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Sonya couldn’t control what she was. She knew who she was, she always tried to be nice to everyone, she always tried to be useful. She just happened to be a demon. It’s not that she wanted to be, in fact she tried to hide it. Those who knew told her she’d done something awful in a past life, the thought of that just filled her with more fear. What if she hurt Natasha or someone else she cared about? What if that’s what had happened before? Natasha’s mother knew, of course she did. That’s why she hated Sonya so much and why Sonya was so submissive to her, she knew that if she slipped up at all, she’d be kicked out.
Ever since Natasha had become engaged to Andrey, she had expressed reluctance to visit his family as she feared they wouldn’t like her. When she eventually did go to see them, she came back crying to Sonya about how awful they’d been. As Natasha talked his sister, Sonya suddenly felt strange, as if something was wrong. She excused herself for a bit and left the room for a few minutes, trying to think why that could have been. Unable to conceive of a reason, she went back into the room. She made up her mind to someday go over there and meet her. Maybe then she’d figure something out.
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Mary was happy for her brother. She knew that he’d found someone who could make him happy and that should be enough for him. Like Sonya, Mary possessed a secret in that she was not human. The occurrence of a demon in a human family was uncommon but not unheard of, the appearance of an angel was almost unprecedented. He was able to leave her whenever he wanted, yet he still had more means of escape. Why should he want to leave anyway? Was it that he didn’t care about her? No, he did, but that’s just how he was. She had heard all about Natasha, how perfect she was, how sweet, how pure. Andrey had found love and she probably never would.
When she received Natasha and informed her that the Prince was not receiving, she noticed something cold in the girl’s gaze. Feeling strange and alienated, she attempted conversation but the Rostov girl just shrunk inside herself. Intimidated by this, she kept her head down and politely talked until they were interrupted by her father. She despised herself for thinking of him this way, but he served to divert Natasha’s attention from herself. Almost immediately, she made an excuse and rushed out of the room. Mary knew she had done something wrong and that the girl hated her for it.
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When Sonya read Natasha’s letter to Anatole Kuragin and was told that she’d refused Andrey in a letter to Mary, she was horrified. The first in a while she’d heard from them, and it was to be the bearer of bad news. After she told Marya what was planned, she made up her mind to get to the Bolkonsky’s and console the girl she’d heard so little of. She finally managed to find a way to get there, by persuading a soldier traveling through the area to take her, and she reached the estate before sunset. When she arrived, she told the servant at the entrance that she was there to see the Princess and was let in.
Princess Mary came to the door to greet her, and suddenly Sonya knew exactly why she had felt so off earlier. She saw it register in the other girl’s eyes what she herself had just realized. Worried that she’d be rejected or hated, she told her what Natasha had planned to do. The look on the Princess’s face changed from one of confusion and fear to one of terror and profound sadness. She seemed to collapse in on herself to which Sonya reached out to steady her.
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She wasn’t supposed to do this. She wasn’t supposed to feel like this. She should be upset about Andrey’s betrothed. But when the girl she instantly knew to be a demon showed that she cared in some way, that she thought that she wasn’t useless, she felt happy. That wasn’t right though, this wasn’t right. She was never to find love and Andrey was. Love? Had she thought that? Why that at a time like now? She wasn’t supposed to love, much less this girl. She didn’t notice the tears flowing down her cheeks until Sonya reached to wipe them away.
“Is this okay?” The other girl said to her as she embraced her.
Mary couldn’t respond. She was almost frozen by her thoughts. But she somehow managed to nod.
“I’ll stay with you.”
She looked up to see eyes full of concern and compassion. She smiled.
“Please.”