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You flashed your pass at a less than amused security guard, who begrudgingly let you through to the backstage area. The awards show had literally just ended, so there were people milling about left and right – mostly the performers themselves but also a good number of staff as well. You avoided the odd looks that were sent in your direction as you weaved in and out of the clusters of people. When you saw the particular cluster you were looking for, you couldn’t help but squeal.
“You guys did so good!” You basically screamed as you rushed towards the seven boys standing off to the side. BTS turned to look at you with wide smiles. Tae raced forward to meet you halfway and picked you up in a hug that sent you both spinning.
“Are those tear tracks I see?” Hobi teased you, and you self-consciously rubbed at the already dried eyeliner that was bound to have left marks on your cheeks.
“Of course,” You weren’t the slightest bit ashamed for getting emotional. “I’m just so proud of you guys… How could I not cry?”
“You’re too good to us.” Namjoon said with a fond smile as he pulled you into a comfortably familiar side hug. The others came up and began pestering you about their performance – whether or not they messed up, if the crowd really liked them, if their speech was good enough. You laughed and answered all their questions, amused at how insecure they were despite having basically wiped the floor at the awards ceremony barely twenty minutes before.
Tae draped himself over your shoulders and rested his nose on your neck, something that had made the others think that maybe there was something more between you – something you made sure to disprove time and time again. Despite this, you couldn’t bring yourself to scold him for being so touchy. He just wanted affection which was something you could understand.
You heard a soft cough and turned around. In the time you were talking most of the clusters had left, but there was a larger group of boys that looked similar to your boys’ ages. You did a quick headcount but lost track around ten. The boy in front seemed oddly familiar, but it wasn’t until he spoke that you recognized who they were.
“We were going to go back to our hotel and celebrate, and were wondering if you would like to join us?” The boy asked, his calm demeanor made you feel more comfortable. “Both of our groups have a lot to celebrate tonight.” You finally realized that you were looking at Seventeen, one of the other groups that had received their fair share of awards that night.
“We’d love to man,” Namjoon smiled brightly. “Thanks for the invite S. Coups.”
“I’ll catch you guys later then.” You said brightly, completely hiding the pang in your chest. You were supposed to go out and get midnight breakfast with the boys to celebrate like you did after every awards show, but you knew they deserved a chance to hang out with people other than you for a change. You made to leave, but S. Coups stopped you.
“Any friend of Bagtan is more than welcome to come as well.” He smiled at you and you found yourself blushing slightly. Even when the BTS boys tried to fluster you, it barely had any affect.
“Erm, if you’re sure you’re okay with having me tag along…” You said uncertainly. You didn’t want to intrude.
“Of course it’s okay!” Another voice spoke up. He didn’t look much like any of the other members, with a wide smile and soft wavy brown hair. “And anyone who doesn’t want a cutie like you around must be insane.” He winked at you and you felt your blush grow even more.
Suddenly you felt an arm drape on your shoulders, but it wasn’t the comfortable cuddle from before. This felt almost territorial. You glanced at Jimin and shook your head before ducking out from under his arm.
“If you’re sure.” You said with a smile, which was returned tenfold.
“You’re lucky the stage wasn’t a foot shorter!” You basically cackled. One of the staff members had brought some sort of alcohol for those old enough, and even the small amount that you had made you a little bit louder than usual. “Those fans would have pulled you right off. They were absolutely vicious tonight! I have the bruises to prove it.” You laughed again and took a sip from your cup. The atmosphere in the room instantly changed as Namjoon sat up and looked at you with furrowed brows. You internally sighed. You knew that look.
“Let me see.” He said seriously.
“Seriously Joonie,” You waved him off. “It’s nothing bad. I’ve gotten way worse from my doorknobs at home.” He raised an eyebrow and you knew he wasn’t going to let it go. You externally signed and placed your cup down on the short table in front of you. You and the boys had gone back to Seventeen’s hotel and gathered in their meeting room, which consisted of a few couches with coffee tables.
You stood and raised the hem of your shirt just high enough to show the already purple splotch on your ribs. Namjoon sucked in a breath and let his fingers gently brush against it. You hissed a little at the contact but it was more his cold fingers than the pain of the bruise.
Across the room, as you were being scolded by Namjoon and Jin who had just come from the other couch, you didn’t see S. Coups looking at you oddly. He had seen something else on your stomach that made his stomach drop slightly. He tried to shake off the dread that filled his stomach but it was too strong, almost pushing him to say something.
You sat back down on the couch and yawned before stretching out across Jin’s lap. Namjoon had stayed standing and took his empty cup in his hand.
“Oh, Joonie!” You caught his attention. “If you’re getting a refill get me one too?” You gave him your best big eyes and thrust your empty cup up at him. He stared at you for a second before smirking and shaking his head.
“What are we going to do with you?” He laughed and took your cup in his other hand. As soon as he walked away, you realized how badly you had to use the restroom. With Jin’s help, you managed to stand up again and make your way to the hall where you had seen restrooms on your way in. The bathroom was nice, as expected of such a fancy hotel. As you exited the bathroom, a voice startled you.
“I’m sorry!” S. Coups was standing across the hall from the restroom, looking shocked that he startled you. “I just- I realized I never properly introduced myself. I’m Seungcheol.” He put his hand out for you to shake, which you took with a small smile. You introduced yourself back, feeling very warm all of a sudden. You glanced to your left and saw a small patio through the windows.
“Would you want to sit outside?” You asked, running a hand through your hair. “It’s kinda warm in here and I know it’s going to be worse when we go back to the others. Might as well cool off now while we have the chance.”
And that’s how you found yourself sitting with Seungcheol on the patio, staring at the stars and rambling on about random things.
“So, how did you meet the guys?” He asked you. You hummed for a second, remembering your first few weeks in Korea.
“I came from America as an English Tutor but we all became really close friends. Now they’re my best friends. I’m so proud of everything they’ve accomplished,” You giggled a little, watching a plane blink against the stars. “I’m proud to say that I might just be their number one fan.”
“Friends huh?” He hummed, watching the plane with you. A breeze blew and you moved closer to him. “So have you done anything with any of them?” You snorted at his straight forward question, but you saw the amusement in his eyes as he looked at you. You bit your lip and considered leaving him hanging.
“This stays between you and me,” You started, the alcohol making you a little more open than you would have been any other time. “I’ve slept with two of them, and made out with a third, but that’s it.”
“Oh really?” He couldn’t help the laughter that threatened to butcher his words. “Come on sweetheart you can’t just leave it there. I need the details.” He poked your cheek until you burst into giggles and finally caved.
“Fine, fine,” You laughed, pushing his hand away from your poor, abused cheek. “I slept with Namjoon first, but it was mostly out of pity on his part. I was having one of those episodes where I felt worthless and I needed to feel loved so he took pity on me. The other was Taehyung, but that was because we both needed to feel that physical connection, you know? We needed to know we existed, but without any messy ends. Then I made out with Kookie on a dare on Hobi’s birthday.” You giggled again at the memory that was only slightly muddled at that point.
Seungcheol was quiet for a moment, and you started to panic. Had you made a mistake talking to him? Suddenly, something warm and heavy fell onto your shoulders. Quickly glancing over, you saw he had placed his leather jacket on you, leaving him in just a long sleeved shirt.
“It sounds like you guys are really close.” He said, his voice sounding like there was a deeper meaning to his words that you were too tired and too tipsy to figure out.
“They’re my best friends,” You yawned, trying to rub your eyes without messing up what little makeup you had left on. “I wouldn’t be here right now without them.”
Before Seungcheol could ask what you meant, the door opened behind you. Namjoon stood there with two cups in his hands and a single raised eyebrow. You perked up and stood a little too quickly, causing you to almost fall back down again had Seungcheol not caught you first. You skipped over to Namjoon and took your cup back. You took a sip and scowled at him.
“This is water.” You said with a pout. His one raised eyebrow look softened and he used his now free hand to ruffle your hair.
“Yeah, I figured you were about ready to be flagged. I know you aren’t drunk,” he said before you could protest. “But I also know you don’t want to do anything you’ll be embarrassed about again.” You were silent for a moment before taking another sip of your water, silently proving the older boy’s point. Seungcheol shot you an amused look.
“Again?” He asked with a smirk. You shuddered and shook your head.
“Never again.” You refused to talk about that time. Namjoon grinned and ruffled your hair again before placing a hand on your lower back to help you inside.
“You comin’ man?” He asked over his shoulder. You turned to see Seungcheol still seated on the patio bench.
“I’ll be in soon. I can hear Vernon and honestly I’ll wait until they’re done doing whatever it is they’re doing.” He smirked and looked up at the stars again. Namjoon just nodded and led you back inside. You were still chilly from being outside, so when you walked into the room with the others you still didn’t remove Seungcheol jacket.
“You found her!” Vernon – the boy with the wide smile and soft hair – said loudly. Seungcheol had the right idea staying outside, you thought to yourself as you took in the sight before you. Jungkook, Taehyung and a few of the younger members of Seventeen were tied to the chairs with what looked like scarves while the older members of each band held different foods over their heads. You guessed the point of the game was to reach the food, but it seemed no one was successful yet. “Is that S. Coups’ jacket?”
The game came to a halt as every pair of eyes were suddenly on you. You flushed, looking down at the worn leather still around your shoulders. You shrugged and played with a strand of your hair.
“He lent it to me when we were outside,” you muttered, not sure why you were embarrassed. The members of Seventeen exchanged a look that was missed by everyone else – other than Namjoon that was. Just as you were about to say something, the jacketless man in question came through the doorway. You excused yourself and rushed over to him.
“I forgot your jacket when I went inside,” You said as you handed it back to him. “I hope you weren’t too chilly without it.” He smiled softly at you and put it back on. He pulled his phone from his back pocket and held it out to you.
“Would it be alright to text you sometime?” He asked. “It was nice to talk to someone normally for once. At least, someone I don’t spend twelve plus hours a day with.” You both chuckled a little and you imputed your information, being sure to add a cute symbol after your name.
You were whisked away from Seungcheol as a new group game started, and you didn’t think twice about the strange look on his face as you left.
“What are you giggling about?” Yoongi asked from across the living room. Since you were technically an employee of Bighit, they gave you an apartment in the same building as the boys which made it easy for them to bother you at any time of day.
“Nothing.” You said and immediately smiled at your phone again. Seungcheol was sending you pictures of Seventeen from the hotel. There was another event for them nearby so they were staying for a little while before moving on with their tour.
“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” He growled, but let it go. You rolled your eyes and told Seungcheol what had just happened.
“Yoongi Oppa is jealous XD” You sent with a giggle. He replied instantly.
“Why is he jealous?” Seungcheol asked. “He’s the one who gets called oppa.” You giggled again and grinned widely.
“Do you wanna be called oppa too :P” You teased him. You heard Yoongi sigh but you ignored him again.
“Maybe…”
“S. Coups Oppa~~” You knew he would get a kick out of that, but then you had an even better idea. “Better yet… Scoops Oppa :D”
“What are you doing to me sweetheart XD!”
“What are you grinning like an idiot about?” Yoongi asked as he snatched your phone from your hand. You scrambled to get it back but he was already across the room. His face twisted in disgust as he threw your phone back at you. “Whatever. I’m going back to the dorm.”
He left without giving you a chance to say anything, and you felt like he had slapped you. Your phone buzzed again, but you felt oddly empty.
The boys exchanged a look that didn’t go unnoticed by you. You were sitting around their table, trying to enjoy a meal with them, but there was some unknown elephant in the room that you couldn’t quite place. The silence just seemed to get heavier and heavier until you opened your mouth to break it. Just as you were about to say something though, your phone buzzed.
“Scoops-Oppa?” Jimin raised an unamused eyebrow and looked at you. You felt ashamed for some reason, but you didn’t know why.
“He’s just asking about my day.” You felt the need to defend yourself. The silence came back stronger this time. Finally, Jungkook slammed his fists down on the table.
“I’m sick of this,” He said angrily. “If you’re going to flaunt it in our faces then just get out.”
You were shocked. You had never heard the youngest member raise his voice ever, let alone at you. Even the other members seemed shocked. The only person to speak was Jin, who murmured a quiet “Jungkook…” but you didn’t stick around long enough to see who said what next. You placed your fork down and left the dorm without making a single sound. You heard someone call after you but you were already heading to the staircase.
You lived one floor below the boys, and the floors were as thin as the walls - something you were sometimes grateful for and sometimes despised. Because of this, you knew when one of the boys needed comfort and vice versa, but now it was the bane of your existence because you knew they could hear you crying from your room. You turned on music to try to drown out the sounds.
“What’s wrong?” Seungcheol was too perceptive for his own good.
“Nothing.” You didn’t want to worry him. Sure you were friends, but you didn’t think you were spill-your-guts close yet. Your phone instantly started ringing. You hesitated answering the call, but part of you needed a friendly face at the moment.
“Hey…” You muttered, your tear streaked face obvious even in the shitty camera image. His smile instantly dropped.
“What happened?” He asked without hesitation. You debated lying, but all of a sudden you had more tears running down your cheeks.
“I don’t know,” You whimpered. “We were just eating dinner and Jungkook snapped at me. I don’t know what I did wrong….”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” His voice was soft and comforting, exactly what you needed at that moment. He paused for a second before smiling again. “Hey, why don’t we do something? I know a bunch of the guys are already asleep but I can hear a couple voices. We can come over and cheer you up?” He offered, raising his eyebrows hopefully. You didn’t bother trying to fight back the smile on your face.
“That sounds amazing,” You sniffled. “I’ll send you my address and tell the front desk I’m expecting you.”
“We’ll see you in a few then!” He grinned, and you suddenly felt much better.
Taehyung sat on his couch, grimacing at the sounds coming from a floor below him. He wanted to rush to your side when he heard you crying, but the looks on the faces of the other boys made him hesitate. He listened as they crying stopped and voices started talking. He couldn’t hear what you were saying but he could tell you were talking to someone. Then silence again for nearly an hour before several loud voices filled the air.
You didn’t know the boys of BTS were sulking just one floor above you. You were more focused on the fact that S. Coups, Hoshi, DK, Seungkwan and Vernon of Seventeen were now standing in your apartment with not only several bags of take out, but also ice cream and what looked like a bag of board games.
“Guys…” You felt yourself tearing up again.
“Hey! No more crying!” Hansol said, going over to you and slinging his arm over your shoulders. You giggled and shook your head, moving to help take the bags over to your small kitchen.
“You didn’t have to bring anything,” you said with a fond smile. “Here, let me get my purse and I can pay you back-”
“Absolutely not allowed.” Seokmin said with a pretend angry expression.
“We’re the sadness police, and we’re here to arrest any bad times.” Seungkwan winked at you, causing you to giggle a little. You didn’t realize how badly you needed something like this, and you were suddenly so grateful that a single tear ran down your cheek. All five boys jumped at the sight, rushing over to you. You just laughed and brushed them off.
“I’m just…” You laughed and sniffled again. “Thank you…”
“Of course love,” Seungcheol said with a soft smile. “I would never let family be upset for long.” His words just made you cry harder. You buried your face in his shoulder and let out everything you were feeling as the boys patted your back.
Taehyung gritted his teeth. It had been three hours since the other voices joined in and he was actually getting angry. He heard you crying again, but it quickly turned to laughter and he didn’t know what to do. Part of him wanted to rush to you, but another part felt like you might need some space. The look on your face after Jungkook exploded at you had been haunting him for the last four hours and he didn’t know what to feel.
He finally decided to check his phone, looking for some sort of distraction. He saw Seungkwan of Seventeen had started a live stream. Curiosity got the better of him – he and the other boys had been keeping up with the other thirteen’s social media more since the night of the awards ceremony. He clicked on the stream and almost threw his phone.
You, DK and Vernon were wrapped around each other on top of a white mat covered in colorful spots. It was obvious you were all struggling to contort yourselves, and the fact that you were laughing hysterically didn’t help. Tae could see S. Coups in the background, drinking something from Tae’s favorite mug and laughing with a shake of his head.
“Right foot red!” Hoshi’s voice called from off screen. All three of you struggled to move your feet, which caused someone to collapse and bring the other two down with them. The three of you sat in a tangled pile, laughing to the point of crying. Taehyung grabbed his phone and stood.
“Here” Seungcheol laughed, holding one hand out for you. You took it gratefully and stretched out your back.
“I should have stretched before playing.” You mused with a chuckle.
“If Hansol hadn’t tried to get DK out you would have won.” Seungkwan teased, sticking his tongue out. You saw he was recording you and you let out a fake cry of anger and tried to swipe at phone when a banging came from the door. A deep voice yelled your name and all of your faces dropped.
“Uh oh, busted…” Seungkwan whispered as he cut the live stream. You went to open the door and was met with a red faced Taehyung.
“What the hell?” He spat at you. You just blinked at him, speechless.
“Hey man, what’s going on here?” Seungcheol came over and stood partially in front of you. Taehyung looked to you, his face twisted in anger. You flinched and hid more behind Seungcheol instinctively. Taehyung’s face dropped and he growled before turning on his heels and walking away, leaving the doorway empty.
“Are you okay?” Hansol asked quietly, placing a hand on your arm. You just shook your head and turned to him, letting him hug you.
“We’ll be back in a week.” Namjoon said quietly. You had tried to go talk to the boys a few days after the night Taehyung stormed away, but you bumped into them leaving with packed bags.
“Oh… alright…” You felt hollow. You stumbled back to your apartment and stared at the wall blankly. You didn’t know how long you stared at the wall, but a ringing sound came from across the room. You managed to force yourself to move just as it was about to time out. It was Seungcheol, wanting to video chat.
“Hey there!” His cheery voice was jarring against the weird hollowness that you felt. He saw the look on your face and sombered up.
“A week, and no one bothered to tell me.” You said quietly.
“They didn’t tell you?” His shock sounded genuine. You just shook your head slowly. He made a strange face before speaking again. “Well, you’ll never guess what happened today. Seungkwan almost got the whole band kicked out of the hotel…”
Seungcheol rambled on for the better part of the hour, making exaggerated faces and gestures to make you smile. Just as he was about to launch into another story, you got another call from an unknown number.
“Hang on Scoops-Oppa,” You said with a small smile. You knew he thought the nickname was funny. “I’m getting another call. I’ll call you back in a second.” You hung up and accepted the unknown number, wondering who it was.
“There she is!” A familiar voice called out. It was Seokmin, his face taking up the entire screen. When he finally pulled away, you saw the other boys crowding around the phone in the background.
“How did you get my number?” You laughed.
“I stole it from Seungchaol’s phone when he was taking a shower.” He didn’t seem the slightest bit ashamed. You shot Seungcheol a quick text about who it was and within seconds the boy had joined the others, pushing to get into screen.
You talked for hours, completely ignoring the sounds of bustling and talking coming from one floor above you. By the time you hung up, it was evening and you felt much better. You were thankful to have friends like Seventeen, but them being so kind and thoughtful made your chest pang painfully. You were left sitting on your bed, wondering what you did wrong to make the boys of BTS hate you so much.
Two days later, Seventeen left the city to film something on the coast and leaving you all alone with your thoughts. They had spent as much time as their staff would let them with you, and you felt closer with them than you did with your own family. They promised to call and text, but you knew they were busy and promised them it would be okay if they didn’t.
You found yourself alone in your room once again, contemplating how your life got to this point. BTS knew all about your past with depression, especially Namjoon and Yoongi who talked you through many suicidal nights. They would normally be at your side the second you started feeling like this, but they weren’t this time. Even if they were on tour they would find the time to call you, but you genuinely thought if you called they would decline the call.
You broke, going to your bathroom and pulling out a small pouch from under the sink. You took off your pants and held the small silver tool in your hand, almost as if you were afraid it was going to burn you. You let hot tears fall down your face as you realized something.
They had grown bored of you. They were idols, and you were nothing to them. They had their fun, and had moved on. BTS had abandoned you, and Seventeen was going to do the same soon. Everyone left you in the end, because you were pathetic.
The lines on your leg weren’t that deep, but the guilt of doing anything after so long resisting weighed heavily on your chest. You made a few more, hoping the tightness would go away, but it just made it harder to breathe. You sobbed, throwing the blade across the bathroom and splattering crimson on the tiles. You stayed like that for a while, drawing your legs up to your chest and letting the blood dry on your skin as you cried out everything you had been keeping in. You tried marking up your arm as well, but it did nothing to ease your pain.
When your back had finally had enough of sitting on the cold, hard ground you forced yourself to stand up and clean the mess you had made. The blood had almost completely dried, so you warmed some water and began wiping your leg and the floor. When everything was spotless, you crawled into bed and let yourself pass out.
Halfway across the country, seven boys were sitting in one hotel room in silence.
“We need to do something.” Jin said quietly. He was upset, but mostly at the boys in front of him for how they reacted.
“She probably hates us now.” Hobi said sadly. No one said anything in response.
“She replaced us,” Yoongi said, no real anger behind his words. “Why should we be torn up about her decisions?”
“You know that’s not true.” Namjoon said flatly.
“She doesn’t need us anymore,” Yoongi spat, his own pain bleeding through his words. “She made that clear.”
“That’s not true!” No one expected Namjoon to raise his voice.
“We’ll talk to her when we get back,” Jin said, placing a hand on Namjoon’s arm. “If we work hard we can probably leave a day early.”
You woke up to the sound of knocking at your door. Confused and still half asleep, you stumbled to the door and opened it a crack. As soon as you saw seven expectant sets of eyes on you, your own eyes widened and you slammed the door in their faces. You leaned your back against the door and tried to think of what to do. They knocked again and you frantically raced to throw a sweatshirt on before opening the door. You couldn’t let them know what you did to yourself. They would hate you even more if they found out.
They piled into your apartment, each of them showing various degrees of concern. You stood in silence for a few minutes before anyone said anything.
“Take off your shirt.” Jungkook said suddenly. Everyone jumped at his voice, and you let out a weak chuckle.
“H-hello to you too Kookie,” You said uncertainly. “At least buy me dinner first.” You tried to lighten the mood but the look on Jungkook’s face didn’t change.
“Now. Take your shirt off.” He reached forward and started tugging at the hem of the sweatshirt. You tried to fight him but he was too strong, something you constantly forgot about. He tossed the shirt to the side.
“Oh god…” Namjoon breathed as he reached for your arm. You tried to pull away but it hurt too badly to move your arm quickly.
“It’s fine.” You tried to brush them off.
“Obviously not…”
“Namjoon…” You felt your eyes filling up but you didn’t want to cry. Not anymore, and especially not in front of them.
“What happened?” Yoongi asked, looking horrified. You looked away, unable to meet his eyes. He had found you after your first attempt, bleeding and half dead, and you couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was thinking at that moment.
“Nothing…” You muttered.
“Bullshit,” he snapped, making you look at him. “What the hell happened?”
“You got bored of me.” You said so quietly they almost didn’t hear you.
“What?” Jimin asked, equally as quiet.
“You got bored of me,” You said a little louder. “You guys are idols… and I’m nothing. Of course you got bored with me… It’s a wonder it didn’t happen a long time ago.” You burst into tears, trying to push away from Namjoon but he refused to let you go, wrapping you in a tight hug.
“Of course not you idiot,” He whispered into your hair. You stopped struggling but continued to sob. Namjoon’s arms were so familiar to you and your body craved to just relax into the hug but you still felt like they hated you. Of course they hated you. After a few minutes, after you calmed down enough to breathe somewhat normally, Namjoon pulled back and leaned down a little to look you in the eye. “I need to see the damage, okay? I need to make sure they’re healing properly.”
“They’re fine,” You shook your head. “They’re healing fine. I did it three days ago.”
“Still, I want to make sure.” He was persistent, and you finally caved. You let him lead you to the bathroom, leaving the other boys behind. You sat on the toilet as his fingers fluttered over the three-day old cuts. Most have healed, leaving red scabs, but four were still sore and looked almost purple, like there was bruising around the wound.
“Namjoon…” You didn’t know what to say.
“We didn’t.” He whispered, letting his hand fall to the floor.
“What?”
“We didn’t get bored of you.”
“Then why did you…” You didn’t even know how to finish that sentence. You were confused, and angry, but mostly confused.
“We were… jealous,” He admitted, hanging his head a little. “You were spending so much time with the Seventeen guys that we felt ignored. Especially Tae and Yoongi. You were the first person to actually treat us like people, and we were afraid you were going to move on. We were afraid to lose you, but I guess we ended up pushing you away, didn’t we?”
“I…” You couldn’t speak. You were surprised to feel more tears fall down your cheeks. You genuinely thought you were out of tears.
“Let’s go talk to the others,” He helped you stand. “I’m sure there’s a lot we need to clear up.”
You went back and for the next hour had the most uncomfortable conversation of your life. You didn’t want to cry again, but you – as well as everyone else – ended up with tears streaming down your face. Once they released you from a group hug, Namjoon sat back and ran a hand over his face.
“So that’s that then…” He said with a sigh. You all felt drained, but better – like a wound had finally been bandaged.
“Now I feel bad….” Taehyung said sullenly. “I want to apologize to Seungcheol and everyone too. I was really rude that night.”
“Maybe we can get together next time they’re in town?” You suggested feebly. You really just wanted to nap.
“Maybe-” Just then your phone rang. You glanced at the caller ID and hesitated. Namjoon glanced over your shoulder and nodded at you. You picked up the phone and couldn’t help but smile at Seungcheol’s bright voice.
“Hey! We finished filming early and the staff said we could have the rest of the weekend on the beach and I asked if you could come visit us! We have the whole beach and the seaside hotel to ourselves.”
“That’s so cool!” You hesitated before asking. “Would it be okay if the guys came along too?” You could hear his make a sound in the back of his throat before responding.
“Of course! The more the merrier and I’m sure the guys would love to see them again.”
“Alright! We’ll see you soon then!”
“Aren’t you coming in?” Seungkwan asked as you settled down on your beach blanket. You had brought an umbrella and even though you wore a bathing suit, you had also worn a sundress and a light cardigan.
“Um, I’m not feel all that well right now…” You said unconvincingly. He gave you a weird look, his eyes glancing up at something over your shoulder, before nodding and running towards the water where most of the others were. You jumped as someone suddenly sat next to you. Seungcheol spread his own blanket next to yours and sat in the shade your umbrella provided. He was wearing swimming trunks and a tank top with a light weight long sleeve shirt overtop.
“Mind if I sit here?” He asked, already sitting.
“Not at all,” You smiled at him. “It’ll be nice to have some company.”
“You’re not going in?”
“Not feeling well. You?” You glanced at him from the corner of your eye and saw him fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt absentmindedly. He was staring at the others, who were so loud all the birds had been scared away.
“Same,” He said, his voice sounding off. “Must be a bug going around or something.”
“Must be.” You murmured, turning to watch the others in the ocean.
The two of you sat in the shade and talked about nothing in particular for a long while, sharing snacks and yelling at various boys to be careful. You must have seemed like the parents of nineteen unruly teenage boys.
“-back!” Someone shouted as they ran past, almost kicking sand into your face.
“Wait what?” You called back to them, confused.
“We’ll be right back!” Taehyung said with a grin. “We’re going to find tide pools.”
“Just be careful!” You called as they raced away. Even Yoongi and Jihoon seemed excited as they rushed over the rocks. “Don’t fall in!” Your final warning fell on deaf ears as they left your line of vision. You signed and leaned back, shaking your head with a fond smile. For the first time all day, the beach was relatively silent, save some echoing shouts from down the shore.
“We’re friends, right?” Seungcheol asked suddenly. You looked at him, confused.
“Of course,” You said seriously. “You’re my Scoops-Oppa. No one else has that privilege.” He smiled at that and started digging a small hole in the sand with his fingers.
“Can you keep a secret?” He asked quietly. You felt your stomach drop.
“Of course.” You replied, feeling unsure. You didn’t know what kind of secret he meant, and part of you worried it would be something that could ruin your relationship. Another part of you was scared, wondering if he was okay.
He stood and took off his sleeved shirt. Your eyes instantly went to the thick lines decorating his skin from wrist to elbow, but you didn’t gasp. It was too familiar of a sight to you. They seemed older, at least a year if not more, which comforted you in some aspect.
“I saw your stomach at the party after the awards show,” He said, breaking the silence. Your hand instinctively went to your stomach, next to your bellybutton, where you knew pale pink scars still stood out bright on your skin. “And… well that’s why I approached you in the first place. I know it sounds creepy or rude or… well I just…” He trailed off uncertainly. He looked you in the eye and took a deep breathe. “I don’t know. I saw the scars on your stomach and I wanted to protect you. Whenever I see scars on our fans, my heart breaks because I know there’s nothing I can really do for them, but when I saw you I realized I could do something… I realize now I’m the reason you fought with the people you consider family, and I’m so sorry for that. But-”
You shut him up by wrapping your arms around his torso and squeezing tight. He was momentarily shocked, but returned your hug. You stayed like that for a few moments before pulling away. You sheepishly looked at the ground.
“Do you want to go swimming with me? Before the others get back…” You said, smiling down at the ground.
“I would love to,” He grinned and took his tank top off as well. You removed your cardigan and dress, revealing the damage on your leg and arm. Seungcheol’s eyes widened momentarily at how fresh they were, but didn’t say anything which you were grateful for. “Race you to the water!” He cried before taking off sprinting towards the ocean.
You laughed and followed behind him, beating him to the water’s edge. It was freezing, but you splashed your way in until you were up to your shoulders.
The boys were on their way back to the main beach when Jihoon told them to wait. They peeked around the corner of the rock outcropping and saw you and S. Coups laughing in the water. He picked you up and threw you back in the ocean, laughing as your arms and legs flailed around like a dying spider. Both groups froze, but for different reasons.
“I didn’t think he would let her know.” Jeonghan said with a small smile.
“Let her know what?” Namjoon asked, not taking his eyes off the two of you.
“He, um, had a… problem… a while back that left scars…” Jeonghan seemed hesitant to continue but the BTS boys understood.
“Him too?” Jimin said without thinking.
“Him too?” Jeonghan picked up on Jimin’s mistake. Jimin turned white and whipped around trying to cover up his words.
“Yeah, she has the same problem,” Yoongi said, folding his arms. “Though hers is still ongoing… maybe it’s a good thing they’re close now.”
No one said anything for a few minutes and simply watched the two people they cared about splash and laugh without worry or fear of someone seeing their scars. It was Taehyung who broke the spell by running towards the water full speed.
“Guess what!” He cried as he splashed towards you and Seungcheol, who quickly tried to hide his arm, but when he realized he didn’t seem fazed by scarring on your arm, he relaxed a little. He easily connected the dots – of course Tae and the others knew, just like Seventeen knew about his. “I fell into the tide pool! It wasn’t my fault though, because Kookie pushed me in when I was trying to pet a starfish.” He wrapped his arms around your shoulders like he always did and you suddenly felt like everything was okay.
The others began to file back to the main beach, laughing and joking around. You could see Seungkwan had gotten sunburn on his face, and that Namjoon had found a fairly large crab at the tide pools. You smiled brightly as the sunset painted the picture in front of you with warm colors. Your chest grew warm as you realized you had found the rest of your family.