Work Text:
Boom
It was like the crack of a whip. At first, I couldn’t comprehend what had happened, he just fell, he was going to get up, he was going to keep running. He was going to run away, be free from everything he needed to leave behind. He would run away, and he’d come back for me, and we would disappear together, we would go off to a country we had never even heard of before, and we would be free to be ourselves. No more shitty stepdads pretending like I didn’t exist, no more mothers who didn’t care, no more fathers that ran away. It’d just be me and him, versus the world.
But he didn’t get up, he didn’t keep running, he just stayed there, motionless. I hadn’t even processed the fact that he was dead by the time they started pulling me away. I tried to call out his name but all that came up were tears, we were supposed to be free, not dead.
They took me back home, where I had to face my stupid mother, and her stupid husband with his stupid fucking face. I had to face the fact that we killed a man, robbed a petrol station, and stole a car. I didn’t want to blame it all on him, but they told me I could be in prison for more than ten years, and it was his final wish. So, I did it, I told them that he kidnapped me, killed the fucking excuse for a man in cold blood, and forced me to show him where my father lived. I told them that I only helped him rob the petrol station because I was afraid for my life and the safety of the people working there. I made him sound like a complete psychopath that went around killing people for the hell of it, but it worked.
They let me go scot free, no community service, no prison time, nothing, but I’m still not sure if it was worth it. I can still see him, in every reflection, in windows, mirrors, even the water. I can’t see my own reflection with out seeing him behind me, with a hole in his head. I can’t sleep either, every time I close my eyes I just see him lying there motionless, I can’t even see his face, but every time he turns around, and every time I jolt back awake, too scared to go back to sleep.
James, I don’t know if you can hear this from whatever heaven or hell you might be in, but I miss you, I need you to come back, please, come back to me James. We could run away, be who we want to be, be free. But I need you to come back to me, I need you to be here. I need you here.