Work Text:
hoseok wasn’t having a good day. he’s broken three plant pots at work, with his shaking hands and distracted attitude, and his boss had eventually sent him home, with a worried smile and a pat on the shoulder.
hoseok hates feeling like this, hates feeling useless. he’s not sure what’s wrong, not sure why he can’t focus or why he can’t feel anything.
he is sure why he’s feeling like it, he remembers the little diagnosis written on a sheet of paper, with the words “clinical depression” underlined, with a prescription of pills in the box below. he doesn’t want the pills, though. he’s been happy without them, so why should he need them now?
his hand shakes as he holds the pill bottle; he’s home now, but he doesn’t remember the journey. too zoned out, unfocused-- he can’t remember what he had said anymore, and it’s scary, to not know whether you embarrassed yourself or if you told someone a story you didn’t mean to share.
it’s scary, but hoseok can’t bring himself to care.
he doesn’t take the pills; sleeps instead, wrapped in blankets and surrounded by pillows, not even bothering to take off his work clothes.
he wakes up thirteen hours later with a headache and a burning throat. he doesn’t mind, though. he climbs out of bed - forces himself, really - gets some water, gets some food, gets some tablets for the headache.
he avoids the ones that are supposed to give him energy, the ones that are supposed to help him feel alive again (he knows once he starts taking them, he’ll never stop).
he’s tired, too tired, but it’s not the kind you can sleep away. he wishes it was, and perhaps that’s the only thing he wishes for now. nothing else is interesting, and nothing else holds his attention. his grades are mediocre, and the classes he once loved now feel like a chore. his job used to help him feel grounded, but now it’s just a way to pay his rent and food; it’s no longer about the plants, just about the money.
regardless of him knowing it’s unhealthy to sleep more, he can’t help it. his legs feel heavy, and his eyes keep fluttering shut. it’s sunday, and he has no classes anyway. his boss had given him the day off, and he has tomorrow off too, as he never works mondays. he supposes he’ll find the online lecture versions; he doesn’t think he can get out of bed again for a long time.
hoseok hates surprises, but he finds that he didn’t really mind this one. he’s out of bed, and he’s about to get in the shower. he’s about to shower! and there’s no one holding him at gunpoint! he’s showering because he wants to shower!
he knows no one else cares but he promises to buy himself something, perhaps a new pair of jeans or nail polish or a tub of ice cream, as a treat. he’s proud of himself, even if it’s “nothing” to some people. he’s showering and actually dressing up nicely, despite not needing to go anywhere anytime soon.
his phone chimes, interrupting hoseok’s little celebration. it chimes a second later, before hoseok can even move to open it, and chimes a final time as hoseok unlocks it. it’s taehyung (the smile that spread over hoseok’s face just from reading ‘taetae’ was bright, and you could easily understand how people compare him to the sun, though you would always hear hoseok disagree. he’s not the sunshine here; he’s just the planet)
from: taetae [11:42]
hoseo
from: taetae [11:42]
k
from: taetae [11:43]
hobi hyung
to: taetae [11:43]
hi tae !! how r u
from: taetae [11:43]
im ok
from: taetae [11:44]
bored
from: taetae [11:44]
come over hyungiee
hoseok smiles, and isn’t really surprised by taehyung’s impulsive invite. it would be good to talk to someone after two days of hiding from the world (if he were being honest, he was surprised no one had come knocking down his door yet, yelling for him to come out. hoseok wonders whether his boss, as his friend, had warned everyone to give him space. of course, taehyung would be the first to give in to talking to hoseok again; he could never stay away for long).
to: taetae [11:46]
hmm.... should i??
from: taetae [11:46]
yes
from: taetae [11:46]
you should because im bored and ur a good hyung
to: taetae [11:47]
hmm…
hoseok’s joking, and taehyung knows this, but it’s funny, to hoseok, anyway, to watch taehyung try and “convince” him.
from: taetae [11:50]
free ice cream
from: taetae [11:51]
and we’re watching b99
from: taetae [11:51]
i kno ur gay for jake
to: taetae [11:52]
you got me there
to: taetae [11:52]
be over in 10
from: taetae [11:53]
sounds good
from: taetae [11:53]
ill get the food
hoseok smiles to himself. he’s clean, he’s slept well, he’s slightly hungry but he’s gonna eat with taehyung; best of all, he has plans. his metaphorical therapist (or his teddy bear, which he frequently vents to) would be so proud.
true to his word, he arrives at taehyung’s house in just under ten minutes, smiling at the boy with the bright smile (the boy who’s warm like the sun, the boy who lights up hoseok’s planet like the sun, the boy who protects him and keeps him alive, without even knowing he does so, like the sun).
"hey, hyung." taehyung greets, and opens the door wider to let hoseok in. he walks back to his small quilt pile on the sofa, leading hoseok behind him, clambering into the pile somewhat-gracefully, and grabs hoseok’s hand to tug him in too.
hoseok never really was one for skinship unless he started it, but with taehyung, he never really minded.
taehyung liked skin contact a lot, perhaps more than the normal person, but taehyung doesn’t really fall under the normal category, with calling people at three in the morning because he craves a pina colada (luckily, hoseok’s sleep schedule is just as crazy as taehyung’s) or breaking into his friend’s house because he needed a hug.
hoseok, when holding taehyung’s hand, feels the most alive he has done in a while, and he knows it’s not healthy to live and survive because of one person, but he’s working on it. he’ll live for taehyung for now, and live for himself after. ( 'i can do it,' hoseok chants in his head, like a mantra, on one thursday morning at 3 AM; it’s one of the times where he feels oddly inspired, but forgets it all by the time he next wakes up.)
living for taehyung doesn’t sound all that bad, though. not when taehyung is the sun, holding his hand and stroking hoseok’s hair as they lie on the couch together, legs intertwined.
hoseok thought he would mind not officially dating taehyung, but he likes the pace they’re at. perhaps taehyung isn’t even interested in him, but hoseok can’t bring himself to care (how could he, a small, little planet, ever even dream of chaining the sun down?)
taehyung’s eyes start to droop three hours into B99. at first, hoseok doesn’t notice, his attention too tied up in the current episode, but when he feels taehyung’s head fall against his shoulder, he looks down and sees the sleep expression on taehyung’s face.
“you good, tae?” hoseok asks, and knows the answer is ‘no’. taehyung’s tired, and it might not be in the same way as hoseok but he knows the feeling.
“you’re warm.” taehyung replies, his voice soft. he wraps an arm around hoseok’s waist, twisting so he’s on his side, snuggling closer. hoseok feels butterflies in his stomach, and he wonders what good deed he did to deserve this.
hoseok turns off netflix, closing the laptop and gently placing it on the floor. he knows taehyung will regret sleeping on the couch, and so will hoseok, but he’s looking so adorable with the gentle, content expression on his face that hoseok can’t find the nerve to get him to move.
they lay there together, with taehyung glowing in the three PM sunlight that’s shining through the forgotten blinds (taehyung never does remember to close them) and hoseok rubbing a soothing thumb along the small of taehyung’s back.
“baby,” taehyung starts, and hoseok’s eyes flutter close as his heart starts beating fast, fast, faster. taehyung seems hesitant, though; maybe even worried, and he’s probably only using pet names because he’s tired (hoseok hates his brains logic, as it always sounds so believable).
“yeah?” hoseok replies, prompting him, as the sunshine wrapped around him seemed to be shy (the sun hides behind the clouds from time to time, though).
“i love you.”
hoseok is shocked into silence.
taehyung doesn’t seem to mind, though, yawning before falling still in hoseok’s arms.
taehyung’s asleep, and hoseok just fell in love all over again.