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They're on the way to the arcade when the unthinkable happens.
When that song comes on over the radio.
It starts off innocently enough, with Billy grinning and eyeing Steve over the rim of his aviators as he cranks up the volume. And then Steve's beaming back, fingers tapping along with the opening chords against his thighs.
"Oh no," Max groans, dropping her head into her hands in preemptive defeat.
"Oh yes," Billy roars back, eyeing her in the rear view mirror as a rare glee plays across his features.
"Max?" Dustin sounds panicked, "Max, what's happening?"
"Are you okay!?" Lucas asks, trying to pry her hands away from her face. She shakes him off, unwilling to face the literal music.
Max has had the displeasure of witnessing this only once before. But once had been enough, and it was clear in that moment that it had not been the first time it had happened.
"Well I remember every little thing, as if it happened only yesterday," Billy belts out loud, "Parkin' by the lake and there was not another car in sight. And I never had a girl, lookin' any better than you did-"
"Damn straight," Steve interjects with a laugh.
"Oh Jesus Christ," Dustin swears.
"And all the kids at school, they were wishing they were me that night! And now our bodies are oh so close and tight! It never felt so good, it never felt so right!"
"Is this happening? Am I hallucinating? Am I dead?" Lucas is rambling over the music.
Max finally drops her hands back into her lap with another groan, "No, but you're gonna wish you were," she grumbles.
"THOUGH IT'S COLD AND LONELY IN THE DEEP, DARK NIGHT - I CAN SEE PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT!"
And now they're fucking harmonizing.
"We're gonna go all the way tonight, we're gonna go all the way, and tonight's the night!" Billy is hammering on the steering wheel, drumming away as he gives the fucking infamous play by play and Max isn't dumb. She knows they're not talking about baseball. Especially with the way Billy is leering at Steve.
"STOP RIGHT THERE," Steve sings suddenly, "I GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW!"
"Steve, are you the fucking girl?" Dustin voice cracks as his brows climb his forehead.
"Stop right there! I gotta know right now! Before we go any further, do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?"
"Well, that answers that question," Lucas deadpans.
And okay, Max is really happy for Billy. She is. This thing between him and Steve, it had been a long time coming And Steve's been really good for him. But this? This musical foreplay? She cannot abide. Especially not as the Camaro speeds past the arcade.
"Uh, Billy?" Dustin begins hesitantly, unsure if his voice can even be heard over Steve's obnoxious singing, "You missed the turn off."
"Oh, he knows," Max says disdainfully, "They won't stop until the song is over."
"But this is the longest song in the world!" Lucas hollers.
"What's it gonna be, boy?" Steve coos. Max rolls her eyes so hard she almost strains her neck.
"Let me sleep on it, baby, baby let me sleep on it! Let me sleep on it and I'll give you an answer in the morning."
Steve's cheeks pink a bit at the way Billy says baby and Max shoves her finger into her mouth, making exaggerated gagging noises. Dustin and Lucas follow suit, placing finger guns to their heads and pulling the triggers dramatically. This, unfortunately, does not deter them one bit.
"Will you love me forever?"
"I couldn't take it any longer, Lord I was crazed, and when the feeling came upon me like a tidal wave! I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave that I would love you to the end of time, I swore that I would love you to the end of time!" Billy sings with conviction, throwing out an index finger and pointing at Steve.
"This is it. This is hell. We're in hell," Dustin howls.
Max takes a deep breath in through her nose and exhales loudly through her mouth, "It's fine. It's almost over."
Dustin and Lucas shriek as Billy slams on the breaks and flips the car back around with an illegal u-turn, speeding back towards the arcade. Not once do Billy and Steve break, and really, Max has got to hand it to them. That's dedication.
"It was long ago, and it was far away, and it was so much better than it is today," Billy croons.
"It never felt so good, it never felt so right, and we were glowing like the metal on the edge of the knife," Steve sings in reply.
The song finally comes to an end as Billy pulls up to the front of the arcade.
"Get out," Billy says, not so much as sparing the kids a glance. Dustin and Lucas can't climb out fast enough.
"See you dickheads at eight," Steve hollers as Max slams her door shut and flips them a double bird.
"So," Billy murmurs, pushing his shades down his nose and waggling his tongue suggestively, "Quarry?"
"Oh, fuck yes."