Work Text:
Jisoo supposed it was only fair. A simple cosmic problem.
He was too lucky , Mingyu explained to him one day, while they were trying to finish an essay.
He survived finals too easily and with minimum quantities of coffee, pulling just a couple of all-nighters here and there, he said, solemnly, pushing his dyed grey hair out of his eyes.
His parents were proud of him, calling him twice a week from America to tell him, never asking for better grades or pushing him to change major, even if Music Composition was incredibly risky.
He was loved by all (Mingyu’s words), never got yelled at nor got in trouble.
He had a decent group of friends, including Mingyu himself, Seokmin his roommate, Hansol, Jihoon and his boyfriend Soonyoung.
Of course, Soonyoung knew half of the campus so he supposed there were lots of other girls and guys he could count as friends, like Jun or Seungkwan, but Jisoo was still sort of shy, after all.
His songs were actually good, sappy but good and his guitar survived Seokmin’s attempt to cook jajangmyeon that one time in their dorm.
He was simply too lucky .
That was probably why his crush since freshman year didn’t even spare him a glance, even if they had met and introduced themselves, since they shared a couple of classes.
Jisoo supposed it was only fair. He was a simple human being, a melancholic one at that, while Jeonghan was an angel. The gentlest personality, a voice that made Jisoo want to write millions of songs, framed by long blonde hair and a clear and sincere smile. Jeonghan was always there to listen to his friends’ problems, ready to reassure and comfort with kind words. He was there to pacify even the most turbulent of souls, like Jihoon, without asking anything in return.
He deserved better, he thought. He deserved...Seungcheol.
Seungcheol acted like a protective figure to the group, almost punching everyone who tried to mess with their dynamic, that made fun of Jihoon’s height or Minghao’s korean.
He was strong, fierce but also compassionate and funny. He could be the perfect boyfriend, a true catch; everybody knew how their chemistry was incredible, how they made the perfect couple, how pretty they looked together.
Once, Jisoo remembered how they were studying all together at Soonyoung’s house and Chan, Soonyoung’s little brother, asked them about their relationship. Jeonghan blushed but answered how “they were just like brothers”.
Obviously no one seemed to believe that, Jisoo included.
He sighed, feeling just so guilty .
Not only his biggest problem was not that big, compared to everyone else’s at least, but his whole music career stood up on top of it.
Loving a boy was hard.
Being just Jisoo , even harder.
Studying for midterms was terribly easy in comparison, as long as he didn’t have to sing or write any song about how he truly felt.
☆
Jisoo yawned, balancing the open book in one hand and reaching for another on top of the library shelf with the other.
That semester he had chosen to take an Advanced English Literature class to try and gather some inspiration for his new songs, possibly not regarding love matters.
Hansol, who shared the class with him, was supposed to show up at the library to complete a research but after the second text Jisoo had sent him, he had given up on the idea of waking the boy up.
Jisoo got back to his table and sighed, putting both of the books down.
Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore and Norwegian Wood stared back at him.
Opening the first one, Jisoo didn’t resist and buried his nose in the pages, inhaling slowly, closing his eyes. The smell of books was one of his favorite scents in the world and reminded him of his quiet teenage nights at home.
Opening his eyes, he found himself smiling, the corners of his lips slightly tilted up. He missed home, but his life in Korea was something he didn’t regret one bit.
After all, the people he met made his life so sweetly worth living he could never repay them. “Just how old are you, Josh? You speak like my Grandma!”, Mingyu always told him. Jisoo laughed quietly to himself.
Although Mingyu was probably right, Jisoo valued Murakami’s opinion on this as well. “Chance encounters are what keep us going.”
He wrote the quote down on his small notebook in messy handwriting and got back to his paper, sighing, thinking about Hansol sleeping soundly in his bed.
“Sorry, is this seat taken?” a voice in front of him asked, after just a couple of minutes. Jisoo looked up, then freezed.
His mouth opened to answer that of course not , to make him sit down Jisoo himself would have given him his own chair and sit on the floor but his lips only formed a sad “no” . Really, what a gentleman.
“Thank you” said Jeonghan, kind as always, setting down his laptop and plugging it in smoothly.
While he was sitting, a few strands of hair got into his eyes and he had to tuck them behind his ear with a movement Jisoo wanted to write poetry about.
(Jeez, he was whipped .)
Of course, he was not freaking out. Everything was under control!
Just focus on the paper, Josh, he thought, you can do it.
He blinked rapidly, while Jeonghan, on the other hand, looked completely content doing whatever he was doing, making Jisoo even more frustrated.
As he kept stealing glances, noticing all those little things that made his head spin, Jisoo bit his bottom lip. Long eyelashes, a defined jaw, fading brows and thin lips.
Even if Jeonghan didn’t really remember his name, probably, he felt ecstatic in that small moment. Being with him, just the two of them, made him feel butterflies in his stomach.
But suddenly, a wave of sadness washed over him, like an iced shower.
Jeonghan didn’t know he existed .
The hope that bubbled in the pit of his stomach dried and formed a desert. Everything was in his head.
He will never be the one at Jeonghan’s side.
He was indulging in hopeless fantasies.
Seungcheol was probably about to arrive and sit down and...Jisoo had to get out of there. Fast.
His fragile heart really couldn’t bare to see his first love loving someone else. It was just too much.
Jisoo’s eyes started to sting. He closed his books in a hurry, pushed them in his bag and rushed out without looking back, not even noticing Jeonghan’s worried stare.
☆
Mingyu found him an hour later in his room with puffy red eyes and messed up brown hair.
For some reason Mingyu always knew when things got bad for him. All the others probably never even saw Jisoo at his worst, after crying his eyes out for his poor unrequited helpless love.
But Mingyu knew. He always arrived at his side with lots of kiwi ice cream and terrible horror movies to distract him. Jisoo thought Mingyu would make a great boyfriend but when he voiced it out, he blushed and mumbled something like “ Say that to Wonwoo next time ”.
Jisoo knew all about Wonwoo.
He was Seungcheol best friend and Mingyu’s crush. A black haired boy with glasses who liked to write rap and music, but sucked at Music Theory, just like everyone else.
Apparently he and Mingyu had met at a party at Seungcheol’s house, one of those parties Jisoo never even considered going to for obvious reasons, and discovered they had the world in common.
Mingyu was one to fall in love easily but he was really serious about Wonwoo, even if they only knew each other for a couple of months.
Mingyu also admitted Wonwoo probably wasn’t even into guys.
Jisoo had started to call them both the Desperate Duo .
A new type of superheroes, really, truly easy to relate to.
Lazing around the whole day, research paper forgotten, he and Mingyu decided to waste all afternoon watching terrible horror movies.
Although, just after the forth one, Mingyu asked him, “Josh, what happened this time?” as Drag Me to Hell ’s credits rolling on the tv screen.
Jisoo sighed. He was sitting on the couch, cocooned in a blanket, while Mingyu was on the floor. He felt really tired, and rubbed his eyes with both hands, before answering.
“He was right in front of me, ‘gyu, but i panicked and ran away.”
He leaned his cheek on the couch armrest before continuing.
“I think I even forgot my notebook at the library while rushing out...I should probably go get it before it closes.”
Mingyu raised an eyebrow, confused “Wait...what notebook?”
“Oh, just the literature one.”
“The one you told me you were using to write love songs on?”
Jisoo’s eyes shot open.
“...Oh shit.”
Mingyu laughed loudly as if it was the funniest joke ever. “It’s okay Josh, the librarian will love them, don’t worry.”
Jisoo jumped up, shrugged the blanket off in an instant and ran to get his shoes.
“I gotta go ‘gyu, see you later!” he yelled before slamming the door shut.
He heard Mingyu only laugh louder.
☆
Once Jisoo got back to the library, he looked in every corner but couldn’t find his notebook anywhere. The librarian, a very old woman, couldn’t find it either.
When he asked her, she really didn’t seem to empathize with Jisoo’s panic at all, but he managed to look calm in front of her because he believed that karmic justice would do its thing.
He got back to the table where he sat (with Jeonghan, his mind supplied) out of desperation one last time, hoping not to find the guy with all his heart. He really wasn’t in any condition to see him.
To his surprise, instead of Jeonghan there was a small note, in neat handwriting.
It said: “If you want your notebook back, come to the practice room n°17 before midnight.”
Jisoo would have been a lot less scared if he saw a ghost in that exact moment.
He took a very deep breath.
No need to worry, right?
To calm down, he started to list some questions that really needed an answer.
1) Was the note really for him? Well , who else forgot a poor notebook on that precise table? So yes, okay, the note was for him.
2) Why would someone want to see him in a practice room to give it back? It made no sense, they could have easily given it to the librarian lady.
3) Why at midnight? That was just too shady .
4) What if they wanted money? Oh God, Jisoo was broke.
5) What if whoever it was wanted to punch him for what he obviously wrote about Jeonghan in it? Jisoo was a simple christian, he had no intention to get into a fight, nor to get punched.
6) What if it was Seungcheol.
That was less of a question and more of a really scary assumption.
It made sense, maybe Seungcheol arrived after Jisoo got out of the library that morning, saw what was in the notebook and decided that he needed to defend his boyfriend from a stupidly, hopelessly in love, half-american half-korean, college student.
Jisoo exhaled shakily, panic threatening to get him once again.
He wasn’t really used to that kind of stress. Honestly, he avoided Seungcheol like a plague most of the time, what did he do to deserve to be punched before midnight in a practice room?
He looked at the clock, biting his lips nervously. It read 9pm, maybe he shouldn’t go the meeting, he thought.
He cringed at the idea as soon as it left his mind. He really needed those songs, both for his major and his pride. No matter how impossible it was for Jeonghan to love him back, his feelings were real, and needed to be remembered.
Maybe if he got to the practice room earlier than expected, he could study a speech to convince Seungcheol not to kill him, after all he was good at those.
Jisoo gulped, and took off running, trying not to think too much about what was about to happen. He was not a coward. He could do this. Those songs (and feelings ) were really important for him and he would fight for them.
☆
The scene in front of him didn’t make any sense.
The practice room n°17 was silent, dark and empty, if only for the sleeping figure in one of the couches.
Jisoo scratched his head and tilted it a bit to the left. No matter how much he stood there (it had been at least five minutes already), it still didn’t make any sense.
Why would Jeonghan be there? Sleeping soundly?
Jisoo furrowed his brows and took a step forward. Then another, and another.
As usual, whenever Jeonghan was involved, he could feel all rational thoughts leave his head.
With shaky movements, he reached out and shook Jeonghan’s shoulder lightly but the boy didn’t wake up at all.
Jisoo sighed, confused.
“...Jeonghan-ssi?” he whispered, shaking him again. “Please wake up?”
Jeonghan moved slightly and mumbled something that suspiciously sounded like “five more minutes, please”.
Jisoo giggled, the whole day’s stress melting away in an instant.
“Jeonghan-ssi, please wake up.” he said out loud, gently, his eyes crinkling at the sides.
At that, Jeonghan opened his eyes slowly and blinked. Then, he smiled the most dreamy smile Jisoo had even ever seen on his face.
“Jisoo-ah, you came.” he said, sitting up.
Jisoo didn’t know what to say. It had been such an emotional day all he wanted to do was hug Jeonghan and cry.
Of course, that wasn’t possible.
“Hi” he said, his voice a mere whisper. The scene in front of him was so magical he was scared to break the spell.
“Hi” Jeonghan replied, still smiling.
He was so incredibly charming Jisoo almost forgot why he was there, until he saw Jeonghan holding his notebook in his hands so he cleared his throat lightly, suddenly very embarrassed.
“ Oh. ” Jeonghan said, and his smile looked mischievous for a second. It was a look Jisoo never saw him wear but made him fall harder nonetheless.
“You’re here for this, am I right?”
Jisoo looked extra guilty. Before he could open his mouth Jeonghan said, “Before you ask, I opened it.”
All that came out from Jisoo’s mouth was a mildly surprised “Oh.”
Jeonghan had the decency to look embarrassed. “I wanted to know, I’m sorry for not respecting your privacy.”
He started to fiddle with the notebook in his hands.
“I wanted to know what you think about, mostly, what you like and what you don't like, maybe your phone number?” he giggled at his own words.
“I wanted to know you” he said, looking directly at Jisoo, before biting his bottom lip. “And God, I was lucky .”
Jisoo had no idea of what to say. His world was upside down, and spinning.
He tried to take a deep breath, but the look on Jeonghan’s face stole it directly from his lungs.
“W-What do you mean, Jeonghan-ssi?” he stuttered.
Jeonghan looked like a cat who just caught a huge fish in his paws. “Oh, please, just Jeonghan is fine, Jisoo. ”
Jisoo gulped, feeling the tension in his room rise. “ Jeonghan… ” he murmured.
“That’s right.” the boy said, getting up and calmly taking a step towards Jisoo.
He advanced slowly, with confidence, even if with every step he took, Jisoo took one back.
In the end, Jeonghan got into his personal space just as his back hit the wall of the practice room.
Jisoo’s breath was erratic as everything felt dreamlike, surreal.
Jeonghan was slightly taller than him but in that moment he was towering over Jisoo, probably because he felt as small as a mouse.
Jeonghan’s eyes shifted to his lips for a moment and he said, “Now, Jisoo , I’m going to kiss you, please don’t faint on me, okay? We have a lot to talk about.” with the sweetest smile on his face.
Jisoo did the only thing he could think of: he closed his eyes, indulging in what felt like the best and most realistic dream of his life.
He felt Jeonghan’s breath on his face before their lips connected sweetly.
All the hair in the room was caught in his lungs, Jisoo was sure of it, with his lips pressed quietly to Jeonghan’s.
Everything seemed to stop for a long instant, before he felt the boy’s hands cup his face and tilt it a bit, pressing his lips with more force on Jisoo’s.
It tasted like honey and longing.
It was like Jeonghan wanted that as much as he did, and had felt that way for as long as he did.
Jisoo felt like crying of happiness. He had waited for so long and it all hurt so much; the feelings were overwhelming him.
He just wanted to believe Jeonghan wouldn’t have the heart to toy with him and enjoy the moment, as his mind dealt with the sensory overload.
He started to kiss back just as Jeonghan took a step back, but Jisoo really didn’t want the moment to end so he just wouldn’t let him go.
He took him by the shoulders and crushed their chests together, getting them impossibly close and kissing him as if it was his last chance, forgetting for a second that it had to be gentle, like first kisses are supposed to be.
Jeonghan smiled so hard into the kiss Jisoo touched his teeth for a moment.
Jisoo’s head was swimming. Jeonghan’s hair was so soft.
They kissed and kissed and kissed and every kiss got louder and sloppier and messier and everything was so different from what Jisoo imagined Jeonghan would kiss like but he loved it until its last drop.
His knees were about to give out but Jeonghan was there and he was kissing him and Jeonghan was kissing him, oh God.
After what felt like a whole new life, they had to separate, much to Jisoo’s disappointment, to breath. “I wanted to do this for so long.”
Jisoo thought he said it out loud but instead the words got out of Jeonghan’s mouth.
His eyes started to sting really bad once Jeonghan started to caress his cheeks.
“Please tell me this isn’t a dream” he sniffled.
“Oh, Jisoo , no, I’m here, it’s real, I really like you, do you like me?”
Jisoo nodded.
“Wait, what about Seungcheol-”
Jeonghan rolled his eyes, exasperated but fond, and kept stroking Jisoo’s face with his fingers, feather light.
“He’s like a brother to me, I swear! Is this why you wouldn’t make a move on me?”
Jisoo blinked a couple of times and nodded, unable to lie.
All those times he said no to parties because Seungcheol would have been there, all those classes where he sat in the front row because he didn’t want to see Seungcheol, everything seemed really pointless at this point.
Maybe if he paid more attention to Jeonghan himself he would have seen him always smiling at him, with longing and love in his eyes.
Jisoo bit his red, puffy lips. “I’m such an idiot, aren’t I?”
“And I’m the angel that you keep falling for .” Jeonghan laughed.
Jisoo’s face got redder than the time he hate really spicy ramyun. “Hey, that song is a work in progress, you weren’t supposed to read it!”
Jeonghan smiled, kind and comforting, so characteristically Jeonghan that Jisoo was surprised to see it directed at himself.
“What if we make it a duet?”
Jisoo closed his eyes for a moment, took in all of the situation and realized his cheeks were hurting from smiling too much.
He said, “I’d love that.” before closing the distance between them once again, feeling sweet and just lucky.