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Miriam fiddles with the brooch pinned to her lapel to deter any other finicking, such as tearing at her cuticles or biting her lips. These were both habits she had thought she curbed long ago— sometime after high-school but before meeting Joel. Apparently, that wasn't so.
"Stop playing with that, you'll give me a fucking migraine," Susie says from where she's leaning in the corner.
Miriam immediately drops her hands to her pockets. She feels like a child again, back in temple being scolded by her mother whenever she and Noah were caught whispering too loudly. Her eyes dart to Jerry automatically, probably because he is the most adult-like person in the elevator at the moment, and the subconscious part of her brain expects discipline in moments like these, but he remains as unphased as ever while staring at the floor lights.
She looks to Susie, whose head is dipping into her chest every few seconds and waking her with a start. Miriam can hardly blame her, because she knows Susie works late nights and that this whole ordeal is pulling heavily from the time in which she'd normally be asleep.
"Thanks for sticking with me through this, Susie," Miriam says. Her voice sounds strange and raspy. Foreign to her. She had been crying most of the night.
Susie's head bobs lazily upwards, and she yawns before replying.
"I just called you a cab."
She had done so much more than that.
She called the ambulance for Joel, cleared out the Gaslight when the fight broke out, and singlehandedly caught the man who had put him in such a state. Afterwards, she had called Miriam a cab, yes, but also came to the hospital with her parents in tow. Joel's arrived soon after.
Miriam starts to reply, but Jerry interrupts her by announcing their stop.
Susie side-steps Miriam and starts to march down the hallway, hunched over with her hands in her pockets.
"Thanks, Jerry," Miriam says before stepping out.
Jerry tips his head with a kind smile, saying nothing before he closes the elevator door again and descends to the lobby.
Susie hangs back and Miriam opens the front door, waiting till Susie enters before stepping out of her shoes and taking off her coat.
"Mister and Missus Weissman?" Zola calls from the kitchen. She shuffles in and pauses upon seeing Susie.
"They're still at the hospital, but we can take over from here, Zola," Miriam says after smoothing her jacket down on the back of one of her parents' dining room chairs.
Zola continues to eye Susie, who smiles and waves mockingly after she notices how unabashedly she’s being sized-up.
But Zola puts her gray coat on and makes her way towards the door, which Miriam watches her do from where she’s rooted.
"I put breakfast in fridge," She says, wrapping her scarf around her neck, "warm cereal and toast. Very simple. I put how to heat on note."
"Thank you, Zola," Miriam replies quietly, though she hadn't been listening whatsoever.
Zola appears to notice this and then turns to Susie.
"Children are asleep, but the girl cries when needing to change," she instructs.
Susie makes a sour face, "Ugh, no."
Zola flares her nostrils and turns back to Miriam, who is picking at the lint pills on her coat.
"Good evening, Mrs. Maisel," she says before closing the door behind her.
"What a piece of work," Susie mumbles under her breath while still staring at the door.
"Yeah?" Miriam says quietly, moreso to acknowledge that Susie had spoken than give any indication that she absorbed what she heard.
Susie makes a face that Miriam doesn't fully understand before walking over and putting her hands on Miriam's shoulders, and steering her towards the living room.
"Jeez, did a tornado blow through here?" Susie asks when she sees the state of it.
"My parents got into a fight and my mom took the study," Miriam explains absently, not finding the energy in her to sugar-coated the situation, "so all my dad's books are here."
Susie makes a grunting noise in the back of her throat before backtracking into the dining room with Miriam in tow.
"Well, is there any fucking place the lay you down besides the dining room table?" Susie asks after helplessly steering her around for a few minutes.
“My room is-” Miriam starts, and just like that, the images of her and Joel making love in there the other night— happily and lovingly— flit through her mind and make her nauseous, and she shakes her head.
“My kids are asleep down the hall, take me there,” Miriam says, and Susie cups her elbow with tenderness that Miriam hadn't thought possible from her.
“Alright, Midge,” She says before leading.
The walk down the hall feels like a death march, and suddenly, Miriam feels too disgusted with herself to move forward. She sags more and more into Susie’s touch until she's almost cradled in her arms.
“So, ah, okay,” Susie says, bracing herself to take on Miriam’s near-full weight.
Miriam starts to shake with sobs.
“He told me to leave, Susie,” She cries, ”He couldn't even fucking look at me.”
“I know, I know,” Susie says, rubbing circles onto Miriam’s back when she wraps her arms around Susie’s neck.
“He was so disgusted,” she whispers into the crook of her shoulder, “they all were— did you see it?”
“They don't understand,” Susie affirms, “they're stupid.”
“My mother won't speak to me,”
“Mmh,” Susie replies.
Miriam pulls back once her sobs die down and she feels stable enough to stand on her own.
“They were gonna find our, sooner or later,” Susie says once they're face to face again, “you wouldn't have been able to keep this from them for forever.”
Miriam purses her lips and nods.
“Hey, this isn't even the worst thing that could've happened,” Susie adds with a shrug, “at least you told them while you've peaked. They could've been stuck with supporting you while you were still a starting out. They wouldn't have been able to stand you. I know I barely could.”
It's not too funny, but Miriam finds herself laughing, anyways.
She looks up at Susie through her lashes. Being pooled in her arms like this is probably the only instance in which Miriam will ever be able to look up at Susie.
She doesn't expect the concern etched into Susie's face. There's no disgust or discomfort from the situation, which was what Miriam was fully expecting based off past emotional experiences shared between them. Indeed, this was one of the first times she had ever seen Susie’s walls down, as it were. And it was because of something she’d done.
Something swells in Miriam’s stomach, and she latches onto it. Before she allows herself a minute to think, she pushes herself upward towards Susie.
It's a very warm and soft kiss. Susie’s lips are fuller than Joel’s and any other man that she’d ever kissed, but her mouth is much smaller. The way they slot together is strange but not unpleasant, and Miriam finds herself enjoying the experience.
Susie’s teeth are smooth and square, which Miriam thinks is probably an odd thing to notice while they're kissing, but she can't be bothered to care. Focusing on the minute aspects— like how Susie’s mouth tastes like the coffee they serve at the Gaslight still, or how Susie lapping at her top lip is ticklish in a strange way she hasn't experienced before— distract her from the fact that she is kissing a woman.
The bedroom door opening is what eventually pulls her out if this stupor. She pulls herself out of Susie’s arms in a flash in time to scoop Ethan up when he appears in the door frame.
“Mama, what's going on?” He asks, rubbing his little tired eyes.
Her heart aches like it used to when the crowding aunties outside of the synagogue would pinch his baby cheeks and say he should model for the Macy’s catalog. Throughout all of this heartbreak and uncertainty of the past few months, Miriam has come out loving her children as much as ever. Maybe now she’ll finally be able to show it.
“Nothing, sweetheart,” She whispers into his hair, “Mommy’s just gonna sleep with you tonight. Is that okay?”
He leans back to look at her face quizzically, and nods before putting his head back on her shoulder.
“Hello, lady,” Ethan says from over Miriam’s shoulder.
“How ya doing, um, Sticky?” Susie replies, and Miriam turns back around to face her.
Susie's face is beat red. She's shifting her weight from foot to foot. It's the first time outside of meeting Larry that Miriam had ever seen her uncomfortable.
“Yeah, well,” She says after a minute, “I’m gonna, y’know—”
“Stay,” Miriam says, surprising both Susie and herself.
Susie stares at her with wide eyes and blinks, so Miriam brushes past her to the opposite end of the hallway and opens the door.
“This is my bedroom,” she says, “stay here tonight? Please?”
Susie rubs the back of her neck, “Aw jeez, Midge, you know I really shouldn't.”
“I don't want to be alone,” Miriam whispers.
Is silent for a moment, but then Susie sighs.
“Alright, alright,” She says, raising her hands in front of herself, “but I’m leaving un the morning before tall, blonde, and venomous can have her way with me.”
“Thank you, Susie,” Miriam says, putting her hand in Susie’s shoulder.
Susie places her hand over it and looks up to Miriam. Before she can say anything, though, the baby starts to cry from the other room and Miriam moves her hand.
“I should probably take care of that,” she says.
Susie nods, “Yeah, I don't care what that vulture said. I'm not changing no diapers.”
She walks into Miriam’s childhood room and looks as though she's about to say something, but then thinks better of it. Susie turns back to Miriam once she's in the doorway.
“Okay, I’ll be across the hall if you need anything.”
Miriam smiles, “I'll try not to need anything, then.”
Susie winks, “Hey, would ya look at that. You're learning.”
Miriam feels like she's coming home from a dance, and her and her date are unsure as of what to do.
She recognizes with a start that she actually wants Susie to kiss her, but just as she comes upon that realization, the bedroom door is shut out, and so is she.
Miriam returns to the children’s room and attends to her wailing daughter. She figures she’ll have time to dwell on it tomorrow morning.