Chapter Text
"You bastard orphan! Son of a whore!"
Alexander Hamilton's eyes flew open, and he sat up in bed, knocking his head on the bottom of the top bunk as he struggled to remember where he was, who was talking to him and why it was so dark. Then he remembered.
The door flew open, crashing into the wall, and none other than Thomas Washington stormed into the room, slamming his fist down on the light switch as he did so. Alex cringed at the sudden brightness, holding his pillow to his face to block the flow of light. "Good morning to you too, Washing Machine."
"You--you--" Thomas seemed at a loss for words, choosing to repeat his previous insult instead. "Son of a whore and a--and a Scotsman!"
Alex peered over the top of his pillow, his eyes slowly adjusting to the light. "What did I do this time?"
"I suppose you think it's funny to replace the yogurt with mayonnaise!"
Thomas's glare was enough to make lions flee in terror, but then again, Alex had been raised by a tigress. "Well, what did you want me to replace it with? Shampoo?"
"Screw you, you bastard--"
Ten-year-old Madison Washington appeared in the doorway, clad in an ankle-length nightgown printed with disturbingly pink kittens. "Thomas, what's going on? Why are you up at five in the morning?" She slipped her small hand into Thomas's, who slapped it away.
"Go away, Maddy. This is a man thing."
"Yeah," Alex echoed. "This is a man thing. Both of you, out."
Thomas looked like he was about to punch Alex to the moon, but Maddy, urgently tugging at the sleeve of his T-shirt, stopped him. "Thomas... Dad said we had to be nice to him. He's our brother now."
Thomas growled. "Whatever. I'm going to bed. I swear, Salamander, if you do one more thing like that, I'll--I'll--"
"You'll what? Replace my shampoo with yogurt?" Alex snickered.
Thomas charged over to the bed, not-entirely-accidentally kicking Alex in the head as he scrambled up the ladder. Alex rubbed his head and scowled as Maddy flicked off the night. "Goodnight, Thomas."
"'Night, Maddy."
"''Night, Maddy,'" Alex mocked, imitating Thomas's slightly nasal tone.
Thomas swung a leg over the edge of the bed, about to get down and do God knows what to Alex, but Maddy stopped him. "Thomas--"
"What?" the boy snapped.
"We're supposed to be nice," she reminded him.
"Fine. Well, then I am going to bed." Thomas climbed back into bed, but then hissed under his breath, so only Alex could hear, "I swear I'll get you back someday, Salamander. Just you wait."
*
"Morning, Alex," Angelica Washington greeted her son as he grumped downstairs at a much more reasonable hour (ten o'clock). "How did you sleep?"
Alex grunted in return, too sleepy to even complain about Thomas as he slouched to the table. Milk and Froot Loops found their way into his hands, and the bowl was half-empty when the dreaded voice of his stepbrother hit his ears.
"Sleep well, Salamander?"
The dull thunk of Alex's head hitting the table echoed ominously around the kitchen.
"Or was your night a little disruptive? You know, sometimes you just can't sleep, especially at those times right around five in the morning. I'm afraid I might have woken you up--I've been known to talk in my sleep at times."
Alex didn't bother with a response, staring at the multicoloured O's floating around in the now-rainbow milk as if they could save him from this situation.
"Honey, I don't think that breakfast is nutritious enough," Thomas said, drawing out a chair and sitting down next to Alex. "Should I fix you something healthier? A bowl of yogurt, perhaps?"
Alex turned to face Thomas. "Yogurt sounds great. I love yogurt; actually, I invented a new recipe for yogurt just yesterday. Would you like to try some?"
"Oh, well, you know, I think the chef should be the one to get the first taste. Here, I'll get you some." Thomas stood up and fetched a clean bowl from the cupboard, then grabbed the yogurt container and glopped whatever was in it into the bowl, setting it in front of Alex along with a spoon.
Alex grinned as he spooned some "yogurt" into his mouth. "Delicious. But you know, I'm really full. Do you want it instead?"
Thomas's face fell as he realized that his prank had backfired. But if Alex could eat that stuff and still smile, it was probably okay. Still, you couldn't really trust the guy to not just be faking that grin of deliciousness. The spoon was an inch from his mouth when the back door slammed, and Maddy burst in, fully dressed, cheeks glowing from running around in the warm August morning. "Oooh, is that yogurt?"
Thomas nearly screamed, knowing how much his younger sister hated mayonnaise. "Maddy, no, don't eat that!"
"Why not?" Maddy sniffed, crossing her arms.
"Don't worry, it's fine," Alex reassured, nudging the bowl towards her. "He's just trying to be funny."
"Maddy, no--"
"Boys," Angelica cut in. "What is it with the yogurt?"
"He started it!" both boys screamed, each pointing at the one that was not related to them.
Angelica rubbed her temples wearily. "I didn't ask who started it. I asked what was going on with the yogurt. Is that really yogurt?"
"Whatever." Maddy hopped onto one of the stools and pulled the bowl over to her, taking a big bite of the mayonnaise. "Yeah, it's--UGH!"
Mayonnaise sprayed everywhere as Maddy did her best to rid herself and everything within a five-foot radius of her of the "yogurt." Most landed on Alex, who immediately turned to look at Thomas. "How could you do this to her? She's your sister!"
"Thomas?" Maddy squeaked. "Tom? You did this?"
Thomas looked puzzled. "Maddy, I--"
"Boys? And girl? What's going on?"
Everyone looked up to see George Washington's six-foot frame casting a shadow over the entire breakfast party.
"George," Angelica sighed, standing up and taking a few steps towards her husband. His strong arms encircled her waist as he pulled her in for a good-morning kiss, while the children displayed various shades of eww, from Maddy's polite looking away to Thomas's pretending to be sick in the bowl of mayonnaise.
Meanwhile, Alex stared unabashedly at the embracing couple. It was odd seeing his mother kissing a man--or kissing anyone at all, after the last fourteen years.
And even while her lips were pressed against her new husband's, his mother was thinking the same thing.
Angelica Schuyler never meant to get pregnant--or even fall in love. All she wanted was a nice, relaxing, month-long vacation in the Caribbean. But when that suave, handsome Scotsman, James Hamilton, had glided across the floor to her at a party and asked her to dance, she hadn't been able to resist. And when he accompanied her back to her hotel, then accompanied her inside and up to her room, she had been able to resist even less. But as much as he said that he loved her that night, he was gone by the next morning, leaving Angelica unsure whether he had ever cared about her at all or just wanted to take advantage of a young, pretty, boyfriend-less woman on vacation. She had done her best to move on, trying to forget about him and enjoy the rest of her vacation with friends on the beach, but a memory of the handsome Scotsman lingered on, on the beach, in the hotel, at dinner, on the plane back...
And when she realized she was pregnant, she knew she would have memories of this man for the rest of her life.
She worked two full-time jobs, saving every last penny, knowing she would need it later on, until the baby was born--and a week after she got out of the hospital, she was right back at work, relying on her neighbours and her parents to watch newborn Alex while she struggled to make enough to keep the two of them alive. When Alex was only six, she was leaving him alone for hours while he slept, working, working. And by the time he was ten, young Alex hardly ever glimpsed his mother at all.
But he knew how much she loved him, and he knew that she was doing all this for him. He became self-reliant, teaching himself how to run the dishwasher and the laundry machine, helping himself with his own homework, deciphering the cryptic instructions in the decades-old cookbook to learn how to cook pasta and rice and peas, staying up all hours of the night just so that he could hear the joyous sound of her key in the lock of their tiny apartment, jump out of bed and run to her, feel her tired arms encircling him, the soft touch of her lips on the top of his head, and he knew that this was enough. If nothing else, at least he had his mother, and she loved him. And he loved her.
Then, almost a year ago, Angelica Schuyler finally met someone. A man.
A man who now had his mother pressed against him with not a millimeter of space between their bodies.
"Hey now," Alex broke in. "That's enough. Enough. Remember the house rules: no PDA in the kitchen."
"Since when is that a house rule?" Maddy murmured.
"Ever since our lovely parents got married." Thomas rolled his eyes. For once, all three of them could agree on something.
George, finally breaking away from his wife-of-three-weeks, smiled and sat down across from his children. "Just you wait until you bring home your first girlfriend, Alex. I'll be sure to remind you of that rule."
"George!" Alex groaned. Calling his stepfather George felt strange to his tongue, but calling him Dad felt even stranger, so Alex was sticking with his given name for the time being. "Come on!"
"Like this guy is ever going to get a girlfriend anyway," Thomas sneered.
"I'd like to see you do it," Alex returned. "Who would ever date you?"
Maddy smirked devilishly. "Well, let's see. How about someone named... Sally Hemings?"
"Ooooooh. Got something you need to tell us, Washing Machine?" Alex leaned forward, ready for the latest hot gossip from Thomas Washington.
"Come on, Maddy!" Thomas groaned. "Really? That was in seventh grade. Just drop it, okay?"
"Who's this Sally?" Alex grinned. "I want details. Was she also in seventh grade? Was she younger? Was she older? Was she hot? How tall was she? What was her bra size? How many times did you kiss?"
"Thirteen and a half," Maddy informed him.
"How long did the kisses last? Did you use your tongue? How far did you get? First base? Second base?"
"Home run," Maddy giggled.
Thomas looked up from where his face had been buried in his hands. "Okay. That is a lie. And do you even know what that means, Maddy?"
"Of course I do," the little girl snickered. "Thomas has said to me on one occasion, and I quote: 'There's a million things I haven't done, but Sally Hemings is not one of them.'"
"I never said that!" the red-as-a-beet Thomas protested. "Look. Can we just--just drop it?"
"Oh, you mean the way she dropped you in eighth grade for that football-playing freshman?" Maddy laid her chin on her hands and smirked.
"Oh, Tommy, she dumped you?" Alex sympathized. "I'm so sorry for you, sweetie, that must have been awful to go through. How about some comfort food to cheer you up--maybe some yogurt? You want some yogurt?"
"Screw you." Thomas stood up, knocking his chair over, and stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door as he went.
"Well, this is going well," Angelica muttered to her husband, rolling her eyes, as the remaining two children finished their breakfast and left.