Work Text:
Clicking is heard throughout the room and the source of it sounding rather bored.
Since the end of the game it has been rather boring and you have found yourself browsing the remnants of the human internet from before the whole reckoning.
Your name is Kanaya Maryam and you hope Rose gets back soon.
She is currently hanging out with her other human friends and has alerted you this will be an all-day thing. This leaves all the trolls to themselves and that is a recipe that always ends in disaster. This is also why you chosen to spend your time in the depth of the internet as this limits your interactions. Currently you were looking into the human ancestry system and how familial bonds work as an attempt to learn more about your matesprit’s culture. While looking how some people tested their bloodline was when you felt a presence at your shoulder.
“Hey there Kan, Wwhat cha’ lookin’ at?”
A silent sort of sigh escapes your lips. While during the game the fish prince was pretty much unbearable and you DID kill him, he was a close friend back on Alternia. Most of you making amends after anyway did help being with some of them…some of the non-clown ones at least… But you were hoping to be alone.
Curse your manners though as you begin to answer his inquiry never the less.
“I was just looking into the tie humans kept with their ancestors. It seems they did not keep close to their past well and many had to test to see where and from whom they came from.”
Your hope is with his curiosity sated he would leave.
He pulls up a chair
Hopes are dashed.
“Sounds like somethin’ their race wwould do. Its disgraceful howw ignorant they wwere of their background. Howw wwould they knoww if they wwere of evven being treated properly for their background? I am glad I wwas aware of my ancestor and the blood wwe share.” Eridan says with his face turning to that of a pompous manner.
“While knowing your background is important, we can’t really say we know ours Eridan.” Your face never leaves the screen but you can FEEL his uncomfortableness. “We are paradoxical clones. It would be impossible to track our bloodline. While yes, Dualscar is your closest ancestor and part of it, His is lost to time and space making anything possible.”
Eridan stands from his seat in obvious distress. Hands slam down onto the table.
“This simply wwon’t do!” voice growing higher in pitch “You said the humans had a test for it right? Can wwe make one? Wwe still have an alchemiter right?”
While giving him more reason to boast doesn’t tickle your fancy you cave and decide you have enough info to make a troll ancestry test with the information you can find online. Maybe after he will leave you be.
You and Eridan head to the room the alchemitar is located in to find Sollux and Karkat alchemizing junkfoods and snacks of sorts.
Karkat looks less irritated than usual which is nice. However Sollux is the first to speak.
“Oh thit, Whath up KN?” You give a strained smile. You have to be careful with your words right now or all hell will break loose. However, you lose your chance to not worry as Eridan speaks for you.
“Wwe are about to alchemize some items that wwill tell us about our ancestors.” He says. Nose slightly in the air.
“But you know who your ancestor is jackass. We even invite the greaser iteration of him to game night every now and then.” Karkat adds beginning to look mildly annoyed.
“What he means is we are going to perform a test that will tell us about our genes and what blood types we might have relations too. The slurry is known to be mixed with all kinds.” Your explanation doesn’t seem to soothe him but Sollux has a sneer that makes you regret waking up today.
“Well, me and Sollux about to go watch so quality movies so I can prove to him cinema is a glorious work of art compared to his fancy programing.” And snicker from the other comes up. “And mith ED’th world thattering when he findth out he 90% ruthtblood? No way! Thorry KK, I gotta bail on you. You’ll have to thow me the wonderth of therendipity another day.”
A bunch of screeching erupts from this but in the end the ones left in the room are you, the sniggering yellow blood, and the far from amused fish. You’ll receive a bunch of angry gray text after this but you are just happy the audible yelling is done. However now you have yet another troll wanting you to check out their genes. Rose will have many a complaint to endure when she gets back.
After making some adjustments to make this human test troll compatible you alchemize the necessary componets and make three vials , because after all this trouble you deserve to know too. You hand one to each of the other participants receiving strange looks.
“Wwhat do we do wwith this?”
Having already big enough headache you simply bring yours to your mouth and spit. They seem to get the idea. One making an awful display and the other trying to spit as gracefully as possible.
You put the vials to be analyzed and let them know it will be a while till results are available. You all agreed to meet up at a later point to see what they say. You are welcoming the few hours they’ll be off your case.
A few hours passed by quickly. Shenanigans seemed to be at a minimum during that time which was a huge blessing in itself.
The two males now sit in front of you whispering insult to each other. Auspistice feelings kicking in but you manage to keep them down. Although you were less than enthusiastic about the process you are kind of curious about your results.
“Now boys, keep in mind that we all have trace elements from around the hemospectrum, including mutant blood, due to paradox space. I have tried my best to counter that out of the result but I am not perfect and this wasn’t exactly meant for our kind.”
A ‘hmm’ of sorts comes from the violet blood while the other looks surprisingly fascinated.
“That’th cool. You thould go firth though. Thinth you went through the trouble of making thith to thathify fith breath over here.” So close. It was almost a compliment. You almost had hope in the fellow troll. The two were tolerable apart but together was an insult fest at every turn. You decided to speak quickly before they had a chance to bicker again.
“I guess I do not mind going first. The results are in order of highest blood to lowest so it is sure to get surprising quickly.” You take a look at the paper your results printed on and begin to read the information. “It seems the highest blood in noticeable quantity in me is teal. That also being the second highest with the first being jade and a small percentage from the bronze bloods. Interesting. It seems I am rather pure to my blood besides the two.” A small smile is on your face. It was very interesting information and ay explain how why you have rather ‘glowing’ qualities. While that was only a jade blood thing, it would be ridiculous to say every jade blood was a drinker.
“Ooh, Kan! Read mine! Read mine next!” Eridan was practically jumping in his seat. It’d be cute if it wasn’t so odd.
“Okay, Let us see what the results say about you then.” You read through the list as you did the prior.”It seems a majority of your genetics come from a violet background with it taking over 60% of the results. It does however seem to ever so slightly dip into cerulean territory which would explain your lack of tolerance to the cold typical for sea dwellers.”
He buries his face ever so slightly into his scarf upon hearing that. A flush appearing on his face.
“But according to the results, Mr.Ampora, You are 100% highblood.” You say this expecting him to explode into a gloating mess, surprisingly enough he just seems content. A smile is on his face however the other seems disgusted by this. “On to you Mr.Captor.”
He grunts and kicks his feet up with his hands going behind his head. His hope for Eridan to be completely ruined by the results are gone and now he couldn’t be more indifferent. That’s the prince of hope for you. Destroying them left and right.
You look down at the paper and after just a glance your jaw is basically on the floor.
“Kan, are you okay?” Eridan asked leaning forward with concern.
Sollux now has some interest and has resume sitting up and looks rather excited to know why the paper has rocked your world. “Oh thith hath got to be good. Prepare to eat dirt fith thick!” His hands now propped on his knees in anticipation. Eridan looking more worried than hurt.
“Sollux, your. Your results read that you are over half fuchsia with the rest being scattered among the mids and leaving only 8% in the yellow. I can’t comprehend how they took over. I mean, I guess paradox space helped a little but still. This quite interesting don’t you agree?”
You finally look up to see Sollux in a laughing fit and Eridan Pale beyond belief. Your jade behaviorism must’ve taken over at the look of genetics as you totally forgot about the way these two would handle it.
Sollux wipes a tear from his eye. “Oh, thith ith TOO good! I gueth thith explainth why my powerth were tho throng. Had all that highblood thrength on my thide!” A noticeable cringe comes from Eridans and does not go unnoticed. Sollux begins to snicker and stands up.
“Bow before me peathant blood ath I am above you!” He shoves his finger into Eridans face, pushing his head back a little.
Eridan slowly shoves his hand away, stands up, and wordlessly walks out of the room.
You hurry after him as an angry Eridan has never been a good thing. Sollux’s laughter starts to fade out but you can tell this is bound to be used as fuel later.