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"Is there any way we could leave early without committing homicide?" Andrew whispered into Neil's ear as they stepped into the diner. He smirked, reaching back with his palm open in a silent question. Andrew took his hand, tangling their fingers together.
"Be nice," Neil murmured back, his sharp smirk softening into a crescent smile when he saw the relaxed expression Andrew's face. He looked like melted honey and bright snow, his hazel irises turned into golden sunsets, everything beautiful Neil had always passed by but now could see.
"Staring." Andrew gave Neil's hand a quick squeeze. They'd come late to the Fox reunion, since Andrew's flight had just landed in the morning and they'd spent the rest of the afternoon sitting on the roof. Shopping and smoking were both as mundane as they were enthralling; Neil was enraptured by Andrew's eyes in the sundown light, in the smoke that framed his face like a halo - nothing was boring anymore.
"They're here!" Neil recognized Allison's voice, loud and fierce. He looked away from Andrew, another grin spreading across his face when he spotted his family sitting in a booth by the back corner of the diner. Matt cheered, clumsily crawling over a flat-faced Aaron to run over to Neil. Andrew let go of his hand as Matt neared them, wrapping Neil in a tight hug that threatened to crush his bones. Neil patted Matt's back, a breathless laugh escaping him.
"Matt, let him breathe," Dan said good-naturedly. Reluctantly, Matt released Neil, stepping back. "How are you, bud?"
"I'm doing well," Neil said, giving her a quick hug. Andrew was slowly unraveling all the (unhealthy) coping mechanisms and mannerisms Neil had developed on the run, and in return Neil was slowly taking down (not tearing apart) the walls Andrew had built throughout his childhood. They were slowly healing each other, and falling further into each other in the process.
Dan's grin could have lit the entire diner. "That's awesome. How're you, Andrew?"
Andrew grunted in reply, but it was more than enough for her. She clapped her hands together and led them to the booth, forcing everyone to scoot in to make room for them.
"They're fucking tiny, they're fine," Allison complained, though she tugged Neil in to plant a kiss on his cheek as soon as he got within arm's reach.
"Allison," Renee chided gently, though she gave them both a brilliant smile as they finally settled in. Andrew's gaze softened slightly when he locked eyes with her, and Neil stifled a smile at the sight.
He was tucked into Andrew's side, who sat on the outermost edge of the booth. Matt sat on his other side, and Nicky and Aaron sat across from them both.
"You guys seriously have to Skype me more," he was complaining, though he didn't stop smiling. "I missed you maggots so much."
"You sound like Coach," Allison said.
"Yeah. I'm reminiscing," Nicky said dramatically while Aaron rolled his eyes, taking a long sip from his martini. Andrew's hand found Neil's again, their fingers lacing together under the table, and Neil noticed Andrew nodding subtly toward his cousin and brother. It was an acknowledgement that he too had thought of them, had maybe even missed them - enough that Nicky's grin softened into a gentler smile, and Aaron stopped rolling his eyes.
Their conversation paused as the waitress came over to take their orders. Neil didn't ask for anything, having shared an ice cream with Andrew earlier, and was content to let Andrew order everything.
"Hey, Bambi," Allison said, pointing at Neil. "You getting a drink? My treat."
Neil glanced at Andrew, who shrugged. They had a system in which if one of them wanted to get plastered, the other would remain sober to keep an eye on them. Andrew's tolerance was much higher than Neil's, so Neil rarely ever had to keep an eye on him. And Andrew had told him before he didn't care about staying sober (his exact words were, "Alcohol doesn't make life any more or less boring than it already is, junkie").
He'd gotten a bit better about drinking after he'd graduated from Palmetto. His mother was always going to haunt him, but he'd learned to tune her out, to push her to the back of his mind. He was happy now, happier than he'd ever expected to be, and he had a home, family, and Andrew now.
He was safe.
So he nodded. "Just some whiskey."
Allison grinned and nodded, placing the orders for their drinks. The waitress left, and their conversation resumed. Matt told them about his pro team and how he was thinking of opening a boxing academy with his mother once he retired. Dan talked about her assistant coaching job at Palmetto and all the new Foxes that were coming in. Nicky was gushing about Erik and his new job in PR, Renee shared her experiences in the Peace Corps, Allison her latest fashion line. Kevin remained quiet, only jumping in whenever there was talk of Exy, but Neil could tell that for once, he was relaxed. When Kevin caught Neil's eye, he raised his eyebrows in a silent challenge, though his lips quirked ever-so-slightly.
The food and drinks came twenty minutes later. Neil sipped his whiskey slowly while Andrew chewed on his burger, occasionally stealing a fry or two from his plate. Nicky wiggled his eyebrows at Neil when he saw, but he knew better than to comment by now. Or maybe that was because Andrew had suddenly picked up his knife and was inspecting it thoroughly.
Neil felt himself getting tipsy quickly, since he was drinking on an empty stomach and his tolerance was already in the gutters. He leaned against Andrew, squishing his cheek on Andrew's sturdy shoulders, while playing with his now empty glass.
"Neil, you're killing me here," Dan said as she watched him, a fond smile lighting up her face.
"Mm?"
"He's drunk, let him be," Matt smiled, nudging Dan with his elbow. Neil pursed his lips and flapped his hand in Allison's direction.
"Re-fills, Bambi?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said.
"Come to the bar with me." Allison clambered out of the booth, and Neil slid out behind her. Nicky slipped out as well, tagging along as the three of them all headed for the bar.
Allison ordered most of the drinks, and tapped her nails against the counter as they waited. Nicky glanced around, whistling an unfamiliar tune, before he paused. Neil frowned when a giant grin spread across Nicky's face.
"What?" he asked.
"Hey! There's a fuckin' jukebox." Nicky grabbed Neil by the wrist and started dragging him in the direction of said jukebox, but Allison clicked her tongue.
"Uh uh. What are you doing?"
Nicky gasped again, doing a double take. "Allison! It's three plays for a dollar."
Neil watched confusedly as Nicky and Allison had a silent conversation with just their eyes. A devilish smirk broke across Allison's lips, and Nicky started cackling.
"Do it, do it," she said, rummaging through her purse. She slapped a few bills into Nicky's waiting hands. "I'll wait for the drinks."
"Okay. Come on, Neil," Nicky said, taking Neil to the jukebox. It did indeed offer three plays for a dollar, but Neil didn't understand the big deal, or why Nicky was practically shaking with laughter beside him.
"What're you doing?" he asked as Nicky began to slip the money in.
"Just watch. This'll be so funny," he said, punching a few buttons. Neil crossed his arms, blinking and frowning again at Nicky's music choices.
"Nicky, what is a... What's New Pussycat?"
Nicky had to lean against the jukebox because he was laughing so hard.
Heels clicked behind them, and Neil glanced over his shoulder to see Allison approaching. She'd delivered the drinks to their table already.
"How's it going?" she asked, wrapping her arms around Neil's shoulders and peeking over at the jukebox.
"Neil - he - " Nicky wheezed, crouching down and wiping his eyes.
"They're all the same songs," Neil said flatly.
"That's the point!" Allison grinned, reaching over and continuing to select the same song over and over again. Neil watched her, rolling his eyes.
"You can't just play seven of the same songs in a row," he said.
"Mm. Try me."
"You should drop in one It's Not Unusual."
Allison paused, and Nicky gasped loudly. A grin slowly overtook her face, as she let go of Neil to look at him.
"Bambi, this just went from good to great," she declared.
They finished selecting the songs, Neil still didn't know what the big deal was, and returned to their booth. Allison sank against Renee, whispering in her ear, and Renee grinned softly. Nicky clapped his hands together, his eyes still glossy from mirthful tears.
" Y'all," he said dramatically. Every Fox turned to look at him. "You'll never guess what Neil did."
"What?" Matt demanded too eagerly, while Andrew slipped his hand back into Neil's and squeezed.
"It wasn't even my idea, Nicky," Neil said before Nicky could continue. "You're the one who decided to play What's New Pussycat like, twenty-one times."
"You what?" Dan nearly screeched as Nicky burst out laughing again. Kevin choked on his drink.
"He decided - to put, and I quote," Allison said, "'We should drop in one It's Not Unusual."
"Oh, Neil," Matt murmured, trying to hug him and squishing Neil against his broad chest.
"I'm leaving," Aaron muttered, shoving Nicky in the face as he promptly left the diner, probably to call Katelyn.
"I'm so - " Dan said, before she was cut off by the noise of - a really, really fucking weird song.
Nicky practically fell over with laughter, though Allison slapped her hand over his mouth to muffle the sounds. "Watch and see," she said when she saw Neil's confused look.
He just shrugged, finishing the rest of his whiskey and leaning back against Andrew.
The song became grating after only two more plays. The rest of the Foxes, even Kevin, were busy watching the rest of the diner for reactions. Neil preferred looking at Andrew, now that no one was playing attention to anything they did. But he was pretty sure at one point, someone screamed, "God dammit!" and had slammed on their table so hard their plate (still full of food) spilled. Matt nearly died over that one.
Andrew raised his eyebrow at Neil. "This is why you should never drink," he murmured, lifting a hand to brush aside Neil's curls.
"Mm. Why not?" Neil mumbled. Andrew squeezed the back of his neck in warning, but he leaned down close enough that his lips brushed against Neil's nose.
"Because you're about to drive all these people crazy."
"Blame your cousin."
The song faded out again, and Neil couldn't help but relax. The lyrics were incessantly annoying, it turned out.
Nicky slapped Allison in the shoulder, and Neil straightened up to follow his gaze. There was a beat of silence, before drums started playing.
The same singer's voice filtered through the jukebox.
"It's not unusual," the man sang, "to be loved by anyone!"
To Neil's surprise, an audible sigh of relief was heard throughout the diners. One older man, who was sitting among upturned utensils with his head in his hands, looked up at the ceiling like he was praising God. Nicky started giggling again.
"I think they're onto us," he whispered to Allison.
"Dude, they've been onto us from the beginning," she replied while sipping from some colorful cocktail.
Andrew tugged at Neil's hand. "Let's go outside."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to be here when this song ends." Andrew stood up, and Neil followed him. He turned back to the Foxes.
"We'll be outside," he said. Allison waved her hand at him, too busy gauging people's reactions with Nicky, while Renee smiled serenely.
Neil followed Andrew outside, hand in hand. They stood on the curb while Andrew dug through his pockets, taking out two cigarettes and lighting them both. He handed one to Neil, who took it and cradled it close to his face.
Somewhere along the line, the smoke had stopped reminding Neil of his mother. He stopped seeing hungry fire, burnt-out cars, and sightless eyes. He stopped smelling the odor of melting flesh or the stench of blood on his hands.
He began to see sunshine on milky skin, hair as pale as platinum, and hazel eyes turned into honey. He began to smell stale cologne, freshly washed jerseys, and the green apple shampoo they shared.
Andrew was smoke, completely engulfing Neil and smothering the rest of the world. But he wasn't just smoke, he was Andrew. Tangible evidence that Neil was safe, he was home, he had everything he'd ever wanted.
Andrew dug his finger into Neil's cheek, pushing his face away. "Stop being stupid."
Neil began to laugh, but leaned close to Andrew, his giggles bubbling away and leaving behind a sweet taste in his mouth. Andrew's breaths gusted gently over Neil's nose, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he watched Neil.
"Thank you," Neil murmured in Russian, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of Andrew's mouth.
"I didn't do anything," Andrew replied softly.
"I know." Neil leaned his forehead against Andrew's, closing his eyes and letting Andrew's warmth envelope him. The winter cold was nothing, because his bones were warm and his skin was buzzing and he was home.
This was still surreal, sometimes. Neil never thought he'd be here, playing the same stupid song twenty one times in some diner and risking mass homicide out of annoyance, or standing outside said diner with the person who was so intertwined with home that he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
Andrew remained quiet, save for his breathing and the quiet drum of his pulse against Neil's fingertips.
"You are everything," Neil whispered.
It wasn't the alcohol talking, but the alcohol made the words easier. Andrew's eyes widened minutely, and his breath stuttered for a harsh moment. His grip went slack, and Neil pulled away dizzily.
"You're drunk," was all Andrew said, his voice harder than usual.
"Only a little," Neil said, syrupy slow, "but it is the truth."
Silence rang between them. Neil's confession was a gunshot in an empty parking lot, the reverberations slamming into their bodies and pushing them together.
Andrew's expression was too open. It was too raw. It was the look of someone who was hungry and hollow, and had finally found something they wanted - it was the look of someone who believed a truth they didn't want to believe, for fear that they would lose it.
For a second, Neil felt anger flicker through him. Anger at anyone who had ever looked at Andrew and taken from him, anger at anyone who had ever broken Andrew because they found breaking him into pieces fun. He wanted to cleave the world open and rip apart everything and everyone who had ever hurt Andrew, to make them feel the same pain he'd -
Then Andrew was pulling him close, kissing him out of his tipsy stupor and cradling his face gently between trembling hands.
He said everything.
You are the answer.
"Andrew," Neil mumbled weakly against his lips.
"Quiet," he whispered, even though he was pulling back. Before Neil could say anything else, anything potentially stupid, Allison and Nicky were stumbling out of the diner, followed by Dan and Matt.
"They unplugged the fucking jukebox," Allison wheezed, tears streaming down her face from laughing so hard. Neil couldn't help but smile.
"I guess we can't come back here," Matt gasped as Nicky doubled over and practically howled at the ground. Dan giggled, holding onto Renee for balance. Even Kevin was smiling, a small upturn of his lips that glowed in the dark.
"I'm fucking dying." Allison sauntered over to Neil, her mirthful tears streaking some of her makeup as she slung an arm over Neil's shoulders. "I can't believe you did that, Bambi."
"I still don't get what that means," Neil complained, but he leaned into Allison's touch. The Foxes, mostly the upperclassmen, had taken to calling Neil 'Bambi' after seeing the movie. He suspected it had something to do with being hunted. Or maybe he reminded them of a deer.
He really was a bit drunk.
"Doesn't matter," Allison slurred. Renee had joined them, a fond smile as she gazed at her girlfriend, before turning to Andrew and taking him aside for their own conversation. "You know, we should do this more often."
"What? Drive diners crazy with Tom Jones?"
At that, Allison guffawed and Nicky collapsed. "I was thinkin' having more reunions, Bambi. I haven't laughed this much in a while."
Neil smiled easily. "Me too."
"Mm. You free tomorrow? We can go to that amusement park that just opened." Allison turned around, dragging Neil with her, and snapped her fingers at Matt and Dan. "Yo. Park tomorrow."
"Oh, fuck yeah!" Matt hollered, pumping his fist in the air even though he could hardly breathe. Dan only nodded rapidly, her grin splitting her face.
"We should probably go home now," Neil murmured, the word warm like honey drizzle on his lips. "The staff is looking at us weird."
"The diners are about to murder us," Andrew added suddenly, joining their conversation again. He wrapped his hand around Neil's wrist, gently tugging at him.
"Do you need a ride?" Neil asked Allison.
"Renee's driving us," she said.
"All of you?"
"She's borrowing my car. It's big as fuck." Allison grinned, before reaching out and ruffling Neil's hair, ignoring Andrew's harsh glare. "Take care, Bambi. I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you." Neil let her kiss him on the cheek one last time before Andrew dragged him off to their car. He mumbled a halfhearted protest, but tangled his fingers with Andrew's and leaned against his shoulder.
They got home at three in the morning. Neil was nearly asleep on his feet, stumbling around as Andrew turned on the kitchen light and herded him into the bedroom.
"Change," he grunted, gently pushing Neil onto the bed as he dropped their keys on the bedside table.
"Mm." Neil blinked up at Andrew blearily, his eyes tracing the slope of his muscled back and pale, almost silvery hair. Andrew noticed his gaze, pausing in his movements.
"Staring."
"Mm," Neil hummed again. There were more things he wanted to say, words pressing against his mouth that sounded too suspiciously like three certain words and syllables - he remained quiet and instead held out his arms. He blamed it on the alcohol for making him overly affectionate. Quietly, he asked, "Yes or no?"
Andrew gazed at him for a few long seconds, and Neil could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. He was about to put his arms down when Andrew approached him, carefully wrapping his arms around Neil's shoulders and pulling him close so his face rested against Andrew's chest. A happy hum rose in his throat, and he only put his arms around Andrew's waist when he murmured a soft "yes" into his hair.
"You're amazing," Neil whispered, quiet and breathy, but he knew Andrew heard it from the way he rubbed his hands across the back of Neil's neck, the way he felt Andrew place the gentlest kiss on the top of his head.
"Shut up," Andrew mumbled.
"Mm. You're taller than me for once," Neil murmured, leaving a feathery kiss over Andrew's heart.
He pulled away from Neil, his hands lingering on his shoulders. "I'm too sober for this," he said, flicking him lightly on the forehead. "Go to sleep."
"Come with me?"
Andrew slowly slipped out of Neil's embrace and walked to the other side of the room, grabbing a clean shirt and a pair of soft sweatpants (Neil recognized those were Andrew's), and tossing them toward Neil. "Change."
"Fine." Neil clumsily tugged off his shirt, stifling a yawn as he tossed it to the floor. He let Andrew pull the new shirt over his head, his hands gently brushing over his skin. He wiggled out of his jeans, throwing them aside and slipping into Andrew's sweats, sighing in relief.
Andrew finished changing and brushing his teeth before coming to Neil's side. By that time he was already half-asleep, blinking through heavy eyelids up at Andrew.
"Hi," he sighed, shifting over so Andrew could have his place by the wall.
"Good night," Andrew replied, pulling their covers over them. Neil smothered a syrupy laugh into their pillow, turning so that he could face Andrew.
"'Drew," he murmured as Andrew draped his arm over Neil's waist.
"Don't say anything stupid," he said softly, his fingers digging into the small of Neil's back. A giggle rose in his throat before he could help it, and he inched closer to Andrew. Propping himself up on one elbow, he dipped his head and began to trail delicate kisses up Andrew's jawline.
"Hey," he whispered when he reached Andrew's ear. The man beneath him couldn't quite suppress the shiver that ran through his body, and Neil smirked devilishly.
"What do you want?" Andrew's voice was too blank, a front to cover the faint blush dusting his cheeks.
Neil leaned in, lips just barely brushing Andrew's earlobe, before singing, "What's new pussycat? Whoa - "
He was immediately shoved off and pinned down onto the mattress, Andrew's arm pressed against his chest. Loud starburst laughter filled the room, Neil's vision blurred at the edges with mirth, and in the whole snowfall of it all, he swore he saw Andrew's lips twitch in a smile too.