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"Dad,
how can I still miss you so much, after all these years?
You, and mum, and Galladon - I hope you're together, wherever you may be.
Sometimes, thinking about all of you united, I feel left out - but that's silly. And I wouldn't dare admitting it if you were sitting here, facing me, frowning at my ridiculous self-pity.
In fact you kept telling me that we rather should embrace the living, instead of mourning the dead. But your deeds spoke a different language, Dad. So don't tell me off for writing you this annual christmas letter. It's my tradition, you have no right to scold me for it!
It's still very early, and I'm sitting in my favorite arm chair (the one you never liked because you couldn't quite fit in), watching the snow fall outside, so very quietly. Your old socks (darned many times by now) are warming my feet. They never looked more hilarious, to be honest. Jo did the latest repair, just in time for my letterwriting to you, knowing how important it was to me. I love her, but she got her sewing skills from the Lannister side of the family. Jaime broke into laughter seeing her work - but only after Jo had left the room, thankfully. She grew to be stubborn, quick-tempered and easily offended. Another trait I'd like to blame on the Lannister family, but Jaime keeps denying this. - Stubbornly.
- I'm sorry for the break, I had to head out and see what the noise was all about. Jaime had promised to keep the children away from me, but little Selwyn (don't grimace, Dad! I explained that name choice to you two years ago already! Just because you think namesakes to be ridiculous doesn't mean I need to heed you!) just recently learned about the connection between Lannisters and lions, and since then has been prowling through the house, roaring at his siblings and "hunting" their toys and food.
Remember how you used to look at me, long, thoroughly, and tell me that you'd love to see me laugh more often? With your most serious expression? You'd be astounded by the amount of laughing wrinkles I gained over the years. I wouldn't have thought it possible, back then, kneeling at your grave, the first christmas after your death. I was so busy feeling lost and sorry for myself that I hardly appreciated Jaime's presence at my side, being there for me when we had just met and barely knew each other. It's still a mystery to me how we managed to get from arguing and bickering to actually loving each other.
I'm happy, Dad. And pregnant, again. One more child, we decided. Jaime hasn't stopped smiling since we got the news.
Me, a mother! How could this have happened? For so many years I thought myself to be doomed to loneliness. The freakishly tall one, the ugly one, the mannish one. Staring at the normal, the pretty people longingly. Everything was always so easy for everyone else, while I struggled. And now I'm so very happy, blessed with an inspiring job, close friends, three great kids and the most amazing husband I could wish for.
You'll be relieved to hear that the "family naming" officially has come to an end. I got to pick Gal and Selwyn, while Jaime only got Jo. But neither of us wants a small Cersei or Tywin, the only closer names left on the Lannister side. Jaime's brother mentioned that he wouldn't mind a tiny namesake, no matter whether male or female, but Jaime and I agreed that one Tyrion was more than enough.
I hope mum will forgive me that I didn't fight longer for her remembrance, but it was the honorable thing to leave this turn to Jaime. If we should ever get a fifth child… But four are enough.
- Dad! Were you ever afraid you may suffocate from laughter? When Galladon and I tried to make you breakfast, or wanted to help you clean the stables, or even disguised ourselves as mum when you looked so lonely?
I just heard the strangest of sounds and went to check on them, silently. The whole kitchen - it's white from flour! I told Jaime it was crazy to bake cookies with the kids, on his own, but he insisted that it'd keep them busy - and right he was. ALL of them will be busy for the rest of the day, if the kitchen shall ever look clean again.
Dad, you'd love them so much. They're great kids. And they'd love you.
Oh Dad, I miss you. I still miss you so much."
Tears ran down her cheeks, fell onto the paper.
She sniffled angrily at her own sentimentality, reaching for the tissue Jaime had knowingly placed on the table beside the arm chair.
The door creaked, silent footsteps approached, stifled breath was audible, then Jaime rushed in, grabbed little Sel around the belly, lifted him up and jammed him under his right arm.
Two more long strides, then Jaime was at her side.
"Sorry, dear. He was too quick for me" he whispered into her ear, and softly kissed her wet cheek.
"Rrrroaaaaarrrr" Selwyn exclaimed, fidgeting under his father's arm, and Brienne couldn't help but smile.
"GAL? JO? IT'S TIME!" Jaime shouted, carefully took pen and paper from her lap, and suddenly all of them were there, her family, hugging her tight, soon telling her about their dough adventures, Jaime's inability to read recipies, how Gal had stumbled, Jo's unnecessarily mean laughter at the flour situation, whether or not they should buy cookies instead, and how Brienne would soon be as white from their embraces as they still were.
"Dad? I will always miss you. But yes, I am. Embracing the living, embracing life!" Brienne silently added to her letter, before she joined in her family's laughter.