Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandoms:
Relationship:
Characters:
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:
2018-01-21
Completed:
2018-01-21
Words:
1,270
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
37
Kudos:
312
Bookmarks:
25
Hits:
4,792

Regarding Elio

Summary:

When Oliver returns home to the States, he has some difficult decisions to make. Decisions that will forever affect the life of the young man he had fallen so deeply in love with during his summer in Italy.

In his moment of anguish, Oliver writes a letter to Professor Perlman for advice on how to handle his son's heart.

Notes:

These letters are an imagination of what could have been communicated between Oliver and Professor Perlman before he returned to B. at Christmas and announced he was getting married.

The second letter, Professor Perlman's response, features in my story "È la vita / That’s Life". Head over there if you would like to see how the letter plays into a bigger story, and get more depth of understanding to Oliver's motives!

I thought that these letters would read nice as a standalone piece, showing the thought process behind Oliver's decision to lead a life away from Elio despite being terribly in love with him.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

November 1st, 1987

Dear Professor Perlman,

Thank you so much for your last letter and the package that you sent along with it. Your generosity shows no bounds, and I will be sure to put each one to good use.

I have said it before, but I'm afraid I must say it again: I cannot find a way to express in words the gratitude I have for your guidance and friendship these past few months. My time in Italy exceeded all expectations, and I have returned home with more wisdom from observing you than anything I have ever learned from a book or in a classroom.

The invite to spend Christmas with you all is incredibly kind-hearted. I would love to say yes without a second thought, but I must first appeal to you for some advice on a matter that may alter the color of my return.

I am potentially getting married in the spring. Considering the implication in your last letter, I don’t think I need to spell out exactly why this news might impact Elio. The marriage is not arranged, but my father is pulling firmly on the strings. There is a life here expected of me, as I am sure you understand, with a great deal of consequences if I were to take a different road than the one mapped out for me.

I found some truth within myself whilst in the company of your son. A truth I do not think would be good or right for me to act upon any further - for either of us. I believe Elio strongly disagrees, but he is much too young to understand the wider implications of such a choice. And yet, his youth carries more self-assurance and integrity than I could hope to have in a lifetime.

I worry tremendously about Elio and the pain I have subjected him to, and in turn what my decisions going forward will do to his already injured resolve. I know that he is hurting and that I am the cause, but I’m not sure how to fix it without letting off a grenade I do not know how to contain. How am I ever meant to make such a decision, when both choices will undoubtedly wound him?

I’m struggling to split my focus on this one, Professor. It reminds me of what Heraclitus once said - “It is hard to contend against one's heart's desire; for whatever it wishes to have it buys at the cost of soul.” There is certainly a cost to what I desire, and it is a price I don't think I have the means to pay for. And Elio, well, he certainly does not deserve to start his adult life with that kind of debt either.

I apologize if I am coming across a little over-sentimental. I hope you do not look down on me for acting upon my impulses this summer. Please know that I care for your son more than I could dare to tell you, and never intentionally meant to bruise his spirit. But if you believe I must uproot myself from his life to allow him space to grow his roots, then that is what I shall do.

I understand you may not have the answers I seek, but if it does not compromise your relationship, I’d like to know how he is doing? His letters to me are scarce on details and uncharacteristically detached.

Please pass on all of my love to Annella and everyone else at the villa. I miss you all dreadfully and hope to see you soon.

Indebtedly yours,

Oliver.

 

 

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

November 9th, 1987

Dear Oliver,

I am pleased the package reached you in good time and hope that your transition back to New York is going as smoothly as it can.

Thank you for entrusting me with your previous letter. Your feelings are a true credit to you and the depths in which you love.

I am sure I do not need to tell you that my son is a sensitive soul, with a heart the size of the sun and a sweetness even greater. He feels things very deeply, and this is both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. My job as his father is to help him guide these feelings to the appropriate harbor of his heart, but I cannot sail them for him.

Right now he is terribly wounded. Do not let this blind your decisions. Elio, like all of us, will feel torment and heartbreak that renders him utterly anemic. É la vita.

You may have been the source of his injury, but you are not obliged to be the remedy also. We must all learn that being broken is not a pass to receive everything we desire from the world. Sometimes we are dealt a hand that seems unfair, but that does not necessarily mean there has been foul play.

Elio is no exception. He will heal, in time, with or without the soothing balm he wants you to administer.

With this in mind, know that my blessing is with you to make a decision on behalf of both of you. You are right that he has youth on his side, but this is also a cause for blindness. He will decide his path in these coming years. He will decide his identity as a man. One cannot be sure what that path will have in store for him as he reconciles his feelings in a world that may want to beat down on him because of what or whom he longs for.

He is the light of my life, but I cannot protect him from the dangers of shining too bright.

That being said, I would not wish to. It would go against every cell of my soul to slander the purity of his. He is whole, and absolute, just as he exists right now. As are you, Oliver. Never doubt that.

If your desire leads you back to us, you will be welcomed with open arms and a promise that your freedom with our son’s heart will be gifted to you. If it leads you to the more-traveled route where your conflict is left to rest, then we will wish you all the best in your marriage. Please know that both of these options are good and right.

The intimacy you found with one another was undoubtedly beautiful. I was let in on so little, but what I witnessed through your veiled attempts at keeping the world out eclipsed even the most glorious days of our summer.

Elio will understand, as he grows and takes into him all the heaviness of the world and the pains of life, that this does not erase your time together or the feelings you shared. There is a saying here in Italy that the people have used for centuries - “Meglio aver poco che niente”. It means that it is better to have a little than nothing at all.

I regret that your heart and mind are not aligned in what you wish to seek in this life. It is a heavy burden to carry, and I am hoping that you will find some comfort in this letter as you make your next steps.

I know with certainty that wherever you travel, wherever you are carried from here, you will always hold our corner of the riviera in your heart. In turn, I know that a piece of your heart will stay lodged here somewhere too, perhaps inside the very being of our dear Elio.

With all of my love across the ocean,

Samuel Perlman.