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“Let’s jump,” Taehyung smiled as he said this. Jimin turned to look at him as he continued talking. “You told me you fell in love with me. And you lied. You didn’t literally fall. You did nothing. Love isn’t that cruel. It makes you float, soar to the sky. You fall only if you don’t truly love, or you’re not loved in return. So let’s jump and pray that our love is strong enough to give us wings.”
They were on the top of the skyscraper, overlooking the world as if it belonged to them and they were the kings of that sad concrete realm. The wind sent chills to Jimin’s bones, little cold kisses that made him shiver.
“Or let’s stay here, Taehyung,” he said, taking his cold hand into his freezing one, hoping for a warm home they could find in the middle of a blizzard. “Let’s make this world our home. Let’s leave this place, this town, this country. Let’s go somewhere no one has ever heard of us, somewhere where it is safe to love.”
“You’re a coward, Jimin. And a liar,” Teahyung said as he looked at him in that wicked way of his, not smiling, not upset, not blank, but with something dark and magical crippling under his perfect features. “You’ve always told me this. But you’re too goddamn afraid to leave, too afraid to even tell the truth. Well, fuck that! ” he spat. “Let’s not leave this place to go somewhere else in the world. Let’s leave this world entirely,” and just as that, he was as calm as a meadow again, smiling.
“No,” Jimin said, shaking his head. “I can’t.”
“Would you prefer it if I went alone? Would you like me to leave you?”
Jimin shook his head. Taehyung wouldn’t do this. He was wild and unpredictable and frightening at times, but this was too much even for him.
Jimin had loved Taehyung for a long time, but nobody else knew. Taehyung loved Jimin for just as much, and everyone knew. He was not afraid to show his love, screaming it at the top of his lungs as if challenging the gods to punish him for listening to his twisted heart. He was brave and fearless and he had something utterly wrong with him, which made Jimin love him all the more.
Jimin was a coward and a liar. He had kissed girls he didn’t bother to know the name of in front of everyone that dared watch. The only way he could bring himself to do it, was by imagining that it was Taehyung he was kissing.
He kissed him too, in the dead of night when the boy sneaked up his window and into his bedroom at the hours when even the stars were tired of shining and went to sleep. He would kiss every inch of Taehyung, listening to his soft whimpers as their skins melted and their hearts raced in synchrone and their breaths filled the room with promises that would never come true and dreams too dangerous to be thought about in the daylight.
Taehyung pulled Jimin to him like a magnet, the mystery enveloping him making it all seem like a ghost of a bittersweet dream. He knew nothing about Taehyung, not where he lived or even if he went to school or a mere guess about his family. And at the same time, he felt like he knew everything he needed know about him.
He knew how to blindly trace the constellations on his skin with his fingertips, he knew his voice out of a thousand if they all sighed in unison, he knew that flowers sang and bloomed when he walked by, he knew that if he let that darkness out of him, they would never see light again.
But sadly, this dangerous world made every wall, every tree, every crack in the sidewalk whisper about his disgusting love. Jimin was deranged and wrong and a fool in love in the hands of a mocking destiny. And everyone and everything knew it.
So he needed to prove them wrong.
He hated himself even more when he saw Taehyung watching him as he kissed other girls, tears and disappointment and broken promises clinging to the red, wet rims of his deep dark eyes, making them wider and sadder and more beautiful than ever. He always looked back at him, shame gripping his throat until he couldn’t breathe anymore and he just let bad decisions following other bad decisions, plummeting him in a self-created hell.
The night in which he shamelessly slept with another girl at a party at which he knew Taehyung was invited, he found out just how big of a monster Taehyung had inside of him, clawing at his life like it was paper thin and ripping with every move of this horrible, utterly hilarious game. And the monster wanted to hurt no one but Taehyung.
When Jimin emerged from that room half-naked, his hair tousled and smelling of sex, Taehyung just blankly stared at him for a few seconds.
And then Taehyung ran and Jimin knew he had fucked up. He ran after him to the end of the world, knowing painfully well that what he was going to see wouldn’t be pretty.
“Do you want to see me fly, Jimin?” he said that night, not looking at him, standing at the very edge of a skyscraper, looking down at the hard, unforgiving ground so far below. Jimin was looking at his back, half-naked, breathless from the run, mad with panic and drunk with terror. “I have wings,” he said serenely, stretching his arms at his sides as if he could fly with them. “They’re made of dreams.”
“ Taehyung no!”
Taehyung leaned forward, leaned in the embrace of his death, and Jimin saw that that darkness, that monster, wanted to murder no one but his owner.
Jimin set into motion without even thinking, running faster than he ever did, terror practically transporting him there. Taehyung almost fell completely off the edge by the time Jimin grabbed his tee in his fists, desperately tugging at him to save his lover’s life.
Taehyung had no choice but let himself be brutally dragged back to the top of the building. Jimin cried his heart out and hugged him like he was going to fall the moment he let go. Taehyung didn’t hug him back.
“How did you know they were broken?” he asked. Jimin didn’t know if it were the wings or the dreams that he was talking about, nor did he care.
He sobbed into Taehyung’s chest swearing he would never touch another girl again, never hurt him this much, never stomp on his bared heart and sincere feelings again. Never. And he meant it, dammit. Jimin was a liar and his promises were as hollow as a broken soul, but he meant that with all his heart.
Because he loved Taehyung. He loved his wingless angel, his kind demon, his twisted lover, his broken soulmate. He loved him more than the stars loved the moon, more than a river loves the tree’s shadows as it travels in the scorching heat, more than birds love the sunlight that much that they sing when it appears every single day without fault. He loved him, and that was the only other thing he ever meant.
“I want to kill them,” Taehyung said now, from another skyscraper, daylight softening his madness and making him look sane. Jimin knew he wasn’t. And he didn’t care. “Every person that ever touched you. Every person that ever talked to you or looked at you for too long. I want to kill them all.”
“I didn’t know you were so jealous,” Jimin said.
“You don’t know a lot of things about me,” Taehyung almost laughed, coming closer to him.
He closed the distance between them and cupped Jimin’s cheek in his hand. He caressed his cheekbone and Jimin looked into his eyes, which were endless and burning and bright with something wicked.
“I am a very jealous man, Jimin,” he smiled and it was like the world stopped existing around them. “I am jealous of your parents for watching you grow up from a baby. I am jealous of your clothes for being so close to your skin. I am jealous of your pillow and blankets for holding you and making you sleep comfortably. I am jealous of every photo and every video and every pet that ever made you smile. Jealous, jealous, jealous,” he almost sang, tilting his head both sides in turns.
“You shouldn’t,” Jimin closed the distance and planted a soft kiss on Taehyung’s lips. It was like kissing a strange dream made of silk and warmth. “Nothing ever made me feel like you do.”
“Scared? Unnerved? In danger?” Taehyung suggested, still smiling.
“In love.”
Taehyung’s smile softened and brightened before he planted a series of soft kisses on his lips, their arms finding each other’s bodies like they came home from a long, exhausting day, and they hugged like they were to die if they stayed separated for longer.
“It doesn’t matter,” Taehyung said, letting his head fall in the warm space between Jimin’s shoulder and neck, placing a wet kiss there before he continued. “I still want to kill them. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help it. I want you to be all mine. I want to be the one that makes you smile, I want you to fall asleep on me, I want my body to be part of your body.”
Jimin smiled and held him tighter. He heard a faint voice in the back of his mind that called it obsession, called it unhealthy and wrong, but he brushed it away as soon as he heard it. He loved Taehyung, and he was already used to him talking about death.
He remembered that night in which they were tangled together in bed, the dawn peeking around the corner, not daring to disturb them just yet, giving them a few more moments of peace.
“I think Death dreams about people. And they are not pretty dreams. They’re Death’s nightmares,” Taehyung said, half-asleep, and Jimin loved it when he could get a tiny glimpse at his mind, no matter how wretched and dark it was, it was also endlessly fascinating.
“So ironic that people also have nightmares about Death,” he said, brushing away a strand of hair from Taehyung’s face so he could look into his dark, endless eyes.
“Uh-huh,” he nodded. “But Death dreams only about people that commit suicide. Because their deaths aren’t planned, and so Death has to be informed about it in advance so he could come collect their tossed-out lives. Death hates it.”
Jimin laughed softly. “I’d hate it too if I had Death’s job.”
“Someone has to do it,” the sun was rising and that meant Taehyung had to leave soon. Jimin’s heart was suddenly pierced by sadness and longing. “We can’t afford to have ghosts and spirits wailing at every corner. It’s a shit job, so I guess it pays well,” he shrugged. “After I die, I want to be employed as Death. There are a lot of dead souls waiting to be retrieved, and I don’t think there are a lot of candidates.”
“Why would you want such a depressing job?” Jimin said, smiling, completely smitten.
“Because I find it fascinating, the way in which every man dies,” he also smiled, that dark smile of his that looked like secrets and shadows.
“How would you like to die, then?”
“With you,” he answered without hesitation. “I want to die with you, no matter how.”
That’s what crossed Jimin’s mind that day, when Taehyung asked him to jump off that building with him. And just as sudden, holding Taehyung in his arms, he remembered another time the boy’s words had left him scared and fascinated at the same time.
“You will die so soon, Jimin,” he said it like a compliment, the way he would say you are so beautiful .
They lay sprawled in the grass in the park,;and it was night. Jungkook was sprawled on his back with his hands under his head, Taehyung on his side, propped on his elbow, looking down at him with so much love that it felt like a thousand hearts were beating just for him.
His words had strangely sounded wrong and right at the same time.
“Why would you say that?” Jimin asked, unbothered by the creepy feeling that came with those words. He was used to it.
“Because pretty things don’t live long. And you’re the prettiest of them all,” he smiled that wicked smile of his and everything in the world was right again.
Jimin didn’t manage to finish the memory before Taehyung ripped himself from their embrace and
...pushed him.
Down from the fucking skyscraper! He had pushed him.
Terror gripped Jimin like a living thing trying to live in his body the moment he didn’t feel anything solid beneath him. He twirled and flailed his hands, he gripped the edge of the building with one hand and it slipped. He shot his other one and this time took hold, his fingers dragging on the hard surface, his nails breaking, his fingertips raw and bleeding.
He quickly moved his other hand to take hold of the edge, dangling above a busy street so far below that he didn’t dare look at it. His shoulders were aching from the stretch and he wouldn’t resist long hanging there.
He realized that he had panicked so hard that he didn’t even scream.
Oh god there’s nothing solid beneath my feet, he desperately thought as his feet searched and touched nothing, not even a crevice in the building.
“What the fuck Taehyung?” he screamed as he looked up at him, seeing his twisted smile and glorious silhouette so high above him, so safe. There was no mistake in what he did, he literally pushed him with his hands from the fucking skyscraper. A leap from that height meant certain death and they both goddamn knew it well.
And even then, Jimin wasn’t mad at him, he wanted only to climb back on top of the building and hug Taehyung and cry into his chest and forget about this like he forgot about anything else, and then think that everything, everything, everything was all right when all the signs told him that it wasn’t.
Jimin’s fingers were shaking as Taehyung crouched in front of him, making no move to help him up.
“Do you want to live?” he asked as calmly as he could possibly be. Jimin faintly registered the fact that he was crying hysterically, his fingers slipping every second from the edge because of his weight.
“ Yes yes I want to live, just please Taehyung-”
“Why?” he roared, still smiling. “This world hates us! This world rejected us!” Taehyung had tears in his eyes and he was laughing or sobbing or screaming, Jimin didn’t know which, and he didn’t think there was a difference between them anymore.
“ Please ,” he begged, choking on his own sobs.
Taehyung reached his hands to take hold of his forearms and Jimin clung to his for dear life, shaking and sobbing and praying, and feeling worlds of relief after oceans of cold terror and briefly feeling Taehyung’s tears hitting his own face.
“Do you trust me?” Taehyung asked, smiling and crying at the same time.
“ Yes, Taehyung!” Jimin screamed through his sobs. “ Yes! I trust you with all my heart!”
Taehyung’s smile widened and Jimin thought those were the right words, Taehyung will drag him to safety and they’ll pretend nothing ever happened and they’ll be happy-
“That was your last mistake!” Taehyung shouted before moving his hands away from the building, pulling Jimin away from the building with them.
And then he let go.
Jimin fell.
And fell.
And fell.
Terror had frozen him, he was falling with his front still facing the building, watching Taehyung. He dived right after him, the way a swimmer would dive into the ocean to help someone who fell and needed help to stay above water.
But they would never reach the shore now.
Taehyung reached him and he grabbed his arms, then his body, pulling them together as they fell and fell and fell and the merciless ground was getting closer and closer and closer.
Jimin registered it all with a cold, passive panic. And even in those moments, knowing that Taehyung had pushed him despite knowing that he wanted to live, he couldn’t be mad at him. Not for a second. He loved him just as fiercely as always.
So Jimin pulled him closer and kissed him. He knew he was going to die, and that was everything he wanted to do in his last moments of life.
They held each other desperately like they were each other’s anchor, heavy and deadly and a route to a quicker death.
The wind was whistling in Jimin’s ears, humming the the tune of death, singing and already grieving their young lives, their wasted youths. The wind screamed and laughed and cried just like Taehyung did moments ago. It was the only thing Jimin hoped to save them, and it couldn’t. The wind ruffled their hair and tried to break their fall, tugging at their clothes with desperate fingers, almost ripping them apart.
But in the end, it wasn’t solid enough. It couldn’t do anything for them. So it went back to cursing and howling, the wind’s voice the last thing Jimin had ever heard.
Taehyung’s lips were still pressed against his as their bodies shifted in the air and they were both falling with their heads first, their skulls the first to touch the ground and shatter.
And it was then, moments before his death, that Jimin realized that he didn’t really care if the world knew that he was hopelessly in love with the mad boy.
He held Taehyung tighter in his arms, kissing him deeper, their cold, wet cheeks touching as they desperately tried to pull themselves closer to each other.
And then, Death was standing right in front of him.
And it screamed.