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Forty-seven days, just forty-seven days since Magnus lowered his mom six feet in the ground. Just forty-seven days, it feels like ages ago at the same time just like yesterday. He was just sixteen, not old enough to have planned a funeral for his mother. School could've been tolerable if he wasn't the guy who lost his parents, 'poor kid'. Stupid small town. Home should have been a haven if not for his father who in the forty-seven days they stayed together, has only shown an emotion other than disappointment on the day of the funeral.
Friday nights usually meant party at the abandoned lake house and right before Halloween meant, not just high-schoolers, which measures to all-you-can-drink booze with no embittered father around to keep pointing out the problems Magnus is causing him. Just loud music and mixed up alcohol, who cares if it's shit, Magnus needs a fucking break from his disenchanting life. So he didn’t even think twice before texting Alec about his plan to get drunk.
By the time he reached the lake house, party already seemed to be going on full swing and he expected nothing less from the kids of his town. He waited sitting on the hood of his car for Alec who sent him a text claiming he is own his way and a "fucking wait for me before getting drunk, or I'll guilt you to death, fucker." Magnus smiled that fond smile his friends keeps on teasing him about, the same one he keeps on denying.
He likes Alec, fuck that, he’s sure that he is in love with Alexander Lightwood; he knows Alec feels the same. But a part of him is well versed on how easy it is to fall in love with someone who is helping you through a bad time. He can't risk his friendship with him. He doesn't have it in him to keep it together if he loses Alexander right now. But thinking about his smile, the way the side of his eyes wrinkle and how his entire face and the entire fucking world seems to light up when he smiles no matter how rare , the way his nostrils flare when he gets angry. And how he softly whispers in Magnus’s ears holding him close late at night as they sit on the roof with a cigarette whenever sleep seems to avoid him and loneliness creeps in. And how he blushes when Magnus compliments him. But mostly the way he helps everyone, even someone undeserving.
Magnus will always be in awe of Alexander Lightwood. But he always insists on being on the sidelines and never the center of attention, "It's your thing or Jace’s. I don't think I'll ever be okay with that.” And Magnus will never understand that. No matter how many times Alec assured him. Magnus is well aware that he won’t be able to resist Alexander for much longer. Though he’s ecstatic about the thought of being with Alec, he’s sure his over the top bad luck might end up making Alec hate him, but isn’t life all about taking chances?
Lost in thought he didn’t catch Alec walking up behind him, calling out to him and then slightly shoving him causing him to slip from the hood of the car. Trying to hold on Magnus caught hold of Alec’s shirt making him fall on top of him, a chuckling Alec made Magnus forget all about his anger at being pushed.
"Fuck you, why did you do that?" Magnus asked echoing his laughter.
"You should know I'll never miss a chance to make you fall." Alec replied with a sly smirk as he remained lying on top of Magnus with no sign of standing back up, not that he cared.
"You are adorable." Magnus stated brushing Alec’s hair away from his forehead. Alec’s piercing stare, quite disbelieving but bashful as always. "Really fucking adorable." Magnus sighed, he wanted to laugh at the cliché moment, he would've if Alec hadn't brought their face closer, lips not yet touching, hesitation. Neither of them had enough courage to close the distance, fucking annoying distance.
It was a slur from a drunken voice that cut through their bubble, as soon as he heard that Alec jumped away from a furious Magnus. The poor guy had to handle enough snide remarks from both of his homophobic parents, he shouldn’t have to deal with judgy drunk idiots too.
"What the fuck did you just say?" Magnus stalked forward towards two guys he recognised from his history class, both too drunk to stand straight. They looked positively terrified when they realized they called Magnus Bane a homophobic slur.
"Fuck, I'm sorry Magnus. We didn't realize it was you." The other guy replied.
Holding the one who said the slur by his collar, Magnus sneered, "Listen here you piece of shit, it is not a word you throw around like that. If I ever hear you say talk like that again, I'll slaughter you. Am I fucking clear?"
"Magnus leave those idiots alone, let's get drunk." Alec sighed from behind him, though he too was glaring at the two guys looking as if he was ready to throw punches.
"Fuck, okay. You two, don't ever forget what I just said." Magnus glared before pushing the two on the ground and stormed into the lake house followed by a smiling Alec, fights for another day for now Alec is on an entirely different mission.
An hour and a half later, they weren't nearly drunk enough for two teenagers sitting outside a loud party. A cigarette Magnus gained was being exchanged between the two friends. Heavy thumping bass bleeding all the way out into the forest almost seemed to drown their loud heartbeats.
Nearing winter the entire lake is almost frozen leaving it cold enough that the drunken teenagers avoided the lake. The lake itself is surrounded by a forest, thick enough that if you are lucky enough, you might see a herd of deers but if you are unlucky a mountain lion. A bonfire the kids started in the backyard left a glow to surroundings, warming up the place amidst the chilly autumn night. Magnus and Alec were sitting on the wet ground feet almost touching the freezing water. Their backs resting on a huge tree and eyes focused at the reflection on the lake, a bright full moon and billion stars, and darkness of the tall trees. Beautiful but even more idyllic.
Magnus laid back on the ground after he put out the cigarette, Alec followed suit, lying down close enough to have their hands brush against each other. Physical touch isn’t new for them, neither is the tension, what’s new is Magnus’s hesitation which had Alec confused more than usual. Alec ended up taking out his phone to play some good songs, that didn’t sound degrading, just to try and ease the tension that had permeated around them.
“People keep saying mom is up there amongst the clouds watching over me. That’s such a bullshit.” Magnus said breaking the silence filled by the perfect soundtrack for the moment, ‘Love’ by Lana Del Rey.
“What makes you say that?” Alec asked turning his head to look at Magnus before going back to looking at the moon shining encompassed by scintillating stars.
“These stars are older than any of us can hope for, they make the universe look so complex, so intricately sewn in together, it’s impossible for us to feel anything other than insignificant. The entire human race is just a blip, both of us and all the people we know aren’t even an important part of it. How can anyone believe we have a place amongst the stars when we are lucky enough to just be here looking at them?”
“The same way we believe in love. The same way we believe people can change no matter how wrong they keep proving us. Sometimes faith is the only thing that keep us sane, if we lose that faith we have no use of our conscience, of our ability to feel so deeply. The same way if you believe your mom is somewhere out there still looking after you, you’ll feel better. It’s always been just about the belief and not the actuality.” Alec replied after a few minutes of silence filled with the song playing in his phone and the drunken howls mixed with heavy bass from the lakehouse beating all around them.
Magnus let out a chuckle as he turned to his side to look at Alec, “You always have an answer for me, don’t you?”
“Someone needs to keep the great Magnus Bane in check.” Alec laughed as he too turned to his side, fuck the stars, Magnus is much more mesmerizing to him.
"You aren't supposed to be hiding behind me Alexander. You should be fronting this world." Magnus spoke up as he thought back at the earlier encounter, how they would have harassed Alec if not for Magnus. Of course Alec always stands up for himself resulting in a horrible fight, a secret badass Izzy always calls him and that hurts Magnus, Alexander was so much better than the kids in their school, hell he was better than all the people in their town. Everyone should be aware of that and not just their small circle.
"I.. I guess I just enjoy being your shadow like the others say." Alex replied earnestly.
"My shadow!?" Magnus scoffed, "More like an alarming shadow over me." he continued, his voice falling into a careless whisper, the songs playing ignored and the drunk people screaming about long forgotten, they were content in a bubble with just the two of them.
"That sounds like a nightmare." Alec answered just as quietly, gritting his teeth as he sat up staring at the reflection of the moon, trying to get a few drops from the empty beer bottle they had discarded when they sat there.
“It is…” Magnus answered as he too sat up letting out a small groan, Alec’s face went from anger to hurt which Magnus took a note of before continuing, “Anything that perfect has to be a nightmare... A sin like our parents call it.”
"And nobody wants eternal damnation." Alec replied, hurt from being called a nightmare, of being rejected before any proposal was put forth seeping through his voice clouding away the giddiness from being called perfect.
"I dunno... I think I'm already damned." Magnus stated, faltering just for a moment before leaning in to kiss Alec, who was now looking at him filled with hope.
They could hear the faraway sirens from cops driving to the lake house, but at that moment none of that mattered, what mattered was the love they could finally admit buzzing between them, the kiss they were sharing giving them a high no alcohol could ever begin to compare to. As they broke apart breathing loudly, taking each other in glowing beneath the silvery moon and shivering with the chilly wind picking up, they knew no matter how young they are, they were in love. The kind of love that’s all over literature and art, the kind of love people die for, the kind of love that makes you its slave until you are nothing more than the illusion of the beholder.
“We should run before we get arrested..” Alec whispered, his forehead still touching Magnus’s, neither of them moving.
“Only if you run with me.” Magnus replied standing up. He pulled Alec up holding his hand tighter as he swatted away the dirt clinging to his jeans.
“Always.” Alec answered with a smile as he stepped closer to Magnus, hands still held together not planning on letting go anytime soon. “Ready?” He asked looking around at the commotion of everyone trying to hide away the drugs and escape the lake house.
Magnus just smiled before running alongside the lake and into the forest with Alec right beside him. Both feeling freer than they’d ever felt as they ran deeper into the forest in step with each other stopping to catch their breath only after making sure they were far enough.
“You know Alexander, I only ever believed in you.” Magnus said as he looked at the skies.
Alec let out a small chuckle as he pulled Magnus towards him, running his eyes all over his face, memorizing every detail he can about this night. “I love you.” Magnus smiled as Alec kissed him after his declaration. He’s never been as loved as by this boy and he wouldn’t dare to dream of anyone else, Alexander will always be better than any fantasy he ever had about falling in love.