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You feel something on your shoulder and suddenly there’s static in your mind and-
-you flinch and you hear a loud POP, but it’s muffled, it’s far away and you feel like you’re drifting, on a raft in the middle of the ocean and the waves are getting stronger and everything is moving, you can’t you can’t you can’t and your ears are ringing, why are your ears ringing and why do your fists hurt and what is that thing touching you on your shoulder, it’s so light, like a feather.
You look at it and it’s your hair. It’s so white. And long. It’s pretty. And so white.
You take a breath and it rattles in your chest, echoes in the room.
It’s so quiet suddenly. There are no more waves. And no ringing. It’s just quiet.
Then you see the ice.
The whole table is covered in ice. The fruits and the dishes and the lovely cloth Anna put on it, the one your mother loved so much before.
It’s all ruined. There’s no way you can melt the ice without burning everything. It’s all ruined.
Anna spent so much time on it, on all of it and-
“Elsa?”
You twitch. It was so quiet.
“Elsa, can I come closer?”
Yes. No. You don’t know. Why is she all the way over there?
Is she scared of you? Did you do something?
Is she scared?
“Elsa?”
What. Oh she’s asking again. Okay.
You’re fine now. You think you’re fine. You feel heavy and tired, but you’re not on the raft anymore and you’ll keep your hands behind your back.
Just in case.
You nod. She gives you a little smile.
She takes small, measured steps. You try to match your breathing with the sound of her footsteps.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5-
The bottom of her dress has those beautiful sunflowers against green satin on it and they mesmerize you for a second before she crouches in front of you.
The wall is hard behind your back. That’s because you’re in the corner. When did you get here? When did you sit down?
Anna sits next to you, not touching you and you’re grateful. She rests her head against the wall and you follow her gaze to the crystal chandelier on the ceiling. Beautiful.
Like everything else in this house. Manor. Castle. Whatever.
“I’m sorry.”
Her voice is soft and is she crying?
No. She can’t. You can’t handle it when she cries. It’s heartbreaking.
“I shouldn’t have touched you like that. I know how difficult it is for you, after all these years alone in a room. And I touched you from behind. I- I was just excited. I know we’ve hugged and talked and we hold hands sometimes and I think- I think I forget how hard it is some days. For you, I mean. I got caught up in all these happy emotions and I didn’t think. I’m sorry, Elsa.”
She’s so sad and it’s not her fault. She didn’t mean to make you- make you do this. You’re the fucked up one.
You try not to tremble too much when you put your hand on hers. They’re so warm.
She doesn’t move. Good. This is good. You can do this.
“An-“
You clear your throat. You swallow. You try again.
“It’s okay, Anna. I know.”
It’s the most you can do right now. Even talking is exhausting.
You look around the room.
“Where is Kristoff?”
She startles a bit at that. You know she’s going to try to spare your feelings.
“Oh, he had to feed Sven.”
Right. His disappearance had nothing to do with the fact that you just had a mental breakdown in the dining hall.
You snort a bit, you squeeze her hand.
You’ll be okay.
You’ll both be okay.