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this is how they learn to love.
in the kitchen, during the early hours of dawn. they would always wake up earlier than the others, eyes heavy with sleep and mussed up bed hair. this is how taeyong likes jaehyun best - the version of him that, in some ways, only he was allowed to see - vulnerable and soft and sweet. stripped down of all the pretty clothes and all the makeup and his perfectly done hair, his jaehyun, imperfect but perfect in all the right ways at the same time - in his pajamas that have sleeves that hang down way past his arms, his hair sticking up in all directions, his skin glowing under the warm rays of the morning sun. taeyong thinks if he can't wake up next to this boy every day, this is the second best thing. he makes sure to make two cups of coffee for the both of them - with extra milk and sugar for jaehyun, the concentrations of which he's learned to perfect over the months. black for himself. jaehyun enters the kitchen and smiles at him, and taeyong feels like he's looking at the sun.
their coffees would always, always get lukewarm, because jaehyun likes to take taeyong in his arms every morning and place the softest kiss imaginable on his lips, like he's too afraid to break the silence and the calm of the morning. he's never not delicate with taeyong, under any given circumstance, and taeyong sometimes stays awake at night wondering why jaehyun is so good to him all the goddamn time and what he did to deserve him. the soft, tantalizing kiss would always entail a more passionate one after a while, jaehyun pushing taeyong against the counter, hands around his pretty, slender waist, taeyong's hands in his hair.
in the car. they would somehow always end up sitting next to each other. at the corner, at the very back. sometimes with their legs and thighs pressed together or sometimes with their hands on each other. most days it's jaehyun who would slowly, slowly put his hands on the older's thighs, and taeyong would put his hand over jaehyun's and squeeze lightly. most days it stops there, but other days jaehyun's hands would travel upward and inwards, rubbing and squeezing so fucking slow and it would drive taeyong crazy. on days where jaehyun feels like being extra brazen, his fingers would travel over to taeyong's crotch, rubbing the head over his pants with his thumb, palming him deliberately slow, and taeyong's breathing would get erratic and his eyelids would flutter close. taeyong would always whisper to him, "you absolute asshole," while enjoying every fucking second of it.
they held hands a lot, too. which felt equally as amazing.
during lunch or dinner or whenever they went out to eat with the members. if they're not sitting beside each other, they're always sitting across or within a close perimeter. they would hold hands under the table most of the time, or play footsie under the table, like some kind of disgusting lovesick high school couple. jaehyun had once pointed out how corny this was, and taeyong had pecked him on the lips and said, "shhh. we're cute."
jaehyun always made sure taeyong eats well and eats healthy. "it's only because i worry about your health so much, hyung," he said to a pouty taeyong one day. "my heart hurts when you get sick." taeyong had swatted him away with a look who's being corny now, but ended up pulling him into a kiss at the end, a quiet, whispered, "i love you," which meant thank you for caring for me and what would i do without you all at once, and jaehyun knew. he always did.
in front of the couch, sprawled out after a long, tiring day. jaehyun would always let taeyong choose what they would watch together even though he kind of hated all the star trek movies, but he didn't mind in the slightest if it meant taeyong would be pressed against him with his head on his shoulder or his chest or his lap. jaehyun's hands would always be in the older's hair, running them gently through his locks.
if it was late at night and the others had gone to sleep, they would full-on make out on the couch, with their hands all over each other and their bodies pressed impossibly close. jaehyun would grind down on taeyong or palm his erection and taeyong would let out the softest mewls and sighs. taeyong would pepper kisses on the younger's neck, sucking and biting, not hard enough to leave marks, but hard enough to make jaehyun moan out his name. their lips would always be blood-red after they were done.
in their beds, sometimes in taeyong's room but mostly in jaehyun's, since donghyuck was the heaviest sleeper who wouldn't budge from his sleep even if there was a fire. jaehyun thinks he would be content just starting at taeyong's face like this, lying next to each other. his hand would cup the older's face, trails of soft touches on his cheek and over his nose and his lips, hushed whispers of, "you're the most beautiful human i've ever seen, you know that?" or "i love you so goddamn much," followed with feather light kisses which felt comforting and overwhelming at once, the whole thing so, so pure and beautiful and warm.
taeyong would take jaehyun's hands in his, intertwining their fingers, kissing jaehyun's knuckles and pressing his lips to each of his fingers, and jaehyun would shiver not from the lack of warmth but from how this, all of this, made him feel so breathless and tingly.
they would stay up hours talking about everything and nothing. taeyong thinks he's never been this comfortable in anyone's presence before; how jaehyun was one of the very few people who took the time to understand him, his highs and lows, his pretty, his ugly, his terrible, terrible mood swings and days where he felt like doing nothing but curling into a ball and locking himself in his room, isolating himself from the world. jaehyun would understand, he would give him space when needed, give him comfort and whispered reassurances along with soft kisses to his temple. and when jaehyun was feeling down in the dumps, taeyong would be right beside him, holding him close, pressing his lips to his hair and whispering nonsense into his ear until jaehyun would finally crack a smile and say, "hyung, you're too much." taeyong looks at jaehyun and always finds himself smiling to himself thinking about how lovable and endearing this boy was, how he would always wear his heart on his sleeve, how everything he felt was so transparent, and taeyong loved him for all of it.
and when they had the dorm all to themselves, they would unravel each other, being intimate in ways only lovers could, taking and breathing each other in as much as possible, their hearts and bodies as one, intertwined and connected. afterwards, they'd lie in bed, holding each other, muttering sweet nothings to each other.
in faraway parks or quiet rooftops or abandoned lots, away from all the humdrum of their daily cacophonous lives, away from all the noise; looking at the night sky under the blanket of stars and distant planets and feeling all the love in the whole universe in their chests. they would tell each other stories of their childhood and their family and everything they've dreamed and hoped of.
this is how they learned to love each other - in secret, in whispers and hushed voices; but also as loud as they could, out in the open, with bright smiles and fingers interwoven and hugs that lasts longer than they should.
put on your seatbelts, you dumbass. what would i do if anything were to happen to you?
hey, hey. listen to this song. it reminded me of you.
god, you're so fucking adorable it's insufferable. i could kiss the living daylights out of you right now.
hyung, hyung, i baked you cookies, they smell fucking amazing, come here!
hyung, you know i love you more than anything in the world, right?
jaehyunnie. you're so fucking beautiful.
it's you. it's always you for me.