Chapter Text
Lapis stirred in her sleep, frowning and twitching as she fell into yet another nightmare. She was trapped in an all too familiar hell. Her gem had been placed back into the mirror while she was poofed and helpless, and when she tried and failed to reform, her soul and mind could only scream as she found herself unable to call for help, or do anything at all but show or repeat back what had already been said to her. If she'd had a physical form she'd have beaten against the mirrors reflective surface in desperation, but she was helpless to free herself. Whoever was holding the mirror turned it's surface to face away from them, and now Lapis could see a fierce battle raging. She internally recoiled, shuddering inside the mirror as she felt a paralysing rush of fear sweep through her.
Then she saw her, a familiar green Gem with triangular yellow hair fighting an elite Homeworld gem. Peridot. A flicker of affection briefly pierced through the fear, and she stared with longing sadness and concern as Peridot fought the Homeworld Gem with increasing desperation.
Lapis could only watch as after a valiant but brief battle Peridot was knocked brutally to the ground. The enemy Gem stood over her and raised her weapon, aiming straight for her Gem. Lapis tried to call out a warning as she swirled, agitated inside the mirror, desperate to do something, but in her current state was unable to do anything to help, and Peridot seemed either too injured or too dazed to get herself away in time. Lapis could only stare in transfixed horror as the spear was brought down, shattering Peridot's gem into a multitude of gleaming shards, and as her form vanished forever, Lapis felt like her heart had shattered along with her.
Lapis awoke with a gasp and sat bolt upright, hot tears poured down her cheeks and she wiped them away impatiently. She was no stranger to nightmares, but they had gotten worse and more frequent since she'd fled into space, and this one had felt all too real. She shakily folded her arms and looked around. The barn was mildly comforting in its familiarity, but felt empty, no longer like the home it had once been as if part of it's warmth had been left behind with Peridot. Lapis sighed, she'd had a lot of time to think out here, alone in the emptiness of space.
When they'd finally gotten hold of Steven after his capture she had been merely relieved and happy he was safe, then he'd explained how he'd escaped and her relief had rapidly turned to panic. He'd run away, from two Diamonds no less, two Diamonds with a very personal vendetta against the one whose Gem he'd inherited, and who would now without a doubt return to Earth with armies and fresh plans for revenge now they knew the suspected shatterer of their beloved Pink Diamond was still alive and uncorrupted.
Peridot had done her best to calm her down and cheer her up, but though some of her antics had made Lapis smile, even through her stress, she'd still felt very on edge. She'd tried to clamp down on it, especially when Steven showed up, she wasn't sure when they'd see him again after this and she certainly didn't want him to feel any worse. But everything inside her was screaming at her to get away, and all she'd wanted to do was take Peridot, and Pumpkin and flee into space before the danger that could threaten all of them struck, yet there had just been delay after delay.
Peridots confession had hit her like a kick in the guts. With hindsight she should have realised before, it explained a lot of Peridots odd behaviour that day, but when her fear reached a certain level, she developed a kind of tunnel vision, making it almost impossible to think rationally or see clearly until the storm of fear had passed. She felt hurt and betrayed....not so much because Peridot had chosen to stay, Lapis respected that choice, just as she had with Steven....it was more that Peridot had lied to her, and the reason she gave, not wanting to upset her only made it worse. Was Peridot secretly afraid of her? She knew her anxiety and wariness could come out as anger or moodiness sometimes, and having no traces of pyrite or calcite in her gem she was more powerful than the average Lapis, but was she really that terrifying?
Lapis got to her feet and walked out the barn. She'd landed the Barn on the Moon for now, not knowing where else to go. Now, with the nightmares increasing and changing, and isolated with nothing but her thoughts for company, Lapis was getting increasingly uneasy. The moon, even space itself, might keep her safe from whatever befell the Earth, but she was beginning to feel trapped. A different kind of prison than the mirror, or her cell on Homeworld, but a prison just the same, except this time it was by her own fear.
Steven and Peridot....she couldn't get either out of her head...
"They hurt my friends, they hurt my face, they trapped you in here"
"That's why we can't fight them!"
"That's why we HAVE to fight them!"
Lapis headed inside the moonbase and summoned the floating orb. A day or so after arriving needing to distract herself, and anxious to see how Peridot was doing, she had entered the base and after some work had managed to re- activate the orb. With it she was able to view Peridot at least, even if she couldn't speak with her. Lapis cupped the orb in her hands and closed her eyes, concentrating her thoughts on Peridot, when the green gem finally came into view Lapis saw that she was practising her metal powers and training back on Earth with the Crystal Gems, unharmed and safe. Lapis breathed a sigh of relief and watched a few moments more before closing the viewer. Peridot was ok, for now anyway.
Lapis turned and walked out of the moonbase. She often had nightmares, but that last dream had felt so vivid, so real that even having seen that Peridot was safe she couldn't shake the growing sense of impending disaster.
She folded her arms and looked out towards the Earth, finding herself caught between two major fears, the fear getting caught in another war, and her fear of forever being trapped and alone. But she missed Peridot, she missed Steven, and now a third fear was bubbling to the surface, filling her with urgency....Peridot shattering, she couldn't get the image from the dream out of her head. She tried telling herself herself It was just a dream, but what if it wasn't? It had felt so real, more like a warning, and most of her nightmares didn't continue to nag and worry at her like this even after they were over.
"I think we can win, I think you can win. Earth is our home now, isn't it worth fighting for?"
A noise caught Lapis attention and she turned her head as a convoy of Gem battle ships flew past and hurtled towards the Earth in the distance. She looked back towards Earth, her fists slowly clenched and her face took on a look of grim determination. Whatever she was going to do, she had to make her choice soon.