Chapter Text
"Talking"
'Thinking'
Emphasis
LOUD NOISES
'Quoting'
Prologue
Ties That Blind
...
Bubbles were literally the first thing he saw. Flowy wobbly annoying bubbles rushing to stab and pop in his eyes—gak! Damn that hurts!
Corrin rubbed his injured eyes, swatting the rest of the bubbles near him away like a pissed off cat. He smirked in a savage way as he witnessed their helpless popping demise.
"Now that's dealt with, where the heck am I?"
He glanced around. It seemed that he was on the bottom of a lake. Oh isn't that swell. Corrin figured that since he's not drowning, he must be dreaming.
Then, a giant rainbow-colored mother-of-all bubbles aggressively smashed into his face, and boy did it sting like a big-assed bee.
...what? Were you expecting me to use the term 'bitch' instead of 'bee'? Bitches can't sting. Bitches can only...well, bitch .
"Gah! FUCK! Why the damn hell can a bubble do so much damage to my face!?" He rubbed his eyes again and cursed. "Well isn't this fucking great ?! I can't see shit! Can't believe a stupid bubble made me blind!" He stumbled back, tripped on some nonexistent pond rock, and fell on his ass so hard Corrin felt it all the way to his balls. Ouch.
Corrin, the 41-year-old hero of the great Hoshidan-Nohrian war, had been brought down to his knees—well, more like his ass—by a fragile bubble. It was so ridiculously embarrassing that Corrin feared Ryoma might disown him once he caught word of his shameful defeat.
Corrin paused in his vengeful muttering. He suddenly snapped his head up, face slack with shock despite his eyes being clenched tightly together. Wait...what did he just say? 'Fuck'? 'Shit'? What did those words even mean, and why does he suddenly know what they mean—what? Wait, what?! This was so weird…
Corrin rubbed his head, confused, but just then an adrenaline-like rush entered and left him all within seconds. Violent shivers ran up his spine like angry, writhing eels as random information flooded his brain with so many foreign terms and facts than he'd lost count and thus didn't bother to remember it all. However, one single fact that had him trembling in fury stuck out clearly in his mind like a spotlight.
"MY LIFE IS A FUCKING VIDEO GAME?!"
He couldn't believe it. He just could not believe it . The inner turmoil, the guilt, and the suffering he's been put through; the lonely nights staying up and reminiscing about the past; the happy times that he and his Hoshidan family had on particularly festive nights; the tears, the pain, and the wounds; the slightly more depressed look in King Leo and Camilla's eyes everytime he goes to visit Nohr; the laughs, the joy, and the shared warmth; the birthday songs; the food fight that followed shortly after the birthday songs—it was all some kinda game sold to a bunch of bored people with nothing better to do?! His tragic messed up life was literally being profited on all this time and he had no idea? What the actual hell?! Corrin suddenly feels as cheated on as the time Anna sold him a handful of what she claimed to be 'magic beans', but were clearly normal beans harvested from the bean plants. He wasn't sure who he's more mad at: Anna for deceiving him like that, or himself for actually buying three measly little beans for 5000 gold. Screw the Nohrian legend of Jack and the Beanstalk; magic exists in many forms, but magic simply does not exist within tiny beans. The Humpty Dumpty guy from Puss in Boots can come and argue with him about it all he wants, but Corrin's not going to agree unless he gets a golden egg to compensate for his lost 5000 pieces of gold.
And to add insult to his fresh injury, Corrin just now realizes that the underwater scenery around him was his customization page.
"So what if I'm not perfect?!" The crazed albino shouted loudly to no one, eyes still tightly clenched together as if he was on a toilet experiencing constipation. "How would you like it if I changed your hairstyle, your eye color, or even your freaking gender without permission?! I like who I am, okay?! So BACK OFF!" He then, with such sass and attitude, flips a birdie despite not knowing what a 'birdie' was a minute ago.
Corrin, the dragon-shifting hero who won the war in Hoshido's favor, continued to roar out to the heavens like nobody's business in pure unadulterated rage while still completely and utterly blind like a bat under sunlight.
"DAMN YOU, NAGA!"
Then, he woke up.