Extempore - Holiday Angst Version

Day 20: Family

Gibbs still hadn't figured out what they could do for their family outing by the time the next day rolled around. Jackson found Gibbs sitting and brooding on the couch when he woke up the next morning.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing.” Gibbs grunted.

“Leroy,” Jackson warned.

Gibbs stayed silent.

Jackson just reminded him, “I can stand here all day.”

“I’ve been trying to figure out where we could go for a family outing, just the three of us, all night.”

“You really miss Tony when he’s not around, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Why haven’t you invited him to move in again?”

“I’m afraid to push too hard. He still doesn’t trust me the way he used to.”

Jackson wrapped his arms around Gibbs. “Oh, my boy. I’m sure you’ll get him to trust you again if you want it badly enough.”

“I do, dad.”

They both heard the front door open as Tony arrived.

“I’d better go get ready.” Jackson murmured, offering as he left, “Maybe you should try something extempore.”

Gibbs contemplated that while he greeted Tony with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Tony made a face at him for the cheek kiss. “That’s so weird. What are you my aunt?”

Gibbs shook his head and kissed Tony on the lips, pulling back he murmured, “Better?”

“Much.” The truth was Tony still wasn’t sure where Gibbs stood. He couldn’t help wondering if Gibbs would revert back to normal bastard Gibbs after the holidays were over. He hoped not, but it was a possibility that loomed in his head practically at all times. It would be a while before he would trust Gibbs as easily as he used to.

Still it was obvious Gibbs was trying and truth be told, Tony loved the little signs of affection Gibbs gave him. Even if he pulled back or frowned or in some other way indicated that he wasn’t happy with them. Mostly, Tony frowned because he knew Gibbs was just doing it for himself.

Gibbs wasn’t really offering the affection to Tony. He was wanting the affection from Tony. So while Tony needed the affection and the proof that Gibbs wanted him in his life, it was kind of a double edged sword in Tony’s mind.

Still that’s what all the Christmas movies said family was about. It was never what Tony had experienced as family. He’d been taught that affection had to be earned.

He was still hoping to find a family like what all the movies showed. One where they would be there through thick and thin. One where it didn’t matter what you did, you were still loved and wanted.

He’d thought he’d had that with Gibbs, but then Mexico happened and he found out he didn’t have that at all. Trying not to turn too morbid, he’d had enough morbid Christmases to last him a lifetime, Tony blurted, “So what are we doing?”

“Exploring.” Gibbs grunted.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Gibbs grumbled.

“I may have heard what you said, but that doesn’t mean I understand what we’re doing.” Tony glared. “Communication is necessary in any relationship.”

“I don’t know.”

“What?” Tony had no clue where Gibbs was going with this anymore.

“I’m scared. I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

Tony gathered Gibbs close. He could tell that Gibbs was struggling. “Why are you scared?”

“I can’t lose you again and I don’t know what to do to make you stay.”

“Oh Jethro. That will just take time. Just continue to show me you care and we’ll get there.”

Jackson had finished dressing a while ago and was listening from his room waiting for the two of them to resolve everything, so that he could come out of his room again.

“I tried to figure out a family outing we could do, but I can’t think of anything.”

“It’s ok. We’ll think of something.” Tony promised.

“Last night, all I could think about when you were leaving is when I would see you again and so I came up with the family outing thing to make sure I’d see you again, but now I don’t know what we can do.” Gibbs shoulders slumped.

Tony rubbed Gibbs shoulders, touched that Gibbs wanted to see him so badly and that Gibbs was admitting how scared he was. “Even if all we do is sit on the couch and watch holiday movies, I won’t be disappointed,” Tony promised.

“I think we can do better than that.” Jackson interrupted. “Miss Abby was telling me all about a Christmas bazaar that was in town. We should go see what they have to offer and then who knows what else we’ll find to interest us. We can always come back and watch movies later if we want.”

Tony nodded to Jackson before turning back to Gibbs, “Sound like a plan to you?”

“Sure. Let’s go see what this bazaar has.” Gibbs stood up, trying to wipe any emotions that had escaped from his face.

“Hey,” Tony protested. “You don’t have to hide from us. We’re family.”