Work Text:
"Where did you even get this Cosmo?” Tavros asked, putting down his smoothie to flip through the glossy pages of the magazine. The two had stopped at a coffee shop while making their way to a cook out Aradia was hosting. The summer day was hot and consensus had been reached that a break from the heat for some cold drinks was in order.
“Shit man it was just getting its rest on up at the table over there and I was all ‘damn that magazine’s looking pretty lonely’ so I got up the nerve to just adopt the motherfucker.” Gamzee answered easily, slipping the Cosmopolitan out of Tavros’ hands to look at it himself. “Never actually had any kind of a gut to look at one of ‘em before, ladies on the front were always kinda fierce and scary lookin, you know man? Like damn why do all girlies gotta try and get their scare on?” He asked eyes focused on the magazine on the table.
Tavros stared over the rim of his strawberry banana smoothie. Gamzee simply grinned back and flipped the pages, stopping only every once in a while to look at a brightly colored photo. Tavros’ attention was pulled away after only a few moments, watching the other people in the shop go by. Most were kids only a few years younger than them, he would guess either late high school or early college, each one moving quickly in and out of the shop. Very few actually sat down to enjoy their drinks
“Shit dude, there’s one a those fucking quizzes and shit.” Brown eyes were taken from the crowd around them and refocused on the wild haired male in front of him. A small smile wormed its way onto his features. He’d remembered these sorts of things from when Aradia, Terezi, and Vriska forced him to their sleepovers. Quizzes in teen magazines were the pinnacle of entertainment back in the pubescent world of sixth grade.
“What kind of quiz?” Tavros asked leaning over the table to get a closer look. He snorted, almost dropping the smoothie and grabbed the magazine from Gamzee. These personality ones were always the best. Most of the responses and results were so out there it made him wonder who actually wrote them. “Ok Gam, we’re going to find out if you’re a Bad Girl or not. Ready?”
Gamzee beamed and gave an excited nod. Sometimes when Kurloz’s girlfriend, Meulin was over and after the three of them got high, she’d pull out some sort of magazine and ask the most random as fuck questions. Shit was always funny as hell. “Fuck man, shoot those questions right at my hear ducts.”
Tavros nodded, taking a drink from his smoothie before beginning. “OK question one: finish this sentence: the last time I got naked with a stranger was: a) at the doctor’s office, b) In the dressing room), or c) at 35,000 feet.”
Gamzee rubbed his chin, over exaggerating the pose of a deep thinker “This mother fucker’s gunna have to go with C. Yeah buddy you best believe that shit was going down.” He answered, grinning and winking towards Tavros who simply shook his head and marked the answer with a pen before chewing on the end of it and re-reading the question. “Well I’m going to have to go with B I guess.” Tavros muttered, marking his own answer.
Gamzee gave Tavros an incredulous look. “Now hold on one hot motherfucking second there bro. What in all of the messiahs great prophesies are you getting on about?” He asked, fixing his stare onto Tavros. The Latino blinked and shook his head. “I told you about that Gamzee. The thing that happened at PacSun, remember?” Blue eyes stayed locked for a moment before realization settled on his features. “Oh yeah, you said some wise ass shit walked in on you while you was in the middle of changing, right?” He asked, feeling a flicker of embarrassment.
Tavros gave a small smile and nodded. “I’m still counting it, though.” Gamzee let out a short laugh and took a long drink from his chocolate shake to try and counteract the earlier outburst, hoping it would just be forgotten. Luck was in his favor as Tavros proceeded on. “Anyway, question 2, how do you spell relief during a stressful day? A) R-o-l-a-i-d-s, b) B-o-u-r-b-o-n (“I mean"), or c) O-r-g-a-s-m-s?”
Gamzee set his milkshake back down and answered easily with a nod, “Bourbon.” Tavros shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Gamzee you don’t even like Bourbon, you said it hurt your throat.” He countered, resting his chin in the palm of his hand and staring at his boyfriend.
“Well damn just go and bust my motherfucking bubble why dontcya bro, fine orgasm it is.” He gave Tavros a waggle of his brow, his grin an attempt at flirtatious. It succeeded in only pulling another roll of Tavros’ eyes. “Well I’m going to say bourbon, I mean it this isn’t my first go to if I’m stressed, but I’d prefer it over the fruity alcoholic drinks you get.”
Gamzee feigned offense. “Hey now motherfucker, no need to be hatin on my manhattans, those lil shits got a lot of fuckin booze in them.” Tavros shook his head. “Uh-huh, whatever you say Gamzee.” The clown’s grin widened upon hearing this. “You mean that man? Anything I say?” Tavros blinked once. “No, next question; once, I stretched blank to get what I wanted: a) my allowance for the whole month, b) the truth about my last job, or c) a waistband over my head.”
Gamzee looked down at his heavily chewed straw and gnawed on the inside of his cheek. “The job one…” He muttered, putting his finger over the top of the straw and pulling it out to suck the milkshake out from the other end. Tavros nodded, marking the answer. “Everyone does that Gamz…I guess I have to go with a, about the allowance.”
“But hold on bro, this question don’t make no sense to me, how the hell is any somebody supposed to get a waist band up and over their head?” He asked, straw hanging from between his fingers, dripping chocolate shake onto the table. “Well this is a quiz for girls Gam and girls wear dresses and skirts sometimes, I think that’s probably what it’s referring too.” Tavros responded, handing a napkin to the smiling man.
“Aw shit, see that’s why you’re the smart motherfucker and I’m just the dumbass boyfriend.” Gamzee responded taking the napkin and wiping at the table while putting his straw back into the cup. “You’re not a dumb ass Gamzee…” Tavros muttered, setting the Cosmo down a moment. Gamzee gave a light smile. “Thanks babe.”
Tavros nodded once and leaned across the table to give Gamzee a quick peck. “Let’s finish this stupid thing. When I call in sick, I’m usually in bed with: a) a fever of 101, b) a hangover, or c) a ‘new friend.’” He looked over expectantly. “Hangover, real talk right here, babe.” Tavros chuckled. “I’d have to say the same since generally when one of us is hung-over, so is the other and also usually in the same bed…next question; if anyone at work knew what I was thinking: a) I’d get a shiny gold star and a cookie for staying focused, b) they’d call security, or c) I’d be fired, sue them hard, and make a million dollars on a made-for-tv movie about my life.”
Gamzee scoffed and shrugged. “Shit…motherfuck I don’t know the security one.” Tavros gave him a questioning look, but didn’t ask. “I guess…a? The shiny star? What does that even mean?” He muttered, squinting at the answers. A simple, dunno bro followed by a loud sucking was all the response he got. “These answers suck. Who wrote this thing? OK last one, finish this sentence; I blank to get what I want: a) am way too embarrassed, b) know exactly what to do, or c) exist.”
“I exist to get what I want.” Gamzee answered, his face set in a serious expression for a grand total of three seconds before both boys erupted into a fit of giggles. Tavros shook his head and returned his attention to the last question, taking another drink of smoothie before frowning. “I guess a? Fucking I hate these answers, none of them are even close to things I would think…” Gamzee chuckled. “Ain’t no thing to be worrying your pan about, Tavvy. C’mon what’re our results?”
“Ok hang on.” Tavros muttered, adding up the assigned points for each of their answers. He glanced through the results and let out a loud laugh. “Ok, ok yours is; diva bad girl: You are bad to the bone-and irresistible. Parents fear you, children revere you, pets follow you everywhere, and all of your friends secretly want to be you. Congratulations, you are living in the pearl of the Bad Girl Swirl. Enjoy!”
He was grinning widely looking over to Gamzee who was doing his best to strike what he assumed was a diva pose. Chin upwards, exaggerated pout, and chest puffed forward. This caused the Latino to burst out in fresh laughter, covering his mouth to try and quiet his voice, shaking his head all the while. Gamzee grinned back always feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment when he was able to get anyone to laugh for real. Especially when it was Tavros who was laughing; that boy had one of the best laughs Gamzee had ever heard in his entire life.
Once it became apparent that Tavros wasn’t going to recover anytime soon, Gamzee snatched the Cosmo back to read the brunette’s result to him. “Says here bro you are a…baby bad girl…the fuck? You’re borderline bad. Keep up the bad work! Just set your badness goals and keep your eye on the prize-your happiness! Remember, when you play with girls who are badder than you, your game improves much faster.” Gamzee grinned, “Guess this means you and I gotta play around and get you to true bad girl status, eh man?”
Tavros rolled his eyes, laughter finally subsiding, but eyes still gleaming with mirth. “I think in a real bad girl off you would come in last actually.” A long tongue licked thin lips. “Oh shit, sounds like a challenge, you trying to flap noise at me that you’re a badder girl than I am?” Tavros laughed and sent a wicked grin. “Yes that is 100% what the noise I’m flapping at you means.”
Gamzee rolled his shoulders, still smiling towards his mohawked boyfriend. “Let’s go! We’ll get right down to this bad girl face off, right now motherfucker.” Tavros’ brow quirked a smirk wormed its way onto his features. “Like now now? Here in the middle of this shop? I don’t really want to embarrass you.” Gamzee grinned. “Shut up man, let’s go we got places to be.” He said standing up and taking the rest of his milkshake with him. “Yeah yeah, I’m coming you coward.” Tavros responded before he stood up and tossed his empty cup into the trash. Gamzee met him at the door, the magazine left open on the table. They interlaced their fingers as they walked out. “I’d still beat you in a bad girl off.” Tavros muttered leaning over to place a kiss on Gamzee smiling mouth.