Work Text:
Loud laughter drifts towards the classroom and pokes through Hinata’s vague dreams, startling him awake. He smacks his dry lips and squints against the bright light coming at him through the open window. With his head heavy from the heat he drowsily sits up, clueless as to how long he’s spent this self-study hour sleeping instead of actually doing his homework. A piece of paper is stuck to his damp cheek; it follows him about halfway before it lets go and sails towards the floor.
During the entirety of his fifteen going on sixteen years, Hinata can’t remember a hotter start to the summer. The sun has been a tall and constant presence for several days straight, its glaring white halo blurring out the otherwise brilliant sky and painting it a hazy pale blue instead. School has been even more excruciating than usual thanks to the heat wave, and by the time summer vacation rolls around Hinata is sure there’ll be nothing left of him but a puddle. Sadly there’s still three more weeks to go – three long weeks of stuffy air, sleepy students, and slips of paper sticking to your skin. Hinata sighs and reaches for his water bottle, impatiently waiting for the last bell of the day.
**
Volleyball practice is cut short because it’s just too hot to be jumping and running around, and even though he loves volleyball, Hinata can’t really find it in him to complain this time. He stops for an ice cream on his way to the train station, suffers a moment of brain freeze because he has to wolf it down before it melts, and when he reaches the station he ends up stuck in the worst evening rush.
Any other day he would catch the Yamanote line home but it’s always the busiest train and today is no different. The prospect of being trapped with a bunch of strangers and their sweaty armpits doesn’t strike him as very appealing; he’ll faint long before he makes it to his stop. Luckily Shinagawa Ward is well connected throughout Tokyo as a whole, and Hinata doesn’t mind opting for another line and a longer loop if it means he can grab a seat of his own.
Thanks to the detour it’s close to 5 p.m. when he finally reaches his apartment complex. He trudges up the exterior staircase to the third level, wondering what’s for dinner, but once he’s made it onto the landing he abruptly stops. The door to the neighboring apartment is thrown wide open. A bunch of moving boxes have been stacked up right in front of the doorstep and he can hear someone rummaging around inside. They’ve all kept a curious eye on the place ever since the former tenants moved out, which isn’t that long ago, and Hinata’s interest is immediately sparked.
He’s just taken a couple of investigative steps closer when a person suddenly emerges from the apartment, grabs a box, notices him standing there, and subsequently stops to look in his direction. The first few seconds following this moment seem to double up and slow down, and Hinata doesn’t even register anything but the stranger’s eyes. They’re of the deepest cobalt blue he has ever seen on a person, and the intense stare is really a borderline scowl that makes Hinata shiver a little, despite the heat.
Time falls back into normal pace and he realizes that the person in front of him is actually a guy. He’s young but obviously a few years older than him, his hair is jet black, and he’s also frustratingly tall. His damp bangs are plastered to his forehead, the sleeves of his t-shirt are rolled all the way up, his shoulders are really broad, there are drops of sweat rolling down his arms, and Hinata can’t seem to stop noticing all of these irrelevant things. It’s like his brain started taking notes at one point and then it just escalated.
The stranger tilts his head questioningly at him (did he speak? who even knows) and it hits Hinata’s dazed mind that he should probably stop gaping at the newcomer like some kind of idiot and actually say something.
“Um,” he begins, and he can’t believe his voice breaks from just that tiny sound. Embarrassed, he clears his throat and tries again. “Hi.”
“Hey.”
The stranger’s voice is surprisingly deep but very calm and also, how do people usually strike up a casual conversation again? Hinata prides himself in having natural small-talk skills but right now it feels like he has the vocabulary of a toddler.
“Hi,” he repeats stupidly and immediately dies a little inside.
This time the guy just frowns at him, looking partly amused and partly annoyed. He moves as though to leave, hesitates for a few more seconds, before finally turning around and vanishing back into the apartment without another word.
Well, that was awkward, Hinata thinks, absently pulling at the collar of his shirt.
He waits a moment longer for the newcomer to come back before realizing that he actually doesn’t want to face him again and risk more unnecessary embarrassment. He darts quickly around the boxes, glancing at the nameplate next to the door as he does so. As of yet the slot underneath the apartment number is blank.
“I’m home,” he calls out absently as he steps into the cool shadows of the genkan.
The trampling sound of running feet gradually grows louder and within seconds Natsu’s pig-tailed head pops up from behind the doorframe. “Onii-chan! Welcome home!” She stops and frowns. “You’re really red,” she remarks. “In the face. Like a tomato.”
Hinata puts his bag down, mumbles something non-committal about the weather, and heads towards the kitchen where his Mom is preparing dinner.
“How was your day, Shouyou?” She turns away from the stove and then frowns at him, much in the same way as Natsu had just done. “Your face is so red! Are you having a heatstroke?”
Hinata rolls his eyes. “No, I’m not, now can everyone please stop commenting on my complexion?” He slumps down on the nearest chair. “Someone’s just moved in next door.”
“Oh, but that’s great news! I hope they’ll stop by soon to introduce themselves.”
“It’s just one person, though… A young guy in his twenties or something.”
“Is that so…” His mother gives it a thought. “Well, then he’s probably a university student. In that case we should be the ones to introduce ourselves. He most likely won’t bother; young people usually don’t. I’ll just cook something for him.”
Hinata fidgets. “Is there really any point? I honestly don’t think he cares…”
He receives a look of disapproval at that. “Of course there’s a point, don’t be silly. It’s our responsibility to make new neighbors feel welcome. Besides, I’d rather give him a good reason to like us right away, in case he acts carelessly. What if he invites a lot of people over, or likes to play loud music at night? The walls are thin around here, you know.”
Hinata wriggles uncomfortably on the chair, although he knows he can’t really argue with that. Just the thought of having to go through another awkward encounter is enough to make him blush.
“Onii-chan, your face is a tomato again,” Natsu chips in, as always providing the running commentary he never asked for.
**
To Hinata’s steadily growing dread he is dragged along to meet the new neighbor already the following evening. He feels stupid showing up like this on someone’s door and briefly wonders how this might look like to an outsider, this little group of two nosy redheaded kids and their well-meaning mother. Hinata loves his above average extroverted family very dearly but in times like these it’s just an exhausting fact.
“Mom, what are those kanji?” Natsu points up at the number plate above the door bell, which has now been filled in with a couple of hasty scrawls on a temporary paper slip.
“Hmmm… It says ‘Kageyama’… ‘Tobio’…? At least I think it does.”
“His handwriting isn’t very nice, is it?” Natsu states matter-of-factly.
“Shhh, Nacchan, please. And Shouyou, don’t look so sulky, for heaven’s sake.”
Hinata isn’t sulking; he’s honestly just thinking about how Kageyama’s name sounds so perfect for him when it’s really nothing but a name. Still, he schools his face into something he hopes is more pleasant, praying that the new neighbor is a very busy person who is rarely ever home. His heart sinks when the door unlocks just seconds after they’ve rung the bell.
He barely manages to stifle a gasp when the door swings open. The guy obviously just stepped out of the shower; he still has a towel hanging around his neck, his hair is damp and ruffled, and the combination of a plain white t-shirt with grey sweatpants looks especially dangerous on him. He stares at the small gathering on his doorstep with confusion.
“Hello!” Hinata’s mother smiles brightly. “Kageyama-kun, is it? We’re the Hinata-family next door! We just wanted to give you this little housewarming gift. I hope we can become good neighbors in the future.”
“Oh –” Kageyama hesitantly accepts the plastic container and bows slightly, looking somewhat bewildered. “Um… Thank you, Hinata-san.”
“I’m afraid it’s just curry.”
“Seriously?” He looks pleasantly surprised at the mention of food, his eyebrows arching into approval. “I love curry, that’s perfect.” He bows again, properly this time. “Thank you so much for the warm welcome.”
“Have you moved in alone?” Both his mother and Natsu crane their necks simultaneously, peering around Kageyama’s tall frame in a way that’s not exactly inconspicuous.
“Yes, it’s just me.”
“Do you study? Or maybe you’re already working?”
“I’m a university student.”
“Oh, where? At Todai? Or Keio? Or maybe you’re the Waseda type?”
Kageyama’s response to that is a breathy little laugh and Hinata almost forgets to be embarrassed on behalf of his Mom.
“No, nothing like that. I study sports science at Nittaidai, second year now.”
“Wow, Nittaidai, really? That’s great! My son is also very interested in sports.” She gestures at Hinata, who immediately tenses up. “He’s still a first year in high school but that’s something to think about, isn’t it, Shouyou? Maybe Kageyama-kun has some tips to kindly share with you for future reference.”
Kageyama sets his ridiculously blue eyes on him and it must be what it feels like to be electrocuted; Hinata can literally feel his heart threatening to stop.
“I ran into you yesterday, didn’t I? While I was carrying boxes?”
“Um, yeah. That was… that was me.” Unfortunately.
The corners of Kageyama’s mouth curl into a slight half-smile and his eyes narrow a little, forming into faint crescents, and Hinata can safely say that he’s never been genuinely attracted to someone until now. He has found plenty of boys handsome, he knows he’s into boys, but this is next level. If he ever doubted his feelings before then he is definitely completely convinced now. The realization hits him like a lighting bolt and is almost overwhelming enough to send him running home. Luckily, his mother chooses that moment to ask another question.
“So why did you move all the way out here?”
No matter how friendly and approachable she is, a lot of people tend to find this kind of conversation bothersome and rude, but Kageyama is actually a bit difficult to read. Hinata can’t tell from his mildly serious face whether or not he’s annoyed or just doesn’t mind the intrusion, but either way he displays nothing but relaxed politeness.
“I’ve lived in the student dorm so far but didn’t care much for it. Shinagawa has reasonable rent and they say the area has improved a lot lately, what with the new train station and all, so the commute doesn’t bother me. Plus I enjoy running along the Meguro River and it cuts right through this neighborhood.”
“Oh, yes, the Yamanote line will get you anywhere from here. And the river is absolutely lovely, especially around cherry blossom season.”
“It definitely is.”
“Well, we won’t take up your time any longer, Kageyama-kun,” Hinata’s mother says, mostly because Natsu has started to tug impatiently on her sleeve, and Hinata is immensely relieved. “Welcome again to the neighborhood, we really hope you’ll like it here.”
“Thank you, I’m sure I will.” Kageyama bows slightly once more and reaches out to close the door. “See you guys around,” he adds, addressing all of them but looking directly at Hinata.
“What a handsome boy!” his mother gushes once they’ve made it home. “So well-behaved and polite! And since he studies sports science he’s obviously leading a healthy lifestyle, you know, exercising and going to bed early. I doubt he’ll give us any problems.”
Speak for yourself, Hinata thinks, feeling positively exhausted and miserable already.
**
“So you have a big crush on your next door neighbor… who is a university student… and who just moved in a week ago? Did I get that right?”
Yachi looks at the messy back of Hinata’s head, which is resting slumped over her English homework. He turns around and glances up at her from his horizontal view.
“Unfortunately, yeah.”
“How bad is it?”
Hinata closes his eyes and rubs his cheek against the lined paper. “I’d say I’ve gone from ‘Please kiss me’ to ‘Please be my first’ pretty quickly.”
“H–Hinata!” Yachi splutters and blushes bright pink. She quickly checks for eavesdropping students, even though everyone else is preoccupied with their own noisy conversations.
“I’m sorry, but when I say it happened quickly I mean it happened quickly.”
“He’s older than you and you don’t even know him.” She looks at him, worried. “I don’t want you to do anything rash that only ends with you getting hurt. You have talked to him, right?”
“No.” Hinata groans and presses his forehead against the notebook. “But it’s not that easy, okay? I have no way of telling when he leaves for class or when he comes back, and it’s not like I can go knocking on his door every other hour to check. I have nothing to talk to him about and besides, there’s no way he can possibly walk around looking like that and be single. He has a girlfriend for sure. I bet university campuses are full of pretty girls. Plus, I’m just a teenager. And I’m a boy. He probably thinks teenage boys are stupid.”
“This negativity is so unlike you,” Yachi remarks. “I never said you had to go knock on his door, though. Can’t you strike up a conversation more naturally? Like, check the mailbox at the same time as him? He’ll probably pick up his mail every morning. Or you could hang out at the corner store, he’s bound to show up some time.”
“But his classes aren’t necessarily early and there are lots of corner stores to choose from around here,” Hinata points out gloomily. “Anyway I’ll just be wasting my time idling in random spots waiting for him. Like, there’s one in a billion chance it’ll work.”
Yachi sighs, a moment of exasperation showing through her usually sweet and supportive personality, and Hinata feels bad. He knows she’s just trying to help.
“So what do you want to do then? Do you know if he has any interests at all? Any hints as to what he does apart from going to class?”
Hinata scratches his head, thinking back on his visit together with his Mom and Natsu and trying to look past the flashbacks of embarrassment. “Well, he mentioned running along the Meguro River…”
“But… isn’t that a great opportunity?” Yachi brightens. “You like to run, too, don’t you? And it’s easier to plan as well! Think about it; most likely he’ll be running before sunrise or after sunset, especially in this weather, and since he attends Nittaidai he’s probably also a bit of an athlete so chances are he’s doing daily roadwork.” She looks at him eagerly, knowing that her logic is perfectly sound. “Trying it won’t hurt.”
Hinata turns away and rests his cheek against the notebook again. He hates that he’s being so negative and melodramatic about this but he seriously can’t help it. He’s never felt this way about anyone before, and he’s been looking forward to falling in love for real like most teenagers do, but now that it seems to have happened it’s more frustrating than it is exciting. It feels like he’s going crazy but not in a particularly good way. Maybe he’s just not doing it right, this falling in love thing.
“I don’t know,” he sighs. “It kinda hurts already.”
**
Of course there’s no way Hinata is going to leave Yachi’s suggestion untried, but to perfectly orchestrate everything in a way that will make his and Kageyama’s running paths overlap is easier said than done. It takes almost another week of trying and failing before he just so happens to spot Kageyama along the river. Up until then he’s made all kinds of attempts at succeeding, including getting up an hour earlier than usual and some days even running twice, once in the morning and once late in the evening. He’s felt both extremely stupid and extremely exhausted, and considering how the usual route is nearly eight kilometers long he has also questioned his own sanity.
But, Hinata is nothing if not dedicated and early Friday morning his hard work finally pays off. He’s jogging back home when he spots Kageyama running towards him in the distance. He panics a little in the face of his sudden success, wondering if he should wave or shout or just keep staring. What if Kageyama doesn’t notice him? What if he doesn’t recognize him at all? What if they just pass by without even acknowledging each other?
Only a couple of meters separate them when Kageyama happens to glance to the side. He does a double take, raises his eyebrows in slow recognition, and then nods a greeting. Hinata smiles awkwardly back, unsure of what else to do, but just as he thinks Kageyama is going continue he slows down to a full stop.
“Hey,” he says, hardly even breathless. He pulls out his ear buds and Hinata can hear the faint stream of some loud but unrecognizable tune. He looks at him with a slightly puzzled frown. “You’re up early. You don’t have school today?”
“Yeah, I do,” Hinata says as casually as he can. “I just, um, I always like to run before breakfast.”
Kageyama stares searchingly at him for a moment and Hinata wonders if he has somehow figured out what he’s been trying to do this past week, but in the end he nods approvingly. “Cool. Be careful so you don’t tire yourself out, though, you high schoolers have pretty long days.”
“I won’t.”
The concern makes Hinata blush and an awkward pause follows where he’s trying not to look at Kageyama’s wet bangs, or his sweaty neck, or the way his drenched t-shirt clings to his chest.
“You going back?” Kageyama asks, gesturing over his shoulder.
“Uh-huh.”
He seems to think it over, shading his eyes against the rising sun in the distance, before he shrugs. “I’ll join you. I already ran –” he glances at his watch “– four kilometers and I have early practice, so… maybe I should take my own advice.”
They fall into a comfortable walking pace and Hinata is dying to talk to him, but he’s also dying in so many other ways right now that he can’t think of anything to say. This isn’t like him at all – he’s literally the loudest, most outgoing and talkative person he knows. In any other situation he would have had about a thousand conversation starters, but right now he’s so nervous and tongue-tied that all he really wants to do is drown himself in the river.
“So your mother mentioned you’re interested in sports,” Kageyama says after a while, and Hinata lights up at the possibility of a proper chat. “What kind?”
“Um… I’m interested in just about anything but I like volleyball the most.”
Surprisingly, his answer almost has Kageyama stopping in his tracks and the movement is so abrupt that Hinata flinches.
“Volleyball? Really?”
“Yeah…? I–I’m in the volleyball club.”
The expression on Kageyama’s face changes slightly and for a second Hinata is sure he said something wrong. Then he notices the roses that have blossomed on his cheeks and the extra spark of intensity in his eyes and he realizes that the guy is actually excited. He looks happy.
“So am I.”
Hinata tilts his head, confused. “What?”
“I’m in the volleyball club.”
“…you are?”
“Yeah!” Kageyama nods eagerly, like a little kid, and Hinata can feel a merciless and completely unfair tug on his heartstrings. “Well, at university, obviously, but yeah. I only studied for Nittaidai because of their volleyball club, that’s literally the only reason I’m there. I really just want to play full time, though. I’ve been told I might be eligible for the national team.”
“Whoa…” The confession has Hinata staring at him, wide-eyed. They may be at different levels but they seriously have something in common? “What position do you play?”
“Setter.”
Hinata knows very well that the setter is a key volleyball player; they are the control tower of the team and largely responsible for their overall performance. There’s no way a team can operate smoothly without a good setter. It goes without saying that Kageyama must be an exceptional talent if he’s considered for a spot on the national team. He definitely looks like the perfect setter. He must be around 190 centimeters tall, give or take, and Hinata envies him every single nanometer of those. He’s the perfect volleyball player, all-around. He’s simply just perfect, period.
“That’s so awesome,” Hinata says sincerely, and he can’t stop himself from adding: “You’re really cool!”
To his stunned delight, Kageyama actually blushes at that; the rosy color in his cheeks flares up into something more aggressive and spreads to his ears. It’s such a good face. He breaks eye contact with Hinata and clears his throat, quickly changing the subject.
“What about you? Libero?”
It’s Hinata’s turn to feel his ears burn. “Middle blocker…”
“Middle blocker? You?”
Kageyama’s blue eyes are on him again, full of surprise and doubt, and he seems to assess his height much in the same way most people do when they find out he plays volleyball. This reaction ignites something in Hinata, almost instinctively, and for a moment he forgets all about being nervous and lame.
“Yes, me. I may be small but I can jump!”
He realizes a split-second later that he might have said it more vehemently than intended and snaps his mouth shut, mortified with himself. Kageyama draws back slightly at his unexpectedly angry response, but gradually his expression changes into something that looks like mild amusement.
“Alright, then.” He smirks. “If that’s the case I’d be interested in seeing it.”
It’s Hinata’s turn to almost stop dead in his tracks. “Huh?” he says stupidly, blinking up at him.
“Your jump. I’m interested in seeing it for myself. If you have time we should get together and play some volleyball, tomorrow or something.”
Hinata can hardly even believe what he’s hearing; he almost doesn’t dare. “Just – just you and me?”
“Sure.” Kageyama frowns, as an afterthought. “If you want to, that is.”
Hinata is faintly aware of the fact that he’s just mouthing at him like a fish, but he honestly never thought when he woke up this morning that he would catch a break this incredibly lucky.
“Uh, yeah…? Yeah, I totally want to! O-of course,” he stammers, trying very hard to mask his obvious excitement.
The corners of Kageyama’s mouth curl into that small smile again, his eyes showing hints of crescents. “Great. Just stop by in the afternoon and I’ll be home.” He glances at his watch again. “Should we run the last stretch? You have to get to school in like, thirty minutes, don’t you?”
Hinata really couldn’t care less about school or anything else right now but he sets off after Kageyama, feeling elated. It’s not exactly a date but playing volleyball with his crush, on a Saturday, just the two of them, and he didn’t even have to crawl or beg or otherwise figure out a clever plan for it to happen? It counts as a date. For a moment he could have sworn he floated.
**
“Just wondering, do you guys ever play volleyball in that volleyball club of yours?”
The slowly setting sun casts a humid golden glow over the Resident’s Park, where Hinata and Kageyama have spent their Saturday afternoon. Hinata hadn’t fully believed that their arrangement was actually for real, thinking it was all somehow just a product of his own wishful thinking, but Kageyama was ready when he knocked anxiously on his door earlier. All he did was put some trainers on, grab a volleyball from the spare closet, and suggest they go to the park.
They’re walking home in the glowing remains of the day and Hinata frowns at his odd question. “What do you mean? Of course we play.”
“Well, I’m asking because your ball control is all over the place –”
“Hey–!” Hinata splutters, offended. “What–”
“– your technique is a mess –”
“That’s not –”
“– your serve is weak and your receive really sucks… but you were definitely right when you said you could jump.” Kageyama thoughtfully scratches his temple, ignoring Hinata seething right next to him. “I mean, that one quick set was pretty awesome, I didn’t think you’d hit that. Your athletic ability is actually well above average; your speed and reflexes and body control are all impressive. I honestly envy you a little.”
The comment takes Hinata by surprise. He can’t imagine a complete volleyball player like Kageyama envying anyone, he is pretty much already a professional, but then again he has no idea how much work and effort he must have put into this over the years. He is very serious about his sport for sure. Hinata can imagine him sacrificing grades, friends, and parties for the sake of practice to get to where he is today. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you were necessarily born with a talent for it.
“You? Envious of me?”
“Oi, don’t let that get to your head, dumbass, I’m still leagues ahead of you.” Kageyama glares at him. “Besides, you have to maintain and improve that talent of yours or it’ll just go to waste. Ideally, you need something that brings out your true potential, like my toss.”
Had it been any other person in any other situation, Hinata would have found that such a self-praising and arrogant thing to say. But firstly, Kageyama is experienced and probably right. Today just confirmed the obvious difference of skill between them, and even though Hinata usually thinks of playing volleyball as second nature, it’s not always enough. And secondly, yes. He definitely needs someone like Kageyama, and that’s not just because of volleyball.
“Don’t get discouraged or anything,” Kageyama says quickly, mistaking Hinata’s silence for disappointment. “I meant everything I said. Just… consider this constructive feedback from someone who isn’t your teammate. If you want to keep doing this then it’s something you’ll hear all the time, but you know, just continue to work hard. You don’t exactly strike me as the type who gives up easily.” He hesitates, before reaching out to lightly ruffle Hinata’s hair. “Good effort today.”
They walk the rest of the distance mostly in silence and the weight of Kageyama’s hand lingers all the way back to the apartment. Hinata can’t help but constantly reach up to brush his fingers through his hair, as though wanting to recreate that warm feeling of Kageyama’s touch. Today has been a good day – an amazing day, really – and playing volleyball together has made him more comfortable in Kageyama’s company. Somewhere along the way they briefly turned into equals and for a moment it felt like they were both just two boys sharing the same interests. It had felt like a barrier broke between them.
Hinata steals a glance up at the tall figure next to him, walking as close as possible without it becoming weird. He wonders how Kageyama actually sees him. There’s a voice in the back of his head whispering that he might just be a kid in his eyes, just an annoying teenager interested in playing volleyball, just a stand-in for a younger brother. Hinata knows his advances so far have been rather pathetic, but he can’t help but wonder if Kageyama is oblivious to the way he acts around him simply because he’ll never see him like that.
He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of these negative thoughts. He can’t keep thinking like this. Kageyama had said so himself; Hinata doesn’t strike him as the type who gives up. And he’s right. He’s not. He silently promises that he’ll work extra hard and spend the summer doing his best to make progress.
**
Hinata kind of jinxes himself with that promise.
He turns sixteen at the end of June and around the same time he finds out that Kageyama is going home to Osaka to visit his parents over the summer, apparently to help out with his father’s business. So instead of being the romantic and fun summer of Hinata’s dreams, it not only turns into the hottest summer of his life but also the longest and most excruciating. He had no idea it was possible to miss someone that much. It’s completely stupid.
The only good thing about vacation is the fact that he grows from 164.2 centimeters to 166.4, to be exact. He also manages to actually finish his summer homework for once, with the usual help from Yachi, and he gets to practice a lot with the volleyball club. All the time he’s both dreading and dying to see Kageyama again. Two long months of lukewarm iced tea, melting ice cream, and slow-moving electric fans mercilessly pass by without him, and there’s nothing Hinata can do about it other than accept his absence and wait for him to come back.
**
Kageyama returns at the start of September, so quietly it could just as well have been his shadow alone, and Hinata doesn’t even realize he’s back until he runs into him on his way to school. He suddenly sees him standing there by the mailboxes, opening a couple of letters, and he swears his heart stops for a good three seconds. He’s reminded of how he absolutely hates everything about this stupid crush and how he most of all hates his own guts. He doesn’t even recognize himself anymore.
With his heart hammering against his eardrums he watches Kageyama’s turned-away back for a moment, assuming by the bag and his sportswear that he’s either on his way to campus or practice or most likely both. Then he takes a deep quiet breath, walks over to him, and attempts to produce a greeting that sounds about as cool and casual as he wants to be. His “hey!” comes out maybe a bit too enthusiastic and cheery to be real, even for his bright personality, but at least it makes Kageyama turn around.
He returns his greeting with a nod that comes off with the right amount of casual that Hinata was originally aiming for. He seems to have caught a slight tan over the summer, which really suits him unfairly well, and maybe it’s because he hasn’t seen him for two months but the impossible appears to have happened: he has gotten handsomer.
“Didn’t know you were back,” Hinata says, and he’s not sure if he sounds wounded but he hopes he doesn’t.
“I got back two days ago,” Kageyama replies and continues to look absently through his mail. “You have a nice summer?”
No, it was awful.
“It was fine, I guess. How was yours?”
“Pretty good.” He glances up from his letters, does a slight double take, and then looks Hinata up and down in a way that makes him slightly self-conscious. “Did you grow?”
He is almost struck to the ground just from the sheer fact that Kageyama noticed. It’s just a couple of tiny centimeters and most people can’t see it, even his mother had to compare him to the marks on the doorframe. So does this mean Kageyama actually looks at him? Or does he just have a good eye for anything even remotely related to volleyball? Hinata can practically feel his brain going into overdrive.
“Uh, yeah, I did. I’m over 166 now. It’s still short for a volleyball player but… you know…” His sentence fades into an embarrassed nothing and he just shrugs, as if that explains everything.
“Yeah, I know,” Kageyama says, clearly finding it funny. “Congrats on 166 then.” He smiles, and this time it’s actually wide enough for a single dimple to appear on his left cheek. It’s gone in the flash of a second but Hinata swears he could just about die. Not fair. Game over. Wasted.
“Well, I gotta get going,” he adds and shoves his mail into his bag. “Later.”
“Kageyama, wait!” Hinata is milliseconds away from physically grabbing his arm and he startles even himself with his courageous outburst. “Um, I mean,” he backs away half a step, “you’re going to the station, right? Wanna go together?”
“…I was actually gonna catch a bus just up the street. It’s quicker to where I’m headed.”
“Oh…” Hinata struggles to mask the disappointment in his voice. “So you’re not going to campus?”
“Not this time, no.” Kageyama hesitates, biting his lip. “I have to attend a meeting about the national volleyball team. See, I… I got selected this summer.”
Hinata’s jaw literally drops. An emotionally chaotic wave of awe, excitement, worry, and envy immediately washes over him. The happiness he feels on Kageyama’s behalf shoots through the roof, he can’t even imagine how it must feel to be on the receiving end of amazing news like that, but it also seems like the barrier between them has suddenly returned, stronger than ever before. If he wasn’t so strangely heartbroken and in love at the same time he would have hugged him tightly, both in genuine admiration and in genuine fear of Kageyama drifting away from him.
“Seriously?? But that’s awesome! Congratulations!”
“Thanks.” Looking oddly uncertain, Kageyama shifts his weight from one leg to the other. “I, uh, I’m gonna have to let you know that I’ll be pretty busy from now on thanks to that. You know, just in case you wanted to play more volleyball together or… something.”
“Oh, right…” Hinata’s heart skips and then sinks like a rock. “But that goes without saying. I totally understand, don’t even worry about it!”
“I’m really sorry,” Kageyama says and he looks it, too. “Hey, I gotta run but… I’ll see you around, okay?”
“Yeah, sure!” Hinata forces a bright smile and nods vigorously. “Good luck!”
He watches him walk away with a bad feeling settling heavily in his gut. Something tells him that summer vacation is going to pale in comparison to what awaits him next.
**
The months September through March really do turn out to be a special kind of hell. There’s no doubt that Kageyama is pretty busy with school, practice, winter tournaments, and whatever else he might have on his plate, and Hinata doesn’t blame him, but volleyball also seems to be literally all that he cares about. Even when they happen to run into each other back at the apartments he seems distant and distracted, and Hinata definitely doesn’t want to blame him for that either, but he is starting to think this wouldn’t have been so painful if they hadn’t been neighbors. He is constantly reminded about his existence, and it’s an existence where Hinata obviously is completely irrelevant.
It’s not until the calendar reaches April and cherry blossom season is at its peak that Kageyama’s schedule lets up a bit. By then Hinata is about to start his second year in high school; he’s supposed to be studying and thinking about other things but it’s obvious that he has allowed this infatuation to go on for too long. It’s easier said than done to just give up now that he already invested all his feelings in it. So when Kageyama catches him one Thursday afternoon and out of the blue asks if he wants to join him for a run, it doesn’t even cross his mind to hesitate.
That little nudge is all that is needed for him to fall head over heels in love again, but something somewhere in the tangle that is Hinata’s emotions has changed this time. Kageyama looks so beautiful it hurts, the occasional pink petal swirls its way into his hair as they jog along the river, and Hinata tries his best to get a conversation going. It’s just that he can’t seem to focus. He swears that he is interested in talking to him and catching up, there’s nothing he wants more, but it’s hard to ignore the restless pressure building up in his chest. It’s hard to properly hear anything over the boiling rush of blood in his ears. He’s in love but he also knows deep inside that he can’t go on like this for much longer.
Somehow they end up racing each other the last few hundred meters back, Kageyama beats him, and although it’s not by much he makes sure to let Hinata know. He’s kind of a bad winner and probably an equally sore loser as well.
“Loser fixes drinks,” he grins, pleased with his triumph, and it irks Hinata (also a sore loser) to no end.
“You’d look much better if you weren’t competing against someone younger and smaller than you, just saying.”
“I don’t care, a win is a win.” Kageyama shrugs. “I rule.”
“Fine, I’ll beat you next time.” Hinata sulks as he unlocks the door to the apartment. “What would you like to drink?”
“Apple juice.”
He invites Kageyama in and calls out that he’s back, before remembering that no one is home yet. The sudden realization that they’re actually alone together makes his palms sweaty and his cheeks red in an instant. He quickly toes his shoes off and disappears into the kitchen. Kageyama follows with his hands in his pockets and excuses the intrusion before he also seems to notice.
“You’re home alone?”
Hinata ducks his head inside the fridge to hide his blush. “My Dad’s still at work and my Mom’s taking Natsu to her piano lessons. I forgot.”
“Piano lessons?”
“Yeah, although she said she’d rather play the drums.” He laughs as he pulls out a carton of juice. “Of course I personally hope she’ll end up playing volleyball!”
He pours two glasses and hands one to Kageyama, who finishes it in a couple of gulps while Hinata determinately looks everywhere but his exposed neck. Kageyama thanks him for the drink but remains there by the kitchen counter, once again looking him over with that searching frown that makes him self-conscious.
“You grew a bit more, didn’t you?”
“Ah, yeah.” Hinata scratches the back of his head, internally freaking out at the fact that he noticed again. “I’m almost up to 168 centimeters now.”
“Not bad. Maybe you’ll reach 170 soon.”
“You think?”
“Nah,” Kageyama smirks. “You might if you’re lucky but boys tend to stop growing around your age. Obviously you’ll never reach my 189.9.”
“Don’t rub it in, you jerk.” Hinata scowls at him. “I bet it kills you that you’re just one lousy millimeter short of 190.”
Kageyama ignores him and uses a flat hand to roughly measure the top of Hinata’s head against his own body. “Look at that, you barely even reach my chin,” he teases. “When I was your age I was already at 180 and I continued growing until eighteen.”
“That’s a totally unfair comparison!”
Kageyama reaches out again and grabs his head. “Drink more milk.”
“Oi, let go!”
Hinata tries to pry himself out of his grip but it turns out he is really strong. Kageyama can’t help but snicker at his useless struggle and Hinata seizes that sliver of a weak moment to put his all into it and give him a push. It catches Kageyama off guard enough to send him stumbling back against the kitchen counter, and Hinata, who lets go of him just a little too late, is yanked along with this sudden movement. He utters a little yelp as he loses his balance and falls into Kageyama, who tries to catch him by the shoulders.
The kitchen abruptly falls silent, only disturbed by the steady ticking of the wall clock. Hinata is still half-leaning awkwardly against Kageyama, who for some reason is still holding onto his shoulders, and Hinata can’t seem to move away; he just keeps staring at the labored rise and fall of Kageyama’s chest.
“Sorry,” Kageyama finally says after what feels like an eternity.
The sound of his voice is so quiet, and so close, and Hinata knows this is where it happens. This is where he can’t stop himself from saying or doing something really stupid. He stares at Kageyama’s collarbones, struggling to rein in the words that are dangerously close to leaving his tongue, but it’s like trying to grasp water. The moment he thinks he’s in control of them is the moment they simply slip past his lips.
“Kiss me.”
That’s it. Mistake of the century. Hinata may have just sabotaged himself.
“…what?”
He dares to look up and meet Kageyama’s eyes. He’s frowning down at him as though he didn’t hear him properly, but there’s a red tint to his ears that suggests otherwise. Hinata has come this far, which is already way too far. He can’t take anything back now anyway. He better stay the distance.
“…I’d like it very much if… you’d kiss me.”
He forces himself not to break eye contact, even though his entire body practically feels like it’s on fire. Kageyama looks torn between confusion and embarrassment, his lips slightly parted in stunned surprise.
“Y-you’re sixteen.”
“So?” Hinata tries to sound as confident as he can in this extreme win-or-lose situation. “I’m the one asking you.”
Kageyama swallows audibly. He has yet to say no, or to even push him away, but for now he just keeps staring back at him as though he’s still processing, and the fact that he’s not flat out refusing him gives Hinata extra courage. He lets his gaze drop to Kageyama’s lips, leans up tentatively, and when he doesn’t flinch he feels a sudden rush of boldness and exhilaration. He leans in further, squeezes his eyes shut, and presses their lips together.
It’s really just a light and clumsy touch, just a feathery peck that lasts for no more than a second or two, and Kageyama isn’t responding but he isn’t exactly stopping him either. Hinata, who is still riding on that unexpected wave of courage, leans back in again. The second time around it feels much more like a proper kiss and Kageyama tightens his grip on his shoulders. He’s not sure if he’s imagining it but he thinks Kageyama is kissing him back. Hinata immediately grows more insistent, his hands grabbing at the other boy’s waist, until contact is broken and he’s suddenly pushed roughly away.
They stare breathlessly at each other, Kageyama holding him at an arm length’s distance. It’s only when he lets go and his shoulders are left feeling tender that Hinata realizes just how firmly he was grabbing on to him.
“Kageyama, I –”
“You – I mean – this isn’t right.” Kageyama steps away from the counter, holding his hands up as though telling Hinata to stay where he is, a nervous look in his eyes. He looks like someone who is just starting to realize the gravity of the situation. “You’re getting way ahead of yourself.”
Hinata’s breath catches in his throat, a lump of panic and regret rapidly spreading out from the center of his chest. He’s trying to read Kageyama’s expression, trying to find some hint of discomfort or anger or even disgust somewhere in his features, but there are none. He just looks stunned. Maybe he’s simply shocked.
“I – I’m sorry,” he stammers. “I was really –”
“I think – I think you’ve misplaced your affections,” Kageyama interrupts him. “You think you have feelings for me but you’re misinterpreting them. You’re just acting on impulse or – or something, I don’t know.”
He’s trying to justify what happened, especially to himself, but in Hinata’s ears it sounds like an attempt to invalidate him. Anger immediately flares up somewhere in the pit of his stomach. Kageyama has no right to do that. He’s also entirely wrong. If this were nothing but an impulse he wouldn’t have nursed this disaster of a crush for almost a year.
“You don’t know anything about how I feel,” Hinata says, far more heatedly than intended. He grits his teeth, struggling to keep his voice even. “Don’t explain or make excuses on my behalf because you seriously haven’t got a clue.”
Kageyama blinks, for a moment struck by speechlessness. “Look… If I did or said something to make you think – I mean – I never meant to – I don’t wanna give you any wrong ideas or lead you on.”
“Lead me on?” Hinata repeats in disbelief. “Maybe you should have said no when I asked you just now? Why did you even let me kiss you in the first place? If you don’t wanna ‘lead me on’ then don’t make me think I actually have a chance, you idiot!”
“Whoa, okay.” Kageyama defensively holds his hands up again. “Let’s just – let’s give ourselves some time to cool down.” He takes another step back and Hinata wishes he would show some other feeling than this stunned and confused expression. “We can talk about this when I’m back from training camp in a couple of months – alright?”
“A couple of months? Do you seriously think –”
“Hinata –”
An unspoken ‘please’ follows his name, which is left suspended between them as the final word, and without saying anything more Kageyama turns around and leaves the apartment.
**
It’s true that they don’t speak at all for the next couple of months. Then again, Kageyama is practically never home and this time Hinata knows that he’s actively avoiding him. It’s an irritating fact that gradually seeps more and more into his daily life, leaving a bitter tinge on everything. He has never found school more stressful than now or argued more with Natsu before, and at one point he’s being so unpleasant that his mother actually asks him if something else besides puberty is bothering him.
Hinata turns seventeen the second to last week in June, which is also when Kageyama is away at training camp with the national team. Remembering that just makes him angrier, and when Friday evening comes and his family leaves for his grandparents’ place over the long weekend he pretends to be sick so he doesn’t have to come along. He doesn’t even feel bad about lying to them and he suspects his parents are just relieved they don’t have to deal with his troublesome mood for the next three days.
On Saturday morning Hinata goes for a run in hopes of spending his bad energy on something useful, which is what he’s still trying to do some hours later at volleyball practice, although his efforts seem somewhat in vain. The rest of the day he ignores his homework and his phone and just watches a lot of TV, only to fall asleep on the couch. He wakes up stiff and sore on Sunday morning and thinks he’s way too young to be feeling this old and miserable.
After spending most of the day restlessly pacing around doing nothing, which is something he is usually really bad at, it feels like a fuse or two is about to snap inside his head. He decides enough is enough and walks over to Kageyama’s to see if he’s back yet. It turns out he’s not. It’s getting late however, and if his camp ends today at all he is likely to show up some time soon. The weather is humid but comfortable enough, so Hinata plops down on the floor and chooses to wait for him right there on his doorstep.
At one point he must have dozed off in the warm summer night because he slowly wakes up to a hand gently nudging him awake.
“Hinata…?”
He opens one eye and squints sleepily, finding that Kageyama is standing next to him looking both concerned and confused. For a blissful moment Hinata has completely forgotten what he came here for and even where he is. He smiles contently to himself because right now Kageyama is nothing but a very nice dream.
“What are you doing here?”
The question mentally prods him awake and he looks up, realizing with a start that dream-Kageyama is actually real life-Kageyama just back from training camp. Hinata’s awful mood overtakes him again in no time, stubbornly letting him know that it’s definitely not finished with him, and he immediately feels irritable. He sits up straighter and rubs his eyes, trying to rid himself of the last lingering pieces of sleep.
“I’m waiting for you.”
“You’ll catch a cold sleeping out here.”
“I know. It’s stupid, right?” He gloomily picks at a hangnail. “I’m stupid. And so are you, Kageyama. You’re pretty damn stupid, too.”
Kageyama doesn’t say anything and his serious expression doesn’t offer much, so Hinata just continues.
“You don’t know anything. That I kissed you out of impulse, or misplaced affection, or whatever, was such a dumb thing to say. My feelings are real even though I’m younger. Just because I’m an immature teenager doesn’t mean I always act on impulse. I’ve been trying so hard to make something happen with you because I’m in love with you. Do you even get that? That’s the only reason why I kissed you and I promise you I never would have if I felt otherwise. Sure, it ended in disaster and I’m sorry it was so sudden, but you know, I haven’t – I haven’t even allowed myself to cry over this. Because that would just prove how pathetic I really am. I’m in way too deep and… I don’t think I want to be anymore.”
Talking about not crying has the opposite effect on him. The irritation he felt so strongly just a second ago steadily fades into nothing, leaving him drained and tired. Hinata closes his eyes, struggling to ease the burning sensation behind his eyelids. It doesn’t work so he quickly hides his face in the crook of his arm, frantically rubbing his eyes against his sweater. To say all of that to Kageyama’s face really hurt; it hurt way more than he imagined.
Only the cicadas are loud enough to drown out Hinata’s muffled sobs. Silence falls between them and for a few slow moments the world revolves around that and nothing more. In the end Kageyama sighs quietly. “Let’s go inside,” he says and takes his keys out of his pocket. “Come on.”
Hinata wipes his nose on his sleeve and wearily gets to his feet. Once inside Kageyama wordlessly nudges a water bottle into his hands and leads him over to the couch, and it’s only then that Hinata realizes he’s fighting for air. He gratefully accepts and takes a good couple of swigs in order to keep himself somewhat in one piece.
“You’re right to be mad at me,” Kageyama says earnestly once Hinata has dried his eyes. “It doesn’t feel nice to part on bad terms, and I regretted saying those things. I was actually looking forward to apologizing when I got back. I didn’t think you’d get even angrier with me in the meantime but hey, a long time has passed. I totally understand.”
Hinata doesn’t respond. Yes, he’s been mad for a long time. And he’s still mad, or at least he was mad until all this heartbreak decided to completely take over. He plays with the bottle in his hands, sullenly picking at the label and refusing to look up.
“Truth is, I don’t care much for romantic relationships,” Kageyama continues. “They’ve never really mattered to me and I’m too busy anyway. I always thought a good athlete should be wired that way, so they can focus properly. It’s one less thing to affect my performance, right? But just because I’m like that doesn’t mean I don’t like you.”
“You like me because of volleyball.” Hinata just barely manages getting the words past the choked up lump in his throat.
“Of course.” Kageyama admits to this so bluntly he could just as well have stabbed him. “That’s why I reacted the way I did when you kissed me. I’m probably really dense but I honestly thought you were all about volleyball up until that point. Suddenly I felt very responsible for you and… I panicked, plain and simple.”
Hinata desperately wishes he would just finish talking already so he can go home and cry in peace. Getting dumped this way feels like slowly pulling a band-aid off but he’s too emotionally exhausted to argue or care. He’s just going to sit here and have his heart broken for the first time in his life.
“Anyway, I’ve… made a lot of toss misses at practice lately. And I figured out why this past week.” Kageyama nervously runs his fingers through his hair, brushing his bangs halfheartedly out of his eyes only for them to fall stubbornly back in place. “Turns out I instinctively memorized your movements after that time in the park, and so… I subconsciously kept adjusting my toss for you. What’s funny is that I don’t really accommodate to a player unless I think they’re good enough. A good player is in my opinion an experienced one, and that’s honestly something you aren’t.”
He looks unsurely down at his hands, which are loosely folded in his lap. “Dealing with volleyball mistakes is easy; you just practice until you get it right. Dealing with feelings is… different. You really got into my head, so much I didn’t even notice at first, and it’s scary how much that caught me off guard. So… there’s obviously something about you that’s made an impact on me.”
Hinata frowns. Hang on. This isn’t at all going in the direction he expected. There’s a lot to take in and he’s not sure if he even fully understands what all this means, but it seems like the situation just flipped a one-eighty from definite breakup to something that sounds like a confession.
“What I’m trying to say here is that I like you,” Kageyama admits sincerely. “I like you a lot. Not just because of volleyball but as a person. I honestly don’t have much experience with these things so it took me a while to recognize it, and I’m sorry for that. I just want you to know that I don’t care about the other stuff, like you being sixteen and whatever. I don’t think you’re just a stupid teenager.”
He takes a deep breath and then exhales slowly, and when he speaks again his voice is trembling slightly. “Twenty-one years and I’ve seriously never talked that much in one go. So please say something.”
Hinata stares at his water bottle without really seeing it. The contents are slowly turning lukewarm between his palms and he’s just now noticing that his knuckles have turned tensely white.
“…I’m seventeen now, actually.” He doesn’t really know what else to say. “I had my birthday while you were away.”
There’s a slight pause, one that seems big enough to fit the entire world in, before Kageyama quietly says “Belated happy birthday, Shouyou”. It sounds so intimate and real and heartfelt that it immediately has Hinata fighting tears. He never thought he’d ever hear his given name coming from Kageyama’s mouth, and just the fact that they’ve miraculously reached this point after a year of pining would be enough to make anyone cry.
A second later Kageyama puts his arms around him and pulls him into a tight hug, and that’s it for Hinata. He doesn’t want to cry anymore, but somewhere behind the shock and surprise it’s happiness he’s feeling. It’s about time he cried from happiness.
“You’re s-so mean,” he sobs into Kageyama’s shoulder. “Why couldn’t you j-just get straight to the point?”
That’s all he gets to complain. Kageyama promptly pulls back, carefully tilts Hinata’s chin up, and leans down to kiss him. It’s one of those kisses that Hinata always imagined he would share with his future partner, a partner he barely even dared to dream would be someone like Kageyama. His heart is so full it might just burst. They slowly break apart, foreheads pressed together for a moment before Kageyama cups Hinata’s face in his hands. He brushes away his lingering tears with his thumbs and sets his concerned blue gaze on him.
“Enough crying, okay?”
Hinata unceremoniously wipes his nose on his sleeve and nods as confidently as he can. “I’ll try.” He smiles brightly. “Please take good care of me, Tobio.”
Both the request and the use of his name seem to take Kageyama completely by surprise. He looks away, red-faced and awkward, and it’s absolutely adorable. “You, too,” he mutters under his breath. “But just so you know,” he adds seriously, “I’m not going any further with you than kissing, not until you’re at least eighteen.”
“Wow, that’s so old-fashioned.” Hinata exaggerates a heavy sigh and shrugs lightly. “I guess we’ll just have to kiss a lot then.”
Kageyama can’t help but smile at that, the single dimple smile, and Hinata can’t believe it’ll be his privilege to see that smile almost as often as he wants. He laughs a little and rests his head on Kageyama’s shoulder. “Things really ended up hurting a lot more than necessary, didn’t they?” he says gently. “For both you and me. I’m sorry for that.”
“Yeah, but that’s okay.” Kageyama contemplates it for a moment, before he opens his arms again and wraps Hinata up in another warm hug. “It’s just growing pains.”