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“You’re never going to let that go, are you?” Jace says with no real heat behind his words, playfully knocking his shoulder against Simon’s.
“Of course not! You called my face pretty!” Simon raises both his hands and shoulders in a gesture that is supposed to convey how obvious his rationale is. “It’s the nicest thing you have ever said to me.”
“Well you did call me a transphobic cis white hetero when we first met so I think my being slow to warm up to you is well warranted.” Jace replies easily, kicking a stone on the sidewalk in his path.
Simon rolls his eyes, “And I was clearly wrong and have apologized multiple times for that.”
Simon suddenly halts in his movements, causing Jace to stop in his tracks too. He pulls Simon forward by his elbow to be closer to the edge of the sidewalk and out of the way of the pedestrian traffic. He narrows his eyes, “Are you trying to infer that you too were wrong right now?”
Surprised by this leap that Simon made, Jace shakes his head back and forth with eyebrows drawn forward in confusion. “No, I meant it.”
They stand like that, motionless on busy sidewalk in a city that is anything but, for a moment or two with Simon scrutinizing Jace’s face, clearly looking for the ‘gotcha’ or genuineness. Simon must spy the later for he finally relaxes and they resume walking again. “I don’t really have a face that most people, especially people as attractive as you, would refer to as pretty. Nerd hot, maybe - if I have the full ensemble look of glasses, beanie, and graphic tee but usually I’m just… cute.”
Jace looks at Simon from the side, mild disbelief at the words coming from his mouth. Trying to fathom how anyone would look at Simon and only think to themselves ‘cute’. He’s definitely cute, especially when he absentmindedly scrunches his nose up in betrayal when he goes to take a sip of an empty coffee mug or when his eyes light up while talking about the latest song he’s writing or how he never hesitates to answer phone calls from his Bubbie or mom. But he’s breathtaking when he’s on stage and in his element. He’s gorgeous when his cheeks turn red from excitement while is talking about his favorite topics. He’s beautiful when he throws his head back, snorting from laughing so hard at some dumb joke or pun. He has a pretty face and a pretty great heart too.
All of those thoughts come rushing to Jace’s mind but all of them feel like too much to share, too personal to just reassure a friend over their insecurities. Jace fears it would reveal much more about himself and his rapidly growing mess of emotions, than anything else. He isn’t quite sure he is ready for that yet, to untangle that, to put himself out there and be that vulnerable with Simon. They’ve only known each other for just over two months but the way Clary and Simon have folded Jace into their lives as well as the trans and nonbinary support group, it feels like so much longer. It feels like this piece of Jace’s life, that has always felt a little out of place and uneven, finally fits .
Don’t get Jace wrong, he loves his siblings deeply and dearly but he’s never really felt like he could share all parts of his life with them. There was so much he was struggling with that he hadn’t even realized was eating away at him before joining the support group, finally giving him the tools, language, and answers to things that bother him or make him uneasy. Putting a name to those feelings is really such a freeing experience for Jace, especially because it reassures him that other people experience what he does too .
But this mess of emotions that Jace feels every time he is around Simon, every time they share a glance or accidentally brush hands or fuck it, even every time Simon texts his latest random million dollar idea, scares the shit out of him. He’s not used to this whole intense feelings thing, yeah he’s found men attractive but never enough to act upon it and he has definitely never romantically liked someone as much as he likes Simon. Usually Jace’s issues with trust and transphobia get in the way of any potential relationship but he trusts Simon and crushes are very overwhelming. Fuck, Jace just admitted to himself he has a crush on Simon; now it’s real.
“Well people are idiots, what do you expect?” Jace scoffs lightly but even that doesn’t feel like enough for Simon. Jace looks at the ground while they walk as he adds quickly, “You’re smart, caring, and attractive - a true triple threat and anyone that doesn’t see that is just an idiot.”
Simon dramatically gasps, slapping his hand against his chest. “Be still my heart! Not one, but three compliments from you - tis truly a day for the history books! Be careful there now Jace Lightwood, or I might start thinking that you more than tolerate me... like you might actually like me.”
Simon playful teasing makes Jace’s lips twitch upwards. He rolls his eyes as he shoves at Simon’s shoulder in retaliation. “Shut up. You know I more than like you.”
It takes a moment after the words leave Jace’s mouth for him to process what he actually admitted to. He blushes scarlet at the mix up of the two expressions that are more true of his feelings than he ever planned to admit outloud. He racks his brain for a way out of this but his mind is conveniently blank of a response, focused solely on the panic. What if this pushes Simon away and then Clary and then the support group? What if Jace loses all of the wonderful and amazing support he’s discovered the past couple of months just because he couldn’t keep his feelings in check? What if -
A hand suddenly in his silences his panic fueled negative thoughts. Jace looks down to see Simon’s hand, following the arm to Simon’s face, still facing forward as he says, “Good. Cause I more than like you too.”
Simon’s cheeks are pink and the corner of his mouth curves up in a small, shy smile like he really isn’t sure if Jace meant in the same way but is hopeful just the same. Jace squeezes their joined hands, reassuring himself that this is real and not some sort of day dream.
Simon squeezes back.