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The loneliness was something he had gotten used to, after resigning himself to not go through the effort to try and make friends. He came off too weird, and keeping his mouth shut every time he thought about some fact that only he found interesting was only making him miserable. What use was it to make friends if he had to change who he was? So finding people who seemed to like him despite, or even in part, because he rambled on about this and that was refreshing. It was a lot less lonely.
They all understood loneliness in their own ways but it was the chosen loneliness that Rin had given himself when he was pushing everyone away that resonated with Rei. There was this Rin as a child that Rei never knew but was so full of hope and romanticized life and there was the Rin almost a year ago who was all anger and frustration and a sadness weighing on him. The two images conflicted so heavily with each other but seemed to fit with the Rin of now who was definitely still a romantic but would probably snap at you if you even tried to suggest such a thing.
He was interesting and smart and willing to go along with stupid ideas and do so with such enthusiasm despite what he would say otherwise.
And Rei was smitten.
It was embarrassing just how much he liked being around Rin and how much he looked at him and how much he wanted to kiss him. He was barely used to the fact that he had friends; there was no way he was ready for anything romantic. Even so, he couldn’t help that happy feeling he got whenever Rin looked at him and smiled.
It happened one day on a rainy afternoon when everyone else wanted to stay inside, and honestly so did Rei, but there was that energy in Rin that was a flash of the child Rei had never met, that still wanted to go out to the different shops, and Rei couldn’t resist that grin. (He really was hopeless, and could have gone through all the chemical reactions happening in his brain at the moment to rationalize his feelings, but it wouldn’t change the fact that he wanted to follow along and spend the day with Rin in the rain.)
Somehow they ended up in a gazebo in a park and Rei was carrying a bag full of too many new books that he promised to lend to Rin once he was done with them. Rei doesn’t even remember what they were talking about when Rin leans in for a kiss. It was clumsy but it felt nice and it didn’t take too long for the two of them to find the right angles and the right rhythm. Rei could have laughed at how cliché it was to kiss in the rain, but Rin was a romantic.
~~
A couple years pass by and university occupies Rei’s time while Rin’s schedule is all training for the Olympics. Maybe they had gotten too close, Rei thinks, because now it feels a little empty without being able to talk every day, and meeting in person is out of the question. It’s okay because Rei graduated with plenty of job offers and Rin got a bronze medal. (He wanted to do better but Rei had to remind him that it was his debut, and placing at all was an achievement and he’d do better next time.) They had some time together, and after close to a year of no physical contact, they hardly knew how to handle themselves.
When they’re young, it’s not much of an oddity to be focused on other things like training and finding jobs, but they get older and parents start wondering if they’re ever going to settle down with families of their own. They can’t say that they’ve already found somebody to fit that role, but they endure (separate) holidays with their (separate) families wishing they could be together the way they want to be together.
Rei wonders whether Rin wishes things were different, if he wishes he hadn’t kissed Rei that day in the park, and had a different life with a wife and children. Rin scoffs and calls him an idiot, but wonders if Rei asked because he had those regrets. Where Rei voices his concerns, Rin keeps it to himself. He doesn’t think he can deal with it if Rei does regret their relationship. It doesn’t seem like it though, as he kisses him goodnight, lips soft and reminiscent of that first time in the rain. It was romantic, not that Rin would say that out loud, and he certainly has no regrets.