Chapter Text
Taehyung couldn't sleep.
It was nothing unusual - he rarely fell asleep within the first few hours of going to bed, always staying up to the ungodly morning hours when the birdsong and sunlight would flicker in through the gaps between the curtains. All too often he heard the first train pass nearby, the muffled sound of the tracks signalling that it was already 4:05 a.m. and that he had once again lain sleepless for hours, staring into the darkness behind his closed eyelids. He had a knack for knowing when he’d be able to catch a few hours, putting his hyperactive mind to rest and letting his strained body get the dear time to recover from the stress of the previous day, but now his phone screen flashed a dismal 2:46 as he pressed the lock button and his heart sank.
When Taehyung had first started university as a double political science and international relations major it had been much easier. His body, new to doing things that actually depleted his concentration and skill without much pause and then having the rest of his days focused on memorising this, writing this and reading that, had finally found itself crashing into a blissful and dreamless sleep more often than not. During his first midterms his mind didn't even have time to think about staying awake whenever he got the smallest of breaks, be it a quick nap in the library before he rushed between study halls and exams or when his head finally hit the pillow after two days of non-stop studying, he’d been able to fall asleep without hesitance for the first time in his life. But good things don’t last, and after just a few months of university he was back to square one; once again having nights spent alone with the thoughts that filled his brain like blackened thorns, thrashing at his brain like an unrelenting migraine. It had always been psychological - always something left askew within his mind, not his poor body that had to deal with the consequences.
He slumbered fewer nights than spent awake; drinking, gaming or simply staring into the darkness of his room (or soul - you decide) as it enveloped him until dawn arrived and it was time to drag his sorry ass out for the day’s plans. The cycle of insomnia carved the curvature of his life, twisting around the ups and the downs alike, with no end to its .
Taehyung sighed softly, his eyes opening to follow the porcelain shape of Jeongguk’s resting body in the bed next to his, only an arm’s length and yet what felt like a whole other world away. His computer monitor was the only light in the room, the blinds and curtains for the window firmly shut against the busy streets of Seoul, its nightlife likely to be intense despite it being Tuesday - or... was it Wednesday now?
He shook his head in a lackluster attempt to clear its cluster of thoughts, letting loose a low chuckle when he acknowledged that he would had been outside just like all those people were it not for his first class starting 6 a.m., out in some dimly lit club on the other end of Gwanak-gu or maybe even in Gangnam, as he spent his night downing shots of soju and overpriced beer as his mind slowed and his drinking sped up. He’d be alone most of the time, sometimes accompanied by a friend or some stranger whose name he’d never remember but whose number he sometimes found saved in his phone after a slick blowjob or quickie in a cramped bathroom stall. It was a miracle he’d been able to keep it up for so long, being in his third year at university and second year as an avid clubber, but thanking his family for his never-ending supply of money and himself for his smarts, it had somehow worked out.
Naturally most of his friends had noticed, but they all had their quirks and habits they didn’t confront each other about. Just like no one mentioned how it was so painfully obvious it was that Hoseok and Yoongi were fucking around, or like how no one mentioned how Namjoon spent so much time smiling down on his iPhone as he texted some unknown person, no one mentioned how Taehyung just simply seemed to disappear a couple nights a week only to come back home - or directly to class in the morning - reeking of filthy regret and bad decisions, hair tousled as if it’d been pulled at as he swayed to stay on his feet. They knew he could have issues sleeping sometimes too, that periodically Taehyung seemed to be awake more at night and play more games and eat more cereal in the early hours of mornings, and that after he turned 20 he simply seemed to disappear a lot of the time, but they never grasped the severity of the situation - nor did Taehyung tell them about it. Any questioning towards how he'd slept or not, curious inquiries about his under eye circles and midnight showers was laughed away, like if it was just a joke whenever someone asked him how the bright purple galaxies under his sunken eyes had started to shine as if they were filling up with supernovas, that it was no more than just a joke about how he liked to spend hours in the shower scrubbing his skin as if he had to clean himself more, more thoroughly and harder, to make the dirt go away.
Everyone has their thing, after all. Taehyung was just one of many other young males in Seoul who seeked to find their hearts and mind in the alcohol after a stressful day at work and university, just another brick in the wall of society.
Well, maybe he’d have better luck sleeping tomorrow night, but tonight? He doubted it, and his doubts rarely found him in the wrong.
Sitting up with a muffled and annoyed groan, Taehyung let his feet hit the floor softly, stretching out his back as his eyes gazed at his computer tiredly. If anything he could just tell Jeongguk that he woke up and didn’t feel like sleeping again just yet, enabling him to play Overwatch for an hour or two before it was time to go back to bed, all to spend more time with his mind and endless stream of thoughts.
But hey, at least tomorrow would come - it always did, and he’d already seen it, written in black on the slick white schedule he’d been following since the start of term, only with minor changes since, deeming his future too important to be missed but dooming his mind to the endless stress and incoming fall.
-
He and Jeongguk had shared a dorm room for the better part of two years by now. Jeongguk, blessed his soul be, had not once questioned Taehyung about his habits. He’d simply expressed that he was happy that Taehyung at least was silent when he came home, mostly after he’d gone to bed himself, and that he’d never been woken up by Taehyung climbing into bed. Little did he know, those were the rare nights - most of the time, Taehyung did little more than come home in the early mornings to switch clothes before he was out of the door again, spending his last hours before his first lesson in a diner or the library as to not rouse any of Jeongguk’s suspicion when he woke up to see Taehyung sitting in the kitchen, his hair standing at all angles as he focused on taking notes from whatever brick of a textbook he had with him this time around.
Namjoon and Hoseok shared their own room just next to the two of them too, and on the mornings their classes synced it was typical for him to meet them up at the shared balcony. All dorm rooms at least had their own bathroom and kitchen, thank God, but whenever it came to smoking you always had to walk to each floors shared balcony - the fire alarms were way too sensitive for anyone to smoke in their rooms, even out of their windows, and hence it had created a common area and place to make new friends to everyone who smoked, be it cigarettes over a morning coffee or weed mixed together with shared soju bottles and tear stained stories.
He’d met them both in his first year, a few months into term and just after he’d begun to smoke. His parents wasn’t around anymore, not that they really had been around the last couple of years before he started university either but still, so that meant he was free to do whatever he wanted nowadays. He had yet to start drinking that very much, only really attending the occasional frat party, but getting into smoking was easier than he’d expected it to be, taking his first toke off one at his first ever university party and then continuing the habit when he noticed how relaxing it was.
He’d officially been a smoker for two weeks when he first properly bumped into Namjoon and Hoseok, 2 a.m. on a Friday night at the shared balcony. He’d carelessly jumped into their conversation about the current political situation of South Korea without really thinking much into it, and somehow that had started a blooming friendship with the two elders that still lasted until this day, making them best friends without much ado.
Even with them in their fourth year, Taehyung in his third and Jeongguk in his second, they’d kept in contact, all of them still sharing the same second floor. Yoongi was still living alone on the third floor apartment, no one wanting to share the same flat with him, but it had all worked out with them remaining best friends all through university.
-
Taehyung had always had a thing for Jeongguk. Ever since he first moved in with him, just as Taehyung was starting his second year and Jeongguk, who’d skipped a grade back in elementary, starting his first one. The younger male was a business student, just like him sent by his family to finish off his masters at a top university, and it just so happened that their parents were old friends with each other.
The first time Jeongguk knocked on the door of Taehyung’s then solo dorm room, Taehyung had nearly gotten a stroke as he opened the door to let his new roommate in. He hadn’t heard much more than ‘he’s a good kid, really smart and driven but a bit innocent, take care of him’ from his parents about the boy, and he instantly shoot invisible thought daggers to them both for not telling him just how perfect he was look-wise. His parents were fully aware of him being gay, and albeit they may not have been the most supportive of it they left him do his thing in hopes of him “growing out of it” or some bullshit along those lines.
But Jeongguk. Wow. He’d stuttered out a short ‘hello, I’m Kim Taehyung’ before opening the door up for Jeongguk to come inside, heaving his two duffel bags and single carton box of stuff into the sparsely decorated apartment. He’d tried not to stare at the younger as he unpacked in silence, putting his clothes into the the second closet Taehyung had cleared out for him the day before, but he kept peeking at him over the textbook he’d been reading out of, watching how Jeongguk’s arm muscles tensed when he lifted up book after book out of his duffel bag to put on his shelf, how his black jeans clinged to his thighs as if they were about to break and how he had to brush back his raven hair every few minutes to get it out of his face as he unpacked.
Taehyung would almost had preferred an ugly roommate rather than someone he’d constantly thirst after, and Jeongguk’s personality hadn’t made it much easier for him. The boy had turned out to be one of those rare people who managed to be both shy and sociable at once, not a social butterfly like himself but rather one of those boys you’d expect to be that one really enjoyable and kind frat boy, sticking out from his alcohol obsessed peers. He was really diligent with his studies and attended all his lessons just like Taehyung did, he got along really well with Taehyung’s closest friend circle which he introduced him too. Taehyung had found himself so lucky when he found out Jeongguk, just like himself, was gay, but when the younger hadn’t even noticed Taehyung’s early attempts at flirting he’d just given up on ever managing to coax him into bed.
And at the same time as all the other, his smile rivalled the sun, and Taehyung’s miserable, one-sided crush lived on all through the year that was to come.
-
Taehyung liked to believe people were good, that being around people would magically make him one of them, that it’d cure whatever darkness he had inside of him and render him safe for both himself and society. But instead he kept ending up at the pub, sometimes following Yoongi’s tip to write his sorrows out like the anger and sadness that intermingled within his mind would make the soju turn into ink on paper, verses of reassuring wants for the future and things he always wanted to turn into something beautiful looking all pretty for everyone else but himself, the one who knew just how fake they all were.
Taehyung wasn’t happy, he hadn’t been for a long time, but hiding behind an excited smile and alluring words proved to be easier than going to a shrink, at least in his own pathetic mind.
He had always been on his own, and at this stage he didn’t know how to let someone in. His time was past.
-
“Taehyung, come on! Get up, we both need to leave for class in 20 minutes!” Jeongguk shook at his shoulder, and Taehyung blearily blinked up at him, confused at being the one woken up for once.
“Fucking hell, can’t ge-” He muttered a bit irritably, much preferring to the mornings where everyone sounded like the a passing wind to his tired head, when he hadn’t slept for the last three days and it was starting to get to him for once.
“Jeongguk I fucking get it, I’m coming, okay?” He had to follow it up with, Jeongguk still shaking his shoulder in an attempt to - wake him up? Clear his mind? Let him fall back asleep so that he could wake up happier next time, not with a plethora of curses on the tip of his tongue and ready to attack whoever came too close?
Jeongguk just gave him a tight-lipped smile, nodding his head as he affirmed Taehyung being awake before he quickly turned his back and, as Taehyung kept his eyes on his shoulders, took the few needed steps before he was stood in front of his closet, opening it wide as if he was opening the curtains to let the unholy light of early mornings to shine upon them.
Well, if he had to leave so soon he’d better get a grip of himself and rise. He couldn’t remember when he actually managed to pass out, but it must have been less than three hours ago judging on the faint, pulsating headache and remaining exhaustion in his body. But it was something at least, he’d managed to fall asleep the second day rather than the fourth or fifth, and it felt heavenly no matter how it felt the first hour or two in the morning, before he’d properly woken up and was ready to face the world again.
It took him less than a minute to leave bed, legs unsteady as he made his way to the bathroom, not bothering to put on anything else than the pajama pants he’d worn to bed - Jeongguk only slept in his boxers most of the time anyhow, and they’d both had the misfortune to see way more of the other’s body than they’d ever wished for during the years they’d known each other.
He brushed his teeth before stepping into the shower to quickly cleaning himself up, his mind finally starting to wake up from the dreamless sleep he’d been blessed with as he stepped out, draping his towel around his waist as he made the trek back to his and Jeongguk’s room, the younger having already left their shared space with a loud ‘see you later, hyung!’ and slam of their front door while Taehyung had been in the middle of shampooing his for once natural dark brown hair.
Getting dressed in the morning was always a chore, but it was something humans sadly had to do if they wanted to be known and seen as respectable - a.k.a it was something he’d stopped cursing over years ago - and it didn’t take long for him to put on underwear, a pair of black skinny jeans and an oversized white turtleneck that reached halfway down his thighs and gave him sweater paws extending way past his fingertips.
Checking the clock on the wall and confirming he had enough time left to stop by the nearest campus coffee shop to get himself a quick breakfast and coffee as he put his prescription glasses on, he had fourteen minutes left until his first seminare of the day, and after making his way across the room to put his phone into his back pocket and putting his political economy textbook and laptop under his left arm, effectively ignoring the need for a backpack, he was out of the room, not even giving it a second glance to see if he’d forgotten something before slamming the door behind him.
He walked with quick steps into what they called their hallway, but what was really no more than an extended part of their combined kitchen and living room but with a coat hanger screwed onto the wall and a shoe rack on the floor, he put his book and laptop in between his legs as he shrugged on his maroon coat he’d been favouring as of late before fitting them back under his arm, opening the front door as he slid into a pair of worn out leather boots, not bothering to tie the laces before he exited, the door locking on its own behind him as he made his way down the two flights of stairs. He didn’t even try with the elevator - it had been broken since long before he moved in according to the other residents, and it had never shown any sign of working or being repaired in the years he’d lived there.
If being an university student had taught Taehyung one thing, it was to never waste any time, mainly because he rarely seemed to have any to spare, and that was something that affected close to everything he did. Pulling up the opened pack of Marlboro reds out of his coat pocket before he’d even gotten out of the building’s entrance, he was ready to light today’s morning dose of lung cancer as soon as he stepped foot outside, the chill air of a December morning meeting him like a punch in the face and making him shiver instantly.
Thank fucking God the walk to the coffee shop and then to his class was less than ten minutes in total, he thought as he took his second drag of his cigarette, writing a mental note to buy both himself and Namjoon new packs later in the day, as the older would definitely forget to get some for himself otherwise and he remembered him moaning about how he only had four left when they’d taken their last mutual cigarette on the shared balcony yesterday evening.
It was sort of nice to have company when you smoked yourself into an early death, after all. He, Hoseok, Namjoon and Yoongi were all daily smokers, Yoongi joining the gang last as he’d begun smoking on the second floor balcony last year after he’d decided the third floor balcony reeked off too much piss and vomit for him to ever visit again. Before him, Taehyung had been joined only by Namjoon and Hoseok, the two education majors - Namjoon going for becoming an English teacher and Hoseok becoming one for social science - who just so happened to be sharing the dorm room next to his own. Yoongi had just shortly after he first began smoking at the second floor joined them during most if not all of their scheduled daily smoking breaks, completely abandoning the third floor balcony in favour of smoking with them.
Yoongi and Taehyung undoubtedly smoked the most. Namjoon got through maybe one or two packs of 20 a week, and Hoseok smoked around the same as he did, but Yoongi probably smoked more than twice of that, and Taehyung himself usually tried to keep himself under three packs a week if possible. It all depended on how he slept - he found that whenever he didn’t sleep he smoked more than double of what he did otherwise, and during the weeks where he was having a good period, he smoked no more than one pack a week. But those good periods were few and far apart, so in essence he still smoked nearly four a week. Honestly he’d probably have smoked more if not for how many classes he had and how he had a knack of forgetting himself when he got deep into his study sessions.
“Slept well?”
Hoseok’s voice brought him back from his thoughts, orange hair shining in the light of early morning as Taehyung blinked at the elder who’d seemingly came out of nowhere but was now walking leisurely next to him. He had his own cigarette in between his index and middle finger - same old fucking Camel blues that he refused to give up - and his dark backpack seemed to lay heavy on his shoulders as the long black coat he’d buttoned up to his throat hid most of his frame, showing little more than firm calves under blue jeans and feet tucked into a pair of clean, white trainers. He had a smile playing on his lips, something Taehyung couldn’t make himself match as he replied.
“Honestly, I regret being born.”
It wasn’t a lie.
Hoseok chuckled at that, nodding as he kept walking alongside Taehyung, no doubt planning on a visit to the coffeeshop just like he was.
“I feel you on that, man. 6 a.m. mornings combined with 7 a.m. classes will be the bane of my existence.” Hoseok snorted. “But gotta do what you gotta do, eh?”
Taehyung nodded, taking another deep drag of his cigarette and watching how the smoke curled in the air and then seemingly just disappeared into the air, invisible to human eyes.
“Yeah, deffo. But hey, at least it’s Friday and I get out before 4 p.m., that’s better than most other days.”
“Man, I’ll never know how you do it. Most people get stressed enough with just one major, meanwhile you’re here making the rest of us feel lazy as fuck when you’re here juggling two majors while still having a functioning social life…”
It was Taehyung’s turn to laugh, shaking his head as he spared another glance at Hoseok, the elder looking at him with a grin stretched over his face and sparkling eyes.
“Naw, y’all ain’t lazy, I’m just a damn overachiever.”
“True that true that.” Hoseok’s grin didn’t leave his face even after he took a drag of his own cigarette. God, Taehyung had no idea of how he could be so happy all the time. Sure, he’d seen the elder break down completely before, both out of stress and out of sadness, but generally he always seemed so joyful and full of life. The complete opposite of himself, wasn’t it? Meanwhile Taehyung had to fake his smiles more than half the time, laughing when it was appropriate and pretend like he was having a blast when he wasn’t.
Well, that was what he’d signed himself up for after all. No one else had told him that he needed to fake his happiness, no one had even suspected him doing it, and now it was so deeply engraved in him as if it was written on his bones. Don’t burden them, don’t be a burden, don’t worry them - it was second nature to him at this point.
They walked the last bit to the café in silence, both of them finishing their cigarettes just in time to toss them when they reached the café and made their way in, the heat and overpowering smell of coffee meeting them as soon as Hoseok pulled the door open for the two of them, Taehyung’s glasses fogging up because of the heat for a couple of seconds before they got used to the heat. There wasn’t too many people in it even though it was rush hour, probably because it was located a bit into the campus area and only a couple of classes had class this early on Fridays,
Ordering a double espresso, and Hoseok after him ordering a mocha frappuccino, their take-away orders were finished quickly. Exiting the coffee shop while avoiding bumping into any of the other customers was an easy task, the line still not showing a very imposing amount of people in their way. It was but a couple of seconds until they had to part ways, Hoseok walking towards his history education lesson with little more than a ‘have fun!’ as Taehyung went on to get to his political history class, held in the larger-than-education politic building.
Sitting down in the front of the hall, Taehyung looked around to see how many others had shown up to the early lecture. To little surprise, most of the lecture hall seemed to be empty - sure, it was Friday morning, but it was university. Most people would still party a Thursday night, no matter if it meant missing their first class.
Well, each to their own. Taehyung simply couldn’t afford missing a lesson, courtesy of his parents who payed for all he did.
-
Can you pinpoint the exact moment you fucked up your entire life?
Taehyung could recall a total of three different moments that could have led to him being - well, whatever he now was. Three memories of split second decisions that had led up to him falling deeper and deeper into the shit, things that had shaped him into being the man he was today.
The first one was when Taehyung was eleven years old and fractured his leg in three different places along with a hefty concussion, after forgetting to look to his left as he crossed the street on his tiny, red bike. Hence when he’d started to bleed, liquid pooling over the ground around him had first looked like it was just his bike melting, that it was his bike that had started to bleed instead of Taehyung. It didn’t take him long until the shock lessened and the pain was there to be felt, reminding him that there was no such thing as organic, living bikes.
He was put in the hospital for a week, and that was when Taehyung first found comfort in the pretty, pink pills that took away the pain every evening, lulling into a sense of comfort and later on a heavy sleep. He never forgot about them, and when he a couple of years later discovered the exact same ones in his parents’ bathroom cabinet an evening as he’d taken his chance to sneak around as his parents were still at work. He didn’t hesitate a second to pour out half into his tiny palm before putting it back the exact way he found it and running back to his room, not even bothering to get something to swallow it down with before he popped two into his mouth before retreating to bed.
And that was his first mistake.
The second one was when Taehyung was 15 and his mother found out that he’d been taking her pills to sleep, and that he admitted to it without thinking of the consequences. He ended up in the hospital once again, but this time it was called rehabilitation and the only thing it brought him was two weeks of pain, as if all the sleepless and anxious nights he'd missed the last year because of his prescription drug addiction had decided it was time to come back to him all at once now that he didn't have anything to protect himself from the anxiety, paranoia and pain with anymore, courtesy of the cursed “clean body clean soul” doctors who'd stripped him of medication and freedom all at once.
They brought with them the invisible bugs that make their way around his body without pause making him itch and refusing to leave him alone, no matter how he scratched his skin with deep nails to counter the war raging inside of him, breaking his skin over and over again in attempts to bleed them out so that he'd finally be left alone. He was told that it wasn’t real and just another part of his withdrawals, but how could it just be his imagination when he could see them moving like small bumps under his skin so vividly?
They brought with them the monsters that lived under his bed, the monsters outside the window of his fourth floor bedroom that he could feel staring at him tirelessly as soon as the sun went down, the monsters that he could see out of the corner of his eyes that reminded him of his deepest, darkest fears personified. He could hear them laughing maniacally at him each night as he silently let the fearful tears fall under his blanket every night after the lights went out at 10 p.m. sharp, his heart pounding as if he was constantly running away from something that never let him go. It didn’t matter how many things he stuffed under his bed to fill the empty space of how tightly he shut the blinds, they were always visible for him in his head as if he saw them in broad daylight.
It took nine days for the bugs and the monsters to finally let go of him, leaving Taehyung with a broken mind, suffocating paranoia, and scratch wounds wrapped in bandages and plasters all over his arms, hands and face. When he came back after his two week rehabilitation Taehyung was no more than a ghost of his past self.
It had been five years since he was a 15 year old boy who’d been addicted to his mother’s prescription medication to help him sleep at night, but still managed to be so sheltered from the outside world by his protective parents that his world was built around school and his bedroom, a world where getting anything else than top grades were the end of the world and the concept of poverty was something he’d been taught in social science class rather than something he’d seen and experienced himself. He’d grown into a young adult who’d gotten into Seoul National University without any troubles at all, a model student that showcased near-perfect grades even though he spent more time in shady clubs and pubs than the university library, throwing back more shots on an average Friday night than hours he’d slept the week leading up to it.
And the third, final moment was when Taehyung had decided that he wasn’t okay, because before he accepted it it was so much easier to just hide it away, ignore it and pretend like he still had a spark in his eyes and hope for what the future had to give. But as soon as he came to terms with the darkness inside of him it got enough power to crush him, but no matter how heavy his body felt or how loudly his mind told him he should cry, scream, break apart and kill himself all at the same time he had to keep acting like he was fine, that he was happy and neurotypical and enjoying the life he’d been given.
And that was what hurt him the most - the pretend games he didn’t only play with himself, but with everyone around him, the one thing he couldn’t give up or let slip up for a single second. Because if the mask fell to the side for even a second, his world was bound to crash down to rubble and he didn’t think he could handle it, not at all.
Just how bad his mental state really was was a secret to himself too, after all. It wasn’t worth getting help for it. He wasn’t worth it, after all. He wasn’t worth a thing at all.
-
At university, Friday was, in essence, just another word for getting drunk. And naturally, Taehyung could always be found in the middle of it all, no matter what.
Somehow having made friends with a third of campus, it wasn’t really a surprise that he often had to take an uber in the middle of night to make his way from party from party, but he didn’t complain - more parties meant that he could get away with drinking more, and it gave him a much larger crowd to choose tonight’s lucky man from before dragging the winner with him home. It had once been an unspoken rule between Jeongguk and himself that he was to text the younger before dragging someone back home with him, but a couple of months ago when Jeongguk finally got tired of the elder texting him every damned Friday he’d effectively started sleeping on Namjoon and Hoseok’s couch instead, and Taehyung sure as hell wasn’t going to complain.
It was way past 3 a.m. already, and Taehyung’s buzz had been at maximum for the last hour or two already. He didn’t waste any time to start drinking after all, starting pre-drinks at 6 p.m. sharp with the rest of the boys in his and Jeongguk’s dorm room before they all went to his first and their probably only party of the night. He had yet to find someone to bring home tonight, but it wasn’t anything special. The parties didn’t stop until early morning, so he still had a solid three hours left to find tonight’s dick bringer, but at the same time he was hitting his limits alcohol wise and it was a race against drinks at this point.
He’d been talking to Eunji, one of his fellow political science classmates, when he finally spots Jeongguk behind her at the other side of the room. He hadn’t expected him here, not after he left him and the others behind on the other side of campus hours ago, stopping mid sentence as he gazed at the other male.
Eunji was quick to take notice, following his eyes towards Jeongguk and raising her eyebrows before turning her head back to Taehyung.
“So, you finally found someone to entertain you tonight?”
Taehyung whipped his head back to her, lips turning up into a grin as he laughed softly.
“God, no, that’s my roommate.”
“Oh - he’s hot as fuck though, init? You tryna say y’all haven’t fucked already?”
“We haven’t actually.”
“Ah - he’s straight then, isn’t he?”
Taehyung shook his head, still grinning as he looked down at her frame - she was more than a feet shorter than he was, after all.
“Nah, he’s gay as hell, but also the biggest God damned prude I know - plus in the closet to the general public. We’ve lived with each other for two years and not once has he brought anyone back and sexiled me.”
Eunji nodded her head understandingly, smile showing her perfect and probably bleached row of teeth at him.
“You like him, though, don’t you?”
Taehyung stilled, perplexed at the question he’d never been asked before. No one else had noticed how his eyes always softened when he looked at Jeongguk, not once had he been questioned about how his lips just turned up by reflex whenever his name was mentioned.
There wasn’t any reason for him to lie anyhow.
“Tell me about it, man.”
“How long?”
“Fucking ages.”
Eunji shook her head once again, black hair shining in the dimmed light as she smiled at him, meeting his eyes just as he was about to turn back to looking at Jeongguk.
“That’s a pain in the ass, init?” It was a rhetoric question, as she continued. “Go to him, at least. He’s going to get swamped with girls soon if not, gay or not.”
She pushed him slightly, and Taehyung grinned back down at her before saying a quick ‘see ya’ and rushing over to where Jeongguk was standing. He had yet to see Taehyung it seemed, his eyes turned towards the kitchen - probably debating walking over for a drink as he didn’t have one in hand - as he knocked on the younger’s shoulder, making him turn around and immediately smile at him.
“Fancy seeing you here, who on earth invited you?”
“Yo, Tae!” It was hard not to laugh at the boy; he was obviously already quite drunk, otherwise the snigger he let out wouldn’t have been so carefree and light. “Y’know Baekhyun, from my accounting class? Red hair, kinda short, always happy?”
“Oh yeah yeah, he’s one of the ones holding this, isn’t he?”
Jeongguk nodded, the smile on his lips threatening to make Taehyung pass out if it didn’t let go of him anytime soon.
“Yup! So I decided to crash by, plus I assumed you’d be here anyways too.”
Taehyung raised his eyebrows.
“Oh, how come?”
Can you fucking stop smiling soon, you’re going to be the death of me.
“Only two parties at campus tonight as far as I’ve heard, so you’d either be here or clubbing.”
He sure hit the head of the nail.
“You right, you right. I was thinking about going to the club later if I didn’t find any fun here, but now that you’re here I’ll have to stay and babysit, won’t I?” He teased.
“Fuck you too, Tae.” Jeongguk looked around, lowering his voice ever so slightly. “So, y’all haven’t found anyone to, um, bring back yet? Am I finally going to get to sleep in my own bed on this glorious Friday night?”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, the night is still young.”
“It’s…” The younger whipped his phone out of his back pocket, clicking the home button quickly before putting it back down. “3:17 a.m., the night isn’t young anymore.”
“You and me, my dear Gukkie, lead very different lives.”
Jeongguk snorted.
“Tell me about it, I don’t understand how you can go out and drink your bodyweight in alcohol each weekend.” If he only knew. “Speaking of alcohol, care to accompany me to the kitchen?”
“Naturally, I needa get another beer too anyhow, mine’s almost out.”
He chugged the rest few sips, showing its emptiness to Jeongguk by tipping it upside down, a single drop of beer falling to the dark wooden floor below them.
Avoiding walking into any fellow, drunk students as they walked to the kitchen wasn’t too hard, although both Taehyung and Jeongguk stumbled more than twice on their way - both probably have drank more than enough for the night - and it didn’t take them long to get there, gazing in unison over the large assortment of mixed alcoholic beverages and mixers.
Taehyung made a straight beeline for the fridge, opening it up to showcase the rows of undrunken, cheap beer that was his drink of choice for now. He’d had enough shots of soju already, and he was quite sure it wasn’t a good idea to have even another one or two bottles. He may like getting drunk, but blacking out had never been something he was all too fond of.
Jeongguk didn’t seem to think the same way as he did though, judging by how the younger had simply taken it upon himself to unscrew a bottle of soju and instead of pouring it into a soju glass simply necked it straight out of the bottle, making Taehyung break out in laughter at the same time he opened his own bottle, Jeongguk turning to face him with a goofy grin on his face.
“What, don’t act like you’ve never done that before.”
“Of course I have, but I at least try to stay out of the whole, y’know, black-out-drunk parts?”
“I can’t do that if I’m gonna do what I want to do.”
“Hm? What do you-” Taehyung was stopped mid-sentence by Jeongguk lunging forward, trapping Taehyung with his arms before leaning in for a kiss. Chaste, just like Jeongguk was as a person, and Taehyung was certain that he was actually dreaming.
Surely, Jeongguk hadn’t kissed him. Surely, he wasn’t still kissing him, lips firmly pressed against Taehyung’s. It had been a dream of his for more than a year, and he couldn’t believe that it happened in a fucking frat house kitchen out of all places. There wasn’t anything like birds singing in the background or fireworks playing in his head, just the loud voices of drunk students and the alcoholic haze in mind, but it was perfect nonetheless.
But he knew what he was playing at, and he couldn’t let go just yet. So when Jeongguk tried to pull back, pink tainting his cheeks beautifully, Taehyung wasted no time in putting his hand on the back on his head, reaching forward to once again catch the youngers lips, this time deepening the kiss further than Jeongguk’s chaste move, completely ignoring the other people in the room that were bound to be watching, and were sure to spread the word around that Jeongguk wasn’t just as pure and straight as he’d given light of.
Taehyung wouldn’t have chosen to come out to the entire university campus that had been thirsting after him for the better part of two years just like that, but hey, who was he to judge? He didn’t earn his image as a player out of doing nothing, after all, working it since the first frat party he attended and somehow ended up wooing one of his more well-known upperclassmen back home with him.
When the kiss finally did end though, leaving them both out of breath as if they’d been fighting with sword and bow rather than tongue and lip, Taehyung had finally started to actually think through what had just happened, and the cheers that sounded through the room could finally be heard over his heartbeats. Opening his eyes to see Jeongguk breathing with open mouth, doe eyes shining of innocence mixed with lust - however on earth those two could be mixed - staring down at Taehyung.
He smirked, a playful giggle releasing out of his mouth.
“Maybe I found someone to stay the night with me, after all?”