Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They were working late again, prepping everything for court the next day. The rest of the team had gone home hours before, the winter weather scaring them enough to listen to Bull’s instructions to leave.

Marissa, of course, ignored his suggestion and remained in the office with him. Well, with him implied she was there next to him, and she wasn’t. Hadn’t been for ten minutes, actually.

When she had left the table they were working at to get something to drink he assumed it would only take a minute, maybe two. But she still wasn’t back. And he knew Marissa wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, and it was highly unlikely she simply went to lie down one of the cots to catch a quick nap. Which meant her attention had been captured by something.

Curious, Bull stood, stretched, and went to find her. But she wasn’t in the kitchen, or her office, or the mock court room.

His curiosity building, and maybe a bit of worry, Bull picked up his pace as he looped through the rest of the office, only relaxing when he finally found her standing in front of one of their large windows, steaming mug in hand.

Smiling warmly, Bull simply watched her for a moment, unable to help himself when she looked so serene. Not having bothered with the lights, Marissa was gazing out the dark window at the snow swirling outside. A small smile was on her face, which was upturned slightly to better see the flakes fall. Bull couldn’t help but think how beautiful she looked, the light from the moon and snow lightened sky highlighting her silhouette.

“Mariss?” He called out softly, not wanting to startle her. At the sound of his voice, Marissa glanced over her shoulder at him and her smile widened. With a gentle nod of her head, she silently beckoned him toward her then turned back to the window. Bull approached slowly, still enjoying the view, before stopping right behind her so barely an inch separated them. “And what are we watching?” He asked, leaning in to pose his question quietly into her ear, his breath stirring some a few strands of her hair.

A smirk touched her lips. “Well, I thought that would be obvious.” She teased, tilting her head slightly to catch a glimpse of him in the corner of her eye. “I always loved the snow.” She added as an actual answer before he could tease back. “It’s so beautiful when it’s falling, before it’s disturbed by all the cars and foot traffic and turns to slush. I just wanted to see some of that before it changes by rush hour tomorrow.” Bull hummed in agreement and then reached around her and snagged the mug from her hand. “Jason” she half-heartedly scolded, as he took a sip.

He chuckled and licked some of the remaining chocolate off his lips before returning the mug to her, their fingers brushing. The two continued their silent vigil of the snow for several more minutes, both acutely aware of how close they were standing, but unwilling to move away.

They’d had moments like this before.

Ones where the tension between them was almost too much. Bull wasn’t sure when their friendship began shifting, when he started seeing Marissa as far more than his best friend. He knew she felt it too, but something always got in the way, a case, a team member, something that prevented either of them from acting on it.

Now though? Now they were in an empty office and—Bull internally groaned when his phone beeped in his pocket.

Frowning, he pulled it out, wondering who he’d have to murder for contacting him after 11pm and interrupting another moment. Except it want a someone after all, it was a weather alert, category three. Apparently, the snow wasn’t bad but the ice on the roads made it so that nobody except emergency responders should be out until conditions improved and more salt could be laid.

Hand boldly finding a place on Marissa’s hip, Bull wrapped his other arm around her to show her the message. Marissa reached up and held his hand to steady the phone, her head cocking as she read.

“Hmm, well, looks like we’re spending the night here then.” She observed, turning to face Bull but not increasing the distance between them. Her heart sped up at their proximity, which had already been wreaking havoc on her system, but seemed so much more intimate now that they were face-to-face. But, well, she felt emboldened by the heavy weight of his hand on her hip.

Bull smiled down at her, slipped his phone back into his pocket and, as if reading her thoughts, placed his other hand on her hip as well. “I could think of worse ways to spend the night,” he murmured quietly.

Her gaze involuntarily flitted to his lips and back to his eyes. “Really?” She intoned playfully, though the way her voice turned a little husky gave her away that her mind had gone similar places. “The warning will probably last til late tomorrow morning… the rest of the team won’t be in right away.” Marissa trailed off, her lower lip catching in her teeth.

A hum of agreement was all Bull could manage as he traced small circles her hip with his thumb, his mind far too occupied with all of things they could do with that uninterrupted time to form an actual response.

When Marissa took a step back instead of forward, though, Bull’s brow furrowed in confusion and his hands dropped immediately… unsure how he could have misread all the signs.

With a laugh like bells, Marissa smiled softly at him before placing her mug down on a previously out of reach filing cabinet. She then immediately stepped back into him, her hands ghosting up his chest to rest on his shoulders. “Jason,” she breathed.

Relief hit Bull so strong his knees almost buckled; he hadn’t misunderstood. Hands eagerly flying back to her hips, Bull tugged her closer so no space remained between them. “Mariss…” he responded affectionately. He then wasted no time in leaning down and kissing her, too much time had already been wasted.

Despite this, though, their first kiss was tentative. It seemed that while they both knew the other wanted it, they were suddenly shy on how to proceed.

As they drew apart, they chuckled, Marissa resting her forehead on Bull’s collarbone. “You’d think we never kissed anyone before,” she joked, as Bull trailed his fingers up her spine while the other remained firmly attached to her hip.

“Hmm, well, not someone I cared about so much anyway.” Bull mumbled into her hair. “And certainly not at work,” he added glancing around them.

A slyness stealing over her features, Marissa pulled back slightly. “I have an idea,” Marissa grinned, eyes twinkling as she took his hand and led him to his office. “A bit homier, not as utilitarian…” she explained, and if her eyes drifted to the couch or the lock on the door… who could blame her?

Bull once again read her mind and as she closed the door behind them, flipping the lock, he grinned mischievously. “Think I’m that easy, huh?” He teased, stepping forward. When Marissa merely cocked her head and arched a brow, Bull chuckled. “Good.” He murmured, trapping her between him and the door before dropping a quick peck on her lips. “That saves us some time.” He finished, before diving in for a proper kiss.

A gasp escaped her as Bull pressed her against the door, his hands weaving into her hair, mouth insistent on hers. And Bull had to mentally thank all that was good when Marissa responded in kind, one arm wrapping underneath his to grip his shoulder and the other tugging the back of his shirt up and slipping under to touch the warm skin of his lower back.

All but growling at the contact, Bull licked the seam of her lips, seeking permission, which Marissa eagerly granted; tilting her head as well to deepen the kiss further. As they explored one another’s mouth, Bull removed one hand from her hair and slid it down Marissa’s side, in attempt to hoist one of her legs around him.

Grunting in displeasure, he broke the kiss and, breathing heavily, rested his forehead to Marissa’s. “You know I really love the dresses you wear, right?” He murmured, pulling back just enough to meet her eyes.

“I had an inkling” Marissa quipped, slightly breathless as well, her hands coming back to his chest and playing with the buttons on his shirt. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are” she added, quirking an eyebrow at him and undoing several more buttons.

He forced himself to focus on his goal and not on how Marissa’s fingers felt grazing his chest. “Well,” he swallowed, “I’m not so fond of them right now.” To emphasize his point, Bull tried to lift her leg again only to be inhibited by the tight skirt. When, instead of offering a solution, a laugh burst from Marissa’s lips and her head fell back to thump against the door lightly in her mirth, Bull blinked. “What?” He inquired, a bit grumpily.

Doing nothing to hide her glee, Marissa chuckled. “Oh, Jason, you just looked so petulant.” Unable to think of a retaliation, he opted to cut off her laugh with a long, deep kiss. When they resurfaced, Marissa exhaled a little shakily, which Bull was quite proud of. “I have a solution.” She offered, her nails raking along the back of his head in a delicious manner.

Bull hummed in response before planting small, brief pecks along her jaw and down her neck before moving back up to suck gently just under her jaw where he’d fantasized kissing her for ages now. He was rewarded by Marissa’s sharp inhale and her immediately letting her head fall to the side to grant him better access.

Too soon, Bull stopped and made his way back to her mouth, but he had a mission. “So,” he breathed, “what was your solution?” When Marissa blinked up at him, more than a little distracted, Bull smirked. “To the dress problem,” he elaborated, hands roving over the offending piece of clothing.

“Oh, right,” Marissa shook her head causing Bull to give a low chuckle. Quick to retaliate as well, Marissa pressed forward, away from the door, her hands on his chest forcing Bull to stumble back, confused, until the backs of his knees hit the couch and he sat abruptly.

Staring up at the woman in front of him, Bull couldn’t believe his luck. “I’ve wanted this for a long time,” he confessed, hoping she knew what he meant, not just a physical relationship—something more. His eyes widened as Marissa kicked off her heels and rucked up her dress just enough so that when she approached him she could straddle his lap—ahh, the solution.

A brilliant smile stretching her lips in return, Marissa settled into her position on his lap and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. “Me too,” she whispered, her hands running through his hair.

Hands gliding hungrily over her now bared legs, Bull groaned softly. “Mariss,” he murmured, unsure what else to say. Sensing this, Marissa’s lips curled up once more and she leaned in and kissed him. Slowly this time, but no less passionate than the fervent ones they shared pressed against the door.

Sounds pulled from deep in his throat as her ministrations, he pressed Marissa further into him, relishing at the contact. His heart nearly stopped when she lowered herself fully onto his lap and started to grind. With difficulty, Bull severed their lips, almost losing his resolve at the sound of disappointment that escaped Marissa. “Mariss,” he tried, but was cut off by his own sharp exhale. Seeming to know he wouldn’t stop talking, Marissa hadn’t gone to recapture his mouth, instead she nipped lightly along his neck, then soothed the skin with quick laps of her tongue. Bull moaned and unwittingly pulled her tighter against him so that he could better grind his hips into hers.

Slowly coming back to his senses, Bull interrupted them. “Wait, no, Marissa,” he attempted again, gently—and more than a little reluctantly—holding Marissa away at arm’s length. Shit, he thought, she was so gorgeous. Always had been, but right now with her tousled hair, kiss-swollen lips, and dilated pupils, god she was perfection. Still, he steeled himself against this and her apparent confusion at his actions and continued. “Marissa, I have wanted this for a long time.”

“Yes, so you mentioned before…” she replied hesitantly, brows furrowed.

Fighting not to just into his baser instincts and desires, Bull slid a hand up from her arm to her cheek. “But I also don’t want you to feel as though we have to move this fast, we can…” he gulped, trying to prepare himself for the possibility that she would leave his lap, go to the break room and he’d have to take care of himself. “We can take it slow, if you want. We can take our time...” Trailing off, Bull gaped when Marissa’s head dropped forward and she tried to smother her giggles. “What?” He asked defensively, he was just being a gentleman.

Though she was clearly amused, Marissa also seemed immensely pleased by his suggestion. “Jason,” she finally managed, “isn’t almost seven years enough time?” Her hand came up to cup his cheek sweetly in return, taking some of the sting from her words. “But I love that you checked with me, that you respect me enough to be sure. And,” she swallowed and became more serious, “if you want to take it more slowly,” she began to move as if to get up. “We certainly can. I won’t besmirch your honor.” She added on, trying to lighten the mood once more.

He growled and yanked her fully back into his lap and kissed her hotly, proving that he didn’t need, or want, to take it slowly either. Not restraining himself further, Bull wrapped his arms around her and rapidly shifted their position so that they were now lying flat on the couch with him happily situated between her legs. He mumbled something along the lines of “I’ll show you honor,” before capturing her mouth in another searing kiss as his hand slid her dress up further.

Waking slowly, Marissa smiled, completely content. Though crammed onto a too small couch, with her lying more on Bull than the cushions, Marissa couldn’t have been happier and didn’t even consider moving. She stretched slightly against him, and propped her chin up on his chest to get a look at him. His eyes were closed, but he smiled widely when he felt her eyes on him.

“Good morning,” she murmured, pressing a short kiss to his bare chest.

Bull brought one hand to rest behind his head to see her better and began tracing lazy patterns on her back with the one that had been wrapped around her. “Oh, better than good, I hope,” he teased, opening his eyes and taking in the woman in front of him. “I think it could be deemed, the best morning. Seeing as how I got to wake up with you in my arms.” He added, smiling broadly.

A blush spreading across her cheeks and chest, Marissa shook her head, and was about to brush away the flirtatious comment with a joke as usual when she realized… she didn’t have to; not anymore. “The best morning it is then, because we’re together,” she amended, inching up to give him a brisk, close-lipped kiss. She then lowered herself back down and snuggled into him, enjoying the feel of him next to her. Marissa suddenly turned to him, “the team?” She questioned, slightly alarmed at being found naked with Jason on the couch in his office.

Unconcerned, Bull continued tracing patterns into her skin. “Roads are better, but they won’t be in til ten just to be safe.” He replied soothingly. “Don’t worry, we’ve got another two hours.” He kissed the top of her head.

She smiled and relaxed against him once more, cheek resting on his chest and arm hugging his waist. They laid there for another five minutes in delighted silence, when Marissa stiffened. She’d been pleasantly focusing on the feel of Jason’s fingers along her back when she discerned what he was doing. He was writing. Not just writing, but writing the same words over and over again; ‘I love you.’

Bull noticed the change in her demeanor and his hand froze and flattened on her back comfortingly. “Mariss? What’s the matter?” He inquired, his heart twisting painfully, wondering if maybe she’d changed her mind. Been left to think about it too much and talked herself out of what they were doing. He removed the hand from behind his head and tipped her chin up to meet his gaze; fully prepared to convince her that what they were doing was right, felt more right than any relationship he’d ever had. Hell, he’d just been writing ‘I love you’ on her back—afraid that it was too soon to admit it out loud but unable to help himself. Her expression stopped him though, her eyes were shining with unshed tears, but the smile upon her face was brilliant. “Mariss?” He said again, even more baffled, slipping his hand from her chin to caress her cheek.

“l…” she swallowed thickly. “Jason, I, I love you too.” She confessed softly, watching him carefully. Scared she misinterpreted his tracings, scared she said it too soon; but at the same time, she knew it was the truth. She was in love with him, had been for who knows how long before they decided to act on their feelings. Marissa only had a moment to think all of this before the biggest smile she’d ever seen bloomed on Bull’s face.

Mouth opening and closing a few times uselessly, Bull finally found his voice. “You love me?” He paused for a moment and when Marissa nodded his smile expanded impossibly further. “You love me!” He crowed gleefully, suddenly rolling over, trapping her beneath him as he peppered kisses on her face and neck with an ‘I love you’ muttered between each kiss.

Her heart swelling happily, Marissa laughed and wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer. Framing his face to hold him still, Marissa looked intently into his eyes. “Jason Bull,” she began, trying to keep a straight face but losing the battle to her wide grin. “I love you. I love you so much.” She finished, kissing him sweetly.

Acting as much the idiot as she was, Bull shook his head. “I love you more, Marissa Morgan!” He countered, chuckling and nuzzling her neck.

Breathless, she laughed. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

Bull hummed, and pulled away from her slightly. “I’ll just have to prove it to you then.” He cocked an eyebrow at her playfully. Before she could respond Bull kissed her again and they completely abandoned their conversation.

They decided to tell the team right away. Neither thought they could hide their feelings any longer and everyone was at least partially adept at reading people—it came with the job—so why hide it?

The two were composed and ready to work, waiting by the main screens when everyone else arrived. Bull gathered the team and said they wanted to make an announcement his arm automatically wrapping around Marissa’s waist as they waiting for quiet and before he could say anything else, Cable and Danny whooped in excitement and Chunk and Benny started clapping.

Catching her lip in her teeth, Marissa ducked her head briefly before looking at them all. “We haven’t even said anything yet.” She pointed out, though her smile gave it away.

“You didn’t have to,” Chunk exclaimed, getting up and giving Marissa a hug and clapping Bull on the shoulder.

Head cocking, Cable grinned. “Yeah, aren’t you two already married?” She asked dryly, though she bounced up and hugged them both at the same time.

As Benny and Danny congratulated them as well, Bull shook his head and stated, “alright, alright. Back to work everyone, nothing is going to change.” Though switching back to being the boss, he grinned at them all. Unable to help himself, he gave Marissa a chaste kiss before going to his office to grab a few papers before they started in on the case. Okay, so maybe a few things would change… but for once he was happy and excited for change.

Chapter Text

Bull couldn’t help but think back to the conversation he had with Marissa when she first started dating Kyle. How, when he asked when he’d meet the man who managed to sweep her off her feet, Marissa had given him a smile and dismissively responded. “Let’s just see if it lasts the weekend before we plan the wedding.”

He never thought they would actually reach that point…. planning a wedding. On more than one occasion, Bull turned to Marissa, burning to tell her it was a mistake.

That she was marrying the wrong man… that she should be with him instead.

The psychologist in him would probably say something clever about this sudden realization. That his epiphany that he loved his best friend was tied to the fact that she was no longer available. That he lost her in a way that he’d never even had her, so it really shouldn’t feel as though there was a gaping hole in his chest.

So yes, on multiple occasions he’d gone to tell her the truth that was gnawing him from the inside-out. But then, then he’d catch a glimpse of her brilliant smile, not just the close-lipped ones she so often handed out. But a full-blown, teeth showing, eyes crinkling and shining, smile that was making its way to her face more and more. And it would be like a gut-punch, a much needed wake-up call.

How could he consider, even for a second, taking that away from her?

Consider marring that happiness and their friendship with a proclamation of unrequited love? No, each time the words bubbled up his throat he reminded himself that he’d never seen her this happy and he would not be responsible for taking that away from her.

He was also being selfish, in a way, because while he loved Marissa, Bull didn’t want to imagine what life and work would be like if he ruined their friendship. If he lost her in every sense.

And that was how he found himself here. At the wedding ceremony, sitting stiff as a board and trying to keep his facial expressions neutral. It was a small service at the courthouse, Marissa hadn’t wanted a big white wedding—she already had one and look at how that ended. Judge Lamkin was presiding over the event, and Bull thought she might have thrown Bull some pointed glares. But he was too lost in his own thoughts and inner turmoil to decipher what those might mean.

His inner musings were interrupted though, by Marissa’s mother sitting next to him on the bench. She reached over and took his clenched fist between her hands and soothed the tense muscles with practiced ease. “Abigail,” he greeted as warmly as he could, squeezing her hand. He really did like Marissa’s mother, it wasn’t her fault he was an idiot and didn’t realize his feelings for her daughter until it was too late.

“Jason,” she returned and leaned closer into him to murmur. “You know, if someone had asked me who would be the one to convince my Marissa to get married again, I would have said you.” She said this casually, looking at the front of the small room, as if she was commenting on the paint choice.

Sputtering, Bull turned to her wide-eyed. Abigail only tutted and shook her head minutely at his reaction. “Don’t you look at me like that Jason Bull. If either one of you had bothered to take your head out of your asses for even a moment we would be here under very different circumstances today.” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and cocked an eyebrow.

A lump of tangled emotions in his throat meant it took Bull a moment to respond. “Marissa is happy. I’m happy that she’s happy.” He replied mechanically; it had been his mantra for some time now. He slowly withdrew his hand from the woman’s grasp, careful to control his actions despite his raging emotions.

Abigail scoffed lightly and retorted. “Oh, but you both could be so much happier.” She gave Bull one last appraising look, patted his shoulder and headed back to where her husband and daughter were out of sight in the other room, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

Dumbfounded, Bull sat there with his mouth opening and closing like a fish when the rest of the team filed in and sat with him. Benny and Chunk exchanged look and then turned back to Bull. “You alright?” Benny asked, leaning forward so he could see his boss around Chunk. Bull started, as if he had just noticed they were there and nodded vaguely before shifting to face the front.

Only he instantly regretted changing the direction he faced. Because Kyle had just appeared at the front of the room and was waiting, hands clasped, for Marissa to marry him. The man bounced on his toes and scanned the room. When he made eye contact with Bull, he grinned and flashed him a thumbs up. Bull couldn’t help the description, ‘self-satisfied turd’ from flitting through his mind again as he turned away from Kyle without acknowledging the gestures.

Then the music started, a soft piano melody that Bull couldn’t place but that he instantly associated with Marissa and everyone spun to witness the bride enter the room, a parent on each arm. Bull gulped and gripped the back of the bench tightly when he saw Marissa.

She’d forgone the traditional wedding dress just as she had the traditional ceremony. Instead she wore a simple, yet elegant cream-colored, calf-length dress with lace patterns. Her hair fell in soft curls, brushing along her shoulders, half of it up in a twist. She was wearing her favorite shade of red lipstick, and when her gaze met Bull’s he felt like his heart stopped. Despite the situation, Bull couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face in response to hers; god she was beautiful.

Then his eyes met Abigail’s next to Marissa’s and the woman inclined her head knowingly, looked pointedly between her daughter and Bull and raised her eyebrows. And Bull’s hands began to sweat.

What if Abigail was telling the truth?

A mother wouldn’t think of him as a potential son-in-law if Marissa hadn’t mentioned she had feelings for him, right? Her mother wouldn’t risk Marissa’s happiness over something that wasn’t concrete. Wouldn’t hurt Marissa by suggesting to her boss that he should be the one standing at the altar to marry Marissa instead.

Maybe, just maybe, his feelings weren’t as unrequited as he thought. But was it too late to do something? Not according to Abigail if the conversation she had with him and the looks she was shooting him meant what he thought they did.

When was the proper time to interrupt your best friend’s wedding though?

In the movies, it was always during the part of the sermon when the officiator declared, ‘speak now or forever hold your peace.’ Was that even something that was included in real life? It had to be close to the end, right? So, he should wait for that. But what if it wasn’t at the end, what if Lamkin didn’t include that part at all and he missed his final chance to tell Marissa how he felt?

Bull jerked his head up, realizing that while he was debating with himself the proceedings had begun, and he very well could have missed the ‘speak now’ portion. Panicking slightly, Bull wiped his sweaty palms on his knees and shifted nervously in his seat. He couldn’t count on a scripted part of the ceremony to ask him to intervene. For all he knew the asshat Kyle might have asked Lamkin to skip that part, so no one could interrupt.

Summoning courage that he didn’t think he had, Bull abruptly stood up. Swallowing hard, he cleared his throat, hands shaking. Marissa caught the sudden movement from the corner of her eye and glanced at him. He must have been pale and he knew he was visibly shaking, because Marissa’s face flooded with concern and she pivoted to face him fully.

“Jason?” She inquired quietly, reaching for him.

His heart stuttered, because here he was about to burn it all down and she was worried about him. Marissa truly had the biggest heart of anyone he knew, so maybe she would be able to forgive him for what he was about to do. “I,” he paused and licked his lips nervously. “I object.” He managed in a surprisingly steady and loud voice, focused solely Marissa even when gasps and murmurs broke out among the other attendants.

Her eyes widened, and her mouth fell open a bit, but he could have sworn one side had started to curl up when Kyle burst in. “Wait, what?! No. No, you don’t get to do this!” Kyle fumed, as he began to advance on Bull. He only stopped when Marissa’s hand shot out and gripped his arm. Kyle turned and looked at her, perplexed. But her eyes were still locked with Bull’s.

“Jason?” She repeated, taking a step closer and searching his face for more, her eyes shining.

Stunned, Kyle blinked. “Marissa,” he protested, but she waved him off and continued to look at Bull.

Too late to stop now, besides he was encouraged by Marissa’s response. Taking a deep breath, and stepping into the aisle, Bull plunged ahead. “I love you, Marissa. I love you so much and I have for a long time. I’m an idiot for not realizing it sooner. For not telling you you’re my person. My rock. The one person in this world that I am always excited to see. For not telling you every day how incredibly important you are to me. And I’m an ass for bringing all this up now, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t miss my last chance to tell you everything. I couldn’t let you marry him, not when… not when there might be even the tiniest possibility that you feel the same way for me.” As Bull spoke, he’d drawn closer and closer to Marissa, unable to keep away any longer.

Her expression softened and a smile was blooming across her lips when Bull finished; a smile that was even bigger than the ones she sported during the wedding planning. Though he tried to rein his emotions in, Bull couldn’t help the hopeful swoop of his insides at her reaction.

“I do” she murmured, causing both Kyle and Bull to look at her in confusion. A flush crept up her neck and cheeks, she ducked her head before looking at Bull again. “I do feel the same way, Jason.” She clarified, louder this time, with more conviction. “I love you too!” With this admission, she released Kyle’s arm, strode forward and pulled Bull’s mouth to hers for a crushing kiss.

When they broke apart, it was to the whoops and applause of the team, Marissa’s parents and even Judge Lamkin. Marissa bit her lower lip, but couldn’t tame the wild smile spreading across her face.

A bit disoriented by his luck, and the kiss, Bull laughed and hugged Marissa tighter to him, reluctant to ever let her go now that they were finally together as they should be.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Kyle spat out, his face a dangerous shade of red as he stalked toward the two.

Immediately detaching herself from Bull, Marissa stepped forward to intercept the man. “Oh, Kyle,” Marissa began, grimacing. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, but she long ago accepted that her romantic feelings for Bull were unreciprocated. It was why she moved on. But to find out that they weren’t and still marry Kyle? She couldn’t do that to herself, to Kyle. “I am so sorry. I never meant for this, to hurt you,” she implored, stretching her hand to soothe him. Because while she did love Jason, loved him more than she could describe, a part of her did love Kyle as well—she wouldn’t have agreed to marry him if she hadn’t.

Her words did nothing to change Kyle’s dark expression, his approach turning into something foreboding. Then suddenly, suddenly the entire team stood up as one and turned toward him, Danny and Chunk even going as far as to step out into the aisles. At the sudden movement, and now facing down a group of four which included a former FBI agent and ex pro-football player, Kyle slowed and then stopped, face wary.

Arms crossing, Chunk cocked his head. “I’d think about my next actions very carefully, if I were you.” He remarked, sizing the almost-groom up. He sympathized with Kyle, the man had just been left at the altar, but this was Bull and Marissa. The two love-struck idiots who’d been dancing around one another for years; like hell was he going to let anything interrupt this momentous admission from the both of them.

Guilt still seizing her, Marissa made to step around Chunk to try and placate Kyle further when Bull slid his hand into hers, intertwining their fingers. He gestured toward the door with a jerk of his head, a wicked grin making its way across his lips. Bull began to move, pulling Marissa along with him until they were both hurrying out of the room, ignoring any and everything else around them.

They made it as far as the stairwell before Marissa yanked Bull to a stop and pressed him against the wall, her lips capturing his in a kiss made clumsy by her inability to stop smiling. Bull beamed at her in return, caressing her cheek softly.

They had a lot to make up for…. Luckily, they had all the time in the world to do it.

Chapter Text

TAC had been operating for almost two years, now, and already they were expanding and in desperate need of more help. And though they were desperate, neither one of them wanted the responsibility of wading through the countless applications, cover letters and recommendations.

It was important work, no doubt. It was just, with TAC being one of the only companies of its kind, the breadth of applications they received was daunting. And, admittedly, tiresome… half the time they spent looking for new hires was weeding through those who should’ve thought twice about applying as they were woefully under qualified.

Which meant… they created a game.

Nothing crazy, it was really just a simplified version of strip poker combined with the card game war. As they read through the applications, they would set aside the ones they thought were the worst.

Whether this was because of grammatical errors, mentions of other companies instead of TAC, blatant lies, what have you, it was set aside. Once they each selected the best one in their pile, they had to swap and decide which application was the worst of the two options. The person who picked the worst application won, and the loser had to strip a piece of clothing.

This was their third round of applicants for the new computer specialist position and they’d been reviewing files for almost an hour, sprawled on the couch in Bull’s office, their feet playfully bumping when Bull broke the silence.

“Oho! I’ve got a winner!” He exclaimed, waving the paper in Marissa’s direction.

Chuckling, Marissa cocked an eyebrow at him. “You’ve said that the past three times,” she reminded him, giving him a once over to emphasize her point. He was down to just his pants, while Marissa had only discarded her shoes and stockings.

His chest puffing out in an obvious attempt to distract her, Bull shook his head. “Well, you’re somehow rigging the system. No way you normally would have won so many times in a row.” He muttered before confidently proclaiming, “but trust me, you can’t beat this one.”

Marissa hummed in response and handed over the resume she set aside for their next ‘duel’ sure she’d have Jason down to his boxers in a matter of moments. But the second she started to read through the application he selected, Marissa knew he won. She glanced up to realize he wasn’t even looking at her pick. Was confident enough that he was just gazing at her expectantly, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Unable to deny his victory, Marissa merely narrowed her eyes at him and then pointed to the resume. “They spelled Trial Analysis Corporation wrong three times. In three different ways.” She noted in astonishment.

“I know,” Bull replied smugly, his fingers dancing along her knee.

She kept reading. “In the first paragraph alone,”she added, scanning the rest of the cover letter and spotting multiple grammatical mistakes.

“I know.” Bull beamed and waggled his eyebrows at her. “Time to lose that blouse, my dear.” His fingers danced higher and tweaked a button on her shirt.

Letting out an exaggerated sigh, Marissa slowly unbuttoned her blouse, making a bit of a show of it by biting her lower lip slightly and maintaining eye contact with Bull as she did so. Once she finished, Marissa dropped the shirt neatly on the ground by the couch and reached for another file. She was part way through the next application, which was actually very promising when she realized Bull hadn’t budged. When she finally looked up, she could’t help the wicked grin that made its way to her lips. He was staring at her, and when they made eye contact once more, Bull licked his lips.

Eyes firmly on her chest, Bull huffed. “You cheater.” He managed.

A light scoff escaping her, Marissa retorted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She then turned her attention back to the file in her hands; she really liked this applicant.

Not backing down, Bull wet his lips. “You know what that bra does to me. You wore it on purpose today to get the upper hand.” He placed a hand on the file in Marissa’s hands and forced her to lower it and look at him.

Innocently plucking at the deep purple strap of her lacy bra, Marissa finally relented. “What? This old thing?” She asked, but before Bull could respond, she continued. “What about this candidate for our computer specialist?” She offered the papers to him.

Thoroughly ignoring the folder in her hands, Bull’s eyes traveled the length of her, busy undressing her further.

“I can’t do it all, Jason.” Marissa remarked, thinking her plan may have backfired if she couldn’t get him to concentrate long enough. “There is simply too much online work to do now for me to handle that, making and prepping the mock jury, and creating and monitoring my algorithms,” she pressed the documents into Bull’s hands, forcing him to focus.

Snapping back to their initial task, Bull snatched the application and glanced it over. “Mariss, I know you can’t do it all, but this one?” He remarked skeptically, holding up the resume. “They’re self-taught, no formal higher education. And what kind of name is Cable?”

Arms lifting over her head in a elegant stretch, Marissa shrugged. “A unique one? If not fitting.” She supplied nonchalantly, doing her best to hide her smirk at how quickly his pupils dilated.

“That’s not fair,” Bull grumbled, though his eyes remained trained on her. “You’re cheating.” There wasn’t any heat behind his accusation though, in fact, he set the application aside and started undressing further; tugging his belt off, eyes still glued to Marissa and her lithe movements.

Heat pooling in her own stomach at his actions, Marissa forced herself to focus. “Just let me interview this Cable and get a sense of what they know and can do. Self-taught normally means hacker. And a hacker could be very useful, especially with what we do.” While she spoke, Marissa had begun to draw the zipper of her skirt down; two could play the game he was starting.

His own undressing unknowingly abandoned as his eyes followed the zipper inch down, Bull mumbled. “Yeah, okay. Interview whoever you want. We’re done for the night.”

Marissa chuckled lowly, “you sure?” She asked, lifting her hips to slide her skirt off smoothly before letting it fall to the floor, revealing the matching panties. Bull didn’t bother to reply, he simply pushed the remaining files off the couch and pressed Marissa back into the cushions with a searing kiss. When they finally broke for air, Marissa murmured, “we should review applications more often.”

A rumble of amusement escaping him, Bull began to kiss his way down her body, he paused right as he reached the edge of her underwear; drawing a groan of protest from Marissa. “Only if it ends like this every time.” He smirked before eagerly returning to his task.

Chapter Text

They concluded the Clayton case, even managed to convict the ‘grieving’ widow for the murder of her rich husband. Bull should have felt happier, not only did they win, but they also received a huge payday from the client which would go a long way in helping those who couldn’t normally afford their services.

Except… he just couldn’t muster up the feeling. Maybe it had something to do with Diana and how odd it’d been between them this entire case.

Maybe. Either way, he’d find out by the end of the night, seeing as how he was headed to see her at her hotel now, and while she’d been gracious in her loss—difficult not to be, given the evidence—he couldn’t forget how the case had started.

How he went to visit Diana and when they laid in bed after she asked him to work a case with her. At first Bull had be thrilled at the possibility, a chance to work with Diana instead of against her. A chance to finally show her everything TAC was and all it could do—he was excited to show off his team and their work. But then Diana continued, explaining who her client was and what she was being charged with.

A grimace pulling his lips, Bull ran a hand over his face. “Diana, I can’t.” He began, only for Diana to bulldoze over him before he could get any further.

“Yes, you can, you just have to want to. You just have to go into TAC and clear up your schedule.” Her implication that he was the boss and could do as he pleased heavy. “Because this is more important. I’m more important.” She added, laying it on thick.

Feeling slightly guilty, though unsure why, Bull shook his head. “I already signed with the other side,” he explained, and Diana stiffened against him, though her facial expression remained neutral. “I’m working for the Clayton estate.”

Mouth pursing, Diana arched a brow. “Quit.” She declared, as if there was nothing to it, as if TAC hadn’t already deposited the quarter million-dollar retainer fee the client offered.

Baffled she’d even make the suggestion, Bull reared back a bit. “I can’t” Bull reiterated and when Diana simply quirked another eyebrow, he continued. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t switch sides. It’s a violation of professional ethics, you know that.” He paused for a moment and when she remained silent, added, “I’m sorry.” Though he didn’t quite mean it and Diana certainly knew that.

Immediately disengaging, she rolled away so her back was to him. Bull was dumbstruck, she was being childish; as if someone else claimed the toy she wanted and wouldn’t share.

He exhaled sharply, sat up, and began getting dressed, knowing there was no talking to her once she was in this kind of mood. “Will I see you again? While you’re still in town?” He asked, attempting to wave a proverbial white flag, against his better instincts.

A slight snort, then, “Absolutely,” Diana responded, “in court.”

Shaking his head in frustration, Bull tried once more. “I really am sorry.” He delivered this, slightly more sincere apology, to Diana’s back as she was still refusing to look at him.

“Then quit.” Came her clipped response. Bull frowned, collected the rest of his things and left the room, letting the door shut with a soft click behind him.

Now here he was, outside her hotel room, hand poised to knock, and he was hesitating. It was illogical to be worried about seeing her again. He did what was professionally ethical to begin with and the results spoke for themselves.

So, if all the facts were on his side, why did he feel like this? Was because Diana asked him to compromise his morals, and ignored his calls when he tried to negotiate a deal?

Or was something else altogether that he couldn’t pinpoint at the moment? Shaking himself, Bull knocked loudly three times and waited on bouncing toes.

Diana answered, surprisingly, with a smile and an already prepared drink for him. And though he was still a bit wary, Bull slowly began to relax. But something wasn’t quite right, while he was enjoying the drink, Bull couldn’t help but feel that he was forcing everything else in regards to his interactions with Diana.

He felt empty.

Disturbed by the realization, Bull forced a smile and was about to make some excuse to leave when Diana, unsurprisingly, turned the conversation towards the case.

“Well if your glorified blonde secretary hadn’t found out the gun didn’t have prints...” Diana began a statement that sounded curiously similar to a villain from Scooby Doo; “I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.” And Bull would have laughed and pointed this out, had the meaning of her words not sunk in.

Tongue in cheek, Bull sniffed. “First of all, it was my investigator Danny, the former FBI agent, who discovered your client was a killer.” Bull corrected, setting his drink down with a definitive clank on the desk he was leaning against, anger quickly filling the emptiness he’d been experiencing before. “And secondly, you damn well better not be referring to Marissa as a glorified secretary.” He finally looked at Diana, his eyes and insides blazing at her comment.

Defensive walls flying up on her end as well, Diana simply cocked her head at Bull from where she was reclined on the bed before taking a long sip of her drink. “And if I am” she retorted, her jaw jutting to the side. “I hear how you talk to her, she arranges meetings and cars for you. Isn’t that what a secretary does?” She raised a brow in challenge and knocked back the rest of her drink, the ice cubes clinking against the glass.

Any attempts at civility vanished in response to Diana’s harsh tone. “That’s because I just fired the temp for forgetting to, you know what it doesn’t matter!” Bull interrupted his explanation, because he sure as hell didn’t have to defend his relationship with Marissa to Diana. “It doesn’t matter what my arrangement with Marissa is when we lose a temp. What matters is that she keeps that place running by taking on who knows how many responsibilities every single day that I am not aware of. What matters is that she is my best friend and partner and one of the smartest people that I know. And she’s important to me, incredibly important. So, if we’re going to have any sort of a relationship you don’t have to like her, but you damn well better respect her.” Bull was seething by the end of his speech, chest heaving slightly. It wasn’t that Diana called Marissa a secretary—that job wasn’t an easy one, especially for him, which is why they kept going through temps. It was the tone Diana used, and how she called Marissa ‘glorified’. It struck a particular chord with Bull, because he knew he didn’t value Marissa enough, was actually working on remedying that; so, the suggestion that she was overvalued infuriated him.

Diana stared at him for a moment, before her mouth dropped open slightly in shock. “You love her.” She murmured in amazement, stunned she hadn’t realized it before that moment. Turning her head, glad she could blame the alcohol for the heat rising to her cheeks, all the pieces fell into place.

The soft, affectionate smiles that graced his face whenever Marissa spoke in his ear—she never had that kind of smile directed at her. How the one time she dropped by TAC during the case the two of them had just exited his office, Bull’s hand on Marissa’s lower back and when they stopped in front of the screens they stood close enough for their elbows to brush. And the part that made it hurt all the more, was that none of it was intentional. Diana knew Bull would never cheat, he was just that comfortable with the woman, that close to her. And now, reflecting on almost every story Bull ever recounted during their relationship, whether it was work related or not, Marissa almost always had a starring role in the tale.

“What?” Bull leaned in closer, not quite sure he heard Diana properly.

All animosity drained out of Diana at the realization, oh, it still stung like hell, and she was still pissed about the case… but it explained a lot. Explained why they were always at odds. How it wasn’t just their head-strong personalities, but because he was in love with Marissa.

Running a hand over her face, Diana forced herself to meet Bull’s eyes. “You. Love. Her.” She repeated, slowly and loudly this time, she wasn’t going to let this man make her say it more than necessary…. she also wasn’t going to let him deny it any longer. There was enough between them, messy as it was, that she felt obligated to push him in the right direction, just because she couldn’t have him didn’t mean the woman he truly loved shouldn’t.

Bull just shook his head. “I don’t,” he began, but Diana cut him off.

In no mood to debate this, Diana huffed. “You do. Did you not just listen to yourself? You all but shouted from the rooftops how wonderful this woman is and you defended her honor.” Diana chuckled at the ridiculous, but accurate, description of what Bull had just done. “Jason,” her voice softened, and she stood from the bed and put her hands on his shoulders. “I want you to look me in the eye and tell me, truly and honestly tell me, that you have only platonic feelings for Marissa.” Diana waited a moment, then tilted her head at him and teasingly hummed the Jeopardy theme song.

“I’m thinking!” Bull exclaimed, pushing off the desk and pacing across the room, spearing his hands through his hair.

Smirking, Diana picked up the drink he discarded and twirled the liquid inside the glass. “If the automatic answer isn’t you only have platonic feelings, if you have to think about it, then there is definitely more there.” Diana noted, taking a sip. “And I thought you were the psychologist here.”

He threw an unamused look her way before slowing his pacing. “Diana,” Bull started, stopping his pacing to face her, and his expression told her everything she needed to know.

“I know, Bull.” Diana didn’t want him to finish, she was trying to be civil about this whole revelation, be the bigger woman. But if Bull made her listen to some spiel about how he did have feelings for her at some point and he never meant to hurt her… well, she might find herself in a less accommodating mood. “We weren’t ever that good for each other though. Always trying to one up each other, no matter how questionable…” Shaking her head, Diana focused once more. “Just do me favor,” she adopted her deep southern accent once more, “tell Marissa.” Bull looked as though he might argue, that while he may love her, that didn’t mean Marissa loved him. Unwilling to discuss the matter further, however, Diana interrupted him once more. “Now if you don’t mind, I have a loss to celebrate.” She lifted the bottle in mock toast and filled up the glass in her hand.

Bull nodded solemnly, gathered his coat from the chair, dropped a kiss on top of Diana’s head and left the room; his feelings and thoughts even more jumbled than when he arrived.

Not wanting to go home, Bull headed back to the office, knowing he could find a good bottle of scotch there to drink and think his way through this new dilemma.

However, when he reached the office, a few of the lights were still on. Furrowing his brow, Bull collected his drink and followed the path of lights to the mock court room; where he saw Marissa settled in front of the screens running some program.

He froze, strongly considering hiding in his office with the lights off until Marissa left. He wasn’t ready to confront her yet, and it could only have been his distracted brain that prevented him from knowing she was really the only person who would be here so late.

“Bull?” Shit, he’d taken too long to make a decision and she spotted him.

Pasting a smile on his face, Bull sauntered over to the desk she was working at and perched himself on the edge. “Young lady, isn’t it past your bed time?” He joked, peering at her over his glasses. “What are you doing here so late?” He added with a little more seriousness, glancing at the screens.

Nose wrinkling in dislike, Marissa tapped the keyboard. “Computer update I wanted to get done before work tomorrow,” she answered vaguely, eyeing him. “What are you doing here? What happened with Diana?” She half sang Diana’s name, teasing as if he had a middle school crush.

Glorified.

The word echoed in his head and another wave of guilt washed over Bull at how little he voiced his appreciation for Marissa and everything she did; how he loved that she cared as much about TAC as he did. Loved. Shaking the thought away, Bull focused on her question. “Broke up.” He answered bluntly before redirecting the conversation. “You know we have people lower in the food chain that can do this kind of thing.” He indicated to the screens. “You don’t have to be here all the time, running yourself ragged.”

It wasn’t, he’d be the first to admit, the ideal way to voice his appreciation.

“You saying I look ragged?” Marissa latched onto, tilting her head at him. Eyes widening, Bull gaped at her, unable to respond to their normal banter in a way that didn’t seem as though he was exposing the feelings he recently uncovered. Not missing his awkwardness, Marissa placed a hand gentle on his arm. “Okay, so it’s messing you up more than you let on. What happened with Diana?” She asked softly, rubbing her thumb soothingly against his skin.

His mind having trouble focusing with the warmth of Marissa’s hand seeping into him, Bull swallowed. “She broke up with me.” He managed offhandedly, tingles now shooting up his arm where her thumb was continuing its sweep. Honestly, how had he never realized she made him feel like this, his denial had to have been bullet proof.

Marissa exhaled quietly. “Oh, Jason… I’m sorry. It wasn’t because of the case, was it?” And though her voice was kind, Bull could tell she would judge Diana harshly if the breakup was due to the case.

Wanting to defend Diana some, Bull doubted he’d have to this realization without her, he quickly blurted out. “What? Oh no, there’s someone else.” It seemed the best approach, vague but still an answer.

“Someone else.” Marissa ground out, her temper flaring dangerously. Half of her prepared to go and find Ms. Diana Lindsay right then and give that woman what was coming to her… the other half, well it wanted to make sure Bull was okay.

Oblivious to the fire he sparked in Marissa’s eyes, Bull nodded. “Yeah. Do you need to be here to monitor the whole system update? Or does it run itself after a certain point?” He asked, too lost in his own thoughts and hiding feelings to notice much else.

Taken aback by the change back to the computers, Marissa blinked. “What? No, I… once it gets past the initial stages of the update it should be smooth sailing. But Jason, is there anything I can do?” She stood and rounded the desks to close the distance between them.

Quite unprepared for her usual physical affection, Bull nodded. “Yes, you can go home and get some sleep—you do too much, and I don’t want you to burn out. I, on the other hand, and going to stay here and drink.” He replied, already gathering up Marissa’s belongings and stashing them in her purse.

She gaped, even more stunned than before; he didn’t normally dismiss her like this. “Jason, I can stay. You don’t have,” Marissa tried, trailing after him as he grabbed her things. She wanted to state he didn’t have to be alone… that she wanted to be there for him, with him. But Bull was already ushering her towards the elevators and pressing the button.

“Have a good night, Mariss. I’ll see you in the morning.” He cut in, not quite meeting her eye.

Marissa pressed her lips together and tilted her head at Bull sympathetically. Before he could, quite literally, back her into the arriving elevator, she pulled him into a hug. Her arms wrapping around his neck, even if she had to stand on her toes a bit to make it work, and tried to convey in that hug that she was there for him. Bull started, but quickly enveloped Marissa in return, seeming to relish the contact and even pressing his nose into her hair. She was about to suggest he leave too when their embrace was interrupted by the ding of the elevator, announcing its arrival.

Reluctantly, Bull disengaged first, slowly pulling away from Marissa. He needed to figure out what he was going to do… if they were going to remain just friends, he wouldn’t be able to continue with this physical closeness they developed over the years. He nodded at Marissa and gave her a small smile before turning and walking back to his office.

Watching him walk away, dejectedly rubbing the back of his neck, Marissa suddenly knew what she was going to do. With a renewed purpose she stepped into the elevator and jabbed the button for the bottom floor. The entire ride down she fumed, Bull had been a mess, unable to focus and he couldn’t seem to get rid of her fast enough. He appeared lost and confused, and there was someone else?! She’d go and give Diana Lindsay a piece of her mind.

Not caring that it was almost midnight by the time she arrived at the hotel, Marissa knocked forcefully on Diana’s door.

After several long minutes, and the knocking not ceasing, Diana opened the door, confusion washing over her features when she realized who was on the other side. Countless questions flew through her mind, the most prominent one being what the woman was doing at her door so late, the other being “how did you find me?” Marissa simply huffed and gave the woman a once over before pushing past Diana and into the room. “By all means” Diana quipped, swinging the door shut behind her and running a hand through her hair to try and make it presentable.

“You cheated on him.” Marissa announced once the door was closed, turning to face Diana, her eyes flashing.

Still not fully awake, Diana froze. “What?” She’d been unsure of where this conversation was going to go, but it certainly wasn’t this direction.

Unknowingly mirroring the exact man they were discussing, Marissa began to pace. “Bull told me you ended it. Said there was someone else. What is wrong with you?” She accused, hands flexing. “How could you let someone like Jason go? He is generous, kind, empathetic, confident with this, this charisma that just draws you in and brilliant—crazy making, yes, I’ll give you that, but he is an incredible man. So, I ask you again, what is wrong with you? How could you hurt him like that?” As she concluded her rant, Marissa pinned Diana with a fierce glare, fully prepared to go to battle for her best friend.

Diana didn’t miss how Marissa switched to using Bull’s first name in the middle of her rant, how the woman’s expression, though twisted with anger, still managed to soften as she described him. How Marissa was here in the middle of the night, having obviously already seen Bull and spoken with him (Jesus did these TAC people ever sleep?) to come and confront her about hurting him.

Christ, Marissa loved him too.

How could she have been so blind… but looking at it more closely how could THEY be so blind? Diana shook her head, she should cut herself some slack and push more of the blame on the two idiots who somehow never realized they loved one another.

“He said I cheated on him?” Diana tried to clarify, because while she wanted to help Bull be in the relationship he was supposed to be in, she sure as hell wasn’t going to play the villain so Marissa could help him tend his fictitious wounds.

Arms crossing, Marissa frowned. “Not in so many words. Said you broke up with him. When I asked why he said it was because there was someone else.” Marissa supplied, losing some of the steel in her voice at Diana’s nonplussed reaction.

Huffing in amusement, Diana shook her head. “Oh, that much is true, sugar. But it wasn’t on my end, there’s someone else on his.” Diana supplied, so Bull had run into Marissa, barely described the situation and then likely pushed Marissa away because he still wasn’t ready to face his feelings—resulting in this late-night intrusion in her hotel room.

Anger seeping back into her voice, Marissa’s spine stiffened. “Jason would never cheat.” Marissa vehemently defended him, chin tipping up in defiance.

“I never, I never said he did. Lord, you two are some of the densest smart people I’ve ever met.” Diana griped, scrubbing a hand over her face, it really was too late for her to be trying to play match maker. At Marissa’s apparent confusion though, Diana decided a direct approach was best and continued. “Want to know why we broke up? Because I made some distasteful comment about the case—that might have mentioned you, and Bull went off. He wouldn’t hear a single bad word against you, said if there was even a chance at the two of us having a relationship I had better damn well respect you because you are his best friend and partner and you are incredibly important to him. Now I’m just paraphrasing, he speech was a little more impressive with a lot more emotion. But it made me realize, and after some prodding Jason too, that he’s in love with someone else… you.” Diana watched the other woman carefully, and as the meaning of her last words sunk in, Marissa dropped into the desk chair and looked at the floor.

Marissa took a moment before finally uttering. “He loves me?” Her gaze came back up to Diana’s, filled with hope, excitement and a little hesitation.

And Diana resisted the urge to shake Marissa, because of course the man loved her. “And you love him.” She stated instead of answering Marissa’s question, once more watching the woman’s reaction.

A smile broke across the blonde’s face and she looked up at Diana once more. “Yes. Yes, I do.” She managed, her smile still growing.

“Wonderful,” Diana drawled in response to Marissa’s revelation. “Now you know he loves you, you love him. Go talk to each other instead of me.” She stepped forward and took Marissa’s upper arm to help her up and guide her to the door. It’d already been a long night and all she wanted was to sleep and not think about the happy couple she just helped unite.

As Diana was about to close the door, Marissa turned suddenly and carefully caught it before it shut. “Thank you.” She said, pointedly making eye contact with Diana, because it couldn’t have been easy to push the man she cared about into another woman’s arms. “Truly.” Marissa hoped Diana could hear the sincerity in her voice, because she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to repay the woman for what she did. Diana simply gave Marissa a close-lipped smile and curtly nodded her head before shutting the door.

Marissa found her way back to her apartment, while she knew she could find Bull at the office, she needed to process everything that happened in the past few hours before seeing him again. Slowly, she hung up her coat and made her way to the bedroom. As she got ready for bed, thoughts swirled around in her mind. ‘Was Diana right? Did Jason love her? She knew she loved him, had for some time now, though she buried those feelings long ago. But if Jason had come to the realization that he loved her, why not say something when they spoke at the office? Was he unsure if she felt the same, didn’t want to rock the boat?’

Sighing, Marissa ran her hands through her hair and made a decision. She’d go into work extra early tomorrow and talk to him. She didn’t think she’d be able to go an entire day and pretend she didn’t know her feelings were reciprocated. Happy with her choice, Marissa rolled over and tried to fall asleep.

The elevator doors slid open and Marissa walked into TAC, glad to see she was the first one there (aside from Jason who was likely still in his office). Heart pounding, Marissa put her belongings in her office, grabbed some coffee for both of them and marched up to his office.

Easing the door open, Marissa poked her head in. “Jason?” She called, surprised to see him already up and dressed, reviewing files at his desk.

“Marissa!” He stood abruptly, knocking some papers to the floor in his haste. “You’re here early.” He managed as he bent down to pick up the scattered documents.

She set the coffee down with a soft chuckle and and crouched to assist Bull. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” She held out the papers she picked up to Jason, the corners of her lips lifting slightly.

Throat bobbing, Bull cleared it. “Oh?” He took the papers, still undecided on how to go about addressing these feelings for Marissa. It was one thing to admit them to Diana, but quite another to reveal them to the woman who’d been one of the few constants in his life. He didn’t want to jeopardize their friendship, wasn’t sure how he would get through everyday if things didn’t work out and Marissa left.

He stood and placed the files back on his desk and realized that when Marissa stood, she hadn’t increased the distance between them. In fact, her proximity was making it difficult for him to concentrate, his eyes flicking to her lips.

“Yes, actually it’s pretty important. I went and talked to Diana last night.” She informed him, and Bull paled, his eyes going wide as he took a small, involuntary step back. Had Diana told Marissa how he felt? It appeared so, why else would Marissa be here so early wanting to discuss something important. It didn’t seem as though she was distraught by the news though, if she had been she would’ve kept her distance… right?

Subtly wiping his palms on his pants, Bull tried to seem unaffected. “Oh?” He repeated. “Why is that?”

Leaning in closer, Marissa inclined her head. “Well, I initially went over to rip her a new one. No one gets to hurt you and get away with it.” At Bull’s baffled expression, she elaborated. “You mentioned she broke up with you because there was someone else. I assumed that meant she cheated on you… and I wasn’t going to let that slide.”

Bull’s eyes widened even further. “Mariss, that wasn’t what I—” he began to explain, imagining the kind of interaction that could have taken place between the two women.

At this Marissa gave a bit of a sheepish grin. “Oh, I know… now. Diana corrected me, don’t worry. But she did have some interesting observations she shared with me.” Marissa cocked a brow at him and closed the space between them a little further.

“Did, did she now,” Bull mumbled, his pulse speeding up. Marissa hummed and stepped even closer, biting her lower lip as she did. Swallowing, Bull struggled to keep his hands at his sides, fighting the instinct to let them pull Marissa close and kiss her. “What, what kind of observations were these?” He managed, voice cracking, as Marissa inched even closer.

She didn’t bother responding, his reactions to her was proof enough to back up what Diana told her. Smiling, Marissa reached up and ran her hand along Bull’s jaw, before sliding it into his hair and pulling him down for a kiss. Bull was frozen for a moment, shocked that he didn’t have to worry about losing Marissa, shocked she felt the same. Then as Marissa began to break the kiss he reacted.

Hands flying to tug her closer to him, one burying itself in her hair the other splayed firmly on her back. His lips moved over hers, tilting his head to deepen the kiss further. Marissa gasped slightly at his response, and Bull took advantage and slipped his tongue into her mouth, letting it dance with hers as they clung to one another. When they finally broke, Bull rested his forehead against Marissa’s.

“Well that was…” He attempted, unable to come up with words to accurately describe the incredible sensations running through him following the kiss. Marissa hummed in response and pulled him in for another kiss, they had some time before everyone else arrived after all.

Chapter Text

It became their routine.

Marissa couldn’t pinpoint when it went from them discussing who’s place they would stay at every now and then to the automatic assumption being that Jason was staying at her apartment each weekend. It was different from previous relationships Marissa had had, in those they took turns, spending about an equal amount of time at one another’s places. She didn’t mind this dynamic though, and while it was unspoken, she thought they spent so much time at her apartment because Jason preferred it. His place was minimalist in design and if she was honest… a little impersonal.

So, here they were again, standing in her kitchen on Sunday morning making pancakes together. His voice cutting through her musings to bring her back to the present.

“Hey Riss, can you hand me the blueberries? I want to add them to the next batch.” Jason glanced over his shoulder from his place at the stove in time to see Marissa stiffen where she was making coffee.

Her morning bliss popped, Marissa exhaled slowly. “Please don’t call me that.” She replied, quietly but firmly; locking eyes with him to ensure he knew she was serious as she handed him the berries.

Though clearly taken aback, it was a common nickname after all, Jason merely nodded, the pain that flashed in Marissa’s eyes convincing him to not push the topic. With a sweet kiss to her forehead, he turned back to the stove with the fruit, not wanting to unintentionally hurt her again.

Chewing her lip, Marissa gazed at Jason’s back for a moment, twisting her fingers. She regretted her reaction, he was just trying to be sweet, use a pet name. But she hadn’t let anyone call her that in over thirty years and though she was certain she was falling for the man in front of her, she simply couldn’t make an exception on this… even for him.

Still, she owed him an explanation.

He was different from the other men she’d dated, he might understand. From what she had gleaned about his past so far, his childhood hadn’t exactly been idyllic either.

Taking a deep breath, Marissa plunged ahead before her courage could desert her. “I just,” she began, but couldn’t continue, the words catching in her throat. Jason pivoted slightly to look at her and it really shouldn’t be this difficult to tell him, she thought, frustratedly spearing her hands through her hair, furious at herself for being unable to open up. It all happened so long ago, the story shouldn’t be sticking in her throat and choking her anymore. And Jason, Jason simply waited, with those patient and warm eyes and it’s his understanding expression that prompts her to continue.

“That’s what my birth mother used to call me.” She managed, before a shudder swept through her shoulders and down her spine as the memories came flooding back. The dirty, almost bare apartment, the hunger, finding the woman who was supposed to take care of her passed out in her own vomit in one room or another time and again. How when Marissa was about to be adopted the woman reappeared and somehow convinced the court to let her have custody once more. How she grinned through her ruined teeth and pulled Marissa into an involuntary hug and whispered, “My Riss, we’re a family again, Riss. A family.”

Jason’s hand on her forearm yanked her out of her dark memories and though Marissa reluctantly lifted her eyes to meet his, what she saw there had her believing for the first time she’d met someone who understood. Truly understood, wasn’t just being sympathetic, but knew from just that one sentence all the baggage that accompanied it and it was okay, because he had his baggage too. He didn’t think any less of her, if anything his eyes shone with something she might label as admiration. A wavering smile made its way to her lips and Jason dropped the spatula, pulled her into a tight embrace and gently stroked her hair.

At this, a feeling of acceptance washed over her. And it was more than she ever hoped for. Without uttering a single word, Jason understood her past, accepted it and didn’t let it change how he saw her now. They stood in this silent embrace until Marissa caught a whiff of smoke.

“You’re burning breakfast,” she mumbled into his chest, slowly releasing the t-shirt fabric she’d bunched in her hands.

“Shit!” Jason spun back to the stove and snatched the pan off the burner, waving a dish towel to try and dispel the smoke. “Well, this is past saving.” He announced, dumping the charred remains of several pancakes into the trash. “Can you hand me another egg for a new batch, Blondie?” He asked, a smirk playing about his lips.

Her brow simply quirked at him, because Blondie, really? But the comment stole a smile from her anyway and that was likely his intention to begin with. Jason chuckled in return and took the egg from her, “No? Hmm, I’ll keep working on it.”

Marissa hummed in response, placing a cup of coffee next to him and standing on her toes to give him a peck on the check before setting the table.

They finished eating and Marissa was rinsing off the dishes in the sink when Jason came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. “Wanna go play chess in the park later today, Mariss?”

She could hear the important question in his statement, and she leaned more heavily into him. The warm smile that spread across her face was answer enough, but she nodded and dropped the forks into the sink, turning in his arms. Marissa slipped her arms around his neck. “What time were you thinking… Jay?” She bit her lip nervously, unsure how he’d react to her own attempt at a nickname.

Lips curling up slowly to match hers, Jason tightened his arms around her waist. “Eleven? That way we can get a good spot, play a few games and then get a late lunch. That okay?”

“Yeah,” she kissed him sweetly. “That is perfect.”

Chapter Text

“Mariss? Marissa?” Bull’s voice and the gentle shaking of her shoulder woke Marissa up.

Groggily, she partially rolled so her upper body at least faced him. “What, Jason?” She grumbled, already falling back asleep.

Undeterred by her less than enthusiastic response, Bull grinned. “Do you think we’ve ever drank milk from the same cow twice?”

Blinking, quite caught off guard with the question, Marissa had to think a bit before giving up the attempt. “You’re an idiot.” She moaned instead, half-heartedly hitting him and moving to roll back to her previous sleeping position.

He caught her arm though and gently tugged, forcing her to roll over completely and face him. “But I’m your idiot,” he reminded her, pulling her into his chest, making sure to tangle his legs with hers.

“Damn right.” Marissa mumbled, pressing a close-lipped kiss to his throat before nuzzling closer and taking one of his hands, interlacing their fingers and cradling them to her chest. “Now go to sleep, babe.” She instructed, barely reaching the end of her sentence before dozing off.

Bull grinned tiredly and tightened his hold on her. He’d always been more of a night owl than Marissa, he sometimes found it hard to shut his brain off. Thankfully she indulged his antics more often than not. Softly kissing the top of her head, he settled in closer to her and focused on her deep even breathes, letting his mind clear and allowing the soothing rhythm to lull him to sleep.

Chapter Text

Bull claimed it was another team building exercise. Something to increase productivity and cohesion at work. Marissa knew better. He just wanted to go laser tagging and needed an excuse to be there as an adult.

Though Marissa was slightly reluctant about the idea, she couldn’t help the warm smile that spread across her face as they strapped on the plastic chest plate sensors. The others were joking and playfully pointing their guns at one another. Cable was complaining that Danny would have an unfair advantage with her FBI training, while Chunk and Benny were just glad it wasn’t something like skydiving again.

Truthfully, their team didn’t need any ‘exercises’ to increase cohesion or whatever else Bull came up with to write this off as a company expense. They were a well-oiled machine, one Marissa took immense pride in, and she knew Bull did too.

As if conjured by her thoughts, Bull returned from paying for their session, sauntering toward the team and swinging his gun. “Alright team, it’s gonna be a tough one in there. We’re up against some hardened professionals… ten year-olds at a birthday party. And they’ve already had the cake,” he dropped his head in faux dismay at the fact that the kids had the advantage of a sugar-high to aid them.

Marissa smirked and playfully rolled her eyes at Bull when he looked her way; he winked in return. Their attention was caught by the employee who entered to review the rules and allow them into the ‘arena’. “You have thirty minutes, remember no running, no—” the employee droned on in a bored voice, before opening the door and ushering them inside.

The team had somehow immediately been separated from one another and despite the fact they were the only adults in there, Marissa soon couldn’t find anyone. While initially Marissa balked at the idea of laser tagging, as she went around she had to admit she was enjoying herself. Especially when she bumped into Bull as they both rounded the same corner.

“Ahh, there you are!” Bull grinned, grasping her elbow to steady her after they collided. “I haven’t seen anyone in about five minutes.”

Her brows lifted. “No one at all? From either team, for five minutes?”

Not missing her tone, Bull slowly nodded. “That’s right…” He replied, cocking his head at her. At his response, Marissa pressed forward and backed Bull into the wall behind him. She stood on her toes to capture his lips in a brief but intense kiss, Bull’s hands automatically flew to her hips.

She pulled back and lightly ran her fingers along his jaw, before giving him a wicked grin and shooting him. Bull’s chest plate lit up red, indicating that he was out for the next 15 seconds. Astonished, Bull simply gaped at her. Laughing, Marissa spun on one foot and walked away, putting a little extra sway in her hips. Because she knew that while Bull was stunned motionless, he was certainly watching her leave.

Not much later the buzzer went off, marking the end of the session and telling everyone to return their gear. As they lined up, Bull made sure he ended up behind Marissa. “You’re going to pay for that,” he bent to whisper in her ear, gently tugging on the end of her pony tail. He glanced around before sliding his other hand onto her hip, several fingers slipping under the hem of her shirt to brush the skin underneath.

“Promises, promises.” She murmured, turning her head just enough for him to see the smirk on her lips and the challenge in her eyes. Bull huffed lightly and leaned in to reply when they were interrupted.

“So where are we going to eat?” Cable’s voice brought the two back to the present. Marissa blinked, trying to come up with some legitimate excuse to bail on lunch with the team.

Clearly having the same thought, Bull cut in as he handed his and Marissa’s equipment to the employee behind the desk. “You know, there’s actually something I need to do. And I need Marissa’s help. So, we can’t make it to lunch, but feel free to go and have fun.” He nodded at the team, interlaced his fingers with Marissa’s and not so discreetly pulled her toward the door.

“Erm, yes, sorry. Can’t be avoided, something for a case.” Marissa attempted to add some detail to the absurdly thin excuse Bull provided, while allowing herself to be lead from the building and to the car.

Once outside, Bull pressed her against the side of the car and kissed her hotly before abruptly breaking the kiss and rounding the car to get into the driver’s side. Marissa remained where she stood for a moment longer, stunned by the kiss; she quickly regained herself though and climbed in the car as well. Bull smiled crookedly at her as she buckled up, he then threw the car into gear and began to drive. Marissa felt her lips curve up to match Bull’s, laser tag had certainly turned out to be far better than she’d anticipated.

Chapter Text

It was yet another late night at TAC, and Bull and Marissa had retired to his office to review files after the rest of the team left. He was situated on the couch but hadn’t looked at the file in his hands for at least a solid five minutes.

Instead, Bull was gazing at Marissa where she sat on the floor, leaning against the couch, papers spread out around her as she twirled a pen in one hand as she read.

Deciding they’d done enough work for one night he reached out and ran his fingers through her hair gently, before casually commenting, “the floor is lava.”

She froze for a moment, before slowly raising her head and staring ahead, her expression blank.

Still playing with her blonde locks, Bull grinned. “Mariss,” he murmured, “I said—”

“I know what you said.” Marissa huffed in annoyance and rolled her eyes, though she leveraged herself up onto the couch. “I hate you,” she added as she settled in, “I finally had everything organized right where I needed it.” She glared at him out of the corner of her eye and leaned forward to grab several of the papers off the floor. Her movement was interrupted, however, by Bull reaching over and pulling her legs so they were draped over his lap. “Jason…” she began, cocking an eyebrow at him in warning.

Feigning innocence, Bull pulled her heels off and dropped them on the floor. “What?” He replied. “I just don't understand how you wear these every day, that’s all.” He chuckled and started to massage one foot, pressing his thumbs firmly into the arch. An involuntary sigh escaped Marissa as she leaned back against the arm rest and closed her eyes—though she long ago found comfortable heels she wasn’t about to turn down a foot massage.

When he moved on to her other foot Marissa cracked an eyelid and flushed slightly when she found him simply watching her, the softest expression on his face. She carefully extracted her foot from his grasp and scooted closer to him, her hand coming up to cup his cheek and steal a quick kiss.

Bull reached up gently and removed her glasses before placed them on the side table. “I think,” he kissed her softly, “that we should call it a night.” He kissed her again for good measure.

A low hum her response, Marissa leaned in for yet another short kiss. “That so?” She asked, resting her forehead to his.

“Yep. I think we should head home.”

Finally putting a bit of space between them, Marissa smiled. “I agree, but there is one problem.” She tapped her finger against his lips.

Pretending to nip at her finger, Bull cocked a brow. “And what would that be?”

She gestured around them. “Well you see, the floor…. It’s lava.” She whispered conspiratorially. “I don’t see how we can get out in one piece.”

Nodding in the most sage-like manner possible, Bull took in their surroundings as well. “Ahh, I see your concern. But I think I have a plan, listen closely.” His eyes gleamed with mischief and he leaned in closer.

**Next morning**

Cable and Danny exited the elevators on their level and stopped abruptly.

“Why are there papers all over the floor?” Cable furrowed her brows and glanced at Danny. “And, and from the Davis case?”

The investigator shrugged but followed the papers further into the office. “They’re, they’re in a line.” Danny indicated, looking at Cable over her shoulder. “Do you think someone broke in? Meant to steal our files?”

Having seen the pattern too, Cable shook her head. “But that doesn’t make sense,” she stated, as the two curiously continued to follow the trail to Bull’s office, which was dark and empty. “There would be signs of a break in, not just loose papers…”

Her brow creasing, Danny crossed her arms. “This is weird. It just stops at the couch. There’s no other mess, no sign of a struggle… but where are Bull and Marissa? They’re always here before us.” Danny began to look around the rest of the office, but aside from the line of papers strewn across the floor, nothing was out of place or missing.

Before they could investigate further, the elevator dinged to announce a new arrival. Cable and Danny stole a look at each other and rushed to the main hallway just in time to see Bull and Marissa exit, holding hands and laughing.

Smugly looking at the younger woman, Danny grinned. “Told you.” She muttered.

“Shut up.” Cable grumbled, though she knew she owed Danny $20 for accurately guessing their bosses were already in a relationship.

Oblivious to their bet, Bull smiled widely at them. “Good morning ladies,” he greeted, not relinquishing Marissa’s hand. “You’re here early.”

“Or not. You’re late.” There was no heat or accusation in Danny’s voice, only an observation… and the slight twitch of her eyebrow to indicate that she noticed their interlinked hands.

Marissa checked her watch then. “Oh, she’s right. Well we did work late last night, guess we were just catching up on some sleep.” She shrugged nonchalantly and only released Bull’s hand in order to bend and pick up a few of the papers on the ground.

Weirded out somewhat by their nonchalant behavior, Cable crossed her arms. “Yeah…anyway,” Cable eyed her superiors suspiciously, “why are there papers everywhere?”

An offended scoff sounding from Bull, the two turned to look at him while Marissa continued in her way. “Not everywhere, dear Cable.” Bull corrected, as he moved ahead and began picking up papers as well. “A path of them.”

No less confused, Cable threw her hands up. “And why would you need a path….” She inquired, not entirely sure what kind of explanation she was about to get.

“Well the floor was lava.” Marissa informed them matter-of-factly, though she threw a playful glare at Bull. “It was the only logical choice. And given we had finite resources, a single path seemed the most efficient way to safety.” She nodded at them and continued to follow Bull stooping to grab papers here and there, leaving the two of them by the elevators.

As the stood there, dumbfounded, they overheard Bull gloat. “It really was efficient, wasn’t it?” He teased, as he and Marissa stopped by his office door.

They could practically hear the affectionate eye roll in Marissa’s response. “Well if someone hadn’t stated the floor was lava in the first place we could have had an even quicker and more efficient exit…. but given the circumstances… yes it was a good plan Jason.” Marissa teased, handing him the pile of forms she’d collected.

Bull barked out a laugh before dropping a chaste kiss on Marissa’s lips and heading into his office. Marissa simply shook her head in amusement and went about turning on the equipment.

“What, what just happened?” Danny questioned, turning towards Cable.

Blinking, Cable shook her head. “I don’t know, but they’re waaayyy dorkier than I thought. Adorable, but dorky.” The younger woman chuckled as she pictured Bull and Marissa hopping from one piece of paper to another, giggling and trying to keep their balance as they made their way through the office. Cable entered the main area again, her eyes following the normally serious Marissa who was going through her routine as if nothing had changed. “So, do we just ignore the fact that they’re a couple, or….”

“Guess so, just let ‘em be. Except, you still owe me 20 bucks.” Danny grinned, holding out her hand.

“Yeah, yeah.” Cable griped under her breath, though she couldn’t say she was too upset about losing this particular bet.

Chapter Text

Bull glanced at Marissa and she flashed a mischievous grin at him, her eyes shining with amusement. And it was another one of those moments where he wanted to pull her into a kiss and never let her go.

But Marissa was kind, and she was lightness, and she was good. She was so good, and he could not ruin one more good thing. He refused to drag her down this dark, narrow and twisting path he seemed to be traveling on no matter how he turned. She already had an addict for a birth mother… she shouldn’t have to have someone who was dancing on that line as a boss and friend as well; let alone a boyfriend.

So, no, he wouldn’t give in and kiss her. Because then it might become a habit, and he knew better than anyone how hard it was for him to break habits.

Chapter Text

Marissa found herself in Central Park on Saturday again, at their old chess table. She didn’t know why she kept coming every weekend. He hadn’t shown up since she left TAC. Hadn’t responded to phone calls, texts or emails, had even been ‘busy’ every time she got lunch or drinks with the team since quitting. And the team was being tight lipped about his absence.

She knew there would be an adjustment period. Time to get used to her replacement and a new team dynamic….

But she hadn’t expected the radio silence.

The abrupt severing of any and all communication between herself and the man she thought was her best friend for the past seven years.

Maybe that was why she clung to this small part of their friendship. Because even when everything was falling apart around them, even during their worst fights… they always met at the park for a game of chess. And no matter how pissed, they’d arrive, bitter and mumbling but they’d be there and for a couple of hours they shed the anger, play the game and enjoy each other’s company. Normally it was this ritual that had them putting aside their pride and mending whatever temporary rift formed between them.

Never in her imagined scenarios after quitting were they in a place where even chess was abandoned. Never had she even entertained the idea that Bull would cut her out of his life simply because she was trying to find hers again.

Sighing, Marissa knocked over a piece on the board and stood, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Fifteen minutes had gone by since she sat, and she could tell people were annoyed she was at a table and not using it. She began to walk away when she heard it.

“Marissa, wait, please.” It was quiet, tentative and when she turned to find the source, a small, hesitant grin met her; hands stuffed into his pockets.

Though she missed him desperately, came to the park each week just for this possibility, now that he was here Marissa found she wanted nothing to do with him.

Not on his terms, not after months of him pointedly ignoring her efforts to reach out.

She scoffed, arched a brow at him and then strode away. Bull’s feet slapped the pavement quickly to catch up before falling into step beside her.

Before he had a chance to open his mouth, Marissa shook her head. “No.”

“I haven’t even said anything yet,” and by his soft tone Marissa knew her clipped response hit home.

Eyes flashing, Marissa rounded on him. “Exactly.” She only just managed to not jab him in the chest with a finger by clutching her purse straps. “You haven’t said anything for months. Two months. Not since I left TAC. I thought, I thought we were closer than that, meant more….” Her voice lost its edge toward the end, but she steeled herself once more upon realizing it. “Well, now it’s your turn to experience the silence.” Marissa nodded decisively and stalked away once more.

And Marissa would have liked to believe little could stop her then, but as always, Bull proved an exception. “I was getting help.” He murmured, and it froze her mid-step. Bull, encouraged, approached her once more and stood in front of her. “I took what you said to heart, after you bailed me out of jail that morning. And then, when you left, well,” he rubbed the back of his neck, eyes wandering the park and refusing to meet hers. “Let’s just say it became so clear that I either had to fix it, fix me, or lose the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Heart aching, Marissa clutched her bag to keep from reaching out. “Jason, I—” she began, but he kept talking, cutting her off.

“So, I took two months off after your last day. Couldn’t really face the idea of going to work and you not being there…” he cleared his throat and then finally returned his gaze to her. “Went to a resort, it had a uh, a program I needed. No electronics. But I spent time on the beach, didn’t drink a drop, slept in a bed every night for the recommended 8 hours, ate better. Got my head on straight, been keeping it straight. And I feel better. I am better. I forgot how it felt to be this way, healthy… closer to happy. And it helped me understand your letter on another level.”

Bull took a deep breath and continued. “I spiraled. And I was taking you with me and you are such an amazing woman and friend that you stuck with me. Tried to grab hold and dig your heels into the ground to pull me back up. But it wasn’t enough. I had to want to stop the spiral too and at the time I wasn’t ready. Didn’t want to acknowledge it. And then our conversation and your letter. I—” his words fell off and he broke their eye contact once more.

Tears glazing her eyes, Marissa sniffed. “I couldn’t stand watching you self-destruct anymore.” She murmured, breaking her resolve not to touch and reaching out to gently touch his arm. “No matter what I did, nothing helped or made a difference. I just, it reminded me too much of someone else I’d once been dependent on who chose… who chose other things over me. And I, I made a decision long ago to never depend on someone like that again. But there I was, somewhat unwillingly, codependent on you.” A brief smile touched her lips and she squeezed his forearm. “I didn’t think I had the strength to see you, to have you fully make that choice—of other things over me. So, I walked away first, hoping it would hurt less.” Her mouth tugged to the side, eyes shining. “It didn’t.” She added quietly, almost to herself.

Though she hated comparing Jason to her birth mother, knew the situation wasn’t the same… she had enough therapy sessions by this point to know she made the connections whether she wanted to or not and they couldn’t be ignored.

He closed his eyes tightly at her admission. “I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything. I learned quite a bit during my… vacation. And a step in my program is apologizing. Though I’ve written one down to you multiple times and it’s been pages long, I just. It never seems enough or says what I want it to.” Bull clutched her hand then, as if trying to convey his apology physically.

Voice thick, Marissa swallowed. “Jason, you don’t—” she began, though, honestly, to some degree, he did.

“But I do.” He confirmed her thoughts as he looked down at her with tender eyes before taking her hand and leading her to an open bench, keeping her hand in his as they sat. “We did become codependent on one another, didn’t we?” And Marissa chuckled ruefully and nodded. “And at first, it was healthy, it was supportive and good and made us both happy, made us thrive. There was this give and take that just worked so well. We worked so well.” He smiled gently at her before continuing.

“But then, then I started to take advantage. Not, not intentionally. But I’d come to expect you to be that safety net and so I constantly threw myself off any cliff knowing you’d be there to catch me and set things right if they somehow went wrong during the free fall.” Bull sighed deeply and his grip on her tightened slightly. “It was unfair of me. It was wrong, and I am so sorry. Sorry I ever made you feel as though I could pick alcohol or ‘other things’ over you. Sorry I took advantage of your friendship, kindness and generosity.” He paused, knowing the next part would hurt and heal at the same time. “I’m sorry I was so wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t see what happened with Kyle.”

She swallowed and ducked her head at that, Kyle still a painful topic whether she showed it or not. But he abandoned her in her time of need and he had to apologize for that. “I wish I had been there to support you, to help you, to punch him in the face for daring to hurt you. Sorry I ever pushed you so far away that you thought you couldn’t come to me when he betrayed you. Pushed you away so much you had to leave a job I know you loved in order to be yourself again. I am sorry for everything.”

Chin wobbling, Marissa wiped at her eyes. “It’s alri—” she began.

Jason gazed at her, “please, let me finish, because it wasn’t alright, Mariss.”

Scolded, Marissa pressed her lips together and nodded. Settling for interlacing their fingers instead and squeezing to show her support.

Gratitude flooding his eyes, Jason squeezed back once and continued. “I once told Izzy that she pushed people away when she expected more than they could give. And, hypocrite that I was, I did that to you. I expected far too much, for far too long, asked for more than you could give. And still you gave. Because you are a compassionate and wonderful woman. And it wasn’t until I whittled you down to the core that you decided it was enough. I should never have done that, and I cannot take back how much I hurt you. But I can apologize and would like to try and make up for it. If you’d let me.” He peered at her anxiously over the top of his glasses as he finished, and her heart melted.

Lurching forward, Marissa hugged him hard; both of them sighing in relief as Bull returned the embrace in kind. Marissa hadn’t needed the apology—though it was appreciated beyond words. What she needed was the old Jason back. The one that inspired her and took her breath away. The one that supported her. The one that didn’t use alcohol as a crutch and defense mechanism against the world. The Jason that she’d fallen for all those years ago… and here he was sitting next to her.

“God, I missed you.” She murmured in his ear, a hand coming up to grip the hairs at the base of his neck to keep him close. He didn’t respond beyond tightening his hold on her and pressing his face into her neck.

They remained there for some time, just holding each other.

It likely would’ve gone on longer had Marissa not felt his tears on her neck. This, more than anything else, pushed the tears she’d been holding back over her eyelids. She pulled away slightly and cupped his face, brushing away the tears and straightening his glasses.

Throat tight, Marissa smiled. “Hey now,” she tried to tease, but it came out a little watery. “No need for tears.” Bull huffed and lifted a hand to wipe some of her tears away and raised a brow at her. “Okay, okay, maybe just a few.” She conceded, chuckling before hugging him once more.

When they released one another a second time, minutes later, Bull began to play with his hands in his lap. And Marissa almost laughed, because after everything he just said to her, what could he possibly be nervous about? Reaching over, Marissa covered his hands with hers, “out with it, Jay.” She prodded gently, “I know you want to say something else. Don’t hold back on me now.”

Bull smirked slightly, though he was clearly pleased she knew him so well still. “Would you,” he inhaled and flipped his hand to engulf hers, “would you consider coming back to work at TAC?” He spoke in a rush, peeking at her out of the corner of his eye, still fidgeting but not nearly as much.

She exhaled sharply, because yes, yes, she very much wanted to work at TAC again. Her current position, while interesting, wasn’t nearly as fulfilling. And she missed the team dearly. But, Marissa caught herself mentally, she left for a reason.

Had she really addressed her own demons enough that she wouldn’t get sucked back into the negative cycle of working too much and not practicing self-care? Had she and Jason both grown enough to have that healthy relationship again?

To buy herself some time, Marissa answered with a question of her own. “Wouldn’t me coming back mean you have fire the person who filled my position?”

Bull laughed then, a full laugh, and it brought a smile to Marissa’s face—she hadn’t heard that laugh in a while. “Mariss, I never hired anyone. How could I replace you?” And his tender expression prevented her from mentioning that it was poor business practice to not have found a replacement.

Then it dawned on her and her eyes widened. “You left the team unsupervised for two months?!”

“They are adults,” he continued to chuckle, though it was more contained.

Marissa simply quirked an eyebrow at him. Because while she knew everyone on the team was very proficient at their job and technically an adult, that didn’t mean she and Jason hadn’t played the role of team parent on multiple occasions. That didn’t mean she trusted TAC to function properly without some kind of ‘grownup’ oversight.

Sobering a little as he recalled why he felt it was okay to leave the team without himself or someone in Marissa’s position, Bull sighed. “We didn’t take on anything new, during those two months.” He admitted, “I knew, I knew I wouldn’t be around and without you to be my right hand… I just didn’t think it would be possible to do business as normal. So, I had the team do more prep, research and investigation for the Mason and Stevens cases. Those trials are due to start in two weeks or so and we’re rock steady. Except we’re missing the most important part of the team.” He made eye contact with her and Marissa could feel how easily she could be drawn in once more, how much she wanted to be drawn in.

But some things had to change before she accepted. And one of those was bottling up how she felt about Jason. She hid it for years, successfully, but she discovered in therapy that part of the reason she lost herself was because she hadn’t been truthful about how she felt and what she wanted. It started out only with her feelings towards Jason. But that coping mechanism soon was applied to other aspects of her life. And she began to bury other parts of herself to avoid addressing them.

Butterflies dancing in her stomach, Marissa swallowed, she hadn’t been prepared for this. She imagined their reunion countless times since they last spoke, and in each scenario, she confessed her feelings and Bull reciprocated. But now, now this was real and there was certainly a possibility he wouldn’t return the sentiments.

She carefully extracted her hand from his grip, unable to think clearly with his hand comfortably engulfing hers. “Before I accept,” she held up her newly freed hand when Bull’s face lit up, a smile blooming across his face at her statement. “Before, I need to say some things. And it might take me moment to do that.” She managed a weak smile, her nerves not allowing for anything more confident. The grin slipped from Bull’s face somewhat, but he nodded seriously and gazed at her intently.

Inhaling deeply, Marissa started with the easiest aspect. “I’m not working until eight or later every night. I know there will be special cases and I’ll absolutely make exceptions. But, I need more regular hours. To have a self outside of work, I need to not be at work all the time.” She shrugged a little.

“Of course.” He immediately agreed and placed a tentative hand on her knee. “I’ve actually made a few rules about that for everyone. Myself included.” At Marissa’s inquisitive look, he elaborated. “I’m being more conscientious about mental health and everything that goes into it. Need to take better care for myself and the people I care most about.”

A one-sided smile pulled her lips and, unable to help herself, Marissa covered his hand with hers once more. But that had been the easy part. Marissa turned her gaze toward the rest of the park, watching people glide by—each one caught up in their own world. Bull patiently waited for her to continue, though she could feel his eyes on her.

Eventually, she shifted to face him. “You might,” she trailed off, courage fading. But Jason smiled at her softly and nodded in encouragement, so she continued. “You might not be so agreeable to this next part.” Bull’s brow furrowed, but he remained silent, knowing that interrupting or making premature promises wouldn’t help. “For some time now, I—” and she scoffed, tipping her head back to look up at the sky before spitting out the rest. “I have been keeping something buried. I’ve been lying to you.”

Bull started at this and stared at her with wide eyes, but still kept quiet. Marissa gnawed her lower lip, dropping her head to once more look at the park. Torn between playing this off as a joke and simply going back to her job at TAC, leaving everything as it was or finally admitting her feelings.

He nudged her foot gently when she didn’t say anything. “Don’t hold back on me now,” he quietly parroted her words from earlier. When she met his eyes again all she saw there was kindness, patience and support. Marissa knew then, that even if he didn’t care for her in the same way, that he would still want her to work at TAC, still want to be her friend. And that feeling of safety, more than anything, motivated her to confess.

“I, I am in love with you, Jason. And I have been for a long time.” She lowered her gaze when the words finally left her lips. Unable to witness any facial expressions he might have in reaction to her statement. “I never told you because I value our friendship more than anything and didn’t think you felt the same. But if nothing else came out of therapy, I’ve learned I can’t ignore how I feel simply because it is more convenient. So, I had to tell you. Before I accepted to rejoin TAC, I had to tell you. And if you don’t feel the same I understand and respect—” Bull’s hand squeezing her knee again cut her off and brought her eyes up to meet his. What she saw stunned her.

The biggest smile she’d ever seen was spreading across Jason’s face. “Marissa,” he paused, and the smile grew a little more. “Were you not listening when I first started to apologize?” At her perplexed face, he continued. “I said I had to get better, so I wouldn’t lose the best thing to ever happen to me.” He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek, “how could I mean anything but you?”

At her shuddering exhale, Bull grinned and leaned in closer. “I am in love with you too, Marissa Morgan. I was scared too, so I lied about it as well.”

Head feeling like it was floating, Marissa wet her lips. “You really, you really feel the same?” She whispered, needing to hear it again to ensure it wasn’t just her mind playing cruel tricks.

Humming, Bull closed the distance between them even further. “I do.” He affirmed and brushed his lips against hers in experiment. The brief touch was electric, and she gasped softly before pulling him into a proper kiss.

When they broke, Bull rested his forehead against hers and slid his hand into her hair. “So, does this mean you’ll come back to work?”

Laughter burst from her and Marissa pressed her lips to his briefly. “Yes.” She murmured, then closed the distance between them once more. “But how do we, how does this work at work?” She questioned, indicating between them.

“We go about work as usual. And if the team notices that I’m a little ‘clingy’ around you, they’ll attribute it to the fact that you were gone. Or we can tell them right away or not at all. Separation of church and state and all. However, you want to do it,” he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

She thought for a moment, then offered a quiet, tentative, “let’s keep it to ourselves, just for now.” Marissa quickly added the last piece, because while she didn’t want to hide their relationship, this development was so new that she wanted to figure them out before involving the rest of the team.

Jason nodded and stood. “Sounds like a plan.” He held out a hand to Marissa. “Would you like lunch, mi’lady? I’m quite famished and we have a lot to catch up on.” Her responding smile was radiant, and she allowed Bull to pull her up and into him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “How do burgers sound?” He asked, heading towards the park exit.

Her arm slipping around his waist, Marissa then intertwined her free hand with the one he slung over her shoulders as they walked. “Perfect.”

Chapter Text

Marissa was attempting to take down the holiday decorations around the office. She managed to get all of it, except one sprig of mistletoe. Chunk must have hung it, while using a step ladder, because she couldn’t reach it for the life of her.

Muttering to herself, Marissa glanced around, trying to find someone tall enough to reach the offending decoration. But it was late, and most everyone had gone home. Sighing, Marissa almost resigned to having finish the next morning when someone walked by.

“Jason!” She called out, quickly climbing off the step ladder to catch him.

His head popped back into view. “Marissa? What’re you still doing here?” He came completely into view, approaching her.

Finger directing his attention to the mistletoe, Marissa sighed. “I was trying to put away all of the holiday things. But that,” she scowled at it, “has defeated me.”

He laughed, “can’t quite reach it?” He teased, already climbing up onto the ladder and stretching out a hand to snag the plant. “Got it.”

Holding the ladder steady as he stepped off, Marissa rolled her eyes. “Oh, my hero,” she intoned.

“My pleasure, mi’lady,” he peered at her over his glasses. “These are tricky plants and best even the most talented of individuals.”

Her attempt to smother a smile didn’t quite succeed in the face of his cheeky grin. “Do they now?” She quipped instead.

Bull hummed and moved a little closer, not that there’d been much space between them to begin with. “They’re also tricky, in that, when two people are caught underneath it, they can’t move until they kiss.” His hand crept up, holding the sprig above their heads once more.

Though a bit surprised by the suggestion, Marissa couldn’t say she was displeased. “That so?” She murmured, eyes flicking involuntarily to his lips.

Not bothering to reply, Bull’s other hand came up to land on her hip and pull her completely into him as his lips descended on hers. Marissa sighed softly and leaned into the kiss, her arms coming up to circle his neck and pull him closer.

At some point he must have dropped the mistletoe because his other hand made its way into her hair as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. When they broke apart they were both breathing a little heavily.

“Jason—“

“Marissa—“ they both spoke at the same time and ducked their heads laughing. Marissa brought her gaze back to his, a one sided smile tugging her lips.

Playing with her hair, Jason smiled back. “I guess Christmas miracles do happen.” He murmured.

She shook her head. “Jason, Christmas is over, it —“

“Shh,” he interrupted, stealing a kiss. “Doesn’t matter.” He kissed her again. “All I wanted for Christmas was you.”

An exaggerated groan emanated from her and Marissa let her head fall against his chest. “Holiday puns, really?”

Unabashedly grinning, Jason intertwined their hands and led her to their offices to get their things. “Did you expect anything less?” He quirked a brow.

Marissa pretended to think on it a moment, “no.” She eventually admitted, eyes twinkling, as they stepped into the elevator.

“Good.” He leaned in for another kiss as the doors slid shut and whisked them out of the office.