Chapter Text
When Karamatsu opens the door to his house, he doesn’t know what to expect. While he’s happy that he finally has his casts off, he is worried about what will happen now that he is no longer injured. His brothers had been treating him somewhat better when he had the casts on. Better meaning that they weren’t hurling physical objects at him as to not break him further. Like they weren’t the ones who got him injured in the first place. They still ignored him, still called him names. Never apologized though. Did they really not know they did this? Not that Karamatsu would tell them. He didn’t want them feeling guilty, if that was a possibility. He loved his brothers dearly, but he did not know how much more he could take. He wished that they would realize when enough is enough and lay off. He never said anything about it though because as an older brother, he felt like he had to put up with it. Until they got bored with it, he would grin and bear it.
“I’m home, my brothers! I know you have missed seeing me in my full glory and splendor-”
“Yea like that’s possible, nii-san,” chimed Todomatsu, not looking up from his phone.
“It was pretty quiet before,” said Choromatsu.
“You weren’t here, Karamatsu? Didn’t even notice,” droned Osomatsu.
“I did. It was wonderful,” said Ichimatsu.
“Heh,” Karamatsu started, “You don’t have to deny it, brothers. I know your days are not as bright without me.” Karamatsu is of course used to his brother’s comments. Actually, he’s surprised they said anything to him at all, considering how they usually tune him out. When had that even started, he wondered to himself. Ever since he had adopted his ‘cool’ persona, his brothers seemed to tolerate him less and less. All he wanted was to be the cool older brother for his four younger siblings to look up to. But now it seemed like they only want to look away.
Which is exactly what they did after making their comments, going back to whatever they were doing. Karamatsu looked crestfallen for a second before picking himself back up and deciding to go up to the roof. It was always a place of refuge for him. He loved being up there and playing his guitar while watching the sunset. He hasn’t been able to do so for a couple weeks since he had casts on. Way too much trouble to get up and down, especially considering he would fall off even when he wasn’t injured. He knew dinner would be ready soon, but Karamatsu wanted some time to himself. Ever since Chibita held him for ransom, things haven’t been the same. It really didn’t seem like his brothers cared for him. He always thought that they were joking around as they would with each other, at least that’s what he told himself. But maybe it really was true. They had a chance to prove otherwise and they failed. Miserably. They had chosen pears over him. Pears. Ichimatsu seemed ecstatic that he was gone. He didn’t know what to make of it. Did he mean that little to them? Was he that much of a bother to them? He tried to get closer with his brothers, but was pushed away every time. He loved his brothers dearly, but it didn’t seem like his feelings were reciprocated. It troubled him more than he could ever admit to them.
“And even if I did, they wouldn’t care,” he found himself saying aloud.
“Oi, Shittymatsu, who are you talking to?” Karamatsu turned around and saw Ichimatsu glaring at him, eyes deadpan as usual. How long had he been standing there? “Nobody, brother,” he replied.
“Tch, whatever,” Ichimatsu mumbled. “Only someone as painful as you could ever enjoy talking to himself. Dinner’s ready. Hurry up.”
“Ah, yes. Thank you, brother.” Ichimatsu had already turned his back before he could finish his sentence.
Dinner was full of idle chatter as usual. Osomatsu poking fun at Choromatsu for his fruitless job search endeavor. Jyushimatsu, pumped up as usual, talking about baseball to Ichimatsu who was idly listening. Todomatsu looking up every now and then and commenting on the various conversations. Karamatsu didn’t partake in any of them. He sat back and watched how his brothers were having such a good time…without him. Even though he was sitting amongst them, he felt like he had no place with them. He finished before any of his brothers- they were talking more than eating anyway- and got up to put his dishes away.
“Ah, dinner was wonderful as always! I thought I might have been eating dessert, the way it melted in my mouth.”
“Ow ow ow, my ribs!” Osomatsu said as he grabbed his sides. “Could you try not being painful at dinner, Karamatsu? A full belly makes it hurt more.”
“I don’t understand, brother. I was merely trying to elaborate on my feelings on how wondrous dinner was. Maybe if I elaborate more-”
“Yea, no, that’s okay. We certainly don’t need that,” interrupted Choromatsu.
“God, so embarrassing,” Todomatsu said, just glancing up from his phone. “This is why I don’t want you around my work. Although I don’t want any of you around there to be honest. Last time, someone decided to try and take a shit on the table,” he continued, looking at Ichimatsu.
“At least I’m not a shitty person, unlike someone at this table,” Ichimatsu countered. His icy glare now focused on Karamatsu. “You’re such a pain, I don’t know how any of us have managed to bear with you this long. I mean seriously, what the fuck did any of us do to deserve such a waste of an older brother, Shittymatsu? Tell me.”
Ok. That was unexpectedly harsh. Why is he being attacked for talking about food? Maybe he shouldn’t have opened his mouth. “I-I’m sorry, brother. I-”
“You should be, Shittymatsu. Why don’t you do all of us a favor and disappear already. And this time, make it permanent.”
“That’d be the day,” Todomatsu agreed.
Karamatsu froze. Disappear permanently? It doesn’t take a genius to read between the lines of what Ichimatsu said. Is that really how he felt? Karamatsu looked around the table at his other brothers. None of them said anything. Jyushimatsu’s smile faltered and he looked around nervously. Osomatsu and Choromatsu looked at each other, then to Karamatsu for a split second before looking away again. Right. Of course none of them had anything to say. Of course none of them defended him from an unprovoked attack. Yet again, Karamatsu was alone in this. He wanted to defend himself. To yell at him, at all of them, but couldn’t. How could he? And what would it accomplish anyway? More attacks probably. With his head tilted downwards, he continued to stare at the ground, clenching his fists so tightly that he almost broke the skin. He couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t take the treatment. He felt his eyes begin to water, but he would not let any tears drop. Not in front of them. He turned around and walked into the kitchen, putting his dishes in the sink and wiping at his eyes. He turned around and headed upstairs without another word.
He began to set up the futon by himself. He needed a distraction anyway. He had essentially been told to “go die” by one of his brothers and no one thought that it was maybe a little harsh? He hoped that someone, anyone would say something. But they failed him. Again. Why had none of them said anything? Once again, they had a chance to prove that they cared about him, if even just a little. But if anything, tonight only proved one thing.
They all agree with Ichimatsu.
It can’t be true, can it? But the more Karamatsu thinks about it, the more it makes sense to him. He’s treated as nothing more but a nuisance to them, that’s why they ignore him. When he was abducted, they didn’t want to save him. They were happy to finally be rid of him. They would be happy to be five instead of six. It was an ugly truth that Karamatsu had tried to deny for so long.
It hurt.
He finished setting up the futon and immediately went out to the balcony. After a while, he could hear the rest of his brothers enter the room.
“Didn’t Karamatsu come up here first? Where did he go?” Choromatsu inquired.
“Who cares? At least he’s finally being useful, he set up the bed. If he’s not here, then maybe he’s taking my advice,” Ichimatsu coldly replied.
“Yea, some ‘advice’.”
“I’m sure he’s fine. He’ll come back when he’s ready. I’m tired as hell, so let’s just go to sleep,” Osomatsu yawned out.
“Tch. Hopefully not too soon,”
Karamatsu was listening to their conversation and got more discouraged by the minute. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t go back inside. He couldn’t face them.
They hate me. I’m nothing but a nuisance to them. They don’t want me around anymore.
They never did.
I don’t want to be around anymore.
It was then that Karamatsu decided that if his brothers didn’t want him around, he wouldn’t force himself on them. If he was so painful to them, he would eliminate the pain. Which meant himself.
So be it.