Work Text:
His apartment is cluttered, scattered with files - a pure mess. At a desk with tipped over stationary, papers, and empty mugs, Kaneki sits, hands clasped together. Again, he holds Hinami's file, reminding himself of the plan, memorising it. It doesn't matter if he had everything engraved when he was orchestrating the rescue, he can't forget anything, not even the littlest detail. He can't fail.
He goes to make another coffee, carefully repeating the steps both Touka and Yoshimura had taught him years ago. His coffee had always been less compared to theirs, average, and while theirs was enough to bring tears to his eyes, his skills have really degraded. Now it's just a watery mess, tasteless and no better than sludge. It's so disgusting, and instead of forcing it down his pathetic throat as he usually does, he tips the cup into the sink, watching as the liquid slowly goes down the drain, until it's washed away by the tap.
Its short lived existence reminds him of himself, and that that date is soon, really soon. Like a week away.
He's going to die in a week.
The thought of time prompts his remembrance of :re. How long had it been since he last visited? Since he last saw Touka, or Yomo. He had also been avoiding Hinami, who was rotting away in Cochlea, with only a disposal date to keep her company. Everything has been on his mind since... always, and, for the first time, he wants a break, a distraction.
He has just a week left; he should be able to treat himself, right? Even if his useless self doesn't deserve even a glimmer of happiness, of hope, he should at least get a parting gift. A good coffee.
-
Despite his hopeful words, he can't bring himself to step out the car parked in front of the :re. So instead, Kaneki keeps the engine running. A gentle melody plays from the radio, one that is also playing in the cafe (he doesn't know that).
He watches their cafe, silent.
A blur appears in the glass of the shop, and it doesn't take much for him to know it's one of them. He freezes. Even though his car windows are tinted, the black vehicle definitely looks suspicious -like a cop's car, or, for ghouls, a dove's car. And the last thing he wants to do is scare them. To give them the fear that their lives are over. Like a repeat of Anteiku. The two of them, alone, lonely, had rebuilt something so special that it held even a place in Haise's heart (and now his, even if he hasn't been there since his memories returned), from the first time he stepped in. The place was something Haise hated being away from, who had always give out of his ignorant way to visit. It was Haise's refuge (dream) - and he's sure he's not the only one who shares the same opinion. Anteiku was a safe place for ghouls, and no one cared if the person they were serving were ghoul or human. With all the books, this place is just as homey, maybe more. As a dove, he had been selfish enough (it was Haise - it's his fault), a dove, frequenting the cafe, even bringing along his dangerous companions.
The person comes closer into view, and he notices it's Yomo. Kaneki ducks, making sure at least one eye can see him. The older man peers suspiciously at the vehicle (of course, Yomo is an extremely aware person), scanning every crevice before closing the blinds, covering his view. In pure silence, he sits up, blinks, trying to catch the breath that was suddenly ripped away from him.
They were making eye contact, Kaneki swears it.
Did Yomo realise? Does he know who it is?
He drives off immediately after that, the tyres skidding and shrieking, speeding along empty roads until he is parked in some empty car park. It's like he can barely breathe, but he is panting heavily, the steamed up windows proof of that. He rolls them down, going as far as to stick his head out the window, trying to catch as much air as he can. It doesn't help - the lightheadedness isn't going away at all, not even a little bit, and neither is his rushing heart, or his sweaty palms, his anxiety eating him away.
Why did that affect him so much?
His stomach feels queasy, and his head has been tipped out for so long that the blood is getting to him, making him feel worse.
He needs more air.
As if in a drunken haze, he weakly pushes open the door, having to grab onto the seat in order to stabilise himself while he leaves the confining spaces of his car. It takes a few seconds of dizziness before he is able to stand straight, and even more seconds before he can take his first step. He feels like a baby, trying to walk for the first time. Perhaps, if someone saw him, they'd think him unhinged, or terribly wasted, maybe even stoned, but he doesn't want to think or care about it, just focused on moving forward.
An idea suddenly comes into his head, his gloved hands coming together in thought, clenching. It's something he hasn't done in a long time, but it would be a substitute from what he thinks he needs.
With a purpose, Kaneki walks, regaining himself enough to unnoticeably stumble into the first coffee shop he sees. This was something Haise enjoyed doing, before finding :re, wondering about alone or with friends and stepping into a random cafe, judging their coffee (he had always boasted that he could tell if a shop had good coffee, but Kaneki doesn't care about the coffee - it wouldn't be as terrible as his).
There is one other person there, but they leave after he steps in, suspiciously. Maybe it's a ghoul, Kaneki ponders, but at this moment he couldn't care less. He asks for a black coffee, and sits where he wants to sit when the barista leaves, because the place has now cleared out. There's only a gentle melody (the selection isn't as good as what he assumes is Touka's handpicked choices for :re) playing in the background while he waits and scrutinises his surroundings. Before his judgement can delve deep, his drink arrives, and he waits for the woman to busy herself behind the counter before taking a sip.
No good.
It's not good enough.
Why? He thought he wouldn't care.
The coffee burns his throat as he takes large sips. As a rank two, he wasn't this picky; it always felt as if something was missing, but Haise, ignorant as he was, didn't care too much. When he (finally) found :re, he stopped paying visits to the other cafes, too obsessed with their coffee and Touka to go anywhere else.
He craves it. He needs their particular coffee - the manager's special recipe. His sanctuary. There's no problem with anyone else's coffee, he realises, it's his problem. His addiction.
'Cheating on us?'
That voice - he knows that voice. His throat closes up as he looks at her, seeing a smile that meant her quip was friendly. There's a small bag in her hands, the strong whiff of coffee beans reaching him, and Kaneki realises this will be his last encounter with their coffee.
'You've forgotten about us.' She continues, almost playfully (Haise wouldn't have noticed, but he knows Touka, and the sad gleam in her single eye), and he wants to shake his head, tell her how terribly wrong she is - Haise forgot, he was an idiot, a moron. Kaneki can't get them off his mind.
'N-not at all,' he licks the cracks of his dry lips, desperately trying to bring back moisture, 'I've been meaning to visit.' There's no other excuse he can give, and he watches her, trying to figure out what Touka would do next. Even though he's sitting down, and she's standing next to him, it somehow feels like he's the one lingering, the one making it awkward, the one who shouldn't be here.
She looks puzzled and lost for words, as if unsure of how to interact with him. Her lips purse, then straighten, then tighten even more, and Kaneki realises that she's the one who feels awkward, that she shouldn't be here.
'I should ge-'
'Do you want to stay?' The abruptness of his words shocks the both of them, and Touka looks very sad. 'Please.'
Her shoulders slope as her feet bounce, trying to decide, trying to think.
Is this what she wanted? Maybe.
She had seen him from outside while passing by, deciding to greet the person who she hadn't seen in months, except on :re's television, with a shocked look.
That was it, a simple but rushed choice, but Touka didn't expect him to invite her to stay, because this isn't Sasaki. This brooding, conflicted, locked in turmoil, distant personality is Kaneki. But he isn't going to admit he's back, and she can do nothing but play along.
The chair screeches in the cafe as Touka sits, fiddling her fingertips together. She notices Kaneki sigh, his shoulders falling, his eyes closing as he takes a sip of his practically empty cup.
'Your coffee is better.'
Touka smiles at his compliment, making him want to scream something along the lines of 'he's back, he's not a stranger'. But what can he do? Their relationship had been strained since he was kidnapped, and in her new home he had tormented her with Haise Sasaki. He selfishly wishes he was the weakling he used to be, so he can cherish all their time before everything went to shit.
'Thank you.'
Haise never got to do this, experience just sitting down in peaceful silence with the cute waitress. He's aware that Haise, a form of his sub-conscience, had relished each time he was near her, when they'd talk, or when his shoulder would accidentally brush hers, the way their fingers sometimes touched, but he never got to experience this.
From the corner of his eye, Kaneki can see the barista staring at them with a glint of a scowl, as if waiting for something. It is when the employee purposely coughs that Kaneki checks his watch, realising both had well overstayed their welcome. Motioning to her with a catch of her eyes, Touka catches on pretty quickly, cringing.
They both stand, muttering apologies as the pass the huffing waitress. On the way out, Touka murmurs her understanding of those feelings, finishing with how she it doesn't bother. As long as the customer is happy, they are welcome stay as long as they want. Selfishly, Kaneki wonders if that's directed towards him. Haise had spent many late nights in :re, often losing track of time, but she had always let him stay with a smile, even topping up his coffee before starting to close. As much as he wanted to, Haise never had the gall to talk about anything except coffee (in reality, Touka didn't want to risk him not returning, which happened anyway. But she still would've let him stay).
'How are you going to get home?' He asks, concern written into his words. It's too dark for someone like her to go home alone, reminding himself of their true first meeting, when she revealed herself a ghoul.
Touka looks confused, and he knows she hadn't thought about it until now. Well, she probably hadn't expected to stay out this late.
'I can drive you.' Kaneki offers; it's his fault she's out so late with no ideal way to go back, so he should take responsibility. Touka gives him a confused glance as she bites her tongue. Since when can he drive? Guessing her thoughts, he has to force down a smirk. 'But the car's parked a little way from here.'
'That's fine. T-thank you.' The smile he gives her isn't fake, pleased to have extended their time.
They make idle chatter while walking, Kaneki having to slow down slightly to remember what direction he had to go. He hadn't exactly been paying attention on his way here. But Touka seems to know the ward better (expected), walking a step ahead, and after all this time she is still the one leading him, leaving Kaneki to watch her back.
This time, however, she's not completely abandoning him, lingering for him to join her.
They get to the car park, their voices echoing in the hollow structure, and Touka assumes his is the shiny, black one.
He unlocks the car, going as far as to open her door from the inside once he's in. The atmosphere is silent as she gets in, her petite body crunching against the leather seats. At that moment, he realises that no one else had come in his car, not even Furuta, because he doesn't want him there.
'To :re?' She nods to him, affirming what he already knew. A small part of him is scared to go back. What if Yomo is still up, waiting for Touka?
What if he's asleep? Either way, he'd tell Touka about the suspicious car he had seen.
He'll give a good description, because Yomo is observant, and she would recognise the vehicle he's talking about - the very one she is riding in. What would happen then?
'Lets go.'
He makes sure to be gentle while driving, not being nearly as reckless as he usually is. The last thing he wants to do is put Touka in harm's way, or get stopped, as they would clearly see her face as he explains he is a ccg agent. That would cause an uncomfortable atmosphere, for the both of them.
Silent, she watches the window, the blurring lights passing by, Kaneki's eyes occasionally flickering to her relaxed state.
They approach :re, and Kaneki sees that the light is turned off, meaning Yomo had probably retired upstairs. He stops the car, keeping the engine running as he unlocks the doors to let her leave (he is tempted to do the opposite, just have one last minute together). Slowly, Touka opens the door, stepping out before she turns to face him again. His finger is tapping anxiously on the steering wheel as he waits, waits for what she'll do.
'Thank you for the ride.' He knows what's coming next, and he is so close to covering his ears as to not hear it.
'Goodbye.'
Don't go.
'I hope to see you again,' she says wistfully, 'our shop isn't the same without you.'
Please.
She steps out and bows to him, the clicks of her low-heeled shoes fading as she gets further from him.
Wait!
'I-I...' She turns back to look at him, and that's the moment he needs, to memorise this final moment. Her matured face, soft, pale blue locks, fluffy hair, sloped nose, smooth skin and full lips he bets are even smoother. It's just... she's so beautiful. By the time he has engraved this moment into his heart, his skin, he recollects his thought, knowing what he has to do.
'I don't know. My work schedule is pretty busy.' The hand on his chin gives him away, and Touka gives him the same glare she had given him the last time they were together. That time, she had knocked some sense into him, and some part of him secretly wishes that could happen now. Convince him that he's wanted around, is loved.
The way she glances at him makes him suspect something - she knows. Maybe she knows everything, or just a little bit, but she was probably aware from the start that she was sitting with Kaneki Ken, not Haise, the eager customer. With her staring at him, expectantly, it feels like he's on display, and she's not wasting any time to pick him apart, to study him.
For a moment, her face turns anguished, and she sighs in utter defeat before giving him a sad smile, like the one she had given Sasaki.
'I guess it is. Have a nice night, before your work load eats you up.' He wants to let out a bitter chuckle at her remark.
It's all too cruel.
This is his punishment, what he deserves, to watch her back as she leaves. He had walked out on her years ago, it's only fair Touka returns the favour. At least he got to see her one last time.
He watches as she disappears into her home, waiting until she's gone to hunch over the steering wheel. Something makes his eyes blur, his vision similar to when he forgets his glasses.
Just one week.