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Victor started showing a sudden interest in dancing after he moved in with Yuuri. It didn’t really matter what kind of dancing to him, since he wanted to move his body whenever music was on. He always danced no matter if he was in a good mood or if he was at his worst. He saw it as a way out of his ordinary life and as something that Yuuri taught him months ago. The first time he saw Yuuri dropping everything just to visit Minako’s studio in Hasetsu he couldn’t believe how helpful this impulsive move was at first. But then he stood mesmerized as he watched the legendary Eros performance while Yuuri was competing with Yurio the next day. The results were remarkable and he wanted to find out more.
The burden of getting older was becoming heavier as time went by. He had been living with his fiancé for months and he couldn’t help but watch him improve day by day, while he was unable to keep up. He wouldn’t be able to inspire him anymore, not like he used to. He was afraid that he’d be left behind in this chaotic world that Yuuri had discovered by the end of the last Grand Prix Series. All that stress had been building up, no matter how badly he wanted to ignore it. Deep down he knew that Yuuri wasn’t a person who’d give up on him that easily, yet his intrusive thoughts always creeped out on him when he least expected them. And, for that, the solution was dancing.
His new hobby wasn’t limited. He always searched for videos of his favorite songs online and learned new choreographies that made him escape, even just a little bit. He had even offered to Yuuri to dance with him, which was a complete success since Victor’s movements were something that his fiancé always admired. He felt complete whenever he realized that his actions actually meant something to Yuuri. So, dancing became a hobby that both of them enjoyed, aside from skating. They perceived it as something completely separate from their daily lives, yet it helped them figure out better choreographies for their competitions and express themselves more through them.
Victor’s birthday was coming close. His mind refused to think about it. He had made Yuuri promise that he wouldn’t do any attempts to celebrate it, simply because he felt like he was one year closer to the end of his skating career. He was surprised his body had lasted that long, and he sincerely hoped that time would move on slower for him. He desperately wanted to hold on to what he had, and keep Yuuri by his side for the rest of his life.
This seemed impossible the night before his birthday. He went to bed early, he ended up not sleeping at all and the next morning his eyes were hurting. He wanted to cry, yet he didn’t want to. He had no intention of making Yuuri worry, especially during the holidays. He’d say he’s sick and send him to Yuri’s house to have fun, while he’d stay home and… He had no idea what he’d do, but going out wasn’t an option. He kept thinking about it all night, but the moment the alarm clock woke Yuuri up, he was in too much pain that he couldn’t restrain himself. He felt Yuuri’s body coming closer to him, his arms holding him tight.
“Do you want to talk to me about it? I haven’t said anything all this time because I’ve been waiting for you to be ready and come to me on your own, but I have a feeling that it’s getting worse. I don’t want to pressure you, but I can see that this isn’t something you can deal with on your own.”
Victor tried to open his mouth and speak, yet his thoughts refused to come out as words. He started crying, his heart pounding fast, his breath becoming unstable. He felt Yuuri’s arms tightening around him and, after a few minutes, he managed to speak.
“I can’t do this. I know I can’t do this. I can feel that I’m not enough. My body will stop holding up, I’m going to stop skating competitively, my inspiration will disappear. I’m going to stop being enough, Yuuri. I don’t want myself, you will stop getting inspired by me and the world will instantly forget me. Don’t you see? This will be the moment I’ll truly die, even if I’m still physically alive. I will have no purpose at all. I’ll be alone.”
“Hey, hey, what are you talking about? I’m here. I have no intention of leaving. You keep inspiring me every day, and not just in skating. Your mind, your ideas, your thoughts and actions are things I admire about you. You are not only a skating champion. You are much more, yet you don’t seem to understand it. You are a person with a complex personality that isn’t entirely about skating. Besides that, you have interests, friends, me. Your life is all about these things. Don’t erase everything because one of them is going to get harder at some point. You’ve overcome so many difficulties that I don’t want you to give up now. Think about our life together. Come on, I know this is convincing. You are the one who always takes pride in our relationship more than anything in the world. So don’t give up. I want us to get married first, and then grow old together.”
“Yuuri, this was a very long speech. You don’t speak that much. Where did my Yuuri go? Joking aside, thank you for telling me all these things. I was thinking that I should get professional help, because it’s getting worse. You inspire me to try, and I’m going to do this for our future. I’m hoping that, at some point of our lives, we’ll look past these difficulties and move forward. Oh, I have one last thing. What did you say about marriage? Are you really thinking we should take this step now?”
“Why not? We’ve been living together for so long and our relationship seems to progress. Isn’t it the right time? What do you think?”
“I think that this is the best birthday present I could ever receive.”