Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

To be fair to Hanschen, adopting six cats without having made any preparations was usually a bad idea.

To be fair to Ernst, all six of the cats (except for Minka, who didn’t have eyes) had looked at him with such loving expressions that he had to pick them all.

“I thought you were joking,” Hanschen announced when he walked into their apartment and had to put his leg in the doorway so that Daisy wouldn’t sprint out into the hallway.

“Why would I joke about something like this?” Ernst was sitting on the couch with not one but two cats on his lap purring contentedly. “Did you pick up food like I asked?”

Hanschen set the shopping bags on the counter. “I did, because even though I hoped you were joking, I knew there was just as good of a chance that you could be serious. Hello.” The ‘hello’ was directed to Jackie, who was brushing up against his leg and getting her cream-colored fur all over his slacks. Beautiful.

“Hanschen, come look,” Ernst stage-whispered from the couch. Hanschen looked over to see that the kitties on Ernst’s lap had shut their eyes (except for Minka who, again, did not have eyes) and were doing the cat equivalent of snoring on his lap. It really was precious. “They’re so cute when they’re asleep.”

“You’re so cute when you’re asleep.” Ernst rolled his eyes. Hanschen knelt down to pet Jackie, who was still nuzzling his legs. “I think this one’s my favorite.”

“Shh! You’ll wake them up! Aww.” Hanschen heard a faint ‘meow’ and watched Minka leap off of Ernst’s lap and walk into the other room. “Oh well. At least Avocado’s still asleep.”

“You named it Avocado?”

Hanschen sat down on the couch next to Ernst. “No, I looked at him and the name ‘Avocado’ just came to me. It was a sign.”

“I think six cats is a sign that you should never be allowed into a pet shelter alone.”

“Maybe, but you love them, don’t you?”

Hanschen made eye contact with Helen, who had been sitting in the windowsill the whole time. He sighed. “Yes, I love them.”

“Good.” Ernst snugged into Hanschen’s side and Hanschen started to pet Cam’s ears. “Because they’re part of the family.”

Chapter Text

“Oh, nice! Boardwalk! Are you going to purchase it?”

Ilse hummed thoughtfully for a second. “Yes,” she decided.

“Excellent. Four hundred dollars, please,” Georg held out his hand as Ilse counted her money into it. “Ernst, your move.”

“Okay, well first I’d like to buy houses on all my greens.” Ernst handed the cash to Georg and Hanschen groaned. “Got a problem?”

“No, it’s just that I’ve literally landed on Pennsylvania Avenue every time. You’re doing this on purpose.”

“Yeah, because I want to win.”

“Just roll the dice.” Ernst rolled two fours and whooped when he avoided Ilse’s hoteled zone and made it to the community chest. “You just won second place in a beauty pageant - get fifty dollars.” He pouted. “I can’t believe I only got second place.”

“I was probably competing, which is why you didn’t win,” Georg joked as he handed Ernst the money. “You just couldn’t beat my talent portion.”

“Whatever. At least I get to roll again.”

“Damn, Ernst, one more double and you’ll go to jail,” Ilse remarked as Ernst moved his piece four spaces.

“Do you want to buy Kentucky?”

“You really shouldn’t,” Hanschen said.

“Oh, Hanschen has the reds?”

“Yes, and I’d advise you to stop whatever you’re about to do.”

“Only if you stop being so cute - oh wait, that’s impossible. Give me Kentucky, Georg.”

“Did Ernst just hit on Hanschen and then disrupt his monopoly in the same sentence?”

“Yes and yes,” Ernst said, kissing the property card after Georg handed it to him.

“I’m going to kill you,” Hanschen said.”

“You could never and you know it.” Ernst threw down the dice for a third time, and Hanschen grinned when they clattered to the table.

“Get your traitor ass in jail.”

“Wouldn’t you love to get some of this traitor ass?”

“Guys, please stop, you’re giving me a headache,” Georg said. “It’s Hanschen’s turn.”

“I’ll give you five hundred dollars for Kentucky Avenue, babe.”

“As if. I went to jail to get this card, don’t think you’re getting it that easily. In fact, don’t think you’re getting it at all. I’m going down with this card.”

“We’ll see about that.” Hanschen managed to skip over Ernst’s railroad and made smug eye contact with him as he drew the Chance card. However, when he read it, his face fell.

“What is it?”

“Go to jail.”

“Looks like karma has it’s kiss for you!” Ernst grabbed the race car and triumphantly placed it next to his wheelbarrow in the jail cell.

“Ernst, did you just make that up?” Ilse asked. “That sounds like a fake thing.”

“No, it’s real, I swear.”

“Yeah, just like we’re both ‘really’ in jail right now.”

“Why are you siding with her? You’re the one who introduced me to it.” Hanschen shrugged.

“I guess you’re not the only traitor in this jail.”

“I guess I’m not.”

“I vote for a new rule where people in jail aren’t allowed to speak unless spoken to,” Georg said. “All in favor say aye.”

“Aye,” he and Ilse said.

“All opposed say nay.”

“Nay,” Hanschen and Ernst said.

“So it’s a tie,” Ilse said. “Great fucking idea, Georg.”

“Well, at least they agreed on something. Anyway, it’s my turn.”

“Ha ha eat it, Georg! Boardwalk, bitches!”