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The weather outside was getting colder by the minute and the roads were shut in most of the country. Thankfully the bunker was well equipped to deal with this sort of conditions, but Dean was bit frustrated they couldn’t leave the bunker. Sam had to remind him that no kind of monster was worth to be tortured like that in one of the coldest winters of the past decade. Having accepted his fate of being locked home he made himself a cup of hot chocolate and sat on his bed turning on the tv. Other times he might have poured himself a cup of whisky or some kind of liquor but none was around, and he felt comfortable just slipping into his silly Christmassy pyjamas with a cup of chocolate and some Netflix.
The front page in Netflix mainly recommended Christmas movies since Christmas day was so close. Nothing seemed to particularly excite Dean but the animated movie that popped everywhere he went online. So, Frozen it will be. He thought to himself. He laid back and begun watching the movie. From the beginning he could already relate to the main heroine in an unexpected manner. He would never abandon his brother like that if he had powers, but something about the fear and the hiding she had to go through reasoned with him. Dean got more and more invested as the movie progressed.
Suddenly a knock sounded on the door and a thick familiar voice excused himself in. “Hello, Dean” Dean would recognise the voice anywhere anytime. The phrase itself had become too familiar to hear. Dean made a move to reach for the controller, but he knew if he did change the channel things would just get awkward and Cas would have to leave. The angel took a look around and excused himself in the room. Dean moved a bit to make space on his bed for him.
Cas carefully observed the animation on tv. It looked vibrant and much more colourful than the movies Dean usually made him watch. He knew there was a soft side to him he never let out which loved warm and romantic things.
“I don’t understand. Why doesn’t she just talk and explain her sister she is a witch?”
Cas was one to make obvious comments and questions during film. Dean was bothered the first few times, but he grew to like this annoying habit of his best friend.
“Sometimes it’s not easy for humans to express themselves Cas. I mean the poor kid’s parents scared her to hell as a child”
Cas nodded and turned his attention back to the movie. Dean felt a chill down his spine after muttering these words out loud. The movie didn’t seem to matter as much now as something else had captured his attention. Dean stared at this person he called a best friend and occasionally brother. He always loved staring in his deep blue eyes and they seemed bluer each time he checked. He always noticed how his eyes glowed each time he looked at a screen. He knew he was still adjusting to this life on earth. It had only been a few years since Cas joined team free will and yet it felt like an eternity ago to Dean. To real people nine years were but a blink of an eye, but to a Winchester nine years are such a long time to remain alive (with a few deaths every now and then).
Dean observed how Cas had his hand completely relaxed on the mattress. His palm looked soft and weirdly inviting. He was amazed of how relaxed Cas always got around him. Other times he was always alert of any danger approaching but around Dean he just let everything go. Dean thought of all the times he’d hurt him and how Cas never stopped trusting him. He was glad to have such a presence in his life. His entire life, it was always just him and Sam and these people they both loved but they always seemed to leave life a bit too early. Cas was different though. Cas was immortal and he fucked the planet up every now and then which pretty much summed up what it means to be a Winchester. He was someone Dean just couldn’t afford to lose like he did a while back. Dean was convinced that Cas was gone for good and for the first time in his life he felt helpless. He always grieved his family and friends but with Cas it was different. So many emotions run through his head and he felt as if he missed a chance. A chance to do something great in his life.
He thought of Elsa for a bit and how she felt pressured to be a certain way to hide all these emotions she buried deep inside. How she learned to fear her own emotions. He wondered if after all, their situation was very similar. Thoughts of how he might had been in love with Cas for the past few years had crossed his mind often, but he always put them aside for later. He realized that maybe that later was that moment right there. Maybe it was time he let it all go. What am I afraid of? He asked himself. He knew how he felt for Cas but was reluctant to admit it to himself.
Lost in his thoughts he failed to notice how he had already slipped his hand on Cas’ while he still stared at him. Cas had noticed but pretended to not see Dean. Dean snapped back to reality and saw the huge blue eyes picking on his discreetly from the corner of his eyes. He wondered if he had made him feel uncomfortable and tried to move his hand away. But the soft touch of the angel’s hand tightened around his fingers like he was begging them not to go. Dean surprised locked his fingers with Cas’ while “Let it Go” played on the background. Both smiled and looked at each other for a split second. There was no need for words or gestures after nine chuckdamn years they just knew they had stalled this moment way too long.