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i'm caught up between the dream and the wish. i could've choose something, but instead i tell everyone i have none. dress up, i tell my mind to soak lies in crowd.
it used to be this dark, but now the light is blinding me, blinding secrets i try to keep up every other day. we weren't this close, close, close.
i woke up with tears in my blood. i woke up lonely. i woke up like i was fighting a bunch of demon, like, a real demon, maybe. but it doesn't matter. the red in the sink is beyond my grasp when i take pills to drown my misery. flow, overflow, and stop then.
Jimin wakes up with smile in his heart. he wakes up inspired by his soaked honey-dreams. he wakes up like i am her angel, one and only. my head burns with irritation, of what? of things I shouldn't think about. of him.
but mostly of the dream.
i knew i have to do something. to stop it. to bend it away. to let go of the root.
yet, i don't.
instead, i watch as his chirpy giggle turns into choked screams. i look closely at his teary-eyes, no, it used to blink so bright. but i couldn't, i just couldn't do it.
who am I to avoid fate?
i watch as his figure turns back and let go of my hand. i look closely to the breath he takes up from my lungs.
i watch and look closely.
i watch and look.
i watch.
as he bubbles his loves up in someone else. should I do something?
i can't.
i can't avoid the wish.
i wished, Jimin, to be happy.