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He had loved her ever since he first saw her smiling on a Festival in town. A child no more than 12 smiling at the candied apple she’s holding on her hand. His heart beats fast and his 14 years old self starts to feel something other than the desire to be free from the Imagawa clan. He wanted to approach her, but his guards pulled him away from her and back to his prison.
Years passed and one of the things that kept him going and giving him strength is the memory of that girl’s smile.
He saw her next, for he was sure it was her, the same smile, the same wavy black and expressive green eyes, only a darker shade than his own, in Azuchi when he he was summoned by Nobunaga. She look at his passing party and for a briefest moment their eyes met and his shielded heart skipped a bit, but his expression remains blank.
He wanted to approach her this time, for now he is a free man with lands and castle under his command, but alas, war kept him from doing so. Nobunaga’s campaign to unify the country has kept him going from battlefield after battlefield.
When at a truce has been formed and clans have agreed to a peace, he had to see through the restorations. Through this he was finally able to see her again, she was assisting the townspeople, delivering message or serving them lunch.
When she was injured, he took it as his chance to be closer to her. At last he finally approach her.
“Let me see your hand” he said as he stood in front of her
“It’s nothing lord Ieyasu, just a scratch” he sighed both from the sweetness of her voice and to her stubbornness
“If it hinders you from doing your job in helping these people then it’s not nothing, he said he in a controlled voice and reluctantly she showed him her hands.
It’s not just a simple scratch, but the wound is not deep enough to endanger her. He took a jar of salve from his sleeves and applied it to her wound before covering it with a bandage. Once done she gave him a smile. The same smile as the one when he first saw her and he was about to gave a smile of his own when her eyes moves to something on his back and her smile became wider. He turns back and saw Sanada Yukimura walking towards them, a smile on his face.
“What you doing here Sanada?” he said in a cold tone that causes tension to everyone around them.
“No need for the tension Tokugawa, we’re on truce and I won’t cause trouble for milord Shingen. I’m just here to pick up my wife” he raises his eyebrows at that
“Didn’t know you got married Sanada” and Yukimura blushed
“Yeah well, it was a small ceremony” he sidestepped from him and a incredible pain shoot across his entire being when he bent down to give a kiss to her. It’s like someone has taken his kodachi and pierced his heart.
Yukimura faces him again, this time with a sheepish, yet thankful look on his face “my wife said that you took care of her injuries. I guess I owe you a thanks Tokugawa” he turns back to her with a loving expression “Yoorin, I told you to be careful, I let you help your family but if you get injured again you’ll be confined to your room, remember the doctor said not to overwork yourself or you’ll harm the baby” and he thought that his heart couldn’t break anymore than it already did.
With the coldest voice he could manage, he said “if she is carrying a child then she should not be here. She’s going to be a problem if she get injured again” and with that he turns away from them.
“I thought rumours about your kindness was false, but I guess they have truth to them” he looks back and saw her giving him a gentle smile “I’ll be back Lord Ieyasu to help my family again and I won’t get in the way again, I promise” she bowed before taking her husband’s hand and walks away.
True to her word, she went back the next day and the day after that. Helping anywhere she can and even though he stops himself, his silent heart sought her company. Unconsciously, they formed a somewhat awkward friendship, her husband Yukimura, not trusting him, is always behind her.
Painful as it is, he accepts the friendship for it was the only he can be close to the woman who stole his heart.
Months passed and spring brings a surprising news “I’ll be giving birth in a less than 2 months and guess what? The doctor said I’m carrying twins” her smile can only be match by her husband as they deliver the news to him.
However, she gave birth a month later.
It was raining, typical rainstorms during spring. Yoorin and Yukimura are both unexpected guest at his home castle this very night. They were visiting this afternoon and was about to go home when the rain falls hard. “It looks like it won’t be stopping soon, you both can stay here. It’s not safe for her to get drenched in this kind of rain”
They both accepted his offer and was assigned a room of their own. Far away from the main hall, one of his maid has gone into labor and has lost her child.
He should have taken the incident as an omen for later that night Yukimura came looking for him stating that Yoorin has gone into labor and no one can get the doctor in town.
With haste, he followed Yukimura to their room. He ordered the maids to boil water and take all the herbs and medicine from his room. Yoorin is giving birth a month early, to twins at that and he knows how dangerous that could be.
The first child came out after a few hours with an ear piercing scream “It’s a boy” he told them,
The second child however, was delivered with a bit of difficulty and when they were met with silence once the baby was out, dread filled him once more.
Tears silently fall to Yukimura’s heart broken eyes as Yoorin cried loudly “no, no please not my child” she screamed, but as he handed the baby to them, a girl, they know that nothing could be done anymore.
They took their daughter and cried, softly begging her to open her eyes and breath. The son, somehow sensing that something is wrong has been silent. The maids carefully cleaned Yoorin and arranged her to a new futon to rest. “I know it’s painful, but we have to keep her away from her brother. He’s still newborn and must not be exposed to any potential danger”
They handed the child to one of the maids to be taken to a different room "care for your son and rest as much as you can. I’ll make sure to handle preparations for your daughter so you can bring her some safely”
He stood up and ordered the maid to follow him to the main hall. He called Tadatsugu, his oldest retainer and told him to take the baby “follow me, we’ll be preparing her burial coffin while her parents rest. He told the maid to go back and make sure Lady Sanada and her child are well.
He signaled Tadatsugu to follow him and the went to one of the temple rooms in his castle. He took the child and was about to place her in white burial shroud when he heard a faint whimper. Shock, he look down and saw colors coming onto the once pale faced of the child, soon her whimpers turns to soft crying.
“Lord Ieyasu, the child is alive” Tadatsugu exclaimed then the child stops crying, opens her eyes and he saw a vivid green color behind those eyelids and then she smiled. The same smile he saw years ago, the same smile that brought warmth to his young self and with that smile came a decision, one he knows to be so heartbreaking and selfish.
He cradles the child softly in his arms “this child is dead” he informed his retainer “but milord, clearly the child is alive”
“She’s dead” he said with a firm voice “I’ll bring her up in the tenshu where no one will see her and you will take the dead child from the cellar and put it in the burial shroud for Yukimura and Yoorin to take home”
“Lord Ieyasu, this is wrong” Tadatsugu tried to stop him as he was about to leave the room.
“Wrong?” he and then he turns to his most loyal retainer with tears in his eyes “is it wrong to finally do something for myself? Not for the clan, not for the unification of this country and not for other, but just for myself. You were there all those years ago, you know how much I have loved her and how I took the pain silently when I know she won’t be mine.” Tadatsugu let his arm down and stepped back.
Realizing that his retainer understands him, he opens the door and brought the sleeping child to the tenshu “sleep for now my dear” he carressed the childs head. The door opens and Tadatsugu comes in with another of his loyal servant “Ume, I trust you with the handlings of my castle, can I trust you to keep this a secret?”
“No one has my loyalty aside from you lord Ieyasu, this secret I will take to my grave” she gave him a bow “look after her while I take care of things, she will not be a replacement for the child you lost for she will be known as mine but I will allow you to care for her as if she is your own”
“Thank you lord ieyasu, I’ll make sure to care for her” he nodded and with Tadatsugu following him, they left the tenshu.
“Everything has been set?” he asked
“Yes milord, the dead child has been placed on the burial shroud and will be ready for transport once Lord and Lady Sanada are ready to leave” he nodded.
It took a week for Yoorin to regain some energy for travel and they left his castle to go back to their own with their infant son cradled on his mother’ chest, while the baby they thought to be their own is placed on a separate palanquin.
When he can no longer see them he went up to the tenshu to see Ume cradling the infant child. He approached them and took the baby “Yuri, that will be your name. Tokugawa Yuri. I’m your father and someday everything you see around this castle will be yours, for you are my heir” The baby giggled and yawned before closing her eyes to take a nap.
‘I may not have you dear Yoorin, but atleast I was able to have a piece of you’