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Christmas parties were dumb, but he'd agreed to come anyway. Most of his friends weren't going, so Will had been questioning him on why he'd changed his mind about it all of a sudden. He acted as if there were some girls going that he wanted to bang, going on about clunge and pussay and all the horrible words he could think of. It seemed to convince Will, who teased him about how he wouldn't get to fuck anyone there.
Simon, however, saw right through him. As they walked to class, he pulled him aside and made it clear that he knew exactly why he was going. Honestly, he hardly listened to what Simon was saying, too shocked by the fact that he'd been caught out, but some small part of him felt a great sense of relief in knowing that someone was on his side. It almost felt as if he could do this; as if it wasn't the worst plan in the world.
He almost didn't go, becoming afraid at the last second. But then he heard a knock on his door downstairs, and the sound of his mother welcoming someone, telling them to go upstairs. Footsteps coming closer, and then the soft sound of his door opening. He turned to look, and Neil held his gaze with that stupid grin of his. That awful, goofy grin that made everything better but also made his chest tighten up as though his heart was trying to burst through his chest just to see that smile in person.
They walked downstairs together and he ignored his parents, following Neil and listening only to the beating of his own heart. Down the street they went, and they were laughing and joking but he only had one thing on his mind. His grand plan, the plan he'd been anticipating nervously since he first thought of it: get drunk, kiss Neil, blame it on the booze if it goes badly. It was stupid, reckless, risky. But it might be the only chance he had to kiss him without the consequences of doing it sober. Here, he could pretend it was a dare or he got him confused with a girl. In private, he couldn't talk his way out of it. In private, it was all up to him.
When they were let into the house, he immediately started regretting his plan. Maybe he should forget it, just have a good time and get over Neil by getting drunk without any ulterior motive. Yeah, that might be better. That had less riskiness, less reasons he might never speak to Neil again.
So that's what he did.
He got drunk, and Neil got drunk too. He said shitty things to random girls and told himself he didn't even like Neil. Everything would be okay, because he totally wasn't bent anyway. That stupid prick Simon put the idea in his head earlier, not him. Yeah. He wasn't some gay.
And then they were sat together, and he looked at Neil, and he couldn't take it anymore.
Their lips smashed together awkwardly and all he could smell was cheap beer. It wasn't exactly a kiss, since it was more like two drunken men pressing their lips against each other and trying to figure out what to do next. But then Neil started to kiss him properly and all his fear melted. It took him a moment to respond, but then he inched closer to his friend as he allowed himself to indulge in the kiss.
Maybe it'd be over by morning. Maybe it would never happen again. But right now, in this moment, he was happy, and he was going to savour every moment of it.