Chapter Text
The late afternoon Sun burned in the sky covering everything with its amber glow. Summer breeze came and went carrying the smell of lavender and golden grass. Happy siblings throwing horseshoes across the field without a care in the world. Connie Springer lay in the grass, content. He couldn't wait to be a cadet but this was where his heart would always live.
Ragako was a small village in the southern district of Wall Rose. Hidden from the world in deep, country surrounded by a thick ring of trees. The season's changed, but the community always held things in place. A timeless haven where life came so simply.
Connie was trying to take it all in for the last time, trying to capture the wonder of seeing it for the first time. The joyous bustle of villagers. Fresh harvest in sight. The smell of his mother's cooking was almost enough to make him stay; He knew military food wouldn't compare, but wished it wouldn't be too tasteless.
He had promised to teach Sunny and Martin how to cartwheel again before he left. He had hope this time.
"You keep bending your back, you've gotta keep it straight when you're upside down. Like THIS!" Connie demonstrates with flawless technique, he figured maybe a cocky attitude would be the right motivation.
"Alright show off! I think I've got it now..." Sunny said ominously as she took to stage.
She psyched herself up and gave herself a good run at it. Get's half way and flops to the ground laughing. Connie can't help but laugh too. Sunny was the funniest person he knew and she had such a lanky, noodley torso.
She was going to be a tall woman, Connie thought to himself.
Martin was sitting close by in the shade. He hadn't joined in the laughter and had been quiet for a while. Connie walked over to him to investigate.
"Hey Martin, what's wrong I thought you were gonna best me at cartwheeling finally."
"I'm not in the mood.." Martin said in a small voice, not looking up. Connie knew what that look meant. He sat down next to his brother so that it would be easier for him to talk.
"You're gonna be gone.... when I'm finally old enough to ride a horse. I wanted you and Sunny to be there when I could do it.."
Connie hated seeing his brother so sad. He hated even more that he was going to miss so many of Martin's first experiences. They can be scary and he found that it was always less of a struggle when you weren't alone.
"Martin, I may not live in the village for a while but that doesn't mean I'm gonna miss something as important as that." Connie rubbed Martin's head.
"When I've seen enough of the world, I'm gonna come back. You, Me and Sunny are gonna go ride and I'm gonna show you all the cool things i've seen. We'll be fast, we'll go far and we'll be free!"
Martin looked up at him beaming. "You promise?"
"I promise." Connie smiled and rubbed Martin's head again.
His parents were outside now with Connie's bag and some baked provisions for the road. It was time to go become the great soldier he'd bragged to everyone about. Connie looked at his family and a sharp feeling dropped in the pit of his stomach.
"Lets.. lets all of you give me a hug right now, one to last me through all the tough training." He laughed weakly, trying to hide the pain in his voice.
They all surrounded him. Connie wrapped his arms around them as tightly as he could. His hand on Martin's head, his face buried in his mother's hair. The smell of home.
The air had stopped moving yet the wind started to howl. Connie pulled them closer and tightened his eyes shut. "Just a little longer.." He said to them, but they didn't respond.
The wind stopped too and all of a sudden the villagers disappeared. They still stood there in embrace, Connie burying his head between his parents. "Just a little longer... Please.." Connie whimpered, failing to fight back the tears.
Connie's mother then cradled his head and whispered "Wel... come.. home." In a voice that wasn't his mother's voice.
Connie's wakes up, his eyes open.
Alone, Connie sits up and slowly motions to the side of his bed. He held his face in his hands, shirt clinging to his body from sweat. He wondered how someone could be so exhausted from sleeping, if you could call that sleeping.
It was the sixth time Connie had had that dream. It would be months between each instance and every time he would assume it would be the last. After the third dream he knew a part of him enjoyed seeing them again, but the hug at the end never got any longer no matter how badly he wanted it or how tightly he squeezed them in his arms.
He stood up, stretched and took a long considerate look at the state of his quarters. It had gotten very messy in recent weeks. With the new structure of the military came a rank promotion for Connie, and with that, improved living conditions. Personal quarters meant no Bunk mates to give Connie shit about his sleep dancing. However, he was a bit of a slob and missed having someone to help him clean in exchange for cooking lessons.
Thinking about the mess of his room was a weak distraction from what was really on his mind. He turned to the wall to look at the calendar. There was a reason he had that dream came back to him today of all days. It was the anniversary of his return after years of being away. The day he found his home destroyed by his mother.
"It's... really been a year hasn't it?" Connie couldn't believe how much time had passed. It may have all felt like a confusing blur, but the memory was more vivid than anything that happened to him yesterday.
Connie hated to think about it. About everything it could mean. They were all gone and he never got to say goodbye. The first few months after that day were the hardest. He would lay awake at night wondering if the rest of his family were still out there wandering around as titans. He would wonder if they were there on the field when they were rescuing Eren from Reiner and Bertholdt. He wondered if he had killed them...
Connie halted himself. He wasn't going to go down that line of thinking and lose his appetite. He had a big day planned and he needed to eat breakfast. He had also promised Sasha he would show up on time today and he wasn't going to break it.
He walked to his mirror and held it up at eye-level. He grabbed his chin then inspected the resistance of small hairs with his fingers. He was in need of a shave.
"Huh." Connie chuckled. He wasn't sure he would ever grow hair on his face. In recent days the stubble was getting less fuzzy and more pronounced; always gave him a bit of a surprise when he brushed against the grain with his fingers. He considered shaving it for the first time but it wasn't the same as shaving his head. It just felt weird.
After he finished getting dressed, he sat back down on his bed. His hands were shaking but after a few moments he steeled himself. Under his bunk he pulled out a medium sized box labelled 'Family'.
He opened it and took out a picture of His Mother and Father. Every time he looked into their eyes it was like losing them all over again. He felt the pang in his stomach and had to put the picture down before he was overwhelmed.
He slightly regretted looking at that picture again but he couldn't help himself. It had become a sort of routine after he had that dream. Looking at them in this picture, wondering what they would look like now. Their reactions to the stories he would tell them about his training and the insane first few months after graduation. He settled on believing it was to comfort himself, but it never brought him the comfort he was looking for.
Connie centred himself with the memory of his resolve not to be late. He stood up and headed towards the door. He reached the door, put his hand on the handle and paused.
"I'm... coming home today, Martin." He said to himself under his breath.
He pulled the handle and stepped out of his quarters.