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Luka has that gleam in her eye. That’s how it almost always starts, of course – with her sitting there at the table, drumming her fingernails against the worn wood, the corner of her mouth curved into a faint smile that seems to be directed at nothing in particular.
Don stops in his tracks. He glances across the room at Joe, who is over on the couch sharpening the edge of his sword, and the look Joe gives him in return is a knowing one.
“Oh?” Ahim says, as she follows him up from below deck, somehow without a single smudge of grease on her despite the engines repairs they’d just completed. “Luka, you’re back already? What about that friend of yours you were visiting?”
“That’s just it,” Luka says, slamming her hands against the table and leaping to her feet. “Two drinks in, they happened to tell me some interesting information. About treasure.”
That word seems to summon Marvelous out of thin air, who pokes his head out the galley a moment later, mid-bite into one of the bread rolls Don was saving for dinner. “What kind of treasure we talking?” he asks.
Luka’s sly smile broadens.
There’s a rich, aging aristocrat named Naila Ulvard who lives in a countryside chateau on a small planet in Galactic Sector B-52. That alone would be enough to pique the interest of any pirate, but it also happens that Ms. Ulvard is known for her callousness, bleeding the planet’s limited resources dry to keep her extravagant mansion fully functional while the rest of the population suffers in poverty.
“So technically,” Marvelous says, reclining in the captain’s chair and holding the holographic schematics of the place in the palm of his hand, “she’s got it coming to her.”
“Y’know it’s kinda funny,” Gai says, grinning. “How we only ever seem to steal from bad people. Aren’t pirates supposed to – ow!”
Joe seems to have elbowed him in the side to shut him up.
“The most expensive item in the whole mansion is this ancient crown, apparently,” Luka continues, ignoring Gai. “Called the ‘Diadem of the Snake King.’ And I say expensive, but it’s more like priceless. This thing is an artifact.”
“So if we acquired it,” Ahim says brightly, “we would gain quite a bit in the way of notoriety and thievery credentials.”
The rest of them blink at her.
“Y-yeah,” Luka agrees, as taken aback as she is emphatic. “Yeah, exactly.”
“Are we sure this is a good idea?” Don asks, frowning. “If it’s such an easy target, won’t there be a bunch of other people trying to steal it, too? Or maybe we’ll get there and it’ll already be gone.”
(Let’s just stay safe and out of danger for a few more days, is what he wants to say. Let's just have a week without any excitement, without any last-minute escapes or daring swordfights – )
Marvelous levels him with an amused look, right as Joe claps him on the shoulder and leans in close to say: “That’s part of the appeal, Doc.”
Which is how, not even fifteen hours later, they end up here: sneaking through the halls of Ms. Naila Ulvard’s sprawling country estate, having used up the last of the Galleon’s cloaking energy rappelling down on to the roof. Gai has been left behind on board, partly because they needed someone to stash the ship in the nearby forest and partly because he’s never been much for stealth. Don has to wonder why they didn’t leave him behind as well, as he trips over the corner of an ornamental rug and Marvelous has to catch him by the collar, hauling him back to his feet with an exasperated huff.
The place is like a maze, and eerily quiet to boot. The oil paintings that decorate the walls – huge, shadowy portraits of somber-looking alien creatures that must be Ulvard’s ancestors – seem to follow them with their multiple sets of eyes. Don nearly jumps out of his skin when Luka stops in place and hisses, “This is the room.”
“That info from your friend said there was an antique lock on the door, right?” Joe says.
Luka raises an eyebrow as she procures something from her sleeve – a unique-looking lockpick set. “Please. As if I can’t handle it.”
They all step back as she kneels down to peer into the keyhole, as she lifts her tools with deft precision, and –
“It’s already open,” she says.
“What?”
“It’s already open,” she repeats, turning back to glower at them with a quiet ‘tch.’ “The alarm’s disabled, too.”
“I told you someone would beat us,” Don mutters.
“Well, guess there’s no need for caution, then,” Marvelous says, stepping forward and throwing the doors open with aplomb as Don winces. The room inside is huge, vaulted, with arched windows letting in light from this planet’s weak, dying sun. There’s little in the room other than a decorative pedestal in the center,
around which two suspicious figures are huddled, one of them currently in the middle of lifting the Diadem of the Snake King off of its display cushion.
At the sound of the doors being slammed open, the two strangers’ heads whip around to stare at them.
The five of them stare back.
“Who the hell’re you?” Marvelous asks.
Ignoring the question, the two have put their heads together and are conferring in hushed tones that still carry across the room due to the acoustics. “Balance,” says the silver-haired man, “I do not believe they are residents of this place.”
“Which can only mean,” says the gold creature – a robot? Don isn’t entirely sure, “that they’re after this fab treasure, too.”
“Indeed we are,” Ahim says with a smile. “And seeing as we are pirates, we shall not simply allow you to have it. Even if you did get here first.”
“Pirates, huh?” the robotic being (Balance?) echoes, casually slipping the crown into the bag slung over their shoulders. They tap a finger against their chin thoughtfully. “Have we ever met pirates before, Naga?”
Naga nods solemnly. “We did. In the Pollux system. They were going to ‘keelhaul’ us, but we pretended to be ordained and you officiated the wedding between the captain and the first mate.”
The light behind Balance’s eyes brightens. “Ah, right! They were fun folks, once you got to know ‘em. And you all seem fun, too. But for now, we really gotta skedaddle. Just know that we are,” and here they move to stand back-to-back with Naga, each of them making a finger-guns-like motion as if they were posing for the camera, “the BN Thieves! Hero burglars extraordinaire! And don’t forget it~”
“Haa?” Luka’s noise of utter disbelief is drowned out a moment later as Naga procures a grappling hook gun from his own bag and fires it directly through the glass of one of the arched windows.
“Better luck next time,” Balance says, singsong, draping their arms around their partner’s neck and ascending up to the shattered window before disappearing through it and out of sight.
For a time they all stand there in dumbfounded silence, the alarm system activating around them, until finally Don comes to his senses and yells at them to run.
They ask all of their contacts, but no one this side of the Andromeda Belt has ever heard of the “BN Thieves.”
“How’s that even possible?” Luka mutters, snapping her Mobirate shut. “They’re clearly not nobodies, if they’re bringing in hauls like that.”
And yet, with no answers in sight, they are forced to admit defeat (for the moment). For the next few days Luka sinks into that sulky mood she gets whenever a treasure is swiped right out from under her nose. It generally involves a lot of clinging to Ahim and bothering whoever else happens to be around at the moment. It’s as she leans her entire body weight against him as he tries to chop fruit for lunch that Don finally sets down his knife in irritation.
“Okay, that’s it,” he says, giving her his most severe look. “I’m going out shopping, and you’re coming with me. You’ve been on board this ship for too long, that’s what I think.”
Despite her protests, his ploy works. They pick up Gai along the way (who’s excitedly hoping to purchase a Christmas tree – Don doesn’t have the heart to tell him that nobody on this planet knows what Christmas is) and make their way from the port to the bustling market streets. Luka’s mood seems to brighten as they browse through the stalls, especially once she’s successfully pocketed a few small trinkets.
It’s then that Don sees them. The thieves from the mansion. They’re not fifty yards away, the golden robot seemingly haggling with an old pawnbroker over a piece of jewelry.
“What’re you staring at?” Luka asks, and Don hastily steps into her line of view, blocking the two thieves from sight.
“Nothing,” he lies. He shoves his bag of supplies into her arms. “Can you take this back to the ship for me? I’ve got – something else to do real quick.”
He purposefully strides off in the opposite direction so as to throw Luka off, then circles back around, making a beeline for that easily recognizable shock of silver hair.
“Excuse me,” he says, over the clamor of the crowd around him, and the two thieves turn to blink at him.
“Ah,” Naga says. “You are – ”
“One of those pirates,” Balance finishes, gasping in an overdramatic manner and raising their fists like they’re ready for a boxing match. “Here to knock us out and steal the crown for yourself? Don’t even think about it, pal!”
“Oh, no!” Don lifts his hands to show that he’s unarmed. “I was kind of hoping that we could just… talk it out, actually? If that’s okay?”
Balance and Naga exchange a glance. “Talk it out?” they echo.
Don does have to wonder if there might be something wrong with these two, to be so trusting of a supposed rival after just a few placating words. They quite happily lead him back to their current hideout, a dingy little apartment on the south side of the city, homey in a strange way despite the flickering overhead light and windows that are all but opaque with a layer of reddish dust that’s blown in from the desert.
Balance bustles around the miniscule kitchen and in no time at all is placing a cool cup of… something in front of Don, who doesn’t want to be an ungrateful guest. He takes a sip and finds it surprisingly delicious – minty, in a way, but with other flavors he can’t even begin to recognize lying beneath.
“Um… What is this, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“That’s just a little recipe from my home planet,” Balance says with a wink. “It’s got a name, but I think our language might unpronounceable for you all-organic types.”
Don frowns. “Well, where is your home planet? Maybe I’ve been there.”
“Oh, I doubt it~ It’s in another universe entirely, you know.”
Which is how Don comes to hear the full story: how in their world, they are legendary heroes who helped destroy a tyrannical regime. How they’d mostly sworn off thievery while their universe was still picking up the pieces (“gotta be a good influence to all the kiddos, obviously”), but they’d decided to try for just one last treasure before hanging up their metaphorical hats. Except that one last treasure had turned out to be a bit more than they’d bargained for.
“Next thing you know, we’re in a different universe altogether,” Balance is saying, earrings swinging wildly as they gesture. “‘Course this has happened to us before, so it’s not such a big deal. And as long as I’ve got Naga, I don’t really mind being away from everyone else for a while.”
They lean over to sling an affectionate arm around Naga’s shoulders, who reaches up to cover their hand with his own as if it were a simple reflex.
“We are attempting to make the most of our time here,” Naga says. “Once we return to our own world we will retire from thievery again until things are rebuilt, which may take many years. So while we are here, we might as well ‘have a wild and crazy time.’ Are Balance’s words on the subject.”
“Don’t quote me while I’m sitting right here,” Balance laughs. Their eyes change shape, then, into an expression of sudden realization. “Ah, right! Gotta make sure that shopkeep didn’t try and cheat us out of our hard earned money. Hold on a sec.”
They wander off into the other room, leaving Don alone at the table with Naga, who is staring at him, wide-eyed and unblinking.
“Um,” he says awkwardly. “You and Balance are. An interesting duo.”
“Thank you,” Naga says. “You and your companions seem interesting as well.”
“Oh, well. They are, I suppose. I’m not really…” He trails off into silence before clearing his throat. “Anyway, how did you two meet, originally? If you don’t mind me asking?”
Naga levels him with a quietly thoughtful look. The seconds tick past before he finally seems to settle on an answer. “I… used to live in a place where every day was the same,” he says. “My people gave up emotions long ago, and because of that they lead very repetitive lives. Simple, and safe. No one ever does anything unexpected or strange.” A pause. “But one day Balance appeared in front of me, and I realized there was a whole world out there that I had not seen yet. They brought me along with them on their adventures. And maybe that is when my life really began. That is what I think sometimes. If they hadn’t, I wonder if I would still be there. On my home planet, each day the same as the last one.”
Don glances away, staring down into his glass, an inexplicable feeling twisting his stomach into knots. “I see,” he says stiltedly. “That’s – really romantic.” He chews on his lip for a moment before continuing: “What about all this, though? The stealing? Do you really love it like they do? You just… don’t seem like the type, I guess. No offense.”
Naga shakes his head. “You are right,” he says simply. “I am not. I suppose I am coming to enjoy parts of it. But in general I do not care much for thievery. It is Balance that I care about. And that is the same thing, in my mind.”
He smiles, then, a somewhat eerie attempt that stretches wide across his face. (Don thinks he can see the genuine feeling behind it nonetheless.)
Don swallows hard.
“The same thing, huh,” he repeats softly. “Maybe you’re right.”
“What’d I miss?” Balance asks, sticking their head back into the room. They slide back into their seat, propping their chin against their hand. “You two getting acquainted? Swapping secrets? How fun – ”
Don drains the last of his drink and sets the glass down on the table with a decisive thunk.
“Alright,” he says, fixing his posture and puffing out his chest. “I said I wanted to talk this thing out, and that’s what I’m gonna do. I have… a proposal for you two.”
Across the table, Balance and Naga lean in closer in perfect unison.
“Where’ve you been?” Luka asks, frowning up at him as he descends down from the deck. “Running off like that…”
“She was worried about you,” Joe says, quiet amusement written across his face.
Luka rolls her eyes. “Shut it. Obviously it’s weird when Doc just up and leaves. You were wondering, too, don’t even lie.”
“Sorry,” Don says, and he can feel the sheepishness in his own smile. “I, uh.” He hesitates at the foot of the stairs before rushing forward to catch Luka and Joe in a simultaneous hug, one arm around each of them. Predictably, they both stiffen like a board, but relax into it a moment later, Joe’s hand coming to rest on the small of his back while Luka’s fingers tangle in his hair.
“Oh, how nice,” Ahim laughs, getting up from her seat to put her arms around all of them, one delicate hand curling into the fabric of Don’s jacket. At the same time Gai gasps “group hug” and audibly drags Marvelous over to join them.
“What brought this on?” Luka asks, bemused.
Don shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter,” he says, voice muffled from where his face is smushed against Joe’s shoulder. “But I think… we should give up on the Diadem of the Snake King.”
They all break apart just enough for him to see Luka’s incredulous stare. “What? Why?”
“Because I met some people who gave me info about an even better treasure,” he says. “So let’s just forget about the crown. Okay?”
“An even better treasure?” Marvelous is looking at him with one eyebrow arched. “Since when do you care about things like that?”
“It’s only natural,” Don insists, and can feel a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “We are pirates, after all.”