Work Text:
Chapter One - Purple and Orange
“Inhale. Exhale. One step, two steps
Trembling hands and shaky breaths.
Panic. Panic. Not again.
Inhale. Exhale. Count to ten.”
Anton Shudder opened his eyes and gazed up at the plain white ceiling, wishing his mind could be just as blank. He took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly to calm his mind. He reached over to his bed side table and for the glass of water there. He brought the glass to his lips, taking a sip, trying to imagine the water flowing through his body and calming his nerves. Sadly his mind still drifted, back to the dream he’d just had.
It was always the same dream, a flash back to his time fighting in the war. Most of the time it was of his last day there when everything went white. His mind made up stories of what happened to him because no one could tell him. No one knew. He’d woken up a month later in hospital from a coma, the war over and two of his comrades’ dead.
The particular story he had this time was that he went insane and started firing at his brothers. They had to defend themselves and only after he’d killed two of them did everything go white. And then he woke up.
He put the glass back on the old wooden bedside table and swung his legs off the bed. He stood up slowly, taking a deep breath. One step, two steps. He turned the bathroom tap on and let the water run as he washed his face. He had a week’s worth of stubble which was almost a fully-fledged beard by now and his dark hair had grown down to his shoulders again. He supposed he should cut it but he missed his long hair. It was almost down to his butt before he’d had to shave it for the war. His stubble was a sign of defiance in a sense too, as he’d had to shave regularly in the army.
He walked back into his bedroom and opened his closet, pulling out the first shirt and pulling it on. He walked down the sleek mahogany stairs and into the recently renovated kitchen. Everything about this house felt modern. Everything except the library that he and Ghastly had insisted on, and his own bedroom. As he entered the kitchen and living room space he was greeted by the sounds of Dexter and Saracen joking around.
“And that’s when they gave in. I was just too charming not to surrender to.” Saracen said with a smirk before promptly stealing a piece of bacon from Dexter’s plate and shoving it in his mouth.
“Hey! I was eating that!” Dexter exclaimed.
Shudder rolled his eyes at them and went and opened the cupboard, taking out the oats. He made himself a bowl of porridge and sat down at the kitchen bench.
“Morning Shudder.” Vex said, followed by a muffled greeting from Saracen who still had a mouthful of bacon.
“Are the others still asleep?” Anton asked, eating his porridge a lot more politely than Rue.
“Ravel’s at the gym and Ghastly is in his workshop.”
Shudder nodded. “You two got any plans today?”
Rue shrugged. “Video games and binge watching Game of Thrones. The usual.”
“We might invite Donegan and Gracious to come over too. Why do you ask?” Dexter raised an eyebrow at him. Shudder shrugged and put his spoon down, hiding his trembling hands in his pockets. “I was thinking of heading out. Going for a walk. But I wanted to make sure someone was at home. In case we got a call from the insurance company.”
Saracen nodded. “It’s all good. We got you.”
He flashed them a weak smile and excused himself, not finishing his breakfast.
He dropped by Ghastly’s workshop, relaxing at the familiar hum of the sewing machine that meant Ghastly was alright. The workshop in question was originally a sun room with floor to ceiling windows lining the walls. It stuck out from the side of the house and into the garden which was an overgrown mess of grass, daisies and a large willow tree in the centre. It was the best lit room in the house and was very quickly converted into a workshop when they moved in.
Shudder cleared his throat as he entered to let Ghastly know he was there.
The machine slowed to a stop and he turned around, smiling faintly at Anton.
“You okay?”
“Had the dream again.”
Bespoke nodded and didn’t say anything. He knew if Shudder wanted to share he would. They understood each other like that.
“Does it help?” Anton said quietly.
“The therapy? God yes. Talking to someone who you know hasn’t taken countless lives and had their life almost taken countless times. It reminds you that there’s good in the world. And more importantly, in people.”
“See I’ve…” He took a shaky breath. “I’ve found this councilor online that I think I might visit.”
“Local?”
“Yeah. He looks very… Casual.”
“That sounds perfect for you.” Ghastly smiled. “Have you organised a time to meet him?”
“Yes. Today actually. I am about to leave. The appointment is in an hour.”
“Well Anton, that’s so good. I’m happy for you.”
They shared a smile before Shudder nodded in farewell.
~
Back up the stairs and in the dark bedroom that belonged to Anton, he was getting dressed; properly dressed. He exchanged his pyjama pants for plain black trousers and kept the dress shirt from before, pulling a suit jacket over it. He always looked so formal, he thought, but he didn’t mind. He looked smart.
He pocketed his phone and wallet before going down the stairs and through the kitchen. “I’ll be out for an hour or two.” He muttered as he passed the two trouble makers playing Halo on the X-Box. Vex nodded to show that he’d heard and Shudder left the house.
~
Larrikin stretched as his client left the room. He had an hours break before his next patient. He used his legs to navigate his computer chair over to his desk and he opened up the file on his next client. Anton Shudder. He’d applied online. He was in his mid-thirties, and had fought in the War in Afghanistan. Most likely suffering from PTSD.
He closed the file and got off his chair, stretching some more. He opened a draw in the desk and brought out his lunch box, a star wars one, and took out his sandwich. He went to sit on the large bright purple couch at the end of the room. He put his legs up and unwrapped the sandwich, taking a bite. He liked his office. It was a rectangular shape, the door on one short side, a floor to ceiling window on the other. The view was of a lake and nature reserve. At the end of the room near the door was his desk and at the other end two brightly coloured couches perpendicular to the window. He had a white board between his desk and a couch and on the other side many posters for various mental health stuff as well as Star Wars and Harry Potter posters snuck in there.
His lunch break always went by so quickly. After he finished his sandwich he wrote up notes for his earlier clients and that was it. A whole hour over.
He got up and stretched before leaving his office and going into the receptionist area. “Anton?” He asked, looking around at the few people there. A handsome tall man stood up. He had tanned skin and long dark hair. Everything about him was sharp and defined from his suit to his eyebrows.
Larrikin smiled at the man. “Hey. I’m Larrikin. Come on through.”
~
Anton Shudder stood as his name was called by a short man with unruly ginger hair. The man had fair skin that was flecked with orange freckles. He had a sparkle in his green eyes that crinkled with a smile as he introduced himself. “Hey. I’m Larrikin. Come on through.”
Shudder followed him into a small room. He looked around at the posters that covered one wall, smiling faintly at the Star Wars one. He turned to look at the ginger man.
“Take a seat, Anton. Either couch, the ground, the computer chair, whatever you’d prefer.”
He took a seat on the purple couch and Larrikin sat on the orange one. It suited him. Everything about the man seemed to be orange. He wasn’t wearing orange, he had a light blue dress shirt with short sleeves and plain black pants, but he still gave off an orange vibe.
“So, tell me a little about yourself.” He said with a smile.
“What would you like to know?” He muttered, sounding a little gruffer than he’d meant to.
“How about we start with your favourite colour?”
“Orange.” He mumbled, surprising even himself with the answer. He’d never really thought about it before…
“Nice. Purple is mine. Like a deep dark purple.” He smiled. He did smile a lot. “What do you like to do in your spare time?” He asked, moving his legs up onto the couch and sitting with crossed legs, his notepad on one knee.
“I like to read.” He said simply, looking down at his notes. “What are you writing?”
“Just a few notes. I wouldn’t want to mix people up, that would be rather awkward.” He chuckled.
“Right.” Shudder nodded, biting his bottom lip.
“So reading, anything else?”
He shrugged. What was he supposed to say? Wasn’t this supposed to be talking about his nightmares and his time in the war and all of that? Not his favourite colour.
“I see. Now tell me, are you a tea, coffee or hot chocolate person?”
“Tea. Strong and black.”
“Good, good. I’m a hot chocolate fan myself but tea is nice too.”
Did this guy just want to talk about himself? Anton was rather confused.
“I’m sorry, aren’t we supposed to be talking about my time in the war and my depression?”
“I tend to start off a bit lighter. It’s good if we can get to know each other and build up some trust first before we go into the deep stuff, you know.”
He nodded. He let out a shaky breath he didn’t even realise he had been holding. He glanced down at his hand that gripped the arm of the couch tightly, his knuckles white. He didn’t even notice how tense he was. Larrikin must have notice though because he said; “Why don’t you try relax a bit? Treat me just like a friend.”
Shudder just sighed, trying not to let panic overtake him.
“Well if you don’t want to get to know each other why don’t you start by telling me why you sought me out?”
“My friend had suggested I see a psychologist. You came up on a google search.”
“Okay. So why do you think you need a psychologist then?”
“I have these… reoccurring nightmares…” His breathed quickened as panic began coursing through his body. Not again.
Larrikin nodded. “Okay. Now Anton-“
“Everyone calls me Shudder.” He interrupted, his breathing quickening.
“Okay, Shudder. Could you try take a deep breath for me? Do it with me. Inhale. Exhale.”
He breathed with the man, slowly relaxing again. He normally didn’t panic so easily. Although he normally didn’t talk about what made him panic either.
“Good. Now I want you to try again and inhale to a count of five and exhale to a count to ten, can you do that?”
“Of course I can do that.” He muttered, doing as the man had said.
~
Eventually the session ended and Anton left, leaving Larrikin sitting on the Orange couch and looking at the door after him. This was going to be hard. He’d never treated someone who seemed so against therapy, or at least he gave off the vibe that he didn’t want to be there one bit. Oh well, what could he do?