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Derek Morgan didn't know how it happened, when or why, but he knew exactly what love looked like.
It looked like messy hair, full of light brown waves. Sometimes he got lost from just looking at them and dreaming how soft they must feel under his hands, how sweet they must smell. It looked like a tall, pale man who won't shut up about statistics and science stuff. Who loved coffee with too much sugar and would tell jokes that only himself understood, but that would make Derek laughs anyway.
Love looked like those secret smiles he shared with his best friend when they were alone or when no one was looking.
He knew what love felt like.
Love felt like the smoothest touch he could think of. Like the time Spencer hugged him after a difficult case for both of them and his head rested on Spencer's shoulder for many minutes, or that time he got so scared when Spencer got shot that he spent the entire night at the hospital at the young man's side, holding his hand and never letting go. It felt like the warmth that always took over Derek's body when Spencer was near him.
Love felt like the peace that surrounded them when they were alone at his house, or at Spencer's. It was calm, quiet and light. It was everything Derek thought was impossible to ever exist.
Derek Morgan knew exactly what love looked like. And he has known for almost 5 years.
And now he is standing in front of the door of the man he loves, preparing himself to get his feelings out of his chest. There's nothing holding him back now, because he's sure of what he feels, of what Spencer means to him, and he doesn't want to wait anymore, after all, it's been years.
Spencer answered the door and as soon as he saw the other man, he gave a small smile.
"Hey, Morgan. I wasn't expecting you. Is everything okay?" He asked.
"Hi, pretty boy. Everything is perfectly fine, I just wanted to talk to you for a moment. Are you busy?" He tried to not look so nervous, but it was impossible. The man in front of him is stunning, and not only that, but everything he saw in front of him screamed love, love, love.
"Nah, I was just reading some stuff. Come on in." He let the man enter his apartment and closed the door behind them.
Derek was surrounded by the smell of old books, coffee and something sweet, like cotton candy. It calmed him a bit.
They entered the living room, and both of them sat down on the sofa, side by side, but staring at each other.
"Do you wanna coffee or something? I'm sure I have some beer in there." He didn't drink a lot, but he always kept some beers in the fridge because of Morgan.
"No, thanks."
"Alright, what do you wanna talk about? Are you sure you're okay?" He was clearly worried.
"Don't worry, I'm fine." He sighed, "I think I've never been this fine in my entire life, Spencer." He confessed, making Spencer smile. "You have a little to do with it. I have wanted to tell you about that for a while now."
"Yeah? And why is that?" Spencer was suddenly nervous. In his mind, he could never make someone feel this way. Little did he know.
"How can you not know?" He placed his hand to the doctor's face and stroked it softly, like he was caressing the most fragile thing in the world, even when in fact, the man was very strong. "Do you know how beautiful you are, Spencer?" Spencer closed his eyes, inclining his head into the touch.
"Tell me." He whispered feeling his heart rate increase.
"You're so beautiful in every way. If you could see yourself the way I see, you'd understand how easy is it to fall in love with you." Spencer opened his eyes at the confession, a little confused. "And I'm not just saying that because of the way you look, but because of who you are. And you're... You're the most incredible person I know. You care, you're kind and strong, and so so smart. You have pretty eyes too, which I love dearly, sometimes they change colors when you're in a different mood. You make me laugh and sometimes I get this feeling in here," he pointed to his heart "like it is too much, like I can't handle it on my own, but it's also calming, like it's meant to be. Am I crazy? I've never felt like this before, Spencer. I don't know if it is an effect caused by you, and only you, but man, I finally understand what love looks like. And it looks like you. Exactly like you." There were tears streaming down his cheeks. Spencer was quiet, but he placed his hands on each side of Derek's cheeks and said:
"I feel it, too." And kissed Derek. At first he thought it would be desperate from all the feelings and confessions they were sharing, but he was wrong. Derek's lips moved softly, asking for permission and then, exploring his mouth, their tongues not fighting for dominance, but moving in sync, with so much love. Spencer's hands moved to his waist, holding him tightly. They pulled back a little when the air wasn't enough, but Derek placed soft kisses to Spencer's face, making me young man smile.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to do this" Derek said chuckling and bringing Spencer's body closer and hugging him, hiding his head in the other's man neck.
"I know how long I've wanted to do this." He smiled "Why did it take us so long?"
"I guess we were waiting for the right time" Derek said pulling back and smiling at Spencer.
"Hmmm, could be. Statistically speaking, people who tend to jump into relationships too soon before getting to know each other better end up breaking up after three months together, so if it took us too long, maybe we have a chance of having more time." Spencer said a bit nervous.
"Pretty boy, if it's up to me, we'll have the rest of our lives."
"You can't know that, Derek. You could regret this in the morning, or grow bored of me in weeks. You could go out and find someone more attractive or interesting than me. Actually-" Derek interrupted the man with a kiss.
"I highly doubt that. One, there's no one more attractive or interesting than you for me. Two, I love you. I want you and only you, because I just do. Because I know you. I don't want ever to be without you. And I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you" Derek said looking deeply into Spencer's eyes.
"I don't know what I did right to deserve this, but God, I hope I keep doing it, because I love you." And they kissed again.
"You exist, pretty boy. That's what you do."
.
Derek Morgan knew exactly what love looked like.
And it looked like waking up everyday holding Spencer, giving him good morning kisses and making love to him, giving him a ride to work and coming back to his lover every night.
It looked like the soft and discreet touches at work, or the sex in the shower, or the coffee in bed.
Love looked like honey eyes that always sparkled when they met his across the room.
It looked like the books all over their new apartment, their clothes in the same closet, their toothbrushes together in the bathroom.
Love felt like peace.
Love looked like Spencer.
And he wanted that kind of love forever.