Chapter Text
Jim hates family gatherings.
Parties, general get-togethers, birthdays, Christmas, really, he hates them all.
His relationship with his mother is strained at best, and when going down the family line that doesn’t necessarily become better. He likes uncle Jake well enough because he doesn’t take shit from anyone and basically just does what he wants – including teaching Jim how to pick a lock and, later, where to get weed. The reasons why Jim likes him, though, are also the exact same reasons why uncle Jake isn’t invited to family anythings anymore so Jim has to make-do without his favorite uncle.
Today they’re celebrating his Nan’s birthday so he can’t not show up.
If it had been up to him, however, he would’ve visited either before or after the family arrived and just have tea with his almost ancient grandmother.
But no such luck and his mother blackmailed him into going with her. The only salvation in Jim’s opinion is that Frank is at work and so Jim doesn’t have to deal with his step-dad.
What he does have to deal with, however, are more relatives than he ever remembers having. Aunts and uncles, cousins and he doesn’t quite remember cousin Wendy having four kids but well, she does.
He’s good enough with kids but he’s not allowed to be alone with them lest he become the next uncle Jake so he’s stuck with his mom, aunt Becky and Nan.
He thinks maybe if he can find a topic for them to talk about, they can actually have a civilized conversation.
He’s about to bring up some random family memory when aunt Becky asks: “so are you seeing anyone yet, Jim?”
Jim blinks. “What?”
“Yes,” Nan sighs with a nod and a wistful smile. “It would be good for you, you know?”
Jim frowns and wonders why he has to go through this crap again. Every time they meet, every holiday, someone asks him why a guy like him hasn’t found himself a nice girl to settle down with yet. Start a family.
“Even Sam has a lovely family now,” aunt Becky says.
Yes, Jim thinks and tries not to huff, because that idiot knocked up his girlfriend and had to marry her.
Besides, it’s not like Jim wants to actually find himself a girl, necessarily. Or a guy, really.
He might be twenty-eight but he’s perfectly happy being single. He is busy enough trying to pick up the scraps he let fall during rebellious teenage years and he might be shoulder-depth in debt but he’s almost got his Bachelor in Engineering.
But the family doesn’t ever ask about that.
So he puts on a smile and shrugs. “Sam’s got a job. I’m still in Uni, I could never support a family.”
It puts an end to the conversation for a while but when an hour later aunt Becky mentions that Wendy still has a cute, single friend Jim is impressed that he doesn’t end up screaming.
---
“You sure I can’t borrow Ny and bring her along for Christmas dinner this year?” Jim’s slumped down Spock’s couch with a cup of tea in his hands – because Spock is civilized like that.
His friend raises an eyebrow at Jim, disapproving and judgmental. “I doubt Nyota likes to be addressed as a thing.”
“That’s the nice way of saying it!” Nyota, Spock’s girlfriend of five years, shouts from the bedroom.
“You’re supposed to be watching TV!” Jim shouts back.
“You call my name I’m gonna listen,” Nyota calls. “Find yourself another fake girlfriend.”
Jim huffs and is about to cross his arms in front of his chest in pouty acceptance – you do not argue with Nyota if you like your ego intact – when an idea comes to his mind and his eyes widen.
A fake girlfriend…
“That’s it!”
Spock looks like he’s about to ask Jim what’s it. After a moment’s hesitation, however, he hums and takes a sip of his tea. Some things, he decides, are better off not known.
---
If Spock thought not asking Jim what his idea was would mean that he would have nothing to do with it then he’s never quite understood what it means to be one of Jim Kirk’s best friends.
He just hadn’t expected it to happen out on a walk in the hills one Saturday morning. But it does, and as they sit down to have their coffee from the thermos as the crisp morning air fogs their breaths, Jim shoves his phone into Spock’s hands.
“Read it and tell me what you think,” Jim says and there’s a grin on his lips but his eyes are serious and expectant.
“What is it?” Spock asks with a raised eyebrow.
“This thing we talked about a few days ago, I wrote a text. You like it?” Jim wraps his hands around his warm cup of coffee and impatiently taps his foot against the rock they’re sitting on.
Spock resists the urge to roll his eyes and glances down at the phone.
What he reads, though, makes his eyebrows quirk up.
Looking for: random family to take Christmas pics with
Hi, I’m Jim, a 28 year old, nearly graduated Engineering student. You know that kind of family that always asks you if you’re dating yet? I have one. So this year, to get them off my back I want to send them a Christmas card saying “seasonal greetings from the Kirks” where it looks like I married a random woman (or guy, like hey it’s the 21st century) with kids. It’ll be the funniest thing ever with lots of tacky decoration and ugly Christmas sweaters. Give me a call if you’re in for some fun…
Spock puts the phone down and looks at his friend with an almost pained expression. “Jim,” he starts and sighs.
Jim merely grins. “Isn’t it the best idea ever?”
Spock takes a deep breath and takes a moment to consider the best way to deal with the situation. Then, he asks: “what are you hoping to achieve with this?”
“Shits and giggles?” Jim shrugs with a chuckle. “But really, this is what they think they want from me but I’m certain once they see this they’ll realize they’re wrong. Win-win.”
“I doubt that is how it will go,” Spock says, trying to reason with his friend.
The smirk that falls over Jim’s lips is a bit unnerving. “Too late,” Jim says, “I already placed the ad.”
Spock takes a sip of his coffee and looks onward to the hills, wondering not for the first time why he’s friends with Jim.
---
Jim wasn’t expecting a ton of messages in reaction to his ad but if he’s honest, not receiving any is quite disappointing.
He’d thought – hoped – that there would’ve been at least a few people out there with a sense of humor willing to help a guy out for a few bucks but seems he was wrong.
He has all but given up by the time he receives an email.
Hey Jim, how about a single dad with a 6 year old daughter? I’ll do it for free if I can use the pics to piss off my ex-wife. Any idea when and where you want to do it? I got a tight schedule most days but I’m sure we can work something out for the sake of pulling one on our families. Let me know, Leonard
Jim finds himself grinning by the time he’s finished reading the email. Leonard sounds like a proper, old-fashioned name and not at all a guy that should be divorced. Definitely not the kind of guy that should be out to mess with his ex-wife by taking shitty pictures with some random college dude. Or well, in the end it’s just a name and Jim’s happy that someone offered so he shoots back a quick message.
Nice to meet you, Leonard. Single father sounds wonderful. I’m pretty flexible as long as I don’t have a final or presentation you get to call it. Not sure about location, though. I got a tiny fake Christmas tree we can stand next to, I guess…
He hopes Leonard has a better option because now that he’s thinking about it he realizes he hasn’t actually thought this through very well.
In the end, it sorts itself out over the next few days.
Leonard has a house in the suburbs of town and if Jim helps to put up the monstrosity that is apparently the Christmas tree Leonard assures him they can take the photo’s at his house. He even arranges for his friend Geoff to come over to take the shots.
That’s only the technicalities of the plan they discuss. In-between arranging that they have actual conversations that catch Jim by complete surprise.
He hadn’t expected any communication beyond the necessary but talking to Leonard is actually fun. It’s banter up and down and when it’s not that, he’s actually learning things about the other man. How he’s a trauma surgeon that still manages to raise his little girl singlehandedly after his now ex-wife walked out on them three years ago. Sure, his mama is living a few streets down the road but it’s still impressive.
So by the time Jim gets ready to drive his old-timer Mustang over to Leonard’s on a chilly Sunday morning he’s quite the nervous mess. Impressed and intimidated, is what he tells himself.
It’s not because it somehow feels like he’s going on a blind-date with nervous butterflies in his stomach because he’s enjoyed talking to the other so much.
It’s not.
But then he pulls up into the drive of what should be Leonard’s house and the front door opens to a tall, fit guy that even from a distance Jim can see is gorgeous and he thinks oh, shit.