him! He hasn’t stopped smiling since I’ve seen him.”

“Right, right, you have a very nice smile,” another pipes in, and Jimin laughs harder, ducking his head and hiding his face behind his hands.

“Oh no, not at all,” he tries to tell them, but it comes out as another bashful laugh and a shake of his head. He’s the type of person who laughs when he tries to hide his anxiety. Or his embarrassment. Or his tears. Or his sadness. He laughs when he doesn’t want to do anything else, basically.

“It seems you’re pretty well known, right?” Jimin is quick to refute. “There were some people who were whispering your name.”

“I just post videos online sometimes. I’ve only started recently.”

They ooh and ahh, and Jimin flushes harder. “I wasn’t really confident in my dance at first, but. Someone told me some really kind words, and they gave me courage.”

“Who was it?” The host asks. “Was it a friend or family member?”

Namjoon. Namjoon is friends with him. They’ve been friends since high school, writing music together and only recently having gotten back in touch with one another. Jimin knows. He licks his lips, wondering if he should say it. “It’s, um, actually a radio host?” His eyes flicker over to RM. “Su...ga-hyungnim. I was introduced to your music through the program, too.”

“Suga-hyung?” RM sounds genuinely delighted. “Wow!”

“The radio host? Kkul FM?” Jimin nods quickly, and tries to hide himself behind one hand. “Ahh, I think I’ve worked with him a few times! He’s hilariously adorable.”

“I’m actually--we’re really good friends! We’re very close,” RM chirps, and Jimin returns the beaming smile that is directed to him.

“Yes, it was actually, um, his radio show that helped me a lot. I’m a big fan.”

“Oh!” One of the hosts say suddenly. “Namjoon-ah, why don’t you give him a call?” Jimin’s eyes blow wide.

“Oh!” RM repeats. “Should I?” They wave away his panicked refusals, watching as Namjoon scrolls through his phone and Jimin’s cheeks steadily turn brighter and brighter. After a bit of panic, he settles back into his seat and keeps his hands between his thighs, trying to make himself small as the dial tone sounds. Yoongi must be busy right now, and Jimin’s going to make him waste his time.

He regrets mentioning Yoongi’s name, he can never seem to stop himself when he gets a chance to, but he knew full well the friendly relationship between RM and Min Suga--he just didn’t expect him to actually call, you know?

...Or maybe he hoped that he would call. Maybe deep down, Jimin was holding onto that small fantasy that Namjoon would call him, and Yoongi would remember who Jimin is.

A familiar voice, deep and easy on the airs, sounds smoothly through the phone, even with the quality. “Hello?”

It’s so strange. Just with his presence Jimin can feel his nerves melting into something weaker, and joy settling inside of him instead. He lets out a breath of relief, and listens as they trade polite sentences with each other through the phone.

Then the eyes are on him, and they’re mentioning him, and they hold the phone a little closer towards him and prompt him to speak.

“H-hello!” His voice cracks a bit, and it’s probably the most embarrassing thing to happen to him. Jimin reddens, eyes swiveling from left to right at the seniors’ laughter and RM’s dimpled smile of encouragement. On the other end, Suga doesn’t seem to mind. His voice sounds genuinely delighted to hear from him, just like he had been when Jimin had run after him that time in the cafe.

“Hello, what’s your name?”

“P-Park Jimin.” He wonders if Yoongi still recognizes it.

“Jimin-ssi, is it? Thank you for thinking of me.”

“Ah, no, not at all, I’m the one who should be,” he mumbles, palms sweaty and ducking his head as he smiles. He can almost feel the other people judging him right now. He probably looks like a man with his first high school crush, after all.

They steer the conversation away after that, no doubt having to get on with their filming as well. It’s probably time for them to let him go, too. As they wrap up the segment, one of the hosts asks Yoongi to leave him a message, and they pass the phone back to Jimin, who clutches it in his hands. What a great day. What a lucky day.

“Jimin-ssi,” Yoongi calls, almost like a hum, and Jimin feels goosebumps rising along his skin. Like usual, his words are kind. “Make sure you take good care of yourself since the weather’s so cold.”

“Ah, yes! You too, hyungnim.” Jimin’s voice comes out a little higher than usual, nearing a breathless squeal, and he hears a few of them calling his enthusiasm cute. The red on his cheeks gets darker, but his smile freezes at what he hears next.

“Thank you. And, well, if you have time, then go into a warm coffee shop and treat yourself with a nice warm cup of caramel latte.”

No way. There’s no way he remembers.

“You’ve worked hard, and you deserve it.”

“...Yes.” That had to have been by chance, right?

“Or, if you’re not afraid of the cold, a sweet cup of iced tea.”

He remembers.

“Goodbye.”

Jimin presses his hands to his face. He hopes they don’t air this part.

--

They air it.

They air the whole part, and add in special effects. They add the exaggerated blush on Jimin’s cheeks, the caption at the bottom and the flowery background and the music accompanying it. Jimin doesn’t know how long the scene is, because he watches one minute and promptly closes the window.

Many of his newer comments mention seeing him on television, and Yoongi’s name pops up more often than it used to. Considering the last Q&A he did, it’s really saying something.

His viewers don’t seem disgusted by it, luckily. They call him cute, say they can relate, even joke about getting Jimin to meet with the guy for real, hashtags and all. Those comments are too good to be true. Yoongi would be annoyed if he had to deal with Jimin a third time, but Jimin still fantasizes sitting across from him inside the cramped broadcasting room. What does Yoongi look like, Jimin wonders, while he speaks into the microphone to his viewers? Does he smile when he reads out his comments?

Maybe he sits back in his chair with a slouch, comfortable in his space. His eyes would probably be hooded, a little tired, him resting his cheek on one hand. Sometimes, Jimin thinks back to the memory of Yoongi’s smile when they’d talked. He doesn’t remember it too clearly anymore, time having warped the memory, but he remembers that he’d liked seeing it.

‘Sounds like a dream keke,’ he replies.

And he leaves it at that.

--

Dear Park Jimin-ssi,

My name is Park Min Ja, Production Director of Seoul Radio Broadcasting System. I am writing on behalf of our radio station to request your presence for one of our programs, SUGA’s Kkul FM which regularly airs at midnight during the evenings. We would be interested in inviting you as a guest on the show. If you would be interested, please call us back at the following number for more details. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Jimin drops his phone.

--

He hadn’t believed it was true. Even when he’d called the number, even after the conversation, and when he received the details and the confirmation and signed the confidentiality agreements and the contracts, some small part of Jimin was always whispering that it was all one big hoax. Any minute, and he would finally wake up from what seemed like a long, long dream and none of this would exist.

People could call cut right now, and the cameras would show, and a production team filming his reaction would come crawling out of the corners. The walls would open up, and all the lights and equipment would fall apart, and they would all be in some big warehouse with wires and hundreds of cameras everywhere, microphones dangling from the ceilings and everyone’s facial expressions dropping.

But then the door had opened, and instead of all of the above happening Min Suga had walked in instead, his attire black as usual and him holding a cup of coffee in his hands, and Jimin’s mind stopped cranking out the scenarios as quickly as they had come.

He looks effortlessly good, with the skin of a celebrity and lightly covered dark circles that accentuate the features of his face. Suga smiles half and half as he greets his coworkers; they all seem to fall into a steady rhythm, before he looks over at Jimin and his smile widens, and Jimin finds him shining a bit too much that he has to look away.

His eyes keep flickering back, but he tries his best not to seem like he’s staring, and he listens intently to the words floating around the room.

For a station preparing to go on air they’re surprisingly relaxed, moving about carefully with a buzz in the air. Only Jimin vibrates nervously in his seat, nodding along to whatever they have to say to him.

A few times he looks over and Yoongi will meet his eye, and Jimin’s heart rate will shoot up so fast he instinctively looks away before he even thinks to do it.

He’d arrived a few hours before to prepare, and look over the questions and write down what he could. Time had gone by super slow then, but it flies now. Before he knows it he’s following Yoongi to the recording room, people beginning to put on their headphones and checking everything one last time.

The room inside looks like any other recording room: small and cramped, table a little messy in the middle and the pathway looking narrow enough that Jimin will probably have to shimmy his way to his seat.

And yet everything seems so novel when it’s not behind a computer screen. The microphone is bigger than he’d imagined it, the walls greener and more calming than bright as they’d appeared in pictures.

He hears a breath of laughter in front of him. “Is everything really that interesting?”

“I’m sorry,” Jimin replies automatically, heat traveling up his neck. Yoongi sounds good laughing, even more so as he stands by the doorway, the walls enclosing his voice. “I’m just a little nervous. This is the first time I’ve been in a broadcasting station, after all. It all looks really cool.”

“You get used to it after a while. I’m sure I would think the same about your dance studio.” Jimin nods. “Well then, shall we get ready?”

“Yes! I’ll do my best not to say anything weird.” Yoongi blinks slowly, before the smile on his face becomes softer.

“Thank you, but you don’t have to worry about that. Please be comfortable.”

He didn’t think it was possible, but Yoongi looks even kinder than he did before. In a moment of blankness Jimin wracks his brain for something to say. “Yes. I’m just a little worried about making a fool of myself. I don’t want to say anything bad.”

Yoongi hums in response. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem. Your fans have written a lot about you to us, did you know? They keep talking about how polite and kind you are.” His eyes flicker across Jimin’s form respectfully. “And from what I’ve seen, I think they’re not lying.”

Jimin blushes, ducking his head down in embarrassment. “Oh, not at all,” he mumbles. “But still, this is my first time doing something like this, and in front of hyungnim, too…”

“...You should be confident. Jimin-ssi, your fans know you, and they like you for who you are. I will also be right beside you the whole time, and this time as your equal, so my being here shouldn’t have to make you so nervous. I’ve seen what you can do, and I think you more than deserve to be here with us today. We’re all glad to have you here.”

He’s so nice. Jimin is so lucky to have found him. What did he do to deserve him? He nods, and Yoongi seems satisfied with the motion as he turns towards the room once again, pushing the door open a little wider. Light green illuminates his skin like a glow. He’s so handsome. (So beautiful.) Jimin’s so…

“Shall we enter?”

“Um, hyungnim--!” Jimin calls out, and then gasps when he realizes what he’d just done. They must be nearing the start time already, and here he is, taking up the last few minutes they have. Jimin’s lips quiver, and he is almost about to apologize and rush them both inside.

But Yoongi seems to be in no rush. He turns back around so that his whole body faces Jimin, and offers a smile and a nod to prompt him to speak.

He’s so nice. When Jimin had first began listening to him he’d wondered what kind of person Yoongi would be off-air. Yoongi is just like his voice. Comforting and a little lovely. Supportive and filled with sugar. Someone Jimin could listen to forever.

(Jimin’s so…)

“Yes?”

Be confident.

“Um!” he starts. “When we finish, it’ll be a little late, but w-would you like to get a drink with me?” The corners of Yoongi’s lips curl up ever so slightly, soft and pink. His eyes seem to twinkle with stars, and Jimin blinks in a daze and looks away. “Or a meal. Or just a drink. Or if you would prefer, we can get coffee--”

“Sure.”

Oh.

His mind quiets.

“I’m down for anything you’d like.”