Chapter Text
It had been over a month since The Kiss. Robbie was certain that his brain still hadn’t entirely processed the events of that night. It still felt like it could have been a dream, save for the worn book on his side table and the little plush reindeer nestled in his chair that was currently peeking out from under a blanket. But what, the villain kept wondering day after day, did it all mean?
Sportacus somehow liked him; that much had been obvious since autumn, but this was an entirely different animal. They had kissed. On purpose. But…that was all. They had shared some awkward laughter and brief conversation afterward, and the blue menace had walked—skipped?—him home, but that was all. Since the Christmas party, Robbie had seen the blue kangaroo in person only a handful of times, always while he was tending to the brats and encouraging their bad habits of playtime and eating sportscandy. Back to business as usual.
At least, it had been business as usual, until Robbie Rotten realized how quickly Saint Valentine’s Day was approaching. And with it came a slew of confusing feelings and resulting crises. Primarily, what were they to one another? Not enemies, certainly, but what? They had kissed, yes, but only once. Did that mean something significant? It certainly seemed to, at least in Robbie’s mind. What were the rules for situations like this? Heroes liking villains, villains having silly schoolboy crushes on flippy-floppy heroes...the world must have turned itself upside-down sometime in the past year or so. Good heavens, how had he fallen so far so quickly? Robbie continued to pace back and forth as he tried to piece things together.
“Alright. Sportflop likes you. Heaven knows why, but…” The villain briefly melted at the warm memory of Sportacus’ soft lips against his own before shaking his head. “…but he does. And despite his obvious flaws, y-you kind of find him, uh,” Adorable. Sweet. Beautiful. Warm. Patient. Understanding. “acceptable. But what do I do about it?” Robbie ended with a cry and arms outstretched in dismay.
He spun around and started back the way he had come. “We’re not dating. That implies actually going on dates! I’ve barely seen him since the party!”
Robbie glanced over at the plush reindeer following him with its lopsided button eyes. He grit his teeth and waved an accusing finger in its direction.
“Don’t give me that look! Yes, okay, I have seen him, but…arg! I can’t just waltz up and say ‘Oh, hey, Sportakook, how ‘bout that kiss we shared last month? Well, lots of cake to bake back home, bye!’”
The reindeer listened quietly, yet made no move to pass judgement. Robbie growled at it in frustration.
“The stupid flippy elf is too perfect for his own good! It’s not fair! Passing each other in the park and yelling at those brats to quiet down isn’t a date. I don’t…what if Sportakiss doesn’t even want to go on a date with me?”
He again glanced over at his reindeer. If it had any advice on the matter, it didn’t offer any to the man. Robbie sighed and flopped back into the chair with dramatic flair, throwing his arms into the air as he fell. The villain huffed and pulled the reindeer out from where he had pinned it against the orange shag and squeezed it to his chest.
“You’re right, Peppermint,” he mumbled after a few sour seconds of silence. “That is nonsense. Who wouldn’t want to go on a date with LazyTown’s dashingly handsome number one villain?” He hugged his plush companion again. “So, if Sportasmooch is too busy with the brats to ask me out on a proper date, then I guess I’ll just have to ask him!” Robbie suddenly seemed to deflate at the thought. “But asking him means I have to ask him.”
Was there no end to this struggle? Robbie pressed himself into the comfort of his familiar chair. Peppermint quietly comforted the villain from where it sat on his chest. Up above, Robbie could hear the gaggle of little gremlins noisily tromping about as they laughed and played. It was only a matter of time before Sportaswoon flew down to join them. Robbie needed a plan of attack.
Nearly two weeks later and Robbie still needed that attack plan.
He was in trouble. One Robbie Rotten was definitely in trouble. The villain wrung his hands as his foot bounced nervously on the floor. Every few minutes he glanced over at the calendar laying across his table, as if in the hopes that he had somehow misread the month, much less the day. The calendar’s offensive giant red heart that surrounded the number fourteen in its snug little box felt like it was burning a hole into the back of his head every time he turned away. Robbie grabbed his reindeer from where it sat next to him for comfort.
“I don’ know what I’m going to do, Peppermint. Why can’t stupid Sportaflop be a normal person who’d be happy with chocolates and a movie?” he lamented. “What am I supposed to do?”
Peppermint said nothing, but at least seemed sympathetic to his plight.
“I can’t get him chocolates! I can’t get him anything food-related for this stupid holiday! We can’t just s-stay in because he’ll be too busy bouncing everywhere. We can’t go out to dinner before—heaven forbid!—he tries to flip three times to pass the salt after lecturing the people at the next table about their unhealthy selections!”
He knew his voice was getting higher and higher with each panicky scenario, but he couldn’t seem to help it.
“We can’t go to the movies because he won’t sit still and we’ll get thrown out. We can’t go dancing because—yech!—dancing! We can’t exactly find some kind of carnival in the middle of a winter cold snap. Ugh, and even if we could, the kangaroo would harass me the entire time about what an abomination candy apples are, much less the funnel cake!”
Robbie moaned and melted back in his chair in utter defeat. After staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, and no input from his plush friend, the villain realized that—as much as he hated to admit it—he couldn’t figure this problem out on his own.
“I need help.”
The man scowled in disgust at his own helplessness and glanced over at his patiently waiting periscope. Even now he could faintly hear the relentless giggles and cries from the children above. This hero was going to be the death of him.