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‘your absence is a missing limb’ - rupi kaur
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Papyrus was training alone in the woods, when his world went dark. His hand fell, the bone attack he had started dissipated into nothing. With a choked gasp for air, he blinked and looked around.
The forest hadn’t gotten darker… but even the trees were colored in hues of grey, the vibrant, colorful world he had once known turned monotone. A cold sense of dread came over him, something he knew that one day he would have to face had come to pass.
His soul mate, whoever they were, had finally died.
They had held on for so long, and he had been so proud of that… but now they were gone, back to dust. He sighed, mourning the colors that had brightened his world. Even when he was a small child they were there, though Sans claimed he had no idea who it was that Papyrus had connected with. He had always wondered if this was just another way his moron of a brother was trying to ‘protect’ him.
Eventually, the news of a new death would start to spread around and whoever caused it would be glorified, if only for a while. Because whoever had ended the life of his soulmate… was going to be ended themselves.
Sans might be able to tell him sooner, if he really did know.
He headed towards his brother’s sentry station close to the doors of the underground where he knew his worthless lump of a brother would be napping or eating or doing anything but the job he was being paid to do.
Walking there was more difficult than it should have been. The world around him was starting to spin, his soul was sinking lower and lower and even his vision was beginning to warble as he walked.
He just needed to get to Sans, to know now who it was that was so horrible, even his brother wouldn’t allow him to meet them. To know their true nature.
Why the hell didn’t they try harder to retrieve him? Was he that scary?!
His soul clenched at the thought that he was too much for even his soulmate to love. It wouldn’t matter soon. They were gone and the very magic in his bones was sending spikes of electricity through him.
He felt like death itself.
By the time he arrived at his brother’s station, he was no longer in the mood for an interrogation. No, now he was only looking for a shred of sympathy from the only person that he still somehow trusted. At first sight, the place was empty and his head spun. He sat on the edge of the counter of the station, catching his breath as the black spots that dotting his vision started to subside. He sighed and closed his eyes.
“Sans! Where the fuck are you?” There was no answer because of course there wasn’t. It was Papyrus’ day off and he was going to spend it training, away from his brother. Which means said lazy-ass would feel free to do whatever the fuck he felt like without anyone there to force him back into place.
Papyrus whimpered when he felt a crack break through his soul. He gasped and his eyes opened, but again he couldn’t see. He slid off the counter and onto the snow where Sans’ feet should have been. He barely registered that his hand was clutching something soft.
Something familiar.
Gasping for air, he tried to stop himself from whimpering again. He should have gone home… the second the world went black and grey, he should have ran home. For the first time in his life, he wanted to cry, to scream and let himself be weak.
Held. He wanted to be held?
He had no one to hold him. Especially now.
Perhaps if he threatened Sans enough… he could avoid the stupid jokes and deflections his brother would throw between them to avoid having to deal with any emotions. Fuck, he just wanted to not be alone right now… FUCK.
Something tickled his knuckles and he sniffled, very uncharacteristically of The Great and Terrible Papyrus! When he looked down, he hadn’t quite registered what he was seeing before another crack ran through his soul. This time the pain rippled down his spine and leaned forward with a shriek. It wasn’t until his face was practically in it, that he realized he was holding onto his brother’s jacket.
His mind went blank, though he was vaguely aware now that the powdery white substance that covered his brother’s jacket was not, in fact, snow.
Very slowly he came to. Thoughts trickled their way into his cracking soul as he took in his brother’s dust, the large gash across the front of it and the now apparent trickles of marrow that lead from the forest to Sans’ station.
Where he was certain Papyrus would look for him.
Where he had taken off his jacket so that Papyrus would… have something to find…
He gagged, but nothing came up and it tapered to coughing as his world started to spin again. Now, every rustled leaf sounded like a crash, the wind was a hurricane and his choking gasps sent razors down his throat.
He was going to die exactly where his brother died. Where his…
Where his soul mate died.
There was no denying it and it made so much fucking sense. He had a soul mate for as long as he could remember (since birth! FUCK!). Sans had always been plagued by guilt, it was damn near palpable. (Sans, shit, it wasn’t your fault!) His brother would never let him get close, had iced him to the point where Papyrus barely tolerated his presence (Why didn’t you want me? WHY?!)
“Y-you stupid… stupid self-loathing fuck!! You worthless, lying sack of shit, how could you do this to me?! H-how coul… could you… leave m-me…” His soul was clenching and the colorless world around him spun and pulsed. Though his body felt like lead with his brother’s jacket weighing him down, he was lightheaded.
He hadn’t known…
If he had, he would have tried harder…
He would have
tried at all.
Papyrus curled around his brother’s jacket, fingers digging hard enough to damage the fabric as his body began to tremble with almost suppressed sobs. His soul cracked again.