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It hurts, It hurts to see them. To see him so...happy. I should feel happy for them but... I'm not... I envy them... I... despise them..I hate him for making me feel like this but...damnit why do I still feel like this! He told me that he loves someone else and yet I still have a place for him in my heart.
I feel so empty... so alone without him.
He was the only friend I ever had.
He was the only person who ever cared.
He was the only one I could trust.
He was the only one who I could ever rely on.
... and maybe even someone I could fall in love with...
And now, he's in the arms of another. Although he never thought of me as more than a best friend his hugs always made my heart beat faster. His laughs were like music to my ears. His soft touches that provided me with so much comfort and made me feel like I was more than just a..a killer.
He.. accepted me.
I tried everything I could to eliminate her but she was always surrounded by large groups of people. She never went by a specific routine and whenever I tried to befriend her someone else would turn up and take her away to do something.
When it came to the day of the confession...it felt like I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was being suffocated and like I had my heart ripped out of my chest when he smiled and accepted her I just..I ran...I ran and ran until I arrived outside of my house.
Entering the house made me realize just how lonely I was. How empty and quiet it was without Budo's smiles and encouraging words. I loved him. I loved that stupid,dorky martial arts leader.
But now, he's no longer mine.
I want to kill her for taking him away from him.
I want to torture her for making him spend less time with me.
I want to make her suffer and go through the worst pain possible.
But..I can't do that. I can't do that to Budo..I don't want to be the reason he cries..I don't want to be the reason he never smiles again...I don't want to be the reason he stops doing the things he loves.
Even if... it breaks my heart
I love him to much to hurt him. Unlike my Senpai I could actually approach Budo. I could actually talk to him without getting all nervous. Though, the first time he came up to me and offered for me to join the club I ignored him.
I found his determination to befriend me and make me join the club.... cute
He was the only person who made me feel like I was worth something and the only one who could make me feel emotions. While my Senpai made me only feel an unhealthy obsession, Budo made me feel happiness, anger, embarrassment, excitement he also made me feel... sad
But now... I feel nothing... again.