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Using /u/Spoderman77's rewrite ideas for Pizza Thing, let's make this into a ten and a half minute episode. You can also write it for Fanfiction.net or Archiveofourown
Here's his outline/ideas. Not mine. It’s Spoderman77’s.
> Now first of all, let’s get this out of the way first. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t even have greenlit this episode. Since as I said, this episode is useless. But you have to understand that sometimes you as the creator don’t have a choice. You just have to pump out an episode either due to demand from the higher ups or to fill a quota. So let’s just for argument’s sake say that you have to make a pizza themed episode. Here’s how I would do it.
> Now first of all, if you’re going to (mess) around in a filler then it is paramount that you make that filler entertaining. I mean you are essentially telling the audience that you are not going to have a plot episode this week. That already preps some viewers to subconsciously be (ticked) off. Therefore you HAVE to make it entertaining.
> But in a show like Star vs. the Forces of Evil, you will have to have IMMENSE writing skills if you’re trying to make an episode on Earth entertaining. This is a show about traversing the universe to different wacky dimensions and you choose to have an episode on Earth with no magic or extraordinary events. Yeah, well, good luck with that mate.
> So what do we do? We shorten the time we spent (messing) around with pony head, let’s not have that in the episode and let’s just go straight to Emilio’s pizza place.
> AS A MATTER OF FACT, there is one big major change that I would make to this entire episode and that is this: let’s get rid of Pony Head altogether. I assume that would make a lot of people happy. Because be honest here, are you seriously willing to give 11 precious minutes of your life just to watch Pony Head (mess) around with her Valley girl sass? Thought not.
> And instead of Pony Head how about we introduce someone else to Friendship Thursday. Someone close to us… someone who we all wish gets more screentime, someone with a certain… unique hair style.
> I am of course talking about Starfan13 because we gonna need more shipping fuel for her amirite people? Wink Wink Nudge Nudge
> Oh jeez I’m kidding people, OF COURSE it’s going to be Jackie Lynn Thomas who else could it possibly be?
> Oh gosh, it sure is easy to peg me as a Jarco shipper now isn’t it, but rest assured, I am still loyal to the Starco Regime.
> Now there is one more tiny little change that I personally am going to make in order for this rewrite to work. Ahem – we are going to have this episode take place after Bon Bon the Birth Day Clown meaning that Jarco has already become a thing at this point.
> Now I know what you’re thinking, that’s a risky move ain’t it? Messing up continuity and all. Well I’ve thought about it already, and I really think that it would not really mess continuity that much if we swap out one of the filler episodes in the Star bomb. The episode I am talking about of course is All Belts are Off – Episode 19b of Season 2. That episode is quite an unimportant filler anyway and switching it to a different chronological order would not really make much of a difference. So for this rewrite All Belts are Off is going to be Episode 12b while Pizza Thing would be episode 19b.
> So anyway, picture this, Star and Marco introduces Jackie to their little powwow. Star and Marco chose their silly little dance movie. And Jackie goes like “oh yeah, that’s… cool.” Marco goes up to get the pizza and Jackie goes to follow him. Similar to the original episode.
> - Jackie: Soooo…. Marco, you um… you sure do these kinds of stuff often with Star?
>- Marco: Huh? Oh yeah, absolutely, it’s super fun. I’m glad we invited you over.
>- Jackie: um yeah, sure. That’s… that’s great.
>- Marco: Um… Jackie? Is everything alright? You look a little down.
>- Jackie: No, no, no, everything’s alright.
>- Marco: Is it really? Is this about our Friendship Thursday? Would you rather be doing something else?
> - Jackie: No, no, nothing like that… it’s [sighs] it’s the TV show.
> - Marco: I’m sorry what?
> - Jackie: It’s the TV show Diaz. Star might be able to endure hours upon hours of that awful soap opera but I sure as heck can’t stand it anymore. Every single night at exactly 7pm my mom would turn on the television to watch that awful show and I have to endure it every single night. If I have to watch another minute of that show I might actually go mad.
> - Marco: what? That’s it? Then why don’t you just tell Star and we’ll just watch something else then?
> - Jackie: I’d love to, but… I mean, I feel like… how do I say this? I feel this Friendship Thursday thing is more your thing than mine. I just don’t want to intrude or anything ya know?
> - Marco: but that’s not what Friendship Thursday is about. It’s just a day we came up with where we can hang out and have fun. It wouldn’t be right if we were having fun and you weren’t.
> - Jackie: I know, I know, it’s just that… Star is such a nice person, I don’t want to say that I don’t like what she likes right to her face.
> - Marco: well tell ya what – how about we just go fetch this pizza thing and when we get back we both tell Star we should watch something else. I’m sure she’ll understand.
> - Jackie [smiles]: Thanks Marco.
> - Marco: That’s what friends do.
> - Jackie: By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask… where is this pizza place you talked about?
> - Marco: Oh? It’s at Emilio’s Pizza. Best pizza in the entire country.
> - Jackie: No way.
> - Marco: I’m serious. I haven’t heard a single complaint about the place ever since it opened in like 1930. I think it was. Even the president of the United States came there to eat once, heard people said the president love it. Although what I have ALSO heard is that people said the place is super shady for some reason.
> - Jackie: Huh, any idea why?
> - Marco: Nope, I never felt anything while I was there. Emilio and I go way back anyway, so I never had a problem with him.
> - [So we get to Emilio’s pizza, the place inside is crowded with Emilio single-handedly waiting tables. Everybody’s happy, everybody is cheering and then Marco and Jackie comes into the restaurant, and Emilio and Marco greet each other like they did in the original episode]
> - Emilio: Good to see ya kid. How’re you and your folks been these days? Your pa still doing those paintings and sculpting of his?
> - Marco: You bet he is. Really makes the house really cramp, though.
> - Emilio: HA HA, good ol’ Rafael. So who you got there with ya? She your sweetheart or something?
> - Marco: Oh, right, Emilio this is Jackie Lynn Thomas
> - Jackie [extends hand]: Nice to meet you
> - Emilio [Shakes hand]: You too kid.
> - Jackie: So… lovely place you got here.
> - Emilio: Sure is, isn’t it? Would you believe me if I tell you my family have been running this place for three whole generations?
> - Jackie: wow, no way.
> - Emilio: Hard to believe I know. But it’s true. Everything here from the tables to the oven in the back dates back all the way to the 20s when my great granddaddy had this brilliant idea of opening a restaurant while he was travelling around New Orleans with his Jazz band. And then of course one thing led to another and he somehow found himself all the way in California and poof here we are, still running to this day. Crazy huh?
> - Jackie: Yeah, sure is. That story kinda reminds me of my uncle, he used to live in New Orleans. He also went to this pizza restaurant that he said was crazy good. Although he also talked about crazy conspiracies involving some sort of alien race while he was there at the restaurant so you have to take his word with a grain of salt.
> - Emilio: Huh, really now? [Looks around nervously] And whatever gave your uncle that idea about… ahem… alien races?
> - Jackie [surprised]: Huh? Um, well it’s really just some kooky story he cooked up somewhere along the line. Nobody really takes him seriously.
> - Emilio [wipes sweat off forehead]: Ah yes, of course… of course. Oh my, would ya look at the time. Imma go inside and get your pizza ready. I still got a long day ahead of me, know what I’m sayin’? Alright, be right back.
> [Emilio hurried into the back in a suspicious manner]
> - Marco: See Jackie? Emilio is such a nice guy. I don’t know what people are talking about when they call him “shady”. It’s so weird.
> - Jackie: I know right? [Notices Emilio’s apron he left behind] Whoops, I better give this back to him. Can’t work in a kitchen without this now can we? Be right back Marco.
> [Jackie took the apron and then decided to go into the back where the kitchen is. She opened the door expecting to find a regular kitchen of a restaurant, but this is a cartoon for god’s sake, so instead she finds something that looks like it came straight out of a sci-fi movie. Like some sort of alien laboratory with liquid chambers and strange machineries. And most shocking of all – sentient talking pizzas shaped like a star. From afar Jackie can see Emilio standing in the back barking orders.]
> - Emilio: I told you idiots a thousand times already. What part of 100 mushrooms do you not understand? It’s not 99, it’s not 101, it sure as heck ain’t 98. So GET IT RIGHT… [notices Jackie]... um………[an awkward pause]
[Cuts back to Marco waiting in the front and an explosion suddenly blasted the kitchen door. The crowd then starts evacuating, and the pizza aliens emerged for the first time, with Emilio grabbing hold of Jackie]
> - Marco: Jackie? Um, Emilio? What’s going on here?
> - Emilio: It’s too late Marco. I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. You and your friend here have seen too much.
> - Marco: What the… what on earth are you talking about? Who are you people?
> - Emilio: You see Marco, I am not a human. I am part of an intergalactic race called the Star Pizza. Like… like how you humans have those starfish thingies, it’s sorta like that. So yes, everything I told you was a lie. [Emilio rips off his human skin, revealing his true form] In fact, New Orleans is not even a real place…
> - Marco: Um…
> - Emilio: You see Marco, our race is similar to this planet’s numerous species of snakes – in that every once in a while we would shed our skins, leaving behind a circle of bread, cheese and various other flavors. In other words, a pizza. Those skin shed are absolutely disgusting to our species, but for some odd reason you humans seem to enjoy consuming these wastes that we left behind. I personally don’t understand why but who am I to argue in the face of money? Am I right or am I right fellas? [the other Star Pizzas nodded in agreement] So anyway, obviously dealing these goods is considered illegal by our government, but a guy’s got to make a living somehow yeah? But now… [deep breath] now you know too much, and for that I can’t let you go.
> - Marco: Dude! First off – that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my life, and trust me when I say I’ve seen a lot of ridiculous things. And second of all, even if we go around telling everybody about you guys do you honestly think that people would believe me?
> - Jackie: Yeah, and what have I got anything to do with this?
> - Random Star Pizza: Well they do make a compelling argument.
> - Emilio: SILENCE! [Points at Jackie] You told me about how your uncle talks of alien life form when he went to a pizza restaurant. And that is already unacceptable in of itself. Because it means that people out there are aware of our existence. The reign of Emilio will not fall like this for I will…
> - Marco: Alright, that’s enough of that. [Proceeds to karate chop Emilio’s pizza hand to free Jackie. The two tried to escape as quickly as possible]
> - Emilio: SEIZE THEM! Do not let them escape, they know too much!
> [The Star Pizzas began firing cheese lasers while Marco and Jackie hide behind a table. This is an opportunity for a decently cool fight scene of sort, so I’ll leave this part to the animator. Make it creative, have it be like a battlefield or something, I don’t really know]
> - Marco: Next Friendship Thursday, we’re ordering Chinese food.
> - Jackie [nods]: Agreed.
> [As the Star Pizzas are firing their artillery, they are suddenly met with a powerful rainbow laser blast. And we quickly learn that it was a blast that came from Star who swoops in and saves the day.]
> - Star: There you guys are, and here I was wondering why you guys are taking so long with just a pizza.
> - Jackie: Oh thank goodness you’re here.
> - Marco: Tired of waiting?
> - Star: yeah, I wanted to see what was taking you guys so long. Well, glad I came, though.
> - Marco: Ready to kick some alien butts?
> - Star: You bet I am.
> [Once again an opportunity for a cool little fight scene. Plenty of way you can have this fight go, creativity is key here, I’d personally just have it end with the Star Pizza government arresting Emilio and his gang and taking them back to their dimension]
> - Star: Well that was kinda a pain. These guys were pretty annoying back on Mewni, too. My dad tried tracking them down but they were way too slippery, ya know what I’m sayin’? Anyway, enough about that, c’mon guys, we have a TV show to watch.
> - Jackie: Um wait, Star… I… have something to tell you.
> - Star: Huh?
> - Jackie: Um, I… I was wondering if… if we could watch something else instead of Fiesta de la Noche. Since I’ve seen that show basically a thousand times now, it just never clicks with me.
> - Star: Huh? Oh my gosh, thank Corn, why didn’t you say so? I was thinking the same thing, too. That show bores the heck outta me. C’mon let’s go see what other films Marco got on his shelf.
> So there you have it folks. Now I personally believe that this kind of rewrite would do wonders for Jackie’s character as she is not exactly “bonding” with Star as she is still a bit worried and skeptical about having her around, perhaps even secretly jealous of Star’s relationship with Marco, but she’s not being a jerk about it.
> And also you know… you don’t need me to tell you that giving her more screentime will give her more character since she is basically as interesting as block of wood at this point.
> And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I would rewrite the episode Pizza Thing. Do you agree/disagree? Let me know in the comments and have fun discussing people, ‘cause I sure as hell had my fun.
Hope you enjoy my attempt to make Pizza Thing from his premise to an awesome 11 minute script