Archive of Our Own

juyeon keeps on clicking his pen whenever hyunjae tries to explain about the subject they're about to review but whenever he confronts him about it, juyeon looks at him with zero guilt on his face.

"what did i do?"

hyunjae sighs and ends the lesson there, he doesn't forget to mark the pages where juyeon's supposed to finish all the problems by their next lesson. "try to solve at least one of it, okay?"

and then he walks out of the classroom, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his books hugged to his chest. 

hyunjae appreciates extra credits and that's how he ends up tutoring math for the school's soccer team striker, lee juyeon. he's actually not that bad in other subjects (as he heard the man said himself) but he's terrible at math. also, it's a boost to his self esteem whenever he could help other students ace in math too. as if he's actually useful to the society.

what hyunjae doesn't expect is all the obstacles thrown to him during each lesson. it's either: a) juyeon won't focus at all and try to pester him, or b) juyeon shamelessly flirts with him and mess up his brain and thought process.

throughout three meetings they've barely tackled one chapter. barely.

it's not like hyunjae can add some extra hour to the lesson since he has choir practice to go to.

jacob had pushed him to do the solo in the winter recital and he's terrified of messing things up so he's been practicing eagerly - more eager than before, to nail every note. 

his voice suddenly goes off tune when his mind is not in the right place during practice, a familiar face popping up in his mind.

"hyunjae, are you okay?" jacob asks. 

"yeah. it's nothing."

jacob, his best friend for three years, could see through the lie easily. "let's take a fifteen minute break." his attentiveness is probably one of the main reasons why the choir lead position goes to him for years now.

"you seem very distracted today." jacob hands him a water bottle and hyunjae accepts it with a grateful smile.

"i know. i'm very sorry for that. it's just.. this tutoring thing-" hyunjae sighs deeply. "i don't know if i can do it. juyeon hasn't shown that much progress."

"listen, you're probably one of the best student tutors out there. you've been through this before and i know you can do it, alright?" jacob gives him a warm, comforting hug and hyunjae feels a lot better already. maybe it's just his mind convincing him that he can't do it while in fact, he actually can.

"okay. thanks mom." hyunjae replies while flashing a smile of gratitude.

"i'm not your mom!" jacob whines in protest and he urges the younger to resume their practice, since hyunjae hasn't been able to hit that one note in the chorus.

"juyeon, do you hear yourself right now?" sangyeon looks at juyeon who's currently changing his clothes in the locker room. they've finished practice early and they're going to head out for dinner at their favorite bbq spot.

"huh?" juyeon looks at him dumbfounded at what sangyeon is implying.

"you haven't shut up about your math tutor for a whole minute now. what did you even learn there? all i heard is how cute his nose scrunch up when he's concentrating or how his glasses slide down his nose occasionally and-"

"well, he's cute. so what?" juyeon shrugs his shoulders as he puts on his plaid button up shirt, his outfit is complete now.

"you're impossible." sangyeon scoffs. the quarterback just broke up with his girlfriend two weeks ago and now he's oogling over his math tutor already.

"come on let's just go. i'm hungry."

since day one, hyunjae thinks it's a bad idea to harbor a crush on the guy that so many people has their eyes on. but hyunjae's heart often acts on its own and he has no control over it. that's why he ends up in the bathroom every time after his lesson with juyeon. he tries not to freak out and stay as calm as possible but instead he has a dumb lovestruck smile displayed on his face.

he still can't believe that juyeon knows his existence now. that's more than enough for him to think about before falling asleep on his bed at night.

sangyeon remains at the field while the rest have gone to shower and changed their clothes. the only other player left outside is juyeon who surprisingly isn't running to the showers as usual so he could be the first one to clean up.

"tough day today, isn't it?" sangyeon settles himself down on the bench beside juyeon.

"yeah. practice was brutal. but we have to do what's needed to keep our title as the champion for this season." juyeon answers. soccer is his life. ever since he was added to the team a year ago, he's spent most of his free time on soccer practices and training. 

"so how's the tutoring thing going?" it's been around two weeks since juyeon started taking extra classes.

"it's going well. hyunjae is a really great teacher." juyeon nods. even the thought of his student tutor makes the corner of his lips curl upwards.

"you seem to fancy him, huh?" sangyeon raises one eyebrow up.

"what? no. not at all. he's just cute." juyeon wants to add that hyunjae looks really cute with his eyebrows furrowed whenever he's concentrating on writing a formula on his notebook but there's no way he's saying that out loud to sangyeon. 

sangyeon doesn't answer this time as he sighs and stands up first. he gives juyeon a brief pat on the shoulder before he heads for the shower room.

sangyeon isn't going to pretend that he didn't notice the student teacher present on the bleachers at every game. his observing skills never fails him and he could definitely sense that hyunjae likes juyeon (he cheers for him the loudest). of course, hyunjae blends too much with the crowd and juyeon barely spares a glance at the crowd.

he only hopes that juyeon would lose a bit of his density. he's too oblivious sometimes.

it turns out jacob was right. hyunjae is able to pull through and almost miraculously, juyeon is making more progress in the next few weeks. the pestering has toned down but the flirting remains. hyunjae manages to put his walls up and tries to seem like he's not affected by the constant remarks and compliments the student throws at him but sometimes his pink cheeks gives it away

this monday, however, juyeon enters the classroom looking very bothered by something. and the flirting is gone. he's not solving any of the problems either, only doodling random shapes to the notebook.

hyunjae doesn't confront people with their problems since he's the type to provide emotional support instead so he says, "let's take a short break. and if, there's anything on your mind it's better to share it with other people because it's not good to bear a problem all to yourself."

hyunjae clears his throat and quickly fixes his words, he's not happy at how blunt it sounds. "at- at least that's what people have told me."

juyeon looks up from his notebook and averts his gaze to hyunjae. and then the words spills out from his mouth easily.

"sangyeon decided to pass the captain title to me but i don't want it."

"he said he wants to enjoy his last year in high school without having to stress about the championships."

"i don't think i can do it."

the last word reminds hyunjae of his own self a few weeks ago. he doesn't expect it to come out of juyeon's mouth. juyeon, who exudes confidence everywhere he goes, who's the star player of his team, who sometimes speaks without thinking twice. hyunjae's ashamed for noticing all the details. 

hyunjae doesn't expect them to have one thing in common and that thing turns out to be their insecurities.

"juyeon, i know nothing about soccer but one thing that i know is that you're a great soccer player. i can see it whenever you're out in the field. you've always brought your team to victory."

hyunjae looks down to his palms for a split second and breaks the eye contact. he's unable to see right into those pair of eyes for too long.

"and i know you're capable of holding that title. you've always been the top striker on most matches. it will be difficult, i know. but you can do it. i believe in you." and the last sentence comes out softer than hyunjae expected as a small smile decorates his lips.

juyeon's eyes are wide, that's the most he'd heard the tutor talk other than math formulas and oh wow that smile looks really, really adorable. then he realizes something.

"wait, so are you saying that you've been to all of my matches?"

oh no, he's caught redhanded. 

"i- i mean. not all but i've been to a few games, mostly with my friends. yeah." he's downright lying. he's been to all of the games but never on the front row, he'd rather blend into the crowd. but juyeon doesn't need to know that. 

he doesn't need to know that hyunjae's eyes are always on him throughout all of the matches. 

he doesn't need to know that hyunjae cheers the loudest when juyeon scores a point. 

and most importantly, he doesn't need to know that hyunjae's little heart has been crushing on him for a while now.

"hmm.. okay." juyeon's lips are curled up into a cheeky smile and he looks smug. hyunjae is internally freaking out, wondering if juyeon could sense that he's lying. 

"feeling any better now?"

"yeah. thanks."

they continue with the lesson afterwards. still, no more flirting but hyunjae swears he caught juyeon stealing glances a few times. or maybe he's seeing things and he needs to change his glasses asap.

the next day, hyunjae discovers something foreign in front of his locker. it's something yellow.

hyunjae picks it up to see it closer. it's a bouquet of sunflowers and he wonders if it's really for him or did someone misplace it un front of his locker.

there isn't any note left on the bouquet so he's very puzzled by his recent discovery.

maybe it's jacob. jacob often does sweet and random acts of kindness for his friends. and maybe hyunjae needs to talk to jacob right now. he can't go home without finding out who's the sender of the bouquet.

hyunjae is on his way to meet jacob, the bouquet is held tightly to his chest and he has a permanent smile on his face. he really wants to thank whoever the sender of this bouquet is. he loves flowers.

"oh, i wish it was from me but it's not. i was busy trying to finish my history report last night until dawn and i woke up late. i wish i could have the free time to drop by the florist to get you a bouquet of flowers, hyunjae." jacob explains and hyunjae's eyebrows are knitted together after hearing his best friend's answer.

"if it's not you then who could it be? i'm a nobody here. i'm not sunwoo who gets tons of secret admirer letters taped onto his locker."

"or maybe it's him?" jacob suggests.

"who?" hyunjae blinks.

"you know who."

hyunjae remains silent for a while. he doesn't want to hope for too much. hope could be a dangerous weapon for his fragile heart. he doesn't want to get hurt.

hyunjae shakes his head. "i don't think it's him."

"have you asked him yet?"

"no. and i won't." hyunjae is firm with his decision.

"why not? what if it's really him?" oh jacob, forever the optimist.

"i don't know....." 

"try to go to the field? i heard they're practicing now. maybe he'll tell you instantly if he really did give it to you."

hyunjae nods and thanks his best friend for his advice. he ends up following jacob's advice since he still has to pass by the field to get to the front gate anyway. he doesn't want to risk it. because most of the time, what jacob says turns out to be true.

hyunjae has his backpack on and with the bouquet in his hands, some people might think he's about to give it to someone. he walks pass the field and he could hear the soccer team being loud as usual. "captain captain captain!" he spots juyeon in the middle of the others. it looks like he'd finally accepted the role.

he thinks he's seen enough and juyeon doesn't seem to notice him. he's about to turn around and head off for the gate when a voice calls out to him.

"hyunjae! wait!" a sweat clad juyeon runs to his direction and takes off his helmet when he gets closer.

"hi, captain." hyunjae greets him with a smile and he hears a chuckle from the other's lips, probably because of the way hyunjae addressed him.

"it still feels weird being called that but i think i'll get used to it." juyeon flashes a smile. a smile that makes hyunjae's heart race.

their conversation lasts longer than he'd thought. hyunjae cracks a joke and juyeon laughs wholeheartedly. only juyeon laughs at his jokes like that. even jacob doesn't really appreciate his sense of humor.

"oh, nice flowers you got there." juyeon points out as if the yellow flowers aren't contrasting enough with his neutral colored attire.

"yeah, i know. i love flowers. i wonder who sent it." hyunjae's looks down to the bouquet and starts to count how many sunflowers is in there.

"you don't have any guesses who could it be?"

"i thought it was jacob but he said it's not-" hyunjae pauses his mid sentence when he sees the shift in juyeon's facial expression. juyeon's stifling his laugh by biting onto his lower lip.

"you really thought it was jacob?" 

"i just didn't thought- oh my god."

juyeon then proceeds to ask if hyunjae likes the flower and he just nods. his mind is in a haze. juyeon, his crush, gave him a flower bouquet. his cheeks must've been beet red by now.

"thank you." 

"no. that's my thanks to you for convincing me yesterday that i'm capable of being the soccer team captain." juyeon states and before hyunjae can answer, he continues his sentence. "and i was wondering if you'd come to the party tonight."

"party? what party?" lee hyunjae and parties don't go well together. mainly because he rarely gets invited to one.

"sangyeon's throwing a party at his house. to celebrate my new position as the captain and yeah..."

"oh...."

juyeon probably hears the hesitation in hyunjae's voice because he quickly adds. "you can bring your friends too if you want."

"okay." hyunjae answers. he can't believe that he's really saying yes to a party invitation from juyeon. this is crazy.

"i'll text you the address. see you there!"

hyunjae is clad in a warm yellow pullover and some black jeans. his friends, jacob and younghoon, had successfully convinced him to take his glasses off and wear contacts instead. 

("come on this is your cinderella moment!" jacob had said like the true disney fan that he is.)

they catch a taxi to go to sangyeon's place - juyeon texted him the address, and hyunjae has to say that him and his friends doesn't look too shabby. jacob's sporting a casual look with a plaid button up, a graphic tee underneath and some dark jeans while younghoon, unlike hyunjae, still has his specs on and a plain blue dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a white cardigan tied around his broad shoulders, and some matching jeans.

juyeon mentioned nothing about how big sangyeon's place is. it's a mansion and even from outside hyunjae can see the colorful lights through the window. he thought that he arrived too early but perhaps the party started early too.

hyunjae has a tiny moment of doubt when he's about to exit the taxi. social events like this isn't his thing. the idea of having to muster up small talks to people he barely know (despite them being students, too) is scary. jacob grabs his hand as if he knows that his best friend is hesitating.

"let's go!"

here goes nothing, hyunjae thinks.

upon their arrival, the place turns out to be less crowded than hyunjae had expected. it seems like it's a party for the soccer team's inner circle only. however, it is still loud and buzzing with the blaring speakers on each room. the dj booth appears to be outside, the door leading to the patio is open where a few people come and go.

jacob has gone elsewhere, probably looking for a guitar to play wonderwall because that's what he always does on every party he goes to (or so he says). hyunjae spots a freshman bursting through the front door with a camera on his hand. he appears to be vlogging. hyunjae walks the other way with younghoon.

younghoon tells hyunjae that he wants to check out the patio. "i heard there's food outside." younghoon nudges him but hyunjae has no interest in that. so younghoon leaves him there. hyunjae wants to find the guy who invited him to the party in the first place.

hyunjae's feet leads him to the kitchen but he sees one of the soccer team player whom he recognizes, haknyeon, talking to someone and hyunjae doesn't want to be the thirdwheel. hyunjae takes an immediate U-turn and he ends up at the foyer again.

there's something different this time, a group of people are chatting there and hyunjae's eyes goes right to the man who's wearing denim on denim and a white tee underneath. and apparently, it's ripped denim jeans.

(hyunjae pays attention to details a bit too much.)

"hi, juyeon." hyunjae manages to greet him first and there it is, the smile that makes him all weak in the knees.

"hyunjae!" juyeon walks through the small crowd and approaches hyunjae. it takes him by surprise that he's not seeing the usual black rimmed glasses that hyunjae usually wears and it's his first time noticing how mesmerizing those pair of eyes really look up close. "hello, my little sunflower."

hyunjae's heart skips a beat upon his mind registering what juyeon had said. what did he address him with? he's too lost in his own thoughts but his cheeks are tinted with a shade of red. the warmth spreads from his cheeks to his whole face and juyeon notices that hyunjae is blushing.

"i'm happy that you're able to come. did you come here alone?"

"n-no, i had two of my friends but they're busy with themselves now."

juyeon looks over his shoulders and sees his teammates looking smug seeing their captain interact with his crush. he decides to grab hyunjae's wrist (oh god his sweater paws are adorable) and pulls him away from the crowd.

"let's go upstairs."

on the second floor, juyeon leads hyunjae to a balcony. it's less loud than downstairs and there's only the two of them there.

hyunjae's heart is beating too loud and too fast, he's afraid that it might jump out of his ribcage.

the balcony overlooks the crowded patio and swimming pool, a dj booth can be seen on one side and all sorts of animal shaped inflatables floats on the pool.

hyunjae's eyes are searching for an explanation or a simple answer as to why juyeon addressed him as his little sunflower. was he just joking around and hyunjae is overthinking things once again? but the flower bouquet must mean something and juyeon even invited him to this party-

his train of thoughts gets disturbed when something warm presses against his lips. it all happened so fast. one second hyunjae is still looking at those dark orbs and another second he could only feel the heat spreading around his face and he blinks dumbly, unsure on how to react.

lee juyeon is kissing him.

and lee juyeon is his first kiss.

he doesn't know where to put his hands. he doesn't watch enough romance movies to be aware of where to put his hand when somebody kisses him.

juyeon is smiling against the kiss as he snakes an arm around hyunjae's waist and he pulls him closer. he notices how hyunjae is frozen in his spot so he guides hyunjae's hands to rest atop his shoulder.

kissing hyunjae turns out exactly as he'd imagined. hyunjae is sweet and gentle and juyeon is taking his time to ease the tension out of hyunjae's shoulder.

juyeon hasn't kissed anyone like he kisses hyunjae. patience isn't his virtue and he doesn't apply that to kissing. kissing is usually just kissing but he knows that there's something different with kissing hyunjae. something special.

juyeon only breaks the kiss when he hears a soft whimper coming out of hyunjae's mouth. he has to stop before he's left with zero self control.

hyunjae is all red cheeks and meek smiles when their eyes finally meet. both of them pants for air and hyunjae desperately wants to ask what was that for. before juyeon can open his mouth to speak, a loud crashing sound originates from downstairs and it's enough to make both of them run downstairs to see what's happening.

"what the hell happened?" juyeon rushes outside to see that one of the speakers is knocked off of the table, almost taking a dive into the pool if the guy dressed up in a black hoodie didn't catch it on time. "sunwoo? you're not even invited-"

"i don't need an invitation. i can't believe you didn't invite me to this! i thought we were friends." sunwoo has a mischievous smile on his lips and fakes a sullen look. juyeon suddenly has the urge to throw the beach ball directly to his face. "besides, eric here needs some company too." 

the freshman in question, eric, only shrugs as he takes tries to plug the cords to the speaker again.

while the two are busy with their banter, hyunjae walks away from the scene and grabs a drink on the way back inside. it's a fruit punch, or so they say.

hyunjae's face feels warm and he has a hunch that it's not regular fruit punch. it definitely contains alcohol.

through his peripheral vision he sees the familiar male in blue cardigan walking past him and he's not alone.

isn't that one of the guys from the cheerleading team? hyunjae recognizes him as younghoon's long time crush. it seems like his friend's been busy tonight.

hyunjae opens his phone to call jacob and decides to call it a night. but jacob doesn't answer his call so he heaves a soft sigh.

"i guess i'm going home alone." hyunjae's mind is filled with endless questions about juyeon. what was the nickname for? was it necessary? and why did he kiss me? was he just drunk?

the exit is only a few steps away but he hears a familiar voice calling out to him that makes him stop his tracks.

"hyunjae! oh there you are." juyeon looks like he just ran a marathon. "i was looking for you."

"o-oh?" this time it's hyunjae's chest that feels warm instead of his cheeks. "i'm going to go home now."

"but the party has just started." hyunjae thinks he's drunk because he sees juyeon's lower lip jutting out slightly. is he pouting?

"i'm sorry but i have to go." it seems like juyeon doesn't even bother bringing up the kiss so that probably means nothing to him. hyunjae's shoulder slumps down a little.

"be careful of the cold." juyeon puts his jacket around hyunjae's torso and the latter had not seen it coming. "see you around."

"t-thank you. see you?" hyunjae replies as his voice wavers with uncertainty before he takes his cue to leave the place, with juyeon's jacket. did that really happened?

hyunjae's mind is loud at night. especially nights like these. his walk back home doesn't feel that tiring when it's his mind that just won't shut up. he walks pass a convenience store and spots more familiar faces from the party but he's not going to take a second glance just to feed his curiosity.

perhaps hyunjae drank too much of the spiked punch and now the alcohol has taken over his system, replacing his more than perfect thought process with hazy judgments.

the kiss keeps on replaying inside his mind and he doesn't know his heart is capable of feeling an abundance of emotions at the same time. it's heart fluttering but juyeon's lack of concern afterwards makes his stomach falls. did the kiss mean nothing to him?  

when hyunjae arrives home, the house is dark. his parents must've fallen asleep already. he doesn't bother to wash up as he crawls under his covers once he plops himself to his neatly made bed. the denim jacket is hung on the hanger behind his door and he makes a mental note to return it to juyeon firsthand in the morning.

that night, hyunjae falls asleep with a tight chest after a series of self doubts and second guessing himself for what has happened in the party. expectation is a dangerous thing. maybe hyunjae's expecting too much from the infamous soccer ace.