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Steve never finished his early college applications, having them fall by the wayside in losing his girlfriend and fighting inter-dimensional creatures…again. He barely thought about anything outside of his weird life for the rest of that semester. Even as the spring semester began warming up, the question of life after graduation evaded him; he kept trying to be cool every time he saw Nancy and Jonathan together and trying to keep a nerdy middle schooler at bay. Neither actions were truly successful, as Nancy gave him one too many pitying smiles when she caught him looking at them. And the fact that he was currently driving Dustin to the library on a rainy Saturday, just shows how he’s really losing it.
“You don’t understand, Steve-O, old Mrs. Ricks thinks Edison invented the lightbulb. But I had read something different when I was looking into heating lamps and reptiles,” rambled on Dustin, as Steve focused on the road. The grey atmosphere and foggy windshield made this an unpleasant drive, but the little wannabe Einstein couldn’t bike through the pouring rain.
“Don’t call me Steve-O and I’m already driving you against my better judgement, so you don’t have to convince me further, Dustin. I thought this was an emergency—“
“This i—“
“NO. This is definitely not an emergency, so don’t even try to say otherwise. You are lucky that I wanted to skip the daylong event that would have been Samuel Evans’s college acceptance dinner, or else you would have had to do like the rest of us, which is ENJOY your Saturday,” Steve posited as he swung a right and stopped his car in front of the library stairs.
“I thought applications weren’t due for another week for many of them” asked Dustin, getting his bag ready and hand on the car door handle.
“I don’t know, all I know is that he applied early so they accepted him early,”
“What do you mean, you don’t know? Did you already turn in your applications?”
“I’ve been really busy Dustin. Now get out of the car and I’ll see in three hours,” Steve said, leaning over and opening the door for Dustin.
“What do you mean you’ve been really busy? Have you not tur—“
“Dustin,” Steve started.
“No,” Dustin said forcefully before slamming the door shut, “go park. You are coming in with me and finishing those applications.”
“I don’t even have the applications with me,”
“The librarian has extras and I have extra paper, so let’s get to it, Harrington,”
There is no arguing with Dustin; there’s no way he would hear the end of it. Steve knows he had made a mistake in giving out his phone number to the kid.
That’s how he spent six hours of his Saturday at the library, attempting to fill in all the personal information on numerous applications. The essay portion was the hardest part, but at least he only had to write one because most of them kept asking about a personal obstacle or achievement. By the time they headed out, the sun was on the opposite side of the sky, not setting but somewhat dimmed. Steve was looking forward to the longer days of Summer, but the extended twilights of spring would have to do. He was proud of himself, of practically completing those applications and keeping Dustin company. He knew he was occupying Dustin’s time, too, because Hopper had instated a two-person maximum at the cabin and Lucas and Max were on a not-date date.
So as he paused his car in front of the Henderson household and turned down Mrs. Henderson’s offer for dinner, because he should at least get an hour in at the Evans’s, he was surprised at Dustin’s bolt out of his car. His confusion turned horror as he saw Dustin holding onto his college application essay.
“Look, I’m gonna have Nancy check it out since you know she is super good at this stuff and I’m seeing Mike tomorrow. See you later,” he yells, his mouth wide with a smile before running towards his mom. Steve wants to run after him, kick his ass for being a sneaky little bastard, but he is running late and Mrs. Henderson was already waving goodbye to him.
That’s why he isn’t surprised, that following Monday, when his new-ish routine of a baloney sandwich lunch in his car is interrupted by taps on his window. He figured it was Nancy, and he wanted to pretend he hadn’t heard her over his music. But he knew that she would only tap louder and then he would seem like an asshole. When he looked over to his passenger window, she is there with an uncertain smile and waving his essay in front of his window. He unlocked the door and busied himself turning down the music as she slipped in. It almost felt like old times, back when they were still together, Nancy gracefully sliding into the passenger seat about to discuss homework.
“Thanks for letting me in,” she said, gently, as she fixed her skirt.
“Well, you do have, like, six hours’ worth of work in your hand. So I might as well, you know,” he said as nonchalantly as possible, keeping his eyes from focusing on hers.
“Yeah, when Dustin handed this to me and told me about your library date, I was a bit surprised. Then again, Dustin is the type of person to convince anyone of anything,” she said as she smiled, her eyes crinkling in the corners.
“You mean like stuffing an interdimensional creature into a fridge and then later helping him burn it? Oh yeah, Dustin is very convincing,” he said, his voice light. Dustin was easy to talk about, even when it involved the upside down. This quiet moment, both of them un-awkward and happy-ish, makes him tense, because he still wants to kiss her when she smiles.
“So how bad was it? Should I burn it, too?” he looking at the papers in her hand.
“No, not at all. Just some minor grammar mistakes that I marked in green because I figured you were going to type it out anyway,” she starts while shifting the papers in hand, “I was surprised, not at how good it was, just at how you were able to write about this bonding experience without mentioning the monsters and psychic teenager.”
“I figured they wouldn’t really believe the bits about the demodogs or Eleven,” he shifted slightly toward her as his voice lowered, an old habit when it came to this fiasco, “So, I remembered Dustin had technically lost his cat, Mews; the substitution went rather smoothly, after that.”
“It’s good, Steve, they will totally accept you,”
It was quiet then and he was looking at her, as she continued to shift the papers in her hand. He wanted to touch her face, hold her hand, anything, really. But he knows Jonathan is finishing up his midterm project in the dark room and the fading hickey behind her ear made his hands as heavy as lead. It surprised him to hear her speak.
“It’s been a while, since we’ve seen you,” she’s quiet but doesn’t mumble, “I think Jonathan misses making fun of your musical taste.” She smiles like there is nothing weird about hanging out with your ex and her new boyfriend. Like there is nothing off with talking nonsense with people who have fought monsters next to you.
“I just sometimes need to be by myself, Nance, that’s all,” he said, taking the papers from her hand and looking at her curly handwriting. He heard more than saw her open her mouth to say something, but she stayed quiet. He doesn’t want to look at her because he knows the face she has on. Her concerned one, with just a hint of pity. It’s the same one she had given Jonathan last year, after his brother disappeared and after he returned. It’s the one she had given him every time she caught him looking at them both from afar. The pity overwhelmed him.
He wanted to tell her the truth. He wanted to tell her that those first five weeks after were spent sleepless, more so than the first time around. That he woke up every morning after little sleep and he needed to see her, and even Jonathan, to remind himself that things were different, that the monsters were gone. He wanted to tell her that it’s hard to really think about heartbreak when you still felt vines creep up your legs and blood dripping from a spiked bat. And he still has those nights, though less frequently, that make him jump at the chance to drive those kids somewhere, to see them happy-ish and safe. But when the terror began to fade, the heartbreak came in at full force and every touch between Nancy and Jonathan seem to knock his breath away.
“Steve, I’m sor—“
“Let’s not do this again, Nancy,” he interrupted, already hearing the tears in her eyes.
“I know I’ve said it, but I mean it. For blaming you for Barb and leaving,”
“You wanted to do to what was right, I can’t blame you for that. And you loved Jonathan, I get it,”
“I didn’t love Jonathan,”
Steven can’t help but scoff and he knows he’s sounding bitter.
“I mean, I didn’t love him then. I was just confused and frustrated,” she said as she reached over and placed her hand on his forearm, “I don’t want you to think that I didn’t love you and that I didn’t care about you. I still care about you, Steve, please know that.”
He stared at her hand for a while, the heat gentle on his bare skin; he could almost imagine it was early October. But it isn’t, and he’s surprised her little love confession doesn’t seize up his body like he thought it would. He expected to be in despair, to beg her to come back; but all he felt was sad. Sad because this was over and they still cared about each other and it felt complicated but it really isn’t. So he just moves his hand to hold hers.
…
His Tuesday lunch finds him eating across from Jonathan and Nancy, discussing some book or other. Or, at least, they were discussing some book while Steve munched away at his meatloaf.
“What do you think, Steve,” asked Jonathan cutting off Nancy, looking at him intensely. If Steve were being honest, he felt that every look Jonathan gave was intense.
“I think this is really good meatloaf and I might just marry your mother, Nancy, cause seriously,” he said with food still in his mouth.
“You’re disgusting, Steve,” said Nancy, her face crunched up. Jonathan laughed, at who, Steve didn’t know, but he felt oddly proud to get such a reaction out of him. Steve winked at Nancy before staking another bite of his food.
“Anyway, moving on from Jonathan’s wrong interpretation of Bright Lights, Big City, do you have another study date this Saturday” Nancy asks, clapping her hand over Jonathan’s mouth.
“Hell no, it’s Dustin’s turn this week so I am free all day to watch TV and eat gross food. Why?”
“Well, Stacy Grant is having her annual parent-less party and I heard her old boyfriend works at the liquor store the next town over,” Nancy said as she waggled her eyebrows, something she had obviously inherited from himself. Jonathan only rolled his eyes before adding in his two cents.
“Oh, yes, let’s go to that train wreck of a party.”
“Should you really be complaining, Jonathan, because at least you won’t be going solo to this train wreck of a party,” Steve quipped before taking the last bite of his food.
“Oh god, you wouldn’t be going solo, we would obviously go together, Steve,” said Nancy, indignantly. Her arms crossed on the table and leaning towards Steve.
“Yeah, that’s a hard pass, Nance.”
Jonathan chuckled but then Steven noticed Nancy beginning to smirk.
“You know, you could always go with Rachel Trevor. I heard she was impressed by your group project work and wouldn’t mind hanging out.” The way Nancy says those last two words, the innuendo in her voice, makes him want to laugh and cringe.
“I don’t think we’re at the point where you, my ex, can set me up. But thanks for suggestion!”
This time, Jonathan laughs loudly before placing his arm around Nancy’s shoulder. She mumbles something before taking the last bite of her sandwich.
…
He was being dramatic, when he had told Nancy and Jonathan about having to go alone to the party. Though Tommy and himself had had a falling out, there were still guys on the team that he regularly hung out with. He just didn’t want to explain why he would hang out with Nancy and Jonathan, or why he was suddenly like a big brother to Dustin. But they usually knew not to ask and handed him beers while talking about an upcoming game.
Rachel Trevor, on the other hand, caught him by surprise. She wasn’t bad looking, pretty cute, and smart like Nancy. Maybe during sophomore year he would have thought about hanging out with her, but she was going steady with one of the band leaders. He didn’t have much time to think it through because come his last period, she asks him.
He goes that Saturday with Rachel and, surprisingly, they spend a lot of time chatting with Nancy and Jonathan. Steve only has a beer or two and Rachel is more interested in watching others get drunk. By the end of the night, as he drives her home, Rachel casually slips in that her parents aren’t home. It’s been a while, and Steve almost feels nervous, but Rachel takes the lead. Afterwards, they talk about school and friends and the future. Rachel talks about leaving early to California to begin an internship before school. She tells Steve they should keep hanging out before she leaves; Rachel’s dry humor eases and occupies the quiet moments during lunch.
…
And it’s Jonathan and Nancy that he tells on a Saturday in May about his acceptance letter from some mid-size school in Chicago. And they are happy for him, happy that he’s getting out of Hawkins and heading to some big city. Dustin throws him a surprise, last minute party at the Byers’, which sounds odd, until he sees the Eleven’s curly hair. He’s surprised even more when she congratulates him with a hug and is confused when she mentions something about a sister in Chicago. But he doesn’t have much time to think about it as Mrs. Byers is bringing out a chocolate cake with candles. He wants to mention that his birthday isn’t for a couple of months but everyone seems excited about a cake with candles, so he blows them out anyway.
He doesn’t really wish for anything or not for anything simple or not just for one thing. Because he’s surrounded by friends that are basically family and he never wants to see them be as brave and reckless as he’s seen them. He guesses he should wish for world peace, but mostly he doesn’t really think about it because he needs to blow them out before Dustin does him the “favor.” And as the smoke of the candles fills the air, Dustin is clapping him on the back, Nancy is squeezing his upper arm, and Jonathan is taking a photo, he wonders if there is something left to wish for.