Work Text:
Butters Stotch has anxiously ripped open all of his Christmas presents, and while he has a good haul, he is a bit disappointed. The one thing that he was really looking forward to is not there.
One box has remained unopened, though. It is from his grandma, and Butters knows what type of present it is. He has shoved it under the couch with his foot, hoping that his parents will not see it. He doesn't want to open it.
“And what did Grandma get you?” His father asked hopefully, teasingly. Butters can see the mocking glint in the man's eyes.
“I guess she forgot?” Butters replies, hoping beyond hope that it will work.
It doesn't.
“I know that Grandma sent you a present, Butters,” Mrs Stotch tells him firmly. “WHERE IS IT?”
“Mister, you will be grounded!” Mr Stotch warns him. “Now get it, and open it!”
With a deep sigh and a feeling of dread gnawing at his stomach, Butters slides his foot under the couch and gets the long, slim present out. He sits with it while his mother takes a photo on her phone and sends it to Grandma.
“OPEN IT!” His father snaps.
Butters opens it, and sure enough, it is what he dreaded. It is far worse than he dreaded.
“Well, isn't that cute?” His mother smiles, clapping. “Go try it on!”
“I don't wanna!” Butters whines
“PUT IT ON!” His father barks at him.
Slowly, like a man climbing to the gallows to be hanged, Butters trudges up the stairs.
*
The scene then cuts to Butters standing at the top of the stairs. His parents have made him put on the pink bunny suit that his grandma has sent him, because his dad will ground him if he doesn’t model it for them. His mother takes more pictures to send. He says a silent prayer of thanks that one of his fellow Minions can hack their Facebook page, and the pictures will never see the Internet! He has already texted Adam with code 911 to get on it.
Nothing could be worse. If Eric Cartman finds out about this, he'll never hear the end of it! It is a pink onesie, modified with floppy bunny ears, and even a large, poofy cotton ball tail.
The horror of it is, that it fits.
And it's soft.
And warm.
Butters has not shown them the note he found inside the box: “This is a more accurate superhero costume for you, than that Captain Pussy costume!”
Indeed, even super-villains have arch-rivals. Some of them are even more evil. Queen Torpedo Tits in her heavy metal late-80's-Madonna outfit is one of them. She is the one force that Professor Chaos cannot conquer.
She is even more powerful than Mysterion.
Still, there is a Christmas truce between the two foes. It's Christmas, after all.
It's Christmas, and despite all the hints, despite telling Santa, it's been somewhat of a washout.
Butters trudges down the stairs, so very disappointed that he did not get the Red Ryder BB gun that he so wanted. He’d been told all season long, “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!” And poor Butters only has one good eye, since Kenny stuck that ninja star in his left one, nearly putting it out. Naturally, Butters has forgiven him. After all, Professor Chaos was attacking the ninjas; Kenny was only scared and trying to defend himself. And despite all the ripping he gets, the glasses are worth it, so he can see better.
Still, Butters’ grandma is laboring under the delusion that the boy is perpetually six years old, and a girl. A very tall six year old girl. He has plenty of presents from Christmases past - all of them fitting by now, and all of them fit for a Princess.
Then Butters has an idea.
He has a marvelous, wondrous idea that he first thought of on Black Friday. He remembers the Fighters of Zaron, and he smiles.
Kenny probably won’t get any presents, as his family is so poor. Oh, there might be a Salvation Army present. Something small and silly. Nothing that a boy would want. And Santa, of course, always seems to forget Kenny's house. Butters doesn't understand why. Kenny gets into trouble, sure. They all do. But Kenny isn't a bad boy.
At least, Butters doesn't think so.
“He looks like a … pink nightmare!” Mr Stotch sighs.
“I think he's adorable!” Mrs Stotch disagrees.
“So, let me see if I understand this?” Mr Stotch says, “You want to go to Kenny’s house and show him your bunny suit?”
“Yes, sir! A bunny!” Butters turns around to show off the cotton tail.
“Bunny?” Mrs Stotch repeats the word.
They don’t get it.
Butters snickers inwardly at the joke. “Bunny,” he thinks, “If you put ‘Butters’ and ‘Kenny’ together, you get the word ‘Bunny’.”
“So you want to show Kenny that you’re a bunny?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Fine, but if you get beat up on the way back, you’re grounded!” Mr Stotch warns him. “And if you break those glasses, Mister, there will be HELL to pay! HELL, I say!”
But our hero already has another plan in mind: He will make eye holes in the forehead of the bunny hood and pull it down to his his face, like a cowl. No one will know who the new Superhero in town is! And he’s already wrapped and dropped the present for Kenny out his window, to later retrieve it from the bushes to take with him.
Perhaps Grandma isn't so senile and useless after all?
“You owe me $10, it looks like he's gay,” Butters' mother tells his dad, who pays up.
But forget Professor Chaos!
Soon, Princess Kenny and the Pink Nightmare will set out to bring justice to tormented children in South Park.