Work Text:
"You're ready, love?"
No response.
Yoongi closes his eyes for a second, trying not to burst – it's not the day, really – and curses as his suitcase seems to be anything but easy to close. He didn't even pack that much. He just sucks at packing things well and optimizing place. Taehyung was always the one to make it, now that he has to take care of everything, it's just . . messy. But he makes it work. Somehow. He tries to close it again, pulling on the zipper twice in a hurry and tries calling for the love of his life once again.
"Darling? Can you answer for once? We have to leave in like – ten minutes!" he shouts from his bathroom, hoping (knowing) the person he's talking to will hear him. Cursing under his breath when he still can't close his way too big suitcase, he just gives up and sighs again.
"I swear if you're not ready, I'm telling Uncle Namjoon not to give you all the pastries at the reception." An empty threat. As always. Yoongi snorts because he doesn't even mean it. If anything, Min Yoongi is a weak man when it comes to his son. Talking about that little monster, Yoongi had told him to get ready around twenty minutes ago. The whole normal thing. (“You brush your teeth, clean your face – and no you can't use dad's shaving cream, you're too young for this baby. Then you put some cream on and get into your lovely outfit for the day.”)
The big day.
-
"Seatbelt on, love?" He asks when he finally slips in his seat, the steering wheel greeting him coldly.
Of course he had to forget the gift, those video tapes Taehyung and him kept safely in a box, in the basement. It's not much, really. Just.. old videos including all of them, back in their young days. High school, college. He even added some old pictures he found in a corner of the basement, hidden by multiple toys that Jungkook unfortunately broke during his early days. His boy was already strong enough at three to break a small plastic motorbike.
He had found all those cherished memories when he had cleaned (attempted to – really, it was such a mess down there) the basement. He had come back through their apartment door with folders full of pictures and videos.
Smiling to himself, Yoongi eyes the small box that's well packed with a ribbon on top (totally not by him, his brother had made it all), holding precious memories that Jimin and Namjoon will surely (he hopes) love and keep close to their hearts. He's not sure they remember all the moments they had – hell, he's not even sure they kept pictures. But now they'll have them.
He never had been the one who was good with gifts and giving and ideas, really. It was mostly Taehyung, his artistic mind had always been wonderful and a wonder to Yoongi.
His eyes snap back to reality, images of Taehyung and himself discussing ideas for Namjoon's birthday and how they definitely couldn't arrive with a gift from them both (Taehyung's ideas) disappearing and soon replaced by a soft voice and a finger digging in his shoulder. "Appa, are you listening?"
Jungkook. He's quick to turn his head, looking over his shoulder at his lovely son. "What did you say? – Sorry, bud, I swear I'll listen," he quickly adds when Jungkook scoffs, his mouth turning into a soft pout and his eyes wide and blinking.
"You better, or I won't let you play dinosaurs with me," Jungkook deadpans, a little bit sulky even though he doesn't want to admit it. His dad was the one who made him hurry, yet – he was the one late in the car! And he didn't even listen to him. No dinos for him, ah!
Dinosaurs. Jungkook loves them so much, Yoongi often walks on one early in the morning. They're everywhere in the house. Sometimes he finds them in the sink, taking a bath ("they're swimming, daddy!") and hanging like dudes.
He doesn't really mind.
Jungkook is a good kid. His whole life actually. He may snap sometimes but it's never because he wants to. It's just when he's heavily stressed by work or just having a horrible day. And Jungkook, being the sweetheart he is, understands. And he's only 6. Yoongi doesn't know what he did in his past life to deserve such wonderful people in his life. He's glad. He's probably the proudest parent in the universe, getting emotional at every drawing he gets from Jungkook. ("Dad, you're embarrassing, why are you sobbing, I just drew you, me and dad!" "Yeah, you did draw tae, come give daddy a hug, love.")
Jungkook is a wonderful kid, but he's also the worst when it comes to iron man and dinosaurs – keep his toys away from him, or insult them, and Jungkook will give you a hell of a ride. It usually starts with wide unbelieving eyes, daring looks saying "no, daddy, you're too kind and love me too much to take them away" and evolves into loud wailing, snot lying everywhere and big fat tears because "daddy is so mean, I hate you". It either ends with Jungkook apologizing for the reason why he got his toys taken away from him, or him being a sulky and sobbing mess. He always comes back and hugs his dad's leg in the end. Muttering a small, "daddy, are you really upset? Don't be upset." It's cute, endearing. When Jungkook cries, Yoongi has his heart ripped apart, but it's what a parent has to go through. He clenches his teeth and waits for the kid to stop. And makes sure to wrap strong arms around the small figure that he could die for, when he thinks Jungkook suffered enough.
Jungkook once broke a dinosaur, his favourite, and Yoongi was peeing when he had heard the 6 year-old crying, wailing and shouting because "Daddy, daddy, I killed him, daddy, he didn't even have time to swim yet". Turned out his child had unfortunately broke the small figurine's neck (it was thin after all).
It was a mess. Yoongi had hugged his son to sleep, reassuring him that he would definitely take Alfred the dinosaur to the dinosaur hospital. The next day, Alfred was on Jungkook's bedside table when he had woken up at 9am and Yoongi suddenly became his son's hero and saviour. He didn't need to know his dad had rushed to the nearest toy store, and bought a new Alfred. Taehyung would have been proud of him.
So yeah. Dinosaurs. Jungkook's everything. You don't joke about them. That's why Yoongi hums as he makes sure he has everything. "Fine, fine, love. Daddy will listen to you. What were you saying?"
Car keys? In my hands, checked!
"I said I had my seatbelt on and I asked if we were going to see grandma." It makes Yoongi smile. "Hm, we are going to grandma's, and we're staying there to sleep tonight." He informs his kid as he pats his trousers pocket.
Phone? Checked!
"Are we? Does that mean I'll see Soonshimie?" Jungkook asks now excitedly, his voice raising in the end cutely. Yoongi chuckles. Jungkook is so fond of dogs, it's scary. He used to always want to pet dogs when he was younger. Taehyung was always the one knowing what to say when they had to tell their child that no, he couldn't pet any dog. Yoongi was too weak for this. Watching your child's lower lip wobble and his eyes filling with big tears because he can't pet dogs, ready to cry out loud, was hard for Yoongi. If Taehyung hadn't been here, he would have adopted every dog for Jungkook to be happy. Taehyung always told him he was too sweet and nice. Yoongi always knew Taehyung was all that and way more. An angel. A true angel.
"You'll see him, yeah," he says softly, Jungkook's high squeal filling the car. "But – he quickly adds – you have to be nice and gentle with him, he's growing old, you could say he's like a grandpa, yeah?"
Papers? Check!
"A grandpa?"
"Yeah, like you one day. You'll be a grandpa too, Guk."
Clothes and stuff they need for the small trip? In the truck, checked!
"Will I be as strong as grandpa? I'll be able to go to bed late, right? How cool." That gets a chuckle from Yoongi and he reaches out to pat his son's face. Jungkook looks absolutely adorable in his big red coat. "Sleeping late like grandpa is good, do that when you get old, love."
Jungkook's grandpa sleeps at 10pm. If this is Jungkook's ideal, then alright, may he sleep that late. Yoongi will probably remember this when Jungkook is nineteen and going to sleep early in the morning. Teenagers nowadays. 10pm is good. Ah, kids.
Yoongi goes back to the memo he made in his head, all the things he packed in the car. He is always forgetful when he stresses. He's stressed. He hasn't seen the guys in Years. Of course he's stressed. And he has Jungkook. Even more stressed. Jungkook will be stressed too. Double stress! Great.
"But do you think Alfred will be able to be a grandpa too? Because he already has wrinkles. Yugyeomie says you have wrinkles when you're old old! Do you think Alfred is old old?" Jungkook's voice is small as he eyes the figurine in his hand, his fist holding it firmly, yet not too much, he wouldn't want to hurt mister Min Alfred again!
"Nah, Alfred is special, he has wrinkles but for him, the old old part doesn't apply." Yoongi replies as he turns on the ignition, the car roaring and ready to go all the way to Daegu. "Like, I totally think Alfred is going to live forever! He's amazing, uh?" He continues, glancing at his son in the rearview.
The small human being has his eyes focused on his dinosaur, blinking with wide eyes, examining it. He's holding the thing with such gentle hands, his small hands covering the dinosaur's tummy almost entirely. Yoongi always knew Jungkook had small hands. His baby was cute, the cutest. He often wondered if he would turn out to have Taehyung's hands when he would grow up, who knows.
Yoongi hears him whispering a soft "Are you gonna live forever with me, mister Alfred?" and can't help a small smile at this sight.
Quickly switching his eyes to looking at the road, feeling like he's watching a special and secret moment between his son and his beloved dinosaur, he focuses instead on their house turning into a small dot in the rear view mirror as they get away from it. A small sigh escapes his lips, hands gripping the steering wheel hard, his knuckles turning white. He can't get stressed right now, can't show Jungkook, or he will also get nervous because his dad is nervous.
He doesn't want Jungkook to get nervous too.
No need for that. It's time for him to be a real adult, face adult responsibility and attend his old friends wedding. Not that hard.
Easier said than done.
His heart is beating way too fast in his rib cage and he can't help it, out of the two, Taehyung had always been the one calm and composed, enjoying every little thing and being happy. Yoongi was always the stressed one, the one not really knowing how to handle things. Still is like this.
For once, he wishes Taehyung was here with him, talking loudly with their son about dinosaurs among other things. Distracting him. He's stressed. Hands sweating on the steering wheel. He's not sure whether he's more stressed to attend the wedding or if it's just the thought of coming back to Daegu. Yoongi thinks it's the wedding, but his heart knows it's definitely not this.
Instead, he turns the radio on, and tells himself to relax. He will be all sore when they arrive if he's stressing like this. He sighs again. They're on their way and Yoongi wishes for it all to go well. He hasn't seen the boys in almost three years, he should be delighted to meet them again, yeah?
Glancing at Jungkook again, he arches an eyebrow when he finds his son blinking at him in the mirror. He still has Alfred in hands and a small silly smile stretches on his face, showing one tooth missing (he lost it two nights ago) when he spots his dad looking back.
Yoongi smiles back, a chuckle escaping his lips. "Want us to stop and get some milkshake for the trip, Kookie?"
He can do it. Jungkook is here with him. They'll be okay.
-
When he parks the car just in front of the Kim House, Yoongi lets out a soft sigh. They finally made it. Four hours and here they are.
He lets out another sigh, one he's been holding for a long time and feels his shoulders relaxing slightly as he rests his forehead against the wheel. He allows himself to close his eyes for a second, knowing Jungkook fell asleep in the middle of the trip. He wouldn't do it if he was awake.
Talking about Jungkook, the boy stirs in his sleep, a small yawn leaving his mouth as small, chubby hands rubs his sleepy eyes. "We're here already, daddy?" he mutters quietly, looking out the window slowly.
Yoongi hums without missing a beat and gets out of the car to go and get Jungkook.
He may be six, already shouting across their apartment about how he's a big boy and how he's strong and tall enough to get his cup on the top shelf (he can't really get it but Yoongi always agrees and says he does), among other things.
Jungkook is indeed a strong kid, but he's still a kid. Yoongi’s lovely baby.
A cute baby who sulks a lot when he somehow finds out he can't do things like his dad. He once watched his dad for days doing the laundry and boy, did he watch. Always frowning, and eyes moving fast to catch everything Yoongi was doing, too determined not to ask a thing. Yoongi woke up to a crying Jungkook days later and clothes thrown carelessly in the machine, product all over them, soap getting out of the machine as the door was open. He had rubbed his face, at the mess before him and hugged Jungkook because "it's okay, love, daddy's not upset, you just – put shampoo on the clothes and used the drying machine instead of the washing one. That's why it didn't work. Shh, don't cry, ah, come one let's wash all that snot. You look funny" and Jungkook had cried harder, asking why he couldn't do it when his dad could. It was a ride.
Yoongi wouldn't change his life for another, he loved it.
That's why Yoongi doesn't let his son unbuckling himself, and getting out of the car by himself, instead waving a little at Sunhee, Taehyung's mom, waiting for them on the doorstep with a huge smile on her lips and hurries to go get Jungkook. He opens his car door and coos at a sleepy Jungkook, eyes heavy and cheeks all round.
He smiles when he leans forward to peck the small cheek, his son stretching a little. "Hey, small one, we're here," he sing songs gently, patting Jungkook's head.
The 6 year-old kid hums in return, quick to make grabby hands at his dad, his eyes closing again. A big baby. Yoongi has a big baby and he still loves to be carried in his dad's arms. He will never deny him of that. So Yoongi obliges and quickly unbuckles his son, pulling him to his chest and groans playfully when he hugs Jungkook, the kid's hands wrapping tightly around his neck, his cute cheek resting on his dad's shoulder. "Here we go, buddy."
Closing the door, he doesn't lock his car, knowing the neighbourhood is safe – he's been living around for years and he knows almost everyone here – and walks to meet Sunhee and Taesung with a smile.
New arms wrap around him and Jungkook, a soft peck delivered on his cheek. "Hey Auntie," he smiles, feeling his heart beating a little faster. "We missed both of you, Yoongi."
His heart hurts a little. "Yeah, me too, Jungkook too." He mutters back and the warmth goes away. Sunhee smiles at him, her eyes glistening and Yoongi feels like he could cry a little at the sight of his parents in law. He mirrors the smile Sunhee gives him and can't help a chuckle when his dad in law laughs and shakes his head a little. "I can't believe he's still a huge baby," Taesung smiles while looking at his grandchild, soon patting Yoongi’s free shoulder with a proud smile. Yoongi wishes Taehyung would be here, to see his parents proud of their son.
"Yeah, he's an adult now," Yoongi emphasizes, giving a look at his aunt and uncle because Jungkook will sulk if people say he's a baby. "But a child at heart, of course, right love?" He smiles at the nod he gets from Jungkook, the boy burying his nose in his dad's neck. Sunhee and Taesung watch them fondly, and Sunhee mutters a small "Come in, we put you in your room."
-
Coming back home feels weird, Yoongi thinks when he sits on the bed he used to share with Taehyung. It's Taehyung's old room. Nothing really changed. He knows Sunhee makes sure to keep it clean, even changing the bed sheets every month. It occupies her mind, she had told him one night, around two years ago.
Yeah, he thinks as his eyes fall on SNSD posters all around the walls and other bands. It didn't change at all. He can still picture them, teenagers again, lying on Taehyung's floor, doing some maths and whining about how they're going to fail high school because it's too hard. He can even hear their old selves laughing out loud at silly things.
A small nostalgic smile takes over his features and he falls back on the bed, staring at the ceiling with a sigh. He misses the guy he fell in love with years ago. His heart is hurting.
He doesn't hear the door opening and footsteps coming closer. He doesn't really react when another weight sits beside him on the bed. A king sized bed. Taehyung always said he wanted a king sized bed. Probably why Taesung and Yoongi got him one pricey bed for his 19th birthday. Yoongi has to say, it was comfy, sleeping together in a king sized bed – better than the small one person bed Taehyung used to have.
"How is it going in Seoul, son?"
Taesung's voice kind of echoes in the room. Yoongi smiles. "Oh you know, the usual. Work is fine, I've been promoted," he shrugs, his voice casual. He chuckles when his father in law's hand pats his shoulder. "Proud of you, bud. Knew you could do it."
Everyone thought he could do it. Only him didn't. Taehyung used to try and get him to join a good college – Seoul's best school actually – so he could pursue his dreams. And damn, Taehyung got him to get enrolled in one of the best colleges of Seoul. He got him to follow his dreams. Yoongi thinks Taehyung was an angel sent for him. He wouldn't be a kind-of-producer-mostly-music-teacher at a university, in Gangnam itself if Taehyung hadn't pushed him to follow his dreams. He'll always be thankful.
"Thanks, Uncle," he continues. "Kook is apparently his teacher's favourite student because she always gives him stickers and stuff. I think he has a crush." He jokes, Taesung's laughter sweet to Yoongi’s ears. "Nah, he's, he's doing fine. We're doing fine. He always says he loves my friends more than me? It's always about how uncle Hoseok or uncle Kihyun is better than me when he's here. It's funny. He always comes to me at night and mutters how he was only joking because uncle Hoseok would be grumpy if he doesn't say he's the best. He's a great kid."
Jungkook is a blessing. His second angel. He would do anything for his son. If Jungkook turned out to be an alien and hid because the police wanted to find him, Yoongi would endure being tortured for days and he would die without spilling where his son would be hiding. If Jungkook was in danger, Yoongi would carry him to the end of the planet, with his own feet and he would protect him with his body and soul. That's probably a dad thing, Yoongi thinks. Jungkook is just the most precious thing he ever had. He will ever have.
"Well, considering he's downstairs with Sunhee and animatedly talking about how you taught thousand of people some music stuff with big machines with his proud voice, I think we can say you guys are whipped." Taesung mutters with a chuckle.
Yoongi’s heart is warm. He remembers taking Jungkook with him to his classes some weeks ago. He taught to around 200 students that day, really. Jungkook just thought they were more. He was here, sitting next to him and watching with big eyes as his dad moved parts of a huge machine, and how billions of people recreated his dad's moves. He giggled about how Yoongi had superpowers and how all the people were under his orders when they had come back home, Yoongi exhausted and Jungkook ecstatic and amazed.
"We weren't that much, really. Ah this kid, always giving me a fake reputation," he shakes his head with a soft smile on his lips. "But yeah, he's great and calm when I take him to classes. He's great. He's doing fine, uncle. He's growing way too fast though," he groans, sliding a hand up to rub his face. "He was just a small toddler two days ago and now he wants me to wrestle with him on the couch and he's getting taller," he whines a little, voice muffled by his hand.
"Ah you'll see, you have your three year-old kid and then you find yourself attending your son's wedding real fast," Taesung retorts playfully and the man falls on the bed too. Yoongi can't help a chuckle. Taehyung always had a way with things, saying things. He was so impatient he had told his parents about their engagement one night, and Taesung had choked on his food, Sunhee had tried to help him but she was too busy crying about how her son grew and was finally a man. It was a great night.
"I still have this huge photography above the couch at home," he hums. "Tae even signed it, he autographed his picture, can you believe?"
That resumes in Taesung bursting into laughter, chest rumbling a little. "He did?"
"Yeah, we were out drinking with some friends and he was a little bit tipsy when he decided he had to sign his wedding best picture, so he could sell it when he became famous." Yoongi laughs weakly.
Taehyung had signed just on his suit, and looked at the entire picture with soft eyes, proud eyes. Taesung was a photographer and at their wedding, he had taken a picture of the newly married couple. Yoongi was holding Taehyung by the waist, toddler Jungkook in his husband's arms and they were just laughing together, their eyes glowering with mischief and happiness as they stared at each other. It was the greatest picture of the night.
When Taesung had showed them, saying it was a late wedding gift, Taehyung had stared at it and cried. ("Dad, this is so. This is better than all the money you guys got us, I love it so much. Oh my god, Yoongi I love you. Dad, I love you. We'll hang it in the living room for sure.")
Six years later, the huge picture was hanging in the living room, just above the couch.
"Ah this man," Taesung sighs after a moment.
The two men lay side by side, silence wrapping around them and Yoongi doesn't mind. He always loved Taehyung's family. He knows Taesung's mind is filling with memories of his son, and Yoongi is no one to stop him. He just lets the man staring blankly at the ceiling, a soft smile on his lips as he probably recalls memories of his son. If anything, Taehyung's family has been nothing but welcoming. From the moment Yoongi met them when he was 15 to the now, more than 10 years later, with their son's son.
Suddenly, he misses his family. His mom, his dad. It hasn't been long since he saw them, really. He saw them for Christmas and for the Easter. But now that he's here, Yoongi misses his family. Too bad they went on a trip when he would come back here, uh.
But Daegu, it's his hometown too. Taehyung's, but his as well. He was born in Daegu, raised in Daegu even if they had moved during Yoongi’s college years. His dad had gotten a job offer in Ilsan, where they had moved while Yoongi was in Seoul, pursuing his dreams. He didn’t really feel at home when he's in Ilsan. Maybe it's because he didn't grow up there, he was always visiting during holidays, it almost felt like a holidays house to him. But his dad, his mom and his brother grew in Ilsan, made a new life there. He just took a different path from them, choosing to live in Seoul.
Neither of them hear the door being opened by a small boy, eyes wide and curious as to why his dad and grandpa are lying like sleeping cats on his dad's bed. "Are you sleeping?" He can't help asking, his voice small and hesitant.
He startles both men. Taesung flickers his eyes to his grandson, fondness in his eyes as he motions the small kid to climb onto his lap. Yoongi has a totally different reaction. He almost jumps, cursing under his breath and groans as the other two men in the room laugh at him. (Jungkook is a man, of course. A six year old man.)
While Taesung hugs his son, laughing softly at the scared cat that is Yoongi, the said man rolls on his side to poke his son's side. "Ah, uncle, he always does that, I swear." He grumbles playfully, watching Jungkook squealing, trembling with laughter as he's being tickled.
"Daddy, It's fun!"
"Lies, one day I'm going to fall and you'll have to take me to the hospital, I swear to god. My son is evil." He complains to no one in particular, a smile on his lips.
"Just like how you took dad to the hospital, too?" Jungkook's voice is small, small and he's genuinely curious. He's just a child and that's probably why he doesn't notice both grown up men tensing a little, the words going straight to their heart. The boy is met with silence and he almost thinks his dad went back to sleep, proved wrong when he gets a reply, his dad's voice a little bit dry.
"Nah. Nah. . not like dad. I was just joking, nobody's going to the hospital anymore, darling."
It's painful. It's not Jungkook's fault, never. He's just a child, a cute and strong child who lost his dad.
"My sweet, sweet Jungkookie." He mutters under his breath, a small bitter smile on his face.
If anything, he knows Jungkook remembers a lot of things, even if he was just three and a half when Taehyung passed away. He wants Jungkook to remember all the good things. No hospital, no coughing, no blood. Just happy things. Because Taehyung was a happy person. He wants Jungkook to remember how they went to the park down the street every Sunday, how Jungkook would laugh when Taehyung made him learn how to paint, how Taehyung would be a proud dad, showing off and shouting about how great the mess Jungkook could make with a colour pen, making weird drawings that only a two year old kid can make. He wants Jungkook to remember happy Taehyung, not sick Taehyung.
"Come on, kook, let's go see grandma and help with the food making, yeah? I'm sure she has some stuff for you to do." Taesung clears his throat, trying to sound cheerful. And if the mention of food makes Jungkook happy and eager to go see Sunhee Grandma, Yoongi notices the emotion heavy in his father in law's voice.
Two years, yet, it's still hard. Too hard.
Yoongi watches fondly his son talking about food and how grandma made the best cake ever and how he had the chance to taste it, wrapped in the strong arms of his grandpa. He gives a small smile, a whole I'm-okay-don't-worry smile when Taesung glances at him and squeezes his arm.
He watches his life being clueless about adults problems and he's glad. He's glad to have such great people around him. Taking care of him and taking care of Jungkook. He wouldn't have been able to climb back up if they hadn't been here. He's glad. Somehow, he thinks Taehyung is watching him from above, his parents here to ease Yoongi's hearts and worries. It's okay.
Soon enough, he's left alone in his husband's old room, the door closing behind on a happy Jungkook in Taesung's arms, surely making their way downstairs to go help grandma Hee.
It's okay. It'll be okay.
-
Sighing, he presses the button that holds his seat belt in place and he turns round, leaning his arm against the head rest as he locks eyes with his son. Jungkook is holding the hem of his shirt between both his little fists, chewing on his bottom lip quite anxiously as his eyes are all round and scared, going back and forth from the window to his dad's eyes.
Jungkook always has been quite anxious. "Hey, Min Jungkook." He says softly to catch his son's attention right away. He gives a gentle smile as he reaches to bop the 6 year-old kid's nose. "I know it's a new and stressing environment and dude I'm hella scared too, don't worry." He tries to joke but truth is, he is scared. Maybe scared isn't the word but, he’s nervous. It's been years.
Yoongi finally breaks the staring contest he’s having with his son and exhales loudly. “Come on, buddy. Your uncles are getting married, let’s go!” He tries to sound cheerful before opening his door.
-
If anything, the wedding is lovely. Yoongi may or not tear up a little at the sight of old friends all gathered together, parents being proud, children throwing flowers here and there, and of course, Namjoon and Jimin.
They had both agreed on a small, cosy and simple wedding. The reception is pretty, somehow, it reminds him of both the fiancés.
Standing at the entrance of the huge room, Yoongi thinks it's going to be okay, he really does. People around him are ecstatic, they're smiling and laughing loudly, drunk on the happiness a wedding of a friend or family brings. It's normal. Yoongi feels great too. Now that his friends are married legally, they’re all about to eat and dance and celebrate. It’s okay, he can do that.
He's just, standing there, on the side, taking in the sight of the whole room, well decorated – he thinks the paper birds were made by children Jimin works with, probably. They're pretty. Colourful and all. He likes it.
People don't stop when they see him stop at the entrance, they just keep going, laughing together and walking to their seat, eyes going soft as they spot the one of the newlyweds at the end of the room, talking with Jimin's mom. Yoongi didn't spot her before – she hasn't changed. Madam Park is still magnificent, her smile wide, her eyes glowing with happiness and still a bit glassy because of the emotions. Seeing her makes him smile.
Mama Park used to be there for all of them, when they were younger. They used to hang around together after middle school and high school, and often went to Jimin's, his mom always here to praise them, give them food and all those stuff. Jimin's mom is just like her son, caring, very nice and someone you want to keep by your side forever. Yoongi always felt comfortable at the Park house years ago.
His eyes move to some people he recognises. The right corner of his lips turns up softly when he spots Wang Jackson, Im Jaebum and Woo Jiho side by side, sitting already on the left. Old friends, old friends – way to bring old memories. Cherished ones. He used to make music with Jaebum in the high school music club. Jackson came along, somehow. They used to be a small singing and rapping group of four with Jimin. He's surprised to see they're here, surprised to see that the guys kept contact.
A little bit disappointed to understand that Jimin decided to keep contact with the boys and not him – well, they did talk and called and meet for the first few years. Of course they did – they thought they'd be friends forever for god's sake. (and somehow, they are, because Yoongi is attending this wedding, years later) But work and different lives just. . made them grow apart.
Yoongi and Taehyung moved to Seoul and the guys too. Jaebum, Jimin, Namjoon and Seokjin. They did. But they didn't get into the same universities and Seoul is wide. Soon, Jimin was working full time with toddlers, Namjoon was writing and publishing books while Seokjin was busy working in restaurants, here and there. Busy with different paths. It was alright, really. They used to hang out every Sunday together – their "meeting" day, they used to say. Life happened, season passed, and soon enough it was every month and some couldn't be here, some were doing internships in foreign countries. They became busy, met new people. Life happened. It turned into new year parties in big houses, not even catching each other being at the same ones, or Christmas cards.
Taehyung loved Christmas cards, he kept them all. Screamed and ran all around the apartment to tell Yoongi they received the cards. He also loved making them.
One day, around November, Yoongi had come back home to a very busy Taehyung, surrounded with papers of all sort of colours and material, his tongue caught between his teeth and poking out because he was very concentrated. ("Hyung, you just gotta make them fast! And it takes time! Namjoonie hyung needs a super pretty card, he released his second book last month! Come help me, yeah? You can make Jin hyung's!") Yoongi had laughed and kissed him silly, found a star thingy you glue on Christmas gifts and glued it on Taehyung's forehead. He had claimed with a huge and fond smile that he was his tall star in a lost world. The one he will love endlessly, the one he will always search for wherever and whenever.
Yeah, Taehyung liked making Christmas cards, the last thing that linked all of them.
Yoongi still gets the guys cards, still send some – Jungkook draws on most of them.
Talking about Jungkook, Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow as he remembers he left Jungkook with his grandparents while he was searching for one of the fiancés. A sense of panic finds its way within his insides, not having Jungkook's small hand wrapped around his or around his knee making him worried and panicked. He scans the room quickly and he hadn't felt his shoulders all tensed because the sight of Jungkook happily seating on his grandpa's lap, playing with the man's bow and chirping at whatever Sunhee says, this sight makes him sigh and relax, his shoulders going down in a second. Jungkook, not lost? Checked!
He smiles fondly at his son who's far away, unaware of all the things his dad is feeling. And that's for the best.
He doesn't need to know how his father has a lump in his throat because everything makes him remember. It's alright, he'll be alright.
Not really.
It's hard.
He doesn't want to remember. It's hard, it breaks his heart a little bit more. He feels like calling Hoseok, maybe he would scoff at him and tell him he's an idiot, maybe he'll also tell him to just smile and enjoy the wedding because it's his friends' and Taehyung would want him to be happier than ever, happy for both of them because it's Namjoonie and Jiminie's wedding!
Taehyung. It makes him think of Taehyung. The love of his life. The one he will always love. The star shining bright that tells him it's alright when he feels like it's not on hard days he goes through, whenever he stands on their apartment's balcony at night, a glass of orange juice in one hand (Jungkook's) and his eyes nostalgic and tired as he stares at the night sky, spotting the brightest star. The brightest one in his night sky.
Yoongi’s just here, standing with a hand in his trouser's pocket with a soft smile on his lips, deep in his memories and he does not see the tall man approaching. He's startled when there's a hand patting his shoulder and his eyes find Seokjin's.
"Oh- hey there, hyung," he mutters quietly, still a little bit dazed.
"Doing okay, there?" Seokjin asks him quietly, eyes a little bit scrutinizing Yoongi’s face because they all know it's not the easiest thing to do, for him to be here. "You can get some fresh air before the buffet, it will begin in ten minutes or so, yeah?"
Yoongi nods once, then a little bit more firmly. "Hm, it's okay, really. I'm okay." He reassures. "Are our dear newlyweds doing okay?" A chuckle escapes his lips because Jimin was absolutely stressed and pacing in his room. Cheeks red and hands smoothing his tuxedo, even though it was perfect already.
Everything is perfect today, they deserve it. Yoongi thinks. He's happy. He really is.
"Well, considering Joonie almost broke my hand by pressing it too much before the ceremony and how he almost tripped while getting into the car after, missing the great opportunity to hit his head on the corner of the door, I think it's going alright? Not mentioning Jiminie's ass that almost didn't fit into his costume before the ceremony as well. I think he did too much sport to get the stress out of his body," Seokjin snorts, making a small grimace at Yoongi to emphasize it all.
It's going pretty well indeed.
Knowing Namjoon, he could totally trip while walking to Jimin.
The younger male throws his head back, chuckling at the mess that his friends are. It's been a long time yet they're all the same. With more wrinkles and money. But they're just the same.
"They fit each other quite well, yeah? All those years and they finally got married." Yoongi breathes out, exchanging that knowing look with Seokjin.
During high school, Namjoon used to date too many girls and Jimin too many big, muscular guys. Their friends had watched them trying to find more people to come in between them, trying to get the other one jealous. It was interesting at first, seeing their two friends completely head over heels for each other, yet, trying to deny it. Then it turned into a huge mess. The biggest mess they encountered all together.
It turned into Jimin coming over every other day, tears all over his face because it hurt, to see Namjoon kissing and holding someone else. Namjoon came over too, trying to find comfort at Yoongi and Taehyung's dorm. It was messy. Yoongi, Taehyung and Seokjin were always in the middle, trying. Always trying.
But their friends had been stubborn. They almost ripped each other's neck, they almost fought so bad that everyone thought they wouldn't talk anymore. At all.
And now, almost ten years after high school, they got married.
A mess.
Lovely one.
Yoongi smiles a little bit more.
"They do, just like you and Tae did – oh wait, I didn't mean that – wait, no, I totally meant that but, oh my god. Sorry Yoong. I'm. I'm so embarrassing. Are you okay? I –" Seokjin sputters, eyes going wide and mouth spilling words after words.
We were perfect for each other, yeah, my star.
"Hey, hey, hyung!" The younger male presses the older's shoulder reassuringly. "It's. It's fine, really. It's true. It's okay. Tae would totally love to be mentioned. Or something. I'm not sure. But yeah, it's okay. Really. I'm okay. Everything's okay."
He's a little bit out of breath. It's okay. They would mention the boy one way or another. No need to act like Taehyung was someone who couldn't be mentioned. It's okay. "It's been three years, I'm doing better than the last time we saw each other, hyung. Tae totally doesn't have to be taboo. I don't want that."
Seokjin seems to ease out a little. He might have felt like Yoongi would break down if he mentioned him. Yoongi thinks bitterly. Did they talk beforehand and agreed not to mention Taehyung around him? Not sure. He hopes not.
"I’m. Sorry. Yeah. I know I can talk about him but I'm. I just, haven't seen you in awhile so. What if you were instable, y'know? My aunt lost her cat five years and when I said the small thing lived well and was happy, she burst into tears for half a day. I talked about the cat like, two weeks ago. I just don't want you to feel sad or anything? Oh god, I'm sorry bro. Are you okay?"
His hyung looks like he'll burst too. "I mean, it always hurts when you think of someone you love who passed away but you know. Tae, he – he told me it would be okay when he'll be gone. And yeah, I'm still sad and stuff but it's getting better. And I have Jungkook!' Yoongi presses on, gesturing with a hand at the boy of his life, laughing out loud as he's looking at something on Sunhee's phone.
If Jungkook wouldn't have been here, Yoongi would have crumbled down. He would have broke down forever. Sometimes, when Yoongi is looking at the night sky with Jungkook asleep and drooling on his lap, a small blanket wrapped around them, he thinks he would have found a way to join Taehyung if he didn't have Jungkook.
Taehyung had his heart, all of it, every single part of his being was Taehyung's. They had promised with their wedding. They did. Taehyung could break Yoongi, he could also make him the happiest man ever. He did. Both. But the first part wasn't wanted.
He could have crumbled, and he did – for awhile – and then he remembered that he had a son – they had one. And Jungkook became the most precious being on this planet to his eyes. He fought to get back up even if his heart had been ripped off his chest, even if his everything left without a goodbye. He fought for Jungkook.
The two men now stare at the small boy who's unaware of the fond glances he gets.
Jungkook always has his ways of being adorable and making people want to buy him things – or just give him things for free. He often gets lollipops and sweets at the restaurants around home or at the hair salon. But it's fine, since he shares with his father. ("Appa, here! You get the caramel one because you like caramel, right?" Jungkook hands Yoongi a small brown lollipop, looking up at him with big and excited eyes, holding three lollipops in his small chubby hands.
"That I certainly do, buddy. But don't you like it too? I'm fine with just seeing you eat all of them, you behaved well at the doctor." Yoongi replies, looking at his son with an amused smile. Jungkook is literally bouncing on the way to the car. A cutie.
The kid shakes his head firmly. "Nope, sharing is caring, it's what the teacher said yesterday at Nayeon, when she didn't want to share her toy with Momo, Appa. And I care about you. So I have to share with you. Or Santa Claus hyung won't give me the fireman costume I'm wishing for every night. I have to get it, so I can play with Gyeomie, Appa. Do you think I'll get it, hm? Maybe you could call him, Appa, you're super cool."
"Fine, I'm taking it just so Santa Claus can be nice to you, love. And maybe you should call him Santa Claus hyung-nim." Yoongi chuckles under his breath as his fingers wrap around the lollipop Jungkook is giving him.
He shakes his head, fond as he watches his son opening his mouth, forming a small "o" then nodding vigorously as he repeats "Santa Claus hyung-nim, Santa Claus hyung-nim, you're right daddy" to himself. Yoongi could make him say anything, it's wonderful.
Now he has a lollipop, a son who will wish for stuff tonight before going to sleep, directed at Santa Claus Hyung-nim and he knows what to get him for Christmas. A great day. Yoongi’s smile widens.
"Hey, Appa," Jungkook pulls on his sleeve. Yoongi hums as he opens the car door. "Are you not calling Santa Claus hyung-nim, 'hyung' because you know him personally? That means he's your friend right? You'll ask him for the costume, right? Right?"
"Of course, I'll call him right away when you'll be sleeping, so tonight we're going to sleep early, buddy." He replies in a whisper, when he places his son on his seat, and Jungkook's cute deer eyes widen. "I'm telling Gyeomie you talked to Santa hyung-nim Monday, daddy! He's gonna be so jealous! But I'll tell him it's okay because you can call for him too. Hm.")
"Is it me or Jungkookie already have some muscles, defined ones and all?" Seokjin asks casually, scrunches up his nose. "He grew up fast, the last time I saw him, he was just a toddler. He crinkles his eyes just like you, it's cute." They don’t talk about how Jungkook is as bright as Taehyung.
“Come on hyung, let’s sit. The newlyweds are going to appear in a second.”
*-*-*
"Hey Tae, it's been a while, hm?"
A deep breath later, Yoongi’s bending down towards the grave, wiping some dead petals away, eyeing the small bouquet standing proudly on the grave of his husband. He chuckles. "I see your mom put some pretty flowers on your new home. I don’t know if you can see them, but they're all yellow and blue."
Taehyung's favourite colours. It's always been about blue and yellow. The first time they met, Taehyung had a yellow jumper, drowning in the clothe just like he liked. Maybe that's why Yoongi noticed him within two seconds in the huge crowd in the museum. He had orange hair – fading to a soft peach – at that time. They were young. Wild and a little dumb.
Innocent.
One glance and Yoongi had been captivated by the guy who had a beautiful face – he will always remember the thought that flew in his mind, a cheesy as it had been. Is he also part of the museum? His skin is made of gold, his face is made of perfection.
The thought of it all makes Yoongi smile. He had repeated the thoughts years ago, when he was standing in front of a very beautiful Taehyung, in a suit. On their wedding, he had told everyone about how they were soulmates – from the moment Yoongi laid his eyes on this guy in the museum. Taehyung had cried happy tears, looking at him like he was the world. His world.
"It's pretty." He quickly adds, when he feels like he's about to get lost into the past again.
Jungkook is crouching down beside him, busy cleaning the grave with his little hands. It's cute. Jungkook is an amazing kid.
"At least they're not dying here," Yoongi laughs. It sounds a little bit too weak. Jungkook doesn't seem to notice. "Remember how we used to want plants yet we were just shitty at keeping them alive?," he mutters with a side smile.
Taehyung always loved plants. ("I'm an artist hyung, I definitely need some tumblr vibes in my life. People have cacti but really, I prefer real plants. Big ones. I could put some in the corners of the rooms, yeah?" Taehyung had voiced his dreams, whispers echoing in the silent room as they laid on their bed, Taehyung’s face resting against Yoongi’s chest, fingers lightly massaging his scalp.)
Yoongi never minded. He carried every plant into their home. Taehyung would always water them morning and night. Their balcony was full of plants. Colourful ones. Yet, they always seemed to get tired, bending on themselves, getting wrinkly here and there. On some mornings, one of them would find plants losing leaves, plants turning dry – till they couldn't be saved.
They were definitely bad with keeping plants and flowers alive. ("Baby, not everyone is good with plants, I guess." Yoongi would wrap his arms gently around his lover's waist, resting his chin on the other's shoulder.
"I talked to them every day and watered them. I never let them down yet they –" Taehyung would mumble, frowning a little while falling into Yoongi’s embrace, his chest firm against his back. Yoongi would hum, leave a small peck on Taehyung's neck. "You took a good care of them, babe. No joke."
Taehyung would nod, and tilt his head. "You know what, I'm buying a cactus tomorrow. Maybe huge plants and I aren't meant to be."
He would turn into Yoongi's hold to face the older male and give a small teasing smile, hands coming to cup warm cheeks, lips getting closer to Yoongi's. "Unlike you and me. My Yoongi hyungie. My soulmate." He would mutter before pressing his lips against his soulmate.)
"We had plants?"
He snaps his head towards his son, who's looking at him with his big innocent doe eyes, blinking slowly. Yoongi hums, giving a nod when he pats his son's head. "Hm, we did. You were probably too small to remember," he notes. "But yeah, we did."
"Was daddy the one who took care of them?" Jungkook asks curiously, tilting his head. He's wiping his dirty hand on his jeans – Yoongi doesn't have the heart to tell him not to do this.
"Nah, he, was quite bad at it?" He says when he just takes a tissue out of his pocket to wipe his son's hand. Jungkook blinks.
"Keeping flowers alive, making sure they don't drown in water. Stuff like that." He scrunches up his nose. Taehyung was full of good intentions, he was just too engrossed into watering his plants that he often put too much water into the pots. Yoongi would try to take away some of the water to keep the plants alive. But Yoongi was just – not always here to save plants.
Jungkook watches his dad smile, wondering why he's smiling like this – a soft and fond smile – because he's not really staring at something. He chooses to tug on his dad shirt, when a memory flies through his kid mind. "Daddy, dad told me you once put his dirty water he used to put his painting brushes in, in the flowers pot," he cheerfully explains. He doesn't always remember Taehyung but he surely remember this. His other dad telling him – whispering about how Yoongi once put Taehyung's dirty painting water into the plant pot. He giggles because it sounds funny in his mind.
"Is that true? Because I tried at school and the teacher scolded me," the kid frowns, the corners of his lips going down. Miss Kim had gasped and ran towards him when he was about to put the water he dipped his painting brushes in, into the pot of the flower that stayed in the corner of his classroom. It had been a bad day. Jungkook thinks he'll definitely remember the day forever.
Yoongi holds back his smile at the sight of little Jungkook looking at him as seriously as a kid can be. He looks very cute. Yoongi watches his son who's about to give him an advice, biting onto his bottom lip to make sure the chuckle that's on his lips stays there.
-
"Come on, Kook, your papa needs to say hello to tae alone— and hyung took some slices of cake from the reception for you!" Yoongi hears Seokjin gently coaxing his son into going to his car, parked outside the cemetery. Jungkook being the loveliest kid in the whole world, it doesn’t take much to get him up from his dad’s lap and bouncing towards his uncle, soon holding his hand. He can’t help a small smile at the sight of his baby.
He had asked Seokjin to come get Jungkook before, at the venue, and the older had immediately agreed before hugging the heck out of him. Jungkook was bouncing on his dad’s lap when Yoongi had leaned down to whisper in his ears a question. (“D’you want to visit daddy now, love?” Yoongi had asked while he watched Jimin and Namjoon dancing with friends on the dance floor. Namjoon was still a mess. If Hoseok saw that, he would definitely have an attack, he thinks quickly.
Jungkook turns to him and hums, a small hand fisting his dad’s shirt. “Hm, okay papa. We can give him cake too!” The kid chirps, referring to the cake they ate some time ago. The famous wedding cake.
“Sure, love. Let’s go.” Yoongi replied absentmindedly, slid his hands under his son’s armpits to put him down and after exchanging a meaningful glance with Seokjin and Jimin, Yoongi was holding his son’s hand and leaving the party, heading to his car.)
Yoongi forces himself to smile wider, harder when Jungkook turns round, already far away, Seokjin's hand wrapped around his. He watches his son wave at him energetically and then cupping his mouth to shout a loud "Seokjin hyung said he'll get me more pastries, don't worry, I'll protect some for you with my entire body, daddy! Kiss dad for me!" at him. The male can't help a fond chuckle from escaping his mouth. He quickly puts on his widest smile, raising a hand to make an OK sign at his son, who smiles wide in return, finally turning back towards the entrance of the cemetery.
Seokjin is smiling when he assists the small exchange, following a small and skipping Jungkook. ("You know I can't give you all the cakes, right buddy?" He asks on the way to the big reception house. "Hm! Did daddy tell you that if you eat too much you'll feel sick, too? He's so cool. He always knows Everything. I think daddy could beat iron man. Don't you think, Seokjinnie hyungie?")
When his son and friend are out of view, the black haired man lets out a sigh he'd been holding in for quite some time now. All the hard steps of the day he had planned that could happen had happened and everything went fine.
Standing in front of his husband's grave, the male looks down at the floor, searching for any sort of dirt that could make his pants dirty and finds it safe before sitting down, cross legged. Everything feels more true. His throat is dry and he doesn't really know how he feels. It's been almost two years yet – being here feels like it all happened yesterday.
Jungkook isn't here anymore, safe and happy eating some cake with his uncle. So his father just, lets out a huge sigh. He feels slightly lighter. His shoulders go down an inch. His right hand reaches out to wipe a lead off the grave. "Kook is a good kid, hm?"
Silence. It feels lonely. It feels full. Taehyung is right here. Taehyung is gone. He feels fine. Or awful, he's not sure. He sighs again, a tiny chuckle escaping his lips.
Years ago, he would have gotten an answer and a huge boxy smile. The man tries a small smile but it's probably failing because it feels more like a grimace. "Can't believe I waited for an answer, goodness."
"How have you been here, hm?" He lightly asks to no one because he's alone and he might just break down into huge fat tears and he can't really do it. He'll just do it tonight. When they'll be home. When Jungkook will be asleep.
He busies himself by wiping some more leaves and some dirt away from the shiny marble grave. Taehyung and him, they used to ask each other how the day had been, everyday, when the other would come back home. Every single day. Even when they fought, even when they were apart. It was a ritual, something like this. The only thing that changed is that he doesn't get answers anymore.
Sometimes Jungkook answers, rambling about how Yugyeom broke a toy in class and how Yuju didn't want to lend him her dinosaur. He listens every time, of course he does. But it's not Taehyung. The question is on the tip of his tongue every time he comes back home. It died there because saying out loud would make him cry. He tried not to cry anymore.
He has no time for that.
"Well, I hope angels aren't bothering you or anything, angel. You better fight them if they do — Or just tell them your husband is Min Yoongi, hm?" He chuckles weakly, a nostalgic smile on his lips. Taehyung used to always say he would yell "Min Yoongi is my boyfriend" to anyone who would try to fight him. ("Because who would fight with the almighty, amazing, lovely and basketball team captain's boyfriend, right?" Taehyung always said with a huge smile, quickly burying his nose in the crook of Yoongi's neck.)
It stayed through high school and college and evolved in "Min Yoongi is my husband". The brown haired man would always joke about it even when being Min Yoongi’s husband was quite irrelevant in the adult world, out of college where being popular means a lot. ("Yoongi hyung, it's not irrelevant— who would fight me when my husband, I repeat, husband– is Min Yoongi, aka the love of my life and an amazing producer who's about to become the greatest teacher ever, hm? Hm? That's right. No one.")
Yoongi smiles softly as his eyes fall on the words carved into the rock. Kim Taehyung. "Well, Jimin is still Mr. Eye smile and Joon is still Mr. clumsy. I mean, you would have laughed hard when he almost dropped his Americano on his suit. Or you would have turned white and would have almost died. Like I did." He shakes his head at the memory.
"Really, they haven't changed. It's crazy. They just have more wrinkles. Though Jin hyung looks absolutely young. Handsome as always." He tries to make small talk. It’s hard. Somehow, it feels like Taehyung’s just beside him, listening to him, breathing and drinking his words happily. He can even picture the smile he learned to love through the years. The loveliest smile on earth.
"You would have loved the wedding.” He says after awhile, eyes staring at the sky, watching the clouds moving slowly. It calms him. He feels fine. “It was grandiose. Simple and just— very them." He informs his husband, memories of the event flashing into his mind. Being a witness of the love shared between his two friends will forever be one of his favourite memories. He wonders if people felt the same while watching theirs.
"Remember ours?"
A chuckle escapes his lips when he pictures them, years ago, too young and naïve to know what marriage really meant. It was still the best time of his life. Their parents were stressed and Jungkook was too young to understand he had to stay in place during the rehearsal of the wedding. Taehyung had to tell the boy multiple times not to eat the petals that were on the floor. Yoongi was stressed because he thought he lost his speech. Taehyung never knew about how his soon to be husband and his friends had been yelling at each other because the speech couldn’t be found. It was in Yoongi’s coat. Yoongi still believes they didn’t kill him because he was the star of the day. Namjoon would have totally kicked him in the balls for the amount of stress he had caused, any other day.
"It was a mess wasn't it?"
He doesn’t regret a thing.
"The best mess I ever had." He whispers, feeling his voice giving up on him. He doesn’t want to break down, he really doesn’t. It’s just been awhile. Even when he has Jungkook, sometimes, Yoongi wants to give up. It’s tiring being in their home alone. It’s tiring because it’s been some years but he can’t stop thinking about how Taehyung could have been okay. Except he wasn’t. But Yoongi thinks, he always thinks when he has time, about how he could have helped better. Everyone knows it wasn’t his fault. It was no one’s. Cancer greeted them on a Sunday evening and decided it wouldn’t leave. They tried to make it leave. It didn’t.
Taehyung had always been a good host. He had too much love to give. Yoongi sometimes thinks Taehyung welcomed it all. Just because Taehyung always loved and loved only. It was always about loving and caring. Maybe Yoongi didn’t care enough to save him. Maybe he could have prevented it from settling inside his lover. He feels guilty, late at night, when thoughts come back to him.
He should have seen symptoms and if they had pushed the cancer away at the beginning, it would have worked.
Deep inside, Yoongi hates himself for letting Taehyung go. It’s all his fault. He didn’t care enough. It’s eating him alive. Guilt. Regret.
He doesn’t mind the tears gathering in his eyes and when he tries to stare at his husband’s name, engraved in the marble, it’s all blurry. He hates it. He doesn’t want Taehyung to be blurry, never.
He takes a deep breath, eventually choking on his tears. "I miss you a whole damn lot, love,” he shakily confesses. His shoulders shake and it feels like all the pressure and stress he’s been accumulating for years slide down his shoulders. "I'm doing everything for you Tae,” he exhales, trying to wipe the tears away with his palms. It’s not working. “You know I am. I'm doing it for Kook, for you. So you can be proud of him and me hm? He's such an amazing kid, Tae. He really is. You’d be so proud.”
The hardest is when Jungkook's asleep. There’s no one. Sometimes it’s fine because he has essays to read and note, because he has friends over or because Hoseok is keeping him company, talking about the choreography he’s trying to teach his first years. Sometimes it’s fine. But most of the time, it’s lonely. There’s no one. And it’s hard because he wishes he could just talk about anything with Taehyung.
When he finds himself sitting alone at an empty table in a silent apartment because Jungkook's sleeping, he thinks he would have joined Taehyung if there was no kid in the room ten meters away. Depression came and Jungkook destroyed it with his laughter and eyesmiles. But sadness stayed. Regret and guilt stayed. It’s easier some days. It’s harder on rainy days. The sky often cries with him.
He still wakes up early every morning for Jungkook and for his students. He still makes sure to add some money every month to a special account for Jungkook only. He started when he wasn’t sure he could handle it. He continues because he wants money saved for Jungkook's college. He continues because he wants to be able to witness his kid smiling and doing what he loves. He wants to witness everything – most of the times.
“His teacher always praises him and he has a best friend already, Yugyeom. It reminds me of you and Minnie," he says after awhile, his voice hoarse and his nose stuffed. He sniffs loudly and it fills the silent place.
He tries to brighten up because Jungkook's the love of his life and he wants Taehyung to know his kid is doing fine. Amazing, even. He wants Taehyung to see he’s trying. He’s trying the hardest everyday. "And Hoseok got Kook into liking taekwondo. He had his Taekwondo period for three months. It was a huge mess. Your son beat me up. I had a huge bruise on my arm for fuck’s sake. He's going to be huge, like a bear when he grows up, I'm telling you." He deadpans, sniffling loudly. His nose is still clogged. He doesn’t really hate Hoseok, his teacher friend for showing Jungkook so many sports. It’s nice. Yoongi has never been a huge fan of sports and anything involving running and sweating.
He also never knew a five year-old boy could make him fall to the floor this fast. He likes to think he fell because he wasn’t prepared.
"I think we're doing fine.” He exhales softly. The name he reads isn’t blurry anymore. “I'm not sure. We have enough money, Kook is doing great at school, I'm doing fine at work. I think I have a prodigy in music production. It’s fine. Everything’s alright. Don’t you dare worry about us, yeah? Worry about yourself more, love.” He softly reassures, reaching out to place a hand on the cold marble. He’s not so sure about it all but he’s trying. His heart tells him Taehyung is proud of him. It’s all he needs.
-
Yoongi’s getting Jungkook into the backseat, making sure his seatbelt is nicely keeping him safe while humming as his son talks about how Seokjin hyung gave him a lollipop and he’s just closing the door when he suddenly hears someone calling for him. Aloud.
"Hey, Yoongi hyung!" Jimin calls out loud enough to be heard, panting a little as he still has a hand wrapped around the door he just opened. Yoongi turns round, eyes blinking at the sight of his old best friend – who should be at the reception, eating with his loved ones instead of being here, ten meters away from him, as he's about to leave.
He tilts his head at Jimin, silently asking him what's wrong. Is there a problem? Did he leave some of Jungkook's stuff behind at the reception? He definitely packed everything before saying bye to everyone. A slight pang of panic rushes inside of him.
He waits for Mister Park-turned-Kim to talk.
"I – hyung! You," Jimin starts, and his eyes slowly turn into crescents. He's smiling, and Yoongi thinks he missed getting that smile aimed at him – he used to get it when he would treat Jimin to ramen in college. A whole freaking lot. He missed it.
He missed all of them. He's quite sure he'll cry when Jungkook will be asleep tonight.
The teacher can't help smiling back, and he feels Jungkook hiding behind his leg, grabbing his smoking, looking at Jimin curiously.
"You can always come with Jungkook when you have free time, Yoongi hyung! Just call and we'll prepare a room for you! We all missed you, you know! And Taehyung would have wanted us to stay together, we lived for so long together, hyung. Don't disappear again, yeah? We were all happy to see you, I swear!" Jimin almost shouts and he's gripping the side of the door a little bit harder.
If Yoongi’s heart beats faster. If he feels his eyes watering a little and if he feels suddenly overwhelmed, he doesn't show it. Not when Jungkook is here because Jungkook would get stressed and think Jimin makes his father cry and he would panic at the tears. So Yoongi keeps his tears and hides the way his smile breaks a little.
“We’ll come for Christmas, Minnie. You guys – you guys could maybe come to Seoul? You can crash at ours.” Yoongi mutters loud enough, hesitant. He really wants to try. He really, really wants to. He missed them.
So when Jimin smiles widely, nodding way too energetically with a chuckle, Yoongi can’t help breaking into a smile in return and they both know the words they don’t dare saying. They both know. They all know. I missed you. I'm sure Taehyung’s happy up there. Let yourself be happy.
Jungkook knocks on the window from inside the car, watching his dad with wonder in his eyes. Yoongi joins him in the car soon after. “Let’s go home, love. Let’s go home.”