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She’d gone for a walk to clear her head.
Of all days, today was a day that she wanted to be alone. She didn’t need them hovering over her, constantly asking questions that only made her heart retch with pain, questions that only drove the knife deeper. A part of her knew they were only trying to console her, only trying to make this day easier, but what they didn’t understand was that the pain was all she had left of him.
She walked deeper and deeper into the forest, with no particular aim—just wandering, lost in what were once her happiest memories, memories that were now bittersweet, at best. Smiling wistfully, she thinks of his fourth birthday—he’d been sick, getting over an ear infection and a bad cold. But nonetheless, his birthday was a cause for celebration, even if that celebration had to be subdued. She’d stayed home from work and they’d stayed in their pajamas all day, playing games and napping, eating cake and ice cream for lunch. She can’t help but remember the way he’d grabbed onto her hand and pinched his eyes closed when he blew out the candles; and, when she’d asked him what he wished for he’d shook his head and crinkled his nose, reminding her that the wish would only come true if he kept it a secret. Then, he’d unwrapped his presents—his favorite being a DVD of Finding Nemo, which they watched over and over again until he’d fallen asleep with his head on her lap. She never would have thought then that that birthday—with her little prince being sick—would turn out to be one of her most cherished memories.
When she comes to a fork in the road, she hesitates for only a moment before veering left, when she hears a twig snap. Readying her hands, she prepares to blast whomever dared follow her away, but as she turns, she sees little Roland’s head peeking out from behind a tree.
“You should go the other way,” he says, stepping out into sight.
“Are you following me?” She asks, placing her hands on her hips as her eyebrows raise.
Roland nods and takes a tentative step toward her. “You looked sad when you left the castle,” he tells her plainly. “And when I’m sad, I don’t like to be alone.”
Regina feels a half-smile tug at the corners of her mouth. Walking toward him she holds out her hand. He takes it easily, swinging their joined hands back and forth as they walk in the opposite direction, finally ending up at a small lake at the end of the path.
Roland smiles up at her, “This is one of my most favorite places in the whole world.”
“It is?”
Roland nods and tugs her forward, walking to the edge of the land. “Papa brings me here sometimes,” Roland tells her as he crouches down and runs his fingers through the sand. “He’s good at skipping rocks.” His brown eyes peer up at her, “Do you know how to skip rocks?”
“I’m afraid I don’t.”
“Neither do I,” Roland sighs. “Papa says I’ll get the hang of it, if I practice.” He picks up a small stone and flings it forward and together they watch it land in the water with a plop. Roland sighs and looks up at Regina, “Guess I haven’t practiced enough yet.”
“You’ll figure it out,” she murmurs in a soft voice as she tussles his hair, watching as he examines another rock. “And I think your daddy’s right—you just have to practice.”
Roland smiles up at her—and then suddenly she realizes, that for just a few minutes, the sting of her memories have dulled—she hasn’t forgotten, but they don’t burn quite as badly. “Will you sit with me?” He asks, looking up at her with wide, innocent eyes.
She looks around at the wet sand on the shoreline and takes a breath, lowering herself to the ground, her skirt pooling out around her as she tucks her feet beneath herself and pulls Roland into her lap. He giggles as she cuddles him, and she tickles his sides, making him squirm and yelp through his smile. Finally, she stops and he nestles back against her, sighing contently; and she can’t help but think that she’s glad that he followed her, unknowingly offering her the comfort that she didn’t know she was seeking.
“Look!” Roland calls out, laughing as he leans forward and points toward the water. His laugh is contagious and Regina finds herself chuckling before her eyes even meet the water. “What’s he doing?” Roland asks, still giggling as he tilts his head up to look at Regina. “Why is the frog riding on the back of the fish?”
She smiles broadly—her first real smile of the day. “I…I don’t know,” Regina replies, wrapping her arm around Roland and pulling him back to her. “Maybe he…just got tired,” she suggests, as Roland looks back, leaning forward and watching as the fish and frog disappear into the depths of the lake.
And in that moment, she thinks of Henry, when he was Roland’s age, and how he might have reacted to seeing a fish taking a frog for a ride—she thinks of how his eyes would have lit up with wonder and curiosity—just as Roland’s eyes light up now. Again, she finds herself smiling.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Roland asks in a voice that is suddenly serious. Regina looks down at him, his chin turned up as he looks back at her with wide eyes. “I’ve never told it to anyone,” Roland says, turning himself in her lap so that they’re face-to-face. “Not ever.”
“So, it’s an important secret,” Regina says, smiling gently at him as she settles her arms around him.
Roland nods and his smile widens, “My daddy likes you.”
Regina feels her heartbeat slow, “He likes me?”
“A lot,” Roland says with a little giggle behind his voice. “He told me not to tell you.”
Regina blinks, “He…he told you this?”
Roland shakes his head. “I was listening when I wasn’t supposed to,” he pauses, pressing his tongue between his lips as if there’s something else he wants to say, but either doesn’t want to or doesn’t know how. “Daddy said it’s not polite to do that, though.”
“Th-that’s true,” Regina tells him, as she tries to wrap her brain around it—the thief likes her—the thief who smells like forest likes her. She’s surprised when a smile tugs at the corners of her mouth—he likes her.
“Can I tell you another secret?” Regina blinks a couple of times, suddenly snapped back into the moment. She nods as Roland looks up at her, batting his eyelashes almost shyly. “I like you, too.” He pauses and looks up at her with sweet, yet somber eyes. “I don’t really remember by mama, but I miss her…and sometimes I think that…I…would have liked her to be like you.”
Regina feels her breath catch at the back of her throat and she feels her heart fluttering at the small boy’s confession—and she wonders if they aren’t somehow kindred spirits—the mother without a son, and the son without his mother—somehow meant to find each other to lighten the heaviness in their hearts.
“I like you, too,” she says in a sweet voice as she holds him. She hesitates for only a moment. “Did I ever tell you that I have a son?”
He shakes his head and his lips purse as if he’s about to say something; but slowly they close and his brow furrows.
“His name is Henry and I miss him just like you miss your mama,” Regina says slowly, taking a breath as the mention of his name pulls at her heartstrings. “And I think Henry would have really enjoyed seeing that frog and fish.”
“You do?”
“I do,” Regina says with a nod, grinning as she thinks back to that birthday so many years before, remembering how enamored he’d been with the sea turtles. “One of his favorite stories was about two fish who swam with a Sea Turtle named Crush.”
Roland’s eyes widen and his smile is instant, “That’s a funny name.”
Regina nods. “Yeah, it is,” she says, her own smile broadening. “Do you want to hear the story? I think you’d like it.” Roland bobs his head excitedly, squirming on her lap in anticipation. “Well,” she begins, “The story start out with a little orange fish named Nemo and his dad…”
“Is it just the two of them?”
“It is,” Regina says with a smile.”
“That’s just like me and my dad!”
“Oh—yeah—you’re right,” Regina tells him, settling her arms loosely around him. “So, the story starts when Nemo gets lost…”
His brown eyes widen and Regina knows that she has his full attention, and she finds that the weight on her shoulders his much lighter than it was before and the ache in her heart is just a little bit duller—and once again she’s reminded that love is the best cure for a broken heart.