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Screams came from everywhere, deafening and cruel. No amount of covering her ears and squeezing her eyes shut did anything to help, the voices only became louder.
Finally, Rey sat up breathing heavily and drenched with sweat. It was only a nightmare, she thought to herself for the umpteenth time. She took in her surroundings, relieved to see that she was back in her room on the old Resistance base. It wasn't much to look at, but it gave her comfort in times of unrest such as these. Not much else did anymore. Not since her last bit of hope had slipped through her fingers.
Reluctantly, she pushed herself off of her bed and tried to slow her breathing, walking over to the door of her tiny quarters.
Another one? That must've been the third just this week.
The girl rolled her eyes and ignored the push of the man in her mind, though she would've much rather made a snide comment. It didn't matter, anyway. She knew he'd sense the annoyance through their bond no matter what she did.
Rey couldn't go for long without feeling Ben's- no, Kylo's persistent thoughts prodding her left and right, but it wasn't her fault that she shut him out. He was the one that had made the wrong choice.
To say that she was strong enough to not want to pull him back even after his decision would've been ridiculous. Even she had had a moment of vulnerability that day before she shut the door on him, figuratively and literally. She'd wanted more than anything to be with him, to say "screw it all" to the universe and choose the easy way out.
But she recognized that the one she needed was Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren, and that's all he was now. His thirst for power had drowned out his pull to the light, and she couldn't follow him down that path. Not when she knew it was wrong. Still . . . how she missed him.
Promptly, she snapped out of her sulking and freshened up before the new day. It was fairly early to be up, but she'd rather not have to deal with any more nightmares than she had to, so she set to work on the one good thing that had come out of scavenging for parts on Jakku all those long years: repairing ships.
A few hours in, Rey felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up, happy to see Finn looking down at her. "You lost in space or what?" He teased.
Rey chuckled. "Just concentrated."
"Well, Rose and I were gonna check on a corrupted transmission and wanted to know if you would like to come along. We could really use your help," Finn said with a smile.
The girl paused as if she were thinking for a moment, even though she'd already determined her answer before he'd finished his sentence. "I'll have to pass on that. You two go have fun." Rey watched guiltily as Finn comprehended her answer, noticing the small indications of disappointment on his face although he attempted to conceal them and laugh it off. He nodded and swiftly rushed over to Rose who had been waiting for him a few feet away. Though Rey couldn't hear them, she knew that Finn was dejectedly explaining to his companion that, once again, the "War Hero" that the mechanic idolized would not be joining them.
Rey knew Rose was a kind girl. It wasn't that she harbored any jealousy towards her for being so close to Finn. Rather, it was the fact that Rey knew as soon as she had walked into the stern of the Millenium Falcon after saving those remaining of the Resistance that this was not the place she was meant to be. Everyone's lives had moved on without her. She knew it wasn't anything personal, it was just the way things worked.
Haven't you had enough isolation to last you a lifetime? What is holding you back from going with them? B- Kylo's voice pushed through her mind, though she was sure he already knew.
Rey scoffed and continued tending to the broken circuits on the Resistance ship.
When she couldn't possibly push herself to fix more on the ships that day, the girl stood up, her legs aching from the lack of walking she'd done. Rey walked back to her quarters without so much as a glance around to see if any of her friends were present.
Rey absent-mindedly strolled into her room and strode over to the storage holding the little amount of clothing she'd been able to salvage from various deposits around the old base. She grabbed a pair of looser clothing and walked into the powder room, hastily changing into the more comfortable apparel.
With a sigh, she fell on her bed. Looking up at the ceiling, Rey imagined the stars aglow around her and tried to retreat into a more relaxed state. Difficult. She knew he was there which was enough to keep her from being composed.
A moment or two passed before she finally built up her resolve. The girl sat up while heaving a deep breath and looked in the direction that he would've been in, had he actually been in the room. He looked up and gazed into her eyes with the same expression he'd donned in the base on Crait now mixed with incredulity that she'd actually acknowledged him.
"Rey, I-"
"Don't," she cut him off sharply. Her chest flamed furiously with anger, betrayal, and disappointment, yet there was a hint of something else. Longing? She glowered at him with dark eyes, determined to hide it from him. "You know I can back out of this whenever I want in a matter of seconds," she reminded. It didn't need to be said; they both knew she was capable of doing just that.
Silence passed between them as the girl chose her next words, her facade of nonchalance already breaking. "How is it that someone you're so sure about, someone that maybe even cared, can reject every last bit of feeling and not feel any regret about it?!" she demanded.
His expression changed into one of offense as he began to protest, "I do-"
"No." He looked at her with a glance of submission, gave the metaphorical floor to her and nodded to urge her to continue. Rey sensed that he knew she needed to let these thoughts out.
Tears pricked her eyes and her voice broke as she began again. "You could've just come back!" Rey started. "There's no reason for you to stay in the First Order, there's nothing for you there!" Her words lingered in the air, along with the unspoken ones: she was the one for him here. A single tear fell down her cheek as she looked at him with disappointment. Right in front of her was the one person she had related to, the one person who she had told the truly important things to, and yet he was millions of light years away physically and felt just as far away from her emotionally.
"How could you do it? I truly thought-" Rey broke off as more tears fell and her voice stopped. The girl felt sorrow and agony in every inch of her body. She was furious that he couldn't give up his lust for power. She was furious that he'd rejected the last bit of light he had. But most of all, she was furious that he'd abandoned her.
"Do you even care?" Rey whispered, looking up at Ben. She feebly wiped the tears away before lowering her gaze to the floor.
His bottom lip trembled as he watched her break down, and hesitantly, he walked over to her. She noticed his gloved hands clenched into fists, a sign of his internal conflict, and raised her eyes to meet his once more.
Tentatively, he spoke. "I do care, Rey." He paused and she averted her gaze before he continued. "From the moment our minds connected again when you were in the Falcon, I knew I was wrong. I thought that . . . I thought that the bond was fake, that everything was fake when Snoke told us he made it up. And when you refused to turn, that was what solidified that it was fake in my mind. But when we connected again afterward, I immediately realized the mistake I'd made." He took a breath and finished, "I didn't get a chance to tell you."
Rey looked at him again with guilt tainting her expression. If I'd just taken the time to listen, she thought, we both could've been spared this whole soap opera.
"Don't say that," Ben spoke. "We're here now, what's done is done." He tenderly brushed a tear from her cheek and a hint of a smile tugged at his lips. For the first time since she'd acknowledged him, he fully took her in. With a sigh, he turned as if to leave. "It must be late, you should get some rest."
A bout of confusion passed over Rey before she realized he must've been referring to her sleepwear when he made the comment. "Right, yeah." She reluctantly turned away from him and walked to the head of her bed to pull the covers down. Her eyes drifted back to him one more time. "Ben?"
He faced her again with a question in his eyes, looking much less distressed than he had before. "Yes?" he replied.
She smiled before a soft "thanks" escaped her lips. With that, the vision ended. Rey took a moment to compose herself, realizing in the process that she'd be met again in sleep with her inevitable nightmares. It can't be that bad, she tried to assure herself while climbing under the covers.
Rey laid her head on the pillow, but felt nothing in regards to fatigue which she'd hoped would lull her to sleep. She tossed and turned for what seemed like hours before finally falling into a light doze, only to be jolted awake again in her attempt to resist the night terrors. She sighed before noticing a warm feeling right above her hand.
She looked over and sensed Ben again. He appeared to be sitting next to her, even though he was far off somewhere. His right hand was tentatively placed over her left in what she assumed was a gesture of comfort. Worried he might leave again and in her moment of uncontrolled wishing, she thought to him, Don't go. Please.
His expression was one of utter astonishment as he gazed back at her. She realized what could've been implied, averted her eyes, and felt her cheeks rise in temperature almost instantly. N-Not like that, she assured him. I just can't sleep. She looked up at him again to see if her outburst had just cost her any hopes of being taken seriously, but found instead a pair of soft, knowing eyes looking down at her.
I understand, his words came into her mind. He adjusted himself so that he was laying down and able to look at her directly. I have them, too.
The girl smiled softly at him. At least they were able to talk and be near, even if they were millions of light years away. She shifted closer to him and easily fell asleep after hearing a faintly audible, "Sweet dreams, Rey."
Rey'd never experienced a more tranquil night of sleep in her life.