Work Text:
Youngjae had only been at the party for a solid twenty minutes and he was already regretting it.
It was basically all seniors. There didn’t seem to be anyone his age here, and although certain faces were familiar, Youngjae wasn’t quite on a level where he felt comfortable or confident approaching them and attempting a conversation.
So he’s been sitting at a table with a solo cup of something since he’s gotten here.
No one has tried to approach him or talk to him, a few curious glances shot his way as to why a sophomore was at this specific graduation party, but most didn’t seem that hung up over it seeing as Youngjae had still yet to verbally speak out loud to anyone.
His leg nervously bounces, fingers tapping against his cup rhythmically as he attempts to calm down.
Of course, it wasn’t like he was at this party for no reason. And he had been invited after all.
Youngjae was normally far too socially awkward to willingly throw himself into a scene like this, but the fire in his chest had been lit with determination to do what he’s been wanting to do ever since Im Jaebum came into his life.
The idea had seemed great fifty minutes ago when Youngjae had finally convinced himself to just do it and get it over with. To get it off his chest so that he wouldn’t have to worry about that ‘what if’ that would weigh heavily on his mind. It still seemed like a great idea in the twenty minutes it took to get to Jaebum’s house as well.
Now that he was here though, Youngjae was considering just leaving. Was it really that important?
Yes, it was.
Why were there so many people here, though.
Because Im Jaebum is one of the most popular students at your school and who wouldn’t be here right now if they had gotten an invite.
Why did so many of them have to be surrounding Jaebum to the point where Youngjae felt like he was literally going to collapse if he tried to stand up and walk over to the senior currently seated in the living room?
Life just likes to be unfair to you.
Youngjae inhales slowly, probably looking as miserable as he feels right then. This is all just a grim reminder as to why he didn’t bother with parties in the first place, even if he knew the person hosting it. He didn’t belong in situations like this. Everything was too much. Too much for him, at least. Youngjae felt pressured to act a certain way and even though he knew literally no one at the party was expecting anything out of him – the anxiety lingered.
He finally takes a drink of what is in his cup, but withdraws quickly with a little frown at the taste of alcohol.
This was supposed to be punch.
Great.
By no means was Youngjae a drinker. In fact, he barely tolerated alcohol in general – but perhaps a little bit of liquid courage would do him some good.
That thought alone was enough to make him boldly bring his cup back up to chug the rest of what was in it with a surprisingly amount of ease, even though it still tasted disgusting.
Youngjae makes a face and sets the cup aside.
“You need a refill?” A voice suddenly muses.
Youngjae’s head lifts in surprise, blinking at the person now there and acknowledging the familiar face. “Oh—Hi, Mark-hyung.”
The senior grins at him, snatching up Youngjae’s cup and refilling it despite Youngjae not saying whether or not he wanted another one.
“What are you doing here?” He asks as he hands the drink back to him. Youngjae is relieved that he doesn’t seem bothered by his presence.
“I mean, I figured I’m here for the same reason everyone else is. To celebrate Jaebum-hyung’s graduation.” Youngjae mumbles back with a shrug, bringing his newly filled drink up to take a sip.
Mark nods, seeming to accept the answer.
“Alright, you have a point there. I guess I just didn’t realize you and Jaebum were so close. I’m surprised to see you here."
Youngjae makes a face.
“We’re not… really that close.”
Mark raises his brow in question. Youngjae holds back a sigh at having to explain something he doesn’t even fully understand himself.
“I mean. I guess we’re a little close? He lets me call him hyung and all that, but like—I don’t know if I could call us friends?”
No, even that didn’t sound right coming out of him. Jaebum was a friend. Youngjae’s known him since moving here last year. Jaebum was the first person to introduce himself and the first person that Youngjae had actually felt comfortable around.
“That’s—not right either. We are friends. We just--“
Mark can’t help but laugh a little at Youngjae’s sad attempt of an explanation, bringing a hand out to grasp at his shoulder and give him a reassuring shake. “Don’t hurt yourself, Youngjae. I was just curious. It’s cool that he invited you. And that you showed up."
Youngjae offers Mark a meek smile, nodding even though he’s not sure he can fully agree.
“Have you said hi to him yet?”
God, no.
“Uh, not yet, no. He’s been a little busy and I didn’t want to like… cut into his time with his friends.”
Mark’s head quirks to the side a little bit, and he’s quiet long enough that Youngjae wonders if maybe he had said something wrong, but then the senior is nodding as if he understood. Maybe he did. Youngjae honestly couldn’t ever tell with Mark. He wasn’t even sure if he could consider Mark a friend either – but with the other being his next door neighbor, he was sure they were enough to be something. Enough that Mark actually came up and talked to him.
“Well make sure you say hi to him at some point, yeah? I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you showed up.”
Youngjae wants to comment that they aren’t that deep. That Jaebum was probably happy and thankful that everyone showed up to the party, not just him, but he only nods his head. He wanted to talk to Jaebum anyway. That’s the whole reason he was here in the first place.
Mark takes his leave and Youngjae focuses on drinking what is in his cup again, ignoring the taste.
This was going to be it.
Tonight was going to be the night that Youngjae finally tells Jaebum about his feelings.
Youngjae feels a rush of nerves shoot through him again, making him want to curl in on himself, and he finishes off his second drink to distract himself.
He could do this. He could.
But... maybe he could have a few more drinks before he does.
*
A few more drinks turned into four total, the fifth one now in hand and Youngjae can kind of feel it.
It’s also a surprise to discover that he can actually tolerate his alcohol rather well.
Who would of thought that the one who doesn’t like it the most is the one that it affects the least.
Youngjae’s not trashed despite the amount of spiked punch he has downed, and he is actually still relatively aware of his surroundings and what’s going on, as well as why he is here in the first place. Getting black out drunk was not something that Youngjae wanted to do and he definitely didn't want to embarrass himself in some drunken attempt to admit his feelings to his crush.
With that in mind, he tells himself that this is his last drink.
And as he finishes it off and tosses the cup into the trash, he pulls out his phone and notes that he has now been at Im Jaebum’s graduation party for an hour now and has still yet to say anything to him.
His ass is starting to get a little sore from sitting in this chair for so long, too.
Perhaps he should of thought this through just a little bit more.
Before Youngjae has time to really sulk about it, an urgent feeling suddenly jolts through him – Holy shit, he had to piss so bad.
It’s the thing that manages to finally get him up and off his chair, awkwardly exiting the kitchen and making his way through the living room to get towards the stairway, head downward to avoid potentially making eye contact with anyone – anyone being Jaebum – and he’s squeezing past bodies to get upstairs.
Youngjae doesn’t even know where the bathroom is but he’s sure there has to be one here. The downstairs is too crowded to try and find one.
He opens a few doors and sure enough by the third one he was right, and there is a sound of relief breaking from his lips when he notes it’s empty. If he had to wait any longer he would have been doing some version of an embarrassing potty dance that no one needed to see.
Now that he’s up and moving, Youngjae can feel the affects of the alcohol a lot more than he could when he was sitting still in the chair. His body sways a bit as he relieves himself, hand coming out to brace himself on the closest wall just incase he actually lost his balance.
Which, that would be his luck, to pass out with his pants down in Jaebum's bathroom. The thought alone makes Youngjae want to never socialize ever again.
Maybe he should have dragged out his time in there a little longer though, because once he’s done washing his hands and exiting the bathroom, Youngjae is suddenly unsure of what to do with himself. Should he just go back downstairs and sit in his chair again until he can finally find his balls? Should he try to find Jaebum now and actually do what he came here to do?
Youngjae twists his hands together in a nervous habit, feeling that overwhelming sense of anxiety begin to creep through him again but luckily, or unluckily, the decision is made for him against his will.
“Youngjae? Is that you?”
Suddenly Youngjae would prefer his chair in the kitchen.
Why Jaebum was suddenly upstairs after having not left the living room since Youngjae got here, he's not entirely sure. Maybe it was a coincidence.
Or cruel, cruel fate.
“Yeah! Hi, Jaebum-hyung.” Youngjae squeaks out, ignoring the flush of his cheeks. Jaebum doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn’t say anything. Instead he gives Youngjae a smile that has his insides churning and for a second he wonders if he’s about to throw up.
He's not that drunk. He is just being over-dramatic.
“What are you doing up here by yourself?” Jaebum asks with a small laugh, brow furrowing in question.
“I was… just going to the bathroom.” He admits, hand awkwardly motioning towards the bathroom door behind him.
“Oh. Okay.”
Youngjae nods, hoping that he isn’t visibly showing the amount of distress he is currently going through now that Jaebum is here and in front of him and his mind is practically screaming at him that he needs to just do it. Do it now. Do it now. Do it now—
“How long have you been here?”
Youngjae hesitates. “Maybe like an—an hour?”
Jaebum looks surprised, a small look of confusion crossing his face as he gives Youngjae a smile that matches it. “You’ve been here for an hour and you haven’t even tried to say hi to me? I’m a little hurt, Youngjae.”
Youngjae feels his heart rate suddenly accelerate, mouth parting in surprise and embarrassment. When Jaebum said it outwardly like that it kind of made him feel guilty. Perhaps that shows on his face, because Jaebum is making a small sound, moving forward to affectionately wrap an arm around Youngjae’s shoulders and give him a small shake.
“I’m just messing with you. I’m not actually upset. Although, it would have been nice to know you were here.”
Youngjae can't breathe. Jaebum’s arm around his shoulders like this is the worst thing to ever happen to him in his life.
“I-I’m sorry. You just… seemed busy talking to all the people here and I figured I would just say hi when I got the moment to.”
Jaebum hums in understanding. “Well?”
Youngjae leans away to look up at him in confusion, “Well what?”
“Now’s your moment.” Jaebum responds with a cheeky grin and Youngjae can’t help but huff out a laugh and give the senior a small shove. Although secretly, the action was also a way for him to put a little bit of distance between them again. Breathing was really starting to become a challenge with Jaebum so close in his space. “But I already said it to you.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. When you asked if it was me. I said hi.”
“That doesn’t count.” Jaebum is clearly amused and Youngjae is thankful for the playful banter – it’s helping him avoid his imminent doom. Plus, it’ll be nice to actually enjoy his last few minutes with Jaebum until he completely destroys whatever relationship they had between each other.
At least Jaebum would be leaving to go to college in just a few months and Youngjae won’t have to worry about ever seeing him again after this.
“Fine.” Youngjae drawls out, feeling the snarky smile cross his face, “Hi, hyung.”
Jaebum snorts at his tone, grin stretching across his lips before he’s swinging his damn arm around Youngjae’s shoulders again. He pulls him in to rub at his hair and then moves both of them, seeming to be leading them down the hallway and Youngjae is cursing anything he can right now because he doesn’t know what to do. Jaebum is trying to lead him back down the stairs where everyone is and that is the opposite of what he wants right now.
“A-Actually, Jaebum-hyung, I was wondering if I could talk to you?”
Youngjae feels his chest tighten once he asks the question, eyes darting to stare at the ground even when Jaebum stops and turns to look at him curiously.
“Of course you can. What’s up?”
Youngjae notes that they’re still standing out in the open, and even though there aren’t that many people upstairs, there are enough lingering around to make Youngjae’s nerves skyrocket and it makes him want to crawl out of his skin.
“In private?” Youngjae asks after a moment, peeking up at Jaebum now to gauge his reaction.
Jaebum seems a little surprised by the request, giving him an odd look that Youngjae can’t quite read, but the senior humors him anyway, moving to one of the doors and opening it with ease, flicking on the light and ushering Youngjae in. It takes Youngjae only a couple seconds to realize that this is Jaebum’s room – there are posters on the walls of various bands and music groups that he remembers Jaebum mentioning, plus the entire aesthetic of it just screams Im Jaebum.
Youngjae awkwardly stands in the middle of the room, throat tightening on him as the reality of what he’s about to do begins to finally settle in.
Oh, shit. Oh shit—Oh shit.
Was he seriously about to do this?
He could turn around now. He could turn around right now and run with his damn tail tucked between his legs and never have to experience this moment at all. And then he could chalk it up to the alcohol and no, Jaebum-hyung, I have no idea what I wanted to talk to you about because clearly I was schwasted off the punch.
“So—what is it?”
Jaebum takes a seat on his bed, hands moving back to support himself up as he stares at Youngjae expectantly.
Youngjae just struggles. With everything.
“Uh—I, uh—I just wanted to—to—“
It seems that Jaebum is beginning to pick up on Youngjae’s nerves, proving that he had been doing a pretty good job at concealing them before, but the senior's face has fallen to one of concern and then he is sitting forward, as if considering his own actions.
“Youngjae, are you okay?"
“I’m fine!” Youngjae attempts to reassure but his tone is light and his stomach is churning all over again. He feels a little queasy but still, he doesn’t throw up, fully aware that it’s just his anxiety.
“Are you sure? Because I’ll be honest… you don’t look fine.”
Great. He looks like shit now, too?
Youngjae lets out a heavy breath, hands coming up to run through his hair, pulling at it stressfully and trying to ignore the heavy thumping of his heart.
“I just need to… tell you something. Really quick. And then I’ll go—I’m really here to just tell you this.” Youngjae starts, grasping onto the small sliver of confidence he had going through him right now and hoping that he can ride it through long enough to get everything out of his system.
“And… what's that?”
Youngjae hesitates. The words are right there, pressed against the seam of his lips but they are stuck together like glue now, unsure of how he wants to say them. If he wants to say them at all. He's scared about what’s going to happen once he says them.
Im Jaebum was the first person to make Youngjae feel not so lonely after moving his freshman year.
Youngjae didn’t know anyone – and leaving home, where all his friends remained, had been a little soul-crushing at the time for him. Not only was he already a little socially awkward, but having nobody around to ease him into how different his life would be with a new home, new school, new everything had made things excessively hard for him at the beginning.
Youngjae had been in school for two months before meeting Jaebum.
Two months of him being by himself. Being lonely.
Jaebum was involved with a lot of the music clubs for their school, and although his interests were more based on his singing, their paths had still crossed. Youngjae had delved into the music clubs that were offered in order to find whatever sense of comfort he could – and that was the piano. Having a place to go to where he had a purpose had helped a lot with those feelings of loneliness. That and Youngjae had always found playing the piano to be calming for his mind.
Jaebum had stumbled upon him practicing one day after school and commented on his playing, complimenting him and then introducing himself.
That’s where it all began.
They had a lot in common when it came to music and that’s where they seemed to bond the most.
Youngjae had never went out of his way to attempt a friendship further than that though. Jaebum was older than him and already had his group of best friends that he was close to – one even being the class president – and it hadn’t taken long for Youngjae to realize he was very popular and high up on the social hierarchy.
To say that he had become a little intimidated was an understatement. For awhile, Youngjae had begun to wonder why Jaebum even bothered talking to him in the first place.
But Jaebum continued to come around. Kept striking up conversations with him and showing interest in his music until Youngjae felt comfortable enough to let a little bit of his own walls down.
That had been the beginning of his end, really. He should have known he would end up developing a huge crush on Jaebum just like the rest of the student body did.
Jaebum meant something to him though. Youngjae was enamored with him yes, but the other seemed to genuinely like him as a person and became the first sign of hope that maybe moving hadn’t been the worst thing to ever happen to him. Youngjae actually began to enjoy himself even if it was for those brief moments that they had together.
And now?
Now he was about to potentially ruin all of that.
The silence has been weighing over them for a few minutes now, and Jaebum’s concern has only seemed to grow – to the point where he has stood up from where he was sitting and is now in front of Youngjae once more, bringing a hand down to rest on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze as if to try and reassure him but it really only makes the heaviness of Youngjae’s thoughts bear down on him even more.
“Youngjae—seriously, are you okay? You’re starting to worry me--”
“I like you, hyung.” Youngjae cuts him off, words finally breaking from his lips and the second that they do, Youngjae wants to take them all back. Fuck, he really just said it.
Just like that.
Jaebum shifts away a little bit, seemingly taken back by the outburst but his brows are furrowing once more, as if he’s attempting to understand.
“I like you too, Youngjae—“
It seems that Youngjae is going to have to be more direct about this.
“No, hyung. That’s not what I mean,” Youngjae inhales slowly, head dropping as he closes his eyes, ignoring the slight tremble in his hands now and just pushing himself to get it out. Get it out right fucking now.
Get it over with.
“I mean that I like you. Like I like you, like you. I—I have feelings for you.”
Youngjae opens his eyes to see that Jaebum is just staring at him now, another unreadable expression on his face.
“I have for awhile now.” He adds on, ignoring the slight shakiness of his voice. His words are getting stuck in his throat again, but even so, Youngjae isn’t even sure what he wants to say just yet now that he’s finally put the truth out there. Jaebum is still looking at him, and Youngjae drops his gaze back to the ground and accepts the silence that draws over them once more, wanting to wait for Jaebum to respond with something—with anything—
It takes a couple more extended moments of silence before Jaebum is clearing his throat a bit, hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck and Youngjae chances another quick look at him.
Was… was he blushing?
There is a suspicious pinkness to Jaebum’s cheeks but the expression on the senior’s face seems a little guilty. And awkward. Youngjae isn’t sure what to do with that, but his mind immediately begins to think the worst.
And suddenly he’s there, drowning in all his regrets, until Jaebum finally speaks.
“Youngjae. I—I’m flattered. Really, I am, but—“ The senior pauses, flinching as if not sure how to go about responding to him and Youngjae can’t really blame him. Youngjae also can’t help but catch onto what Jaebum is beginning to insinuate, that feeling of sadness beginning to wash over him even though he knew that realistically nothing was going to happen between them. Youngjae was more than aware. Jaebum would never have feelings for him. He knew that this was how the other was going to respond to him.
“I’m about to go to college and I’m actually leaving home to do that. My university is hours away. I’m—really not going to be here anymore. And, you know, don’t get me wrong – you’re cute and very funny and I do like you… but there is just a lot right now that just wouldn’t make anything between us really… logical.”
Youngjae can feel himself slowly nodding, knowing what Jaebum is trying to say to him because he had already said the same things to himself. Jaebum was leaving. Youngjae still had a few years before he graduated himself. Their worlds were completely different from each other when it didn’t have to do with music. Why would Im Jaebum even look his way when there was an entirely brand new world just waiting for him on the horizon?
Youngjae couldn’t even be upset about being turned down. He really couldn’t.
“I just don’t want to give you false hope or lead you on or anything like that,” Jaebum continues before looking a little earnest. “Seriously, Youngjae. I do like you a lot. You’re—you’re so talented and I genuinely hope that other people will be able to take the time to get to know you and see how awesome of a person you are. I care about you a lot. I just… can’t return those feelings. I’m sorry.”
Youngjae lets out another breath before finally lifting his head to look at Jaebum directly, and whatever look he had on his face right then seems to stop Jaebum from saying whatever else he wanted to add. Youngjae takes advantage of it.
“I know, hyung. You—you really don’t have to apologize to me. I get it. I just… wanted to tell you, I guess.” The smile he gives the senior is small and feels a little meek. He can feel the stinging that begins to well up behind his eyes, but Youngjae refuses to cry. Especially not in front of Jaebum, who already looked like he felt bad enough.
He wasn’t going to cry about something that he knew was going to happen, either.
And now with that rejection crashing over him, all the anxiety and emotions that Youngjae had been holding back for awhile begin to spew over the bottle he’s been carelessly shoving them into. He might be getting shot down but his romantic feelings weren’t the only feelings that Youngjae had wanted Jaebum to know about.
They had just kind of taken priority for a bit there. But now he needed to let Jaebum know everything else.
“You know you were the first person to really go out of their way to get to know me. I’m—I know I’m a little awkward. I have issues talking to people and opening up and it’s really hard for me to make friends. But you—you always seemed happy to see me and you made me feel a little less lonely than I did before. You’re a really good guy, hyung.” Youngjae compliments, gaze falling again because he just can’t look at Jaebum right now.
He can’t look at him but he can keep talking, every single feeling that Youngjae has ever felt beginning to seep out of him and suddenly the words don’t stop.
“I’m being serious. You are. There’s a reason why everyone in this school loves you. You're honest and you're helpful to anyone who needs it. You’re real. You’re not fake. Like—you are who you present yourself to be and I noticed that from the beginning and I really admire that about you. And I’m thankful that you took the time to get to know me and become my friend and even if you didn’t realize how much you were helping me, you really made me feel better. It’s not easy being the new kid. Especially when you don’t know anyone. There were days where I literally didn't want to come to school because I just felt so alone there. But then you talked to me that day and... then you kept talking to me after that and that just made me feel good. You were kind to me from the very beginning and I just—I just stupidly ended up getting a crush on you in the midst of it all but that’s besides the point. The point is I’m just really grateful that I met you.
“And I’m really sad that you’re leaving, too, but I get it. You’re going to go off to college and meet new people and do awesome things with your life and I’m really happy for you. You deserve all those good things. I just—I just needed to tell you how I felt before you left just in case we never saw each other again. Because if I didn’t, I knew I would regret it and I didn’t want to regret something like that. So I didn’t just tell you about my feelings hoping that you would suddenly be my boyfriend. I wasn’t expecting anything like that from you. I never would. So please don’t think that that’s what I want right now because it’s not.”
Youngjae’s words fall to a stop, the silence lingering and he finally forces himself to look at Jaebum once more.
He is a little shocked to see the look on the senior’s face though, because Jaebum looks…
In awe.
And he’s definitely blushing now. There was no mistaking it this time.
Youngjae’s heart is still steadily thumping in his chest, and he is unsure of how to react to the warm expression that has suddenly taken over Jaebum’s features. It’s a little comforting though. Something about it makes Youngjae feel a little more confident that telling Jaebum about his feelings – about all of them – wasn’t a mistake.
“I just wanted to tell you how I felt about you. About how you helped me. I’m really happy I met you, hyung. I'm happy you kept talking to me.” Youngjae continues quietly, this time not looking away, hoping that the sincerity of what he’s saying is conveyed in his expression.
“I’m really going to miss you, too. You’re like my only friend.” He humors his last comment with a laugh, and Jaebum seems to shake from whatever trance he is in, huffing out a laugh of his own and smiling.
“You shouldn’t say stuff like that.”
“I mean… it’s true though.” It was, but Youngjae is relieved that the truth of his words don’t hurt right now like they normally would.
He speaks again before Jaebum can attempt to counter it.
“I didn’t mean to just word vomit all over you. I’m sorry, hyung.”
The look Jaebum suddenly gives him seems eager to stop what he’s saying.
“No-! No, Youngjae, please. Don’t—don’t apologize for that. That was…” Jaebum stops, letting out a huff of a laugh like he’s been blown away, smile still stretched across his face, “That was nice to hear. No one has ever really said stuff like that to me."
Youngjae flushes, bringing a hand up to rub at his neck a little, feet shuffling as he suddenly starts to feel shy.
"I'm sure you've had plenty of people admit to having a crush on you, hyung."
"That wasn't what I was referring to." Jaebum responds, giving him a look that is a little intense and Youngjae doesn't know how to react.
“Well… I meant it.”
Jaebum stares at him for a moment before nodding his head, their eyes remaining on each other and Youngjae watches with his own curiosity as Jaebum has a multitude of emotions cross his face within the span of a few seconds. He seems to be having some kind of mental debate about something, a furrow coming to his brow that has Youngjae wondering just what he could be thinking about right now.
Youngjae isn’t entirely sure how it happens in the moments that it does.
Jaebum is a few feet away from him but then suddenly he isn’t. He is there, in Youngjae’s space, hands moving to grasp at his face and tilting it up just the slightest. Then, there is a press of warm lips against his own. They linger there for only a few seconds before pulling away – and it all happens so fast that Youngjae doesn’t even fully comprehend what happened until Jaebum is stepping away from him and letting out an awkward cough, face bright red as he glances around the room for a moment, looking as if he is trying to keep himself together.
Youngjae, on the other hand, is about to go into a state of catatonic shock.
His face has dropped, mouth parted at what just happened because he hadn’t been expecting it.
Jaebum had just kissed him.
Really, out of everything he had thought would have happened tonight, Im Jaebum kissing him of his own free will had not been one of the options.
His fingers move to press against his lips instinctively and they’re practically buzzing. The kiss had been short and sweet, but Youngjae was sure he wasn’t going to forget the feeling of it for a long time. If ever.
Jaebum’s gaze has fallen on him again, focused on his fingers for a moment before lifting to catch his eyes. He seems to have collected himself again for the most part.
“I’m going to miss you too, Youngjae.” Jaebum admits, looking at him with such a soft and fond expression that Youngjae feels his cheeks brighten up immediately, a nervous laugh slipping from his lips even though he probably shouldn’t be laughing right now. Jaebum seems amused though, and a little determined, reaching a hand out to cup one of Youngjae’s cheeks with an affection the younger isn’t used to but isn’t opposed to, either.
Youngjae really doesn’t know how to react right now, but if he’s instinctively leaning into the warmth of his palm, he’s glad that Jaebum doesn’t seem to mind.
“And I promise you that we will see each other again. It’s not like I’m never coming back. I'll be here for breaks and holidays.” Jaebum muses, shaking his head and running his thumb along the smooth skin it’s touching. “Thank you for telling me about those feelings. I respect them and I… I’m happy that you told me.”
Youngjae swallows the sudden thickness in his throat, unable to tear his gaze away from Jaebum now and helplessly nodding his head.
Jaebum pauses for another moment looking as if he’s considering what he’s about to do next before that determined look crosses his face once more and he’s moving forward again—
“Hey! Jaebum? Are you in here—Oh.”
Mark’s voice bursts whatever bubble had been wrapped around the two of them, but it’s Youngjae who is suddenly stepping backwards, allowing Jaebum’s hand to fall from where it was on his cheek and putting distance between them once more – even though Mark had clearly seen how they looked when he opened the door.
Youngjae is embarrassed even though they really hadn’t been doing anything wrong.
The senior looks a little awkward, unsure of what he was witnessing, but Jaebum gives him a look and suddenly Mark seems to snap out of it.
“I’m sorry, man. A bunch of people are just wondering where you ran off to and some new people have showed up as well wanting to say hey. I didn’t realize you were… uh, in the middle of something.”
Youngjae flushes all over again, stuttering a little as Jaebum looks slightly embarrassed himself.
“It’s—It’s fine. I was about to leave anyway.”
Youngjae tries to tell himself that Jaebum doesn’t look disappointed about that.
“You aren’t going to stay?”
“No… I just came to say hi and talk to you for a bit. Which—I’ve done now, apparently. I don’t want to keep you away from everyone else any longer either. I’m sure they want to say hi and talk to you just as badly.”
Jaebum looks like he wants to protest but Youngjae shoots it down fast, ignoring the fact that Mark still stood awkwardly by the door as he moves forward to wrap his arms around Jaebum’s waist in a hug. Jaebum’s arms wrap around him immediately to hug back, and Youngjae doesn’t miss how they tense when he begins to move away but ultimately release him.
“Congratulations on graduating, Jaebum-hyung!” Youngjae chirps out, bright smile finally crossing his features for the first time that night and Jaebum gives him a small one in return, a quiet ‘thank you’ slipping from his lips.
Youngjae gives Mark a smile as he slips past him and out the door, legs taking him quickly down the stairs and out of the house without a look back.
The cool air that hits him when he steps outside makes him gasp and release a breath Youngjae hadn’t realized he was holding until it’s breaking from his chest. He takes a moment to collect himself, grasping the railing of the front porch for a little bit of support. Whatever buzz he had had before from the alcohol had left the minute he had started spewing his feelings out to Jaebum. Youngjae can’t be entirely sure if the alcohol actually helped or not.
Regardless, he had finally done it.
The relief that floods his chest is overwhelming, and the smile on his face should be odd for someone to have after their crush just turned them down – but it doesn’t really feel like that anymore.
Technically, yeah, Jaebum had shot him down.
But something else, he isn't entirely sure what, manifested itself between them in the midst of his confession, and Youngjae wouldn’t be able to forget about this.
He wasn’t going to ever forget about Im Jaebum.
Part of him hopes that Jaebum won’t be able to forget about him, either.
And for once the anxiety that would normally be there telling him that he’s wrong – that he’s forgettable as well as replaceable – isn’t there.
Because Youngjae remembers the look on Jaebum’s face and feels the press of his lips and that’s all he really needs to know that he had made the right decision with telling Jaebum his feelings.
Jaebum wouldn’t forget about him.
He was sure of it.